I always screw myself out of everything good; Chapter 4.
How did she get here? Why did Jo get on a plane that morning? She tossed and turned once she arrived home last night after that phone call with Alex. She kept repeating the words in her mind. He wanted to say he loved her, that it was all about the kids. But those divoice papers were sitting right on the nightstand besides the bed they once shared reminding Jo of the slap in the face. Yet she was feeling impulsive. She felt the need to see him. She was probably torturing herself further, she was probably being naive here into thinking there was still a way. But He left; he abandoned her some damages there's no turning back from.
Yet she went online last night and booked herself a ticket to Kansas. She felt the gut wrenching feeling in the pit of her stomach now as she was pulling her one bag over her shoulder. She didn't bother booking a hotel figuring this was a quick trip. She would speak to Alex, sign those papers in front of him and leave. She just wanted to see him, she needed to see he was happy with his life, with her. Just thinking the thought made Jo sick to her stomach. But here she was slipping into the back of the uber she requested. She went off the address Alex wrote on the letter he sent, hopefully that was the right one. She didn't want ambush him, but she wanted to hear him say what he wanted to her face no matter how much it could hurt.
Resting her back against the cushions of the backseat her eyes looked out the glass window, feeling the car start to move forward. Her hues were settled on the outside trying to settle her racing thoughts. A few different farmhouses passed by, a set of woods where a stray cat could be seen walking. The small set of homes on display. Jo didn't know how long time had passed but she was suddenly met with feeling the car come to a stop. Offering the driver a small smile she pushed her way out setting her shoes down onto the pavement. Hearing the zooming of the car leaving her brown eyes took in the sight. A nice light yellow house pass the long pathway from the road. The white fences lined up where she could see two horses walking around. She could hear small chatter from kids; assuming it was Alex's kids she just hoped he wasn't at work and she didn't have to bump into Izzie.
Or Jo may actually lose her cool. She felt collected; she felt calm despite the nerves starting to build up as she forced her feet to move forward down the path. Just focus and be calm. Even if you get angry with him, even if he breaks your heart all over again just be honest. Yes Jo was attempting to give herself a pep talk knowing she could easily turn on her foot and head in the other direction. As she kept walking she stopped at the the fence where she felt two eyes on her.
" Who are you?" Jo heard a tiny voice air out. Of course it came from one of the small children. Tilting her head up from the walkway she came face to face with a little girl who seemed to be eyeing her up. She was a stranger after all. Bending down to the height of the little girl she spoke in her softest voice.
" Hi, I'm Jo. I'm a friend of your dad's. Is he around? She was cute, Jo had to admit that. She had Alex's eye color, the flowing blonde hair was obviously from Izzie. It hurt to know regardless of what were to happen today Izzie would always be present, she's the girl that just wouldn't go away now.
" He's inside." The little girl pointed to the door, offering up a tiny smile before she pulled on her brother's arm to go back to the horses. Nodding Jo lifted herself back up before she marched to the front door. Seeing all the windows on display Alex was probably close by in order to keep a close eye on his kids. It still felt weird to say the words kids when it came to her ex. Here she was standing outside his front door, with shaking hands she pressed a knock to the door. Deep breaths she told herself.
That call haunted his mind. Alex kept hearing the repeated ringing in his ears when Jo hung up. He tried; he tried to be honest with her. He tried to make his wrongs right. But was it possible to go back? Was it possible to have both his kids and the woman he loved completely? Alex made mistakes he knows he has. He should've never sent those letters, he should've never went behind Jo's back and get divoice papers lined up. It was his biggest regret not that he could blame Jo for hanging up. He had it coming. He barely slept last night; after hearing her voice he never wanted to go another day without hearing her voice. He missed her. He tossed and turned wondering who he was now. Was this the type of guy he wanted to be? The one who now abandoned people he loved.
But he felt stuck; if he left to Seattle he was abandoning his kids who he loved getting to know. But now he was the guy that abandoned Jo and let's just say he never wanted to be on the list of people who have hurt her. But he heard it; the pain in her voice. He hated himself, everytime he looked in the mirror he barely recognized himself. Even now as he stood in the living room he was doing some cleaning to pass the time. He heard his children outside. He would glance up every few minutes through the window to see to ensure Alexis and Eli were okay. Izzie was working, and he worked most night shifts. He got the days with the kids, and she got the nights. Co-parenting that's all this was here.
His heart, his mind was elsewhere. He was putting the finishing touches on dusting off the table by the couch when he heard a knock. Confusion was quick to cross over his features. Who? He wasn't expecting anyone here. With each step Alex got to the door wrapping his hand around the handle pulling the door open. He forced himself to blink his eyes a few times to be sure or was this a dream.
Jo was standing in front of him. His widen dorky smile came to his lips instantly as he aired her name out.
" Jo.. You're here." Disbelief was heard in his voice.
Moment of truth as Jo liked to put it. She was waiting; her feet tapping impatiently against the floor on the porch. She was growing nervous. What if he turned her away? What if he shut the door? Not that Alex had the right to. The clicking of the door opening brought Jo face to face with her husband; or ex in this sense. She felt her breath hitch upon seeing him for the first time. He looked good, his hair was still the same, his features as attractive as ever. He wore a plaid shirt, with blue jeans. She was mad; but she couldn't help the relief she felt when he said her name.
' Alex..I'm here I just.." It seemed Jo was speechless here. What did she come for? Clarity? Answers? Him to tell her he wanted a divoice to her face? Yes pretty much. Wearing a gentle smile along her lips she waited for him to let her in, or to turn her away.
" I wasn't expecting you, come in.." He aired out as he stepped to the side to let the girl that he let slip away into his home. He didn't know where this would lead; but hopefully both could come to an understanding.