A/N: Don't really like this chapter myself, but don't worry about Bechloe, they will survive. I don't like writing angst, and not sure I'm good at it. But there's a light at the end of the tunnel that I see and hopefully can write it out soon :) let me know your thoughts, appreciate all of them!
Chapter 30: A Hollow Victory
Beca woke up with one of the worst hangovers she ever had. She made a mental note to ask that bartender what the shots were so she'd never ever drink it again. The events of the previous day slowly worked their way into her memory. Her and Chloe's fight, lunch at Jesse's, failing to come out to her dad, the bar, Madison, and…
"Oh, God." Beca held her head in her hands remembering how she acted in Chloe's room. She groaned as she tried to get out of bed, but the dizziness stopped her. Before she could stand up, she heard her door creak open. She felt a wave of relief when she looked up to see Chloe tip toeing in with a plate of pancakes and a bottle of chocolate milk.
"Hey, you're awake." Chloe whispered as she looked at a tired and disheveled hungover Beca.
"Chloe, I'm so sorry." Beca took the plate and set it on her night stand. "I was drunk off my face, but that's no excuse. I shouldn't have...I shouldn't have acted that way and pushed you...especially after what happened to me with Luke. I'm so, so sorry."
"Its okay." Chloe sat down beside her. "I mean, its not okay. But I forgive you. I know that wasn't you."
"I'm screwing this all up." Beca groaned as she covered her face with her hands.
"We both made mistakes yesterday." Chloe grabbed one of her wrists to lace their fingers together. "You don't know how embarrassed I am for bringing up marriage." Chloe shook her head with regret. "You have to know I'm not like planning a wedding or waiting expectantly for a proposal. Neither of us are ready for that. I'm sorry for saying it in the heat of the moment. But please don't freak out."
"Okay." Beca nodded. "For the record, I have, in some far dark part of my mind, had fleeting thoughts of it too. Very fleeting, though." Chloe let out a short laugh as she started feeling more relaxed.
"And it also really hurt that you felt you could talk to some stranger you met in a bar instead of me." Chloe looked down, not wanting to see Beca's face, knowing it would be full of guilt.
"I didn't intend to do that, Chlo. And I swear to God nothing happened with her, at all. Its just I was drunk and I get loose lips. It all just came out."
"So talk to me now." Chloe turned on the bed to face Beca. "Why are you so scared to tell your dad?"
"He's a homophobic asshole, Chlo. And not the type where they really don't like gays, but they tolerate us or even pretend to like us. No, he HATES it. He actively works to stop kids from being gay. And I know that makes him a shitty person, but he's still my dad. He still loves me. And I mean, not to get materialistic or anything, but I'm pretty sure he'd cut me off. I'd be all on my own in more ways than one. I feel like I would have to choose to lose my dad for you. I just don't know if I can do that, yet."
"I get it. I really do, Beca." Chloe reached out for her hand to stroke her knuckles. "And I don't want to make you feel like its an ultimatum. I don't want it to be a choice between me and your dad. I really just wish you'd want to tell him for you. Keeping huge secrets like that wears on you."
"I know." Beca breathed out, knowing just how heavy it weighs on her.
"But, I think we should slow things down until you figure things out." Chloe bit her lip as if that isn't what she really wanted.
"What? We're not breaking up, are we?" Beca jolted and looked up with fear in her eyes.
"No...no." Chloe said quietly. "I just think we need to slow down before things get more serious. I love you, Beca, and I want to be with you. And I want the world to know it. I just hope you'll want the same thing."
"What do you mean by slow down, then?" Beca asked, trying to hide the shakiness in her voice.
"I mean, just a little space. We should let each other really think. And I don't know about you but the physical aspect of our relationship can be very distracting from...thinking."
"So...we...you don't want to, you know, have sex then?" Beca asked nervously.
"Its not that I don't want to." Chloe groaned. "I just think sex muddles things. It can even act like a temporary bandaid. We need to figure things out before we go back to that."
Beca's heart was racing. This wasn't a break up. But it felt like a gentle nudge in the direction of a break up. She didn't want to lose Chloe and that thought terrified her more than anything.
"I love you." Beca whispered, not knowing what else to say. Chloe leaned in and kissed her softly before leaning back with glistening eyes.
"I'll let you eat your breakfast before it gets too cold." Chloe's voice sounded gravelly and far away. She got up to leave and Beca wiped away a tear as the door closed. She looked at the stack of perfect pancakes and had no appetite. So she just flopped back in her bed and let her mind go as she stared blankly at the ceiling.
The bella house was divided. The tension between Beca and Chloe had drifted to others. While Beca and Chloe weren't actively arguing or yelling, there was plenty of tension. They slept in separate beds every night. When they kissed, they were awkward chaste kisses given out of obligation not want. The bellas had a front row seat for this disaster and they all had their own opinions on the fight.
Stacie, Flo and CR were very opinionated that Chloe was being unfair. Beca should be allowed to come out to her dad when and how she wanted. It wasn't fair that Chloe was putting such pressure on her, and basically giving her an ultimatum, despite her saying it wasn't. Emily and Fat Amy were surprisingly on the same side in an argument for a change. While not as vocal as Stacie and CR, they didn't think Beca deserved to be in such turmoil.
Aubrey was of course in support of Chloe and didn't consider how difficult it was for Beca. Jessica and Ashley sided with her too, just not as vocally against Beca. Lilly stayed out of it, but stayed at attention during any bickering matches or arguments in case she needed to step in.
One day CR was making lunch and was casually watching Chloe and Beca interact. Beca was saying what was going on at work lately, which was very little. Chloe nodded along sweetly before they said their goodbyes and giving each other a quick, but awkward kiss. CR watched as Beca gave a weak smile before heading out the door.
"You're not being fair to Beca, you know?" The bellas usually saved their opinions on the 'bloe romance' when neither party of said romance was around. CR couldn't control her mouth this time, though.
"Excuse me?" Chloe looked up with confusion in her eyes.
"Look, you know I love you. Both of you. But basically making her choose between you and her dad? That's not fair. Its clearly eating her up."
"I'm not trying to hurt her, Cynthia Rose. And I'm not making her choose. We just slowed things down."
"You might not have broken up, but you basically put your relationship on hold. Like a pre-breakup." CR shook her head as she sliced some lettuce for her sandwich. "Y'all are acting like you're hanging by a thread. Like you're not going to go back to normal unless she comes out to her dad."
"That's not what I meant to happen." Chloe rested her head on her hand. "I just needed to slow down. We were getting really serious. She spent Christmas with my family. I just can't get my hopes up for a long term relationship if she can't be open."
"Have you ever come out to your family and been rejected? Do you know what its like to have your own flesh and blood turn their back on you just because of who you are?" CR asked seriously, Chloe just stayed quiet when she shook her head. "I do. My dad blames my being gay on my mom leaving. He's said maybe ten words to me in the past two years. People like Beca's dad think sexuality is a choice. But it ain't. If it were, I'd have chosen to be straight. Would've saved me a lot of heartache and misery. But its not a choice. And I've come a long way and have reached a point in my life that I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of who I am and I'm happy with who I am. But Beca hasn't had that much time to fully understand and accept herself, much less convince her dad to."
"You think I don't get that, but I do. But I have to think about myself too. I want a relationship with someone who doesn't have to hide who they are, or feel like they need to just to appease a homophobic relative." Chloe said softly, trying to explain her own feelings.
"She ain't hiding, though!" CR looked up at the ceiling in frustration.
"Would you want to date a girl who kept your relationship hidden from her parents?" Jessica suddenly appeared in the doorway. "I wouldn't want to be dating someone for what, 8 months, and they refuse to tell their parents."
"8 months ain't that long in college." CR stood her ground.
"You didn't answer my question." Jessica pushed.
"If she hadn't come out to her family yet, I wouldn't push her. Especially if I was her first girl relationship."
"Easy to say, but you don't know how you'd feel."
"I know I wouldn't jump into a serious relationship with someone who just acknowledged they were gay and prove why 'uhauling' is a stereotype of lesbians." CR winced as she heard her words and saw the look on Chloe's face.
"Really, Cynthia Rose?" Jessica scoffed and shook her head as she moved closer to Chloe in a protective stance.
"Look, all I'm saying is this is all new to the girl. She hasn't been out with herself for even a year. And then all of a sudden she's in a serious committed relationship." CR raised her hands defensively at Chloe, trying to explain herself quickly. "I think it might've done her some good to do some experimenting first. Before she tells her dad, and before she jumped into a long term relationship."
"So you think we wouldn't have these issues if Beca just fooled around with a bunch of sluts before jumping into bed with me? Is that it?" Chloe's voice rose and her knuckles were turning white from her fists clenching. "This isn't a fling, Cynthia Rose. We love each other."
"I'm not doubting you do!" CR quickly backtracked. "You just gotta give her some space. A year ain't a long time for a girl with her upbringing to come to terms with her sexuality."
"Thanks for caring about Beca. And I'm so glad the bellas all have opinions on OUR relationship. But this is between me and Beca. So have your opinions, but don't judge me or make me out to be the bad guy when I have my feelings too." Chloe stood up from the counter, nearly knocking the chair over.
"Chlo…" Jess reached out, but Chloe breezed by her.
"I need to work on choreography plans for the bellas. Just leave me alone for a bit." Chloe barked as she hurried to her room, leaving CR and Jessica to argue further in the kitchen with quieter voices.
The next few days went as smooth as it could in the bella house. When Beca and Chloe weren't around, conversation somehow frequently drifted to defending one side or arguments would quickly be hushed when the redhead or brunette appeared. Beca was spending the majority of her time locked in her room aside from mandatory bella bonding. She'd still sit with Chloe, but she almost felt claustrophobic, not sure if they should cuddle, hold hands, sneak kisses like they normally did. She wondered how long this could keep going on.
The bellas had come to an agreement on the setlist for regionals. Beca had arranged her mashups and played them for the group, while Chloe demonstrated potential choreography for each song. Aubrey assigned who would sing each part. The song mashups were Bad blood/bye bye bye (Taylor Swift/Nsync), senorita/havana(Camilla Cabello), (for Flo, because she needed some diversity in song choices), and No/One More Time (Meghan Trainor/Brittney Spears). Beca was happy with the songs and put it to a vote. It was one of the few moments in recent weeks Chloe gave Beca public affection, because she was so excited about the songs, and the fact that Beca listened to her ideas. Everyone agreed on the song choices, so it was time to get to work on mastering the choreography.
"Alright ladies!" Aubrey declared as she dabbed her neck with a towel during a water break. "We have our regionals performance down pat. I think we need to start putting some focus on Nationals."
"Well, we gotta get there first." Beca reminded.
"I have complete confidence in the bellas readiness. And I've scouted other teams. We will easily make it to nationals." Aubrey took a sip of water, keeping eye contact with Beca. "Unless you're scared of regionals too?"
Every bella knew the double sided meaning to Aubrey's comment. And after what had been a smooth-running practice was uncomfortable. Chloe put a hand on her hip and sent Aubrey a disapproving glare.
"Nope." Beca chirped back, refusing to be baited into arguing with Aubrey. "Let's prep for Nationals. We already have some of the set prepared. Good idea, Aubrey."
Chloe smirked proudly as Beca turned around to gulp some water down. Aubrey just hummed in surprise and gathered the bellas around the whiteboard to teach them the choreography for part of the routine for nationals. The next bella rehearsals went similarly. Practice slowly focused more and more on Nationals and less on Regionals, which was only two weeks away. Beca was nervous about not maintaining a perfect routine for regionals, but she didn't have the energy in her to fight Aubrey on it, she had too many other more important things to worry and stress about.
It was no secret in the bella house about the lack of sex Beca and Chloe were having. There were hardly any topics off limits and unfortunately that was one of them. Fat Amy, CR, and Stacie were talking about how Beca was growing grumpier and grumpier by the day. And some one night stand with someone from the bar was off the table. They decided to take a more 'self-help' route for the surly brunette. They spent almost an hour in a sex shop, because, well Stacie and Fat Amy had no inhibitions. CR stayed quiet and let them peruse shamelessly.
Stacie picked out a vibrator to give Beca, not worried about the kind of reaction she'd receive. And she and Fat Amy of course had to buy something for themselves. CR had sweated through her shirt by the time they left and was fighting images of Stacie out of her mind.
Stacie let herself into Beca's room when no response came to her knocking. Beca was of course lost in her music on her laptop.
"Mad World? Bohemian Rhapsody? Sound of Silence? Someone's going dark." Stacie plucked the headphones off of Beca's head as she glanced at Beca's playlist.
"Hey!" Beca spun around as Stacie set the headphones down. "I have work to do. Getting our nationals setlist ready and everything."
"By listening to your depressed mix? Don't think so." Stacie shook her head and grabbed Beca by the wrists to yank her out of the chair. Beca was once again irritated by the fact that she was so little, her bella sisters thought they could just manhandle her all the time.
"Fine. What do you want?" Beca folded her arms like a petulant child when Stacie shoved her on the bed.
"Its no secret in the house that you and Chloe are having some weird passive aggressive fight. And we definitely know there's no lady-love making going on. For one, I haven't had to use my noise cancelling headphones in weeks. Which, while is nice, makes me sad. I also can't help but notice you getting extra grumpy and flustered since your dry spell."
"Dude, this is none of your business." Beca huffed and was pretty sure her face was turning a dark shade of red.
"You're unhappy, horny, and my sister. That makes it my business." Stacie turned to grab the bag she had brought up. When she held a smaller, silkier, purple bag in her hand Beca had no doubts what it was. And while, she'd never use one, she knew for a fact that Stacie had a vibrator in her hand.
"Oh, hell no." Beca jumped up to run out of the room but was blocked by Stacie.
"I can take you, Beca." Stacie looked up at the ceiling.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Beca whined as she returned to her bed and put her head in her hands.
"I know you're super uncomfortable about this stuff, but listen, I just want to help you. I'm not going to make things weirder or anything just to watch you fidget, even though that is pretty fun." Stacie shot her a good-natured wink. "I'm a very sexual person. So I can't imagine having a significant other who doesn't want to have sex for the time being. But, there's no rule against some...self-help. And its not a weird or creepy thing. I'm willing to bet that with the exception of Emily, all the bellas have one and have put it to use."
"Oh my God." Beca mumbled against her hands that were still covering her face.
"Just give it a try. I won't show you how or anything, since I think you might actually die from embarrassment." Stacie giggled. "But just take it. Maybe do a little research. And help yourself out a little. It might even make things better with Chloe. You won't be as tense. And with regionals next week, we need you in tip-top shape."
"If I take it, will you leave?" Beca peaked through her fingers.
"Fine." Stacie set the purple bag down. "I put some batteries in it and a little bottle of lube too for you. Have fun!"
Beca felt like she was about to burst into flames from embarrassment when she heard the door to her room shut. She looked at the velvet bag like it was a bomb. Trying, to busy herself on her laptop, her eyes couldn't help but drift back to the bag and her curiosity grew by the minute. She twisted her hands nervously together after she closed her music program and brought up google. Her fingertips hovered over the keys. She wasn't sure what exactly to type. Maybe she should brave the mortification of asking Stacie for help. But she decided to just power through with her own naivety and ignorance of...toys. She started searching literally any questions she had, which led to more and more.
After almost an hour and a half of constant research, Beca felt more comfortable and less terrified of the purple bag that sat feet away from her. She had decided Stacie was right. She really was sexually frustrated. She didn't want to be mad at Chloe for taking a step back from their physical relationship, but she could certainly be frustrated. If this helped relieve stress, then maybe it would be beneficial for everyone. Beca nodded to herself to convince her own mind.
She carefully untied the bag and pulled out the purple vibrator as like one would hold the butt of a gun in nervousness. She couldn't help but grimace and think about how weird this was. She toyed with the buttons and felt the vibration intensities in her own hand, imagining what they would feel like...elsewhere. Her face flushed red, even though no one knew what she might be doing, aside from Stacie, although she figured Stacie assumed she'd just chicken out.
"Fuck it." Beca mumbled to herself, followed by a snort. "Literally, I guess." She washed the vibrator thoroughly in her sink and then dried it just as thoroughly. A lot of websites recommended still using a condom, but obviously she had no use for those, and wasn't about to run to the store for some which would throw off her confidence and potentially get her in more trouble with Chloe. So she skipped that step. She took an extremely short shower. It probably didn't even count as a shower. She just made sure her lady region was nice and clean.
Each step of the process she felt more ridiculous yet more exhilarated at the same time. SHe grabbed a towel and laid it across her bed and sat down on top. She didn't feel like changing her sheets tonight. She took a deep, shaky breath and slid her pajama pants off and left them on the foot of the bed. She gulped as she slid her underwear off next, feeling like she was doing something wrong and really weird.
"Okay." She sighed to herself and dabbed a little lube on the purple shaft. "This is so weird." She whispered as she rubbed it around. She leaned back, closed her eyes, and moved the toy down between her legs. She turned the vibrator on the lowest setting, and jumped a little at the sensation. Her hand just slowly moved the toy around, almost teasing herself.
"Oh, wow." Beca closed her eyes as she paused the toy over her clit. Images of Chloe flocked to her mind. Chloe's lips, her hands, her fingers on Beca's body. She quickly moved the toy around and found where she needed to slip it inside. It was a little difficult at first. Beca wondered if she had the right spot. She nudged a little harder and felt it slip all the way in and her head fell back again at the sensation.
"Okay. Okay." She mumbled to herself again as she felt her heart rate increase as she increased the vibration setting. She slowly started moving it in and out, finding it more and more pleasurable. The feelings of embarrassment and ridiculousness fading quickly. Her mind was solely on Chloe, thinking of specific times they had together, which only made the toy move faster.
She knew the feeling she was approaching. It was getting a little harder to move the toy in and out. She was finally going to have that release she'd been lacking. But her plans were foiled when her door opened and she flung herself off the bed with a shrieked 'shit!' escaping her lips, and covering her lower half in the towel and the toy rolling a few feet away.
Chloe stood in the doorway, eyes wide, hand frozen on the door knob.
"Oh my God, I'm...sorry." Chloe looked frantically around the floor at anything besides Beca.
Beca frantically shoved her pajama pants back on, turned off the vibrator and hurled it under her bed. She stood up, heart racing, and faced Chloe. They both had unreadable expressions, but mortification was in there somewhere. There was a painful few moments of silence that felt like minutes when Beca finally cleared her throat.
"Um..sorry. I don't...are you mad?"
"Mad?" Chloe folded her arms against her chest.
"Yeah, like...that I was doing...that." Beca waved her hand flippantly in the air. "I was thinking of you if that makes it any better."
"I'm not mad." Chloe let out a snort, feeling at least a little flattered that Beca was at least thinking of her. "I mean, you're a girl. You have needs. I'm not fulfilling them."
"Its not like that, Chlo. Stacie just suggested-" Beca took a step forward and then stopped when Chloe dropped her hands to her side in frustration.
"So you can talk to Stacie about stuff too, now? Why can't you talk to me?"
"I didn't go to her for help. I didn't even say anything to her." Beca defended. "She literally, stormed in here and handed me the thing telling me to get some stress relief. She said it was normal and I shouldn't be embarrassed, but now I'm looking at you and I feel like I did something wrong."
"You didn't." Chloe shrugged. "Its just...weird. I never thought I'd walk in on you...doing that. I feel guilty you even needed to…"
"No, its...its not your fault." Beca mumbled, feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation.
"Well, I just came up to tell you we were going out for pizza if you wanted to come...if you wanted to join us." Chloe winced and ran a hand through her hair. "Or we could give you some privacy...if you wanted to um..finish?"
"No...nope, pizza sounds good. I'll uh just get dressed."
"Cool...okay, cool. I'll see you downstairs." And Chloe spun around to leave Beca and wait for her downstairs. Beca had never felt like her and Chloe were strangers like she did in that moment.
"Dude! She walked in on me!" Beca paced around in Stacie's room.
"Doing…?" Stacie tilted her head. Her eyes glimmered in recognition when Beca made a pointed glare. "Oh my God, she saw you...using my little gift?" A smile threatened to spread on her lips.
"This isn't funny! I feel like I cheated on her or something!" Beca flopped onto a bed and covered her face.
"Beca, you weren't cheating." Stacie stood up, tone turned serious to put her hand on Beca's shoulder. "She decided sex was off the table. And fine, you agreed too. But there's nothing wrong with finding some relief on your own."
"You should've seen the way she looked at me…"
"Well she was probably just as embarrassed as you." Stacie shrugged. "I hate all of this...for both of you."
"Me too...I don't know how to fix it. Like even if I tell my dad now, I feel like it won't be enough."
"Hey, Beca. You guys are perfect for each other. You'll find a way back."
"I hope so, Stace." Beca leaned into Stacie's shoulder.
"I walked in on her, Aubrey." Chloe had her hands covering her face as she shook her head. "I've pushed her so far away she has to...masturbate…" She whispered as if it were taboo, even though she and Aubrey had both been participants of the act.
"Its not your fault, Chlo. If she can't control her libido-"
"I don't care about that, Aub." Chloe rolled her eyes. "And don't act all holier than thou, we both know you have your own toys hidden away for when you're a little pent up."
"Chloe!" Aubrey gasped as her cheeks turned red.
"I don't care if she does that...you know especially since we're not having regular sex. And she was thinking of me so I should be flattered. I just...I feel like she's mad about the no sleeping together thing. And...I don't know how long we can keep this up. I feel like our relationship is hanging by a thread and I have no idea how we got here."
"You got here because Beca is being a coward. She's ashamed of herself and your relationship. You need someone...deserve someone who has no shame about you. And you're being amazing by waiting, but how long can you wait, Chlo? And if she's mad that you won't sleep with her?!" Aubrey felt herself getting worked up thinking about it. "Then she-"
"Look, Aubrey." Chloe interrupted, holding a hand up to silence her roommate. "I appreciate the whole defensive best friend thing. But sometimes you act like I can't do any wrong and Beca is always the one at fault. Maybe I need some tough love. Maybe I need a kick in the pants to figure this stuff out."
"Tough love?" Aubrey paused for a moment, thinking. "You need to decide what you want. If you want to be with Beca, then do it. But don't push her to do something she doesn't want. If coming out to her dad is a dealbreaker and she's not willing to do it, then you need to end it sooner rather than later."
"I don't know if I even care about her dad anymore. I just want things back to the way they were."
"Then you need to decide Chloe."
"What if she's the one?" Chloe sounded so small and sad, Aubrey couldn't help but wrap and arm around her in comfort.
"Then you will figure this out. But...you need to also prepare yourself for the question of what if she isn't." Aubrey said softly, hoping her own question wasn't the case. They sat together in silence, neither wanting the conversation to continue.
The bellas waited backstage at regionals. They were all a little nervous, but still more confident than the previous year, considering they were reigning national champions. Chloe gave Beca's hand a squeeze and a tight smile before they walked on stage. With the awkwardness going on between them, the little hand squeeze did wonders for helping Beca calm her nerves.
They performed the set. During the Bad Blood/Bye Bye Bye section, Beca glanced at Chloe as she sang "cuz baby now we got bad blood you know we used to be mad love" and she stumbled for a brief second. She thought of how the lyrics were fitting with her and Chloe's relationship at the moment and that was enough to throw her off. Thankfully, she recovered quickly. In fact it was hardly noticeable, but it was enough to make the performance less than perfect. And no one noticed more clearly than Aubrey.
The bellas finished with a loud round of applause from the audience. They went to the back to sit through two more performances. When it was time to announce winners and who'd be moving on, they were all nervous. Aubrey grasped Chloe's hands, Amy had fingers crossed on both hands, and Beca clenched her jaw, trying to ignore her nervousness.
The bellas came in second.
The group who came in first cheered and held the larger trophy proudly. The bellas were disappointed. They had grown accustomed to winning. They quietly made their way toward the exit, Jessica holding the smaller trophy down at her side. When they reached the area that held their bags, Aubrey couldn't hold her emotions in any longer.
"If you weren't so focused on getting laid and making our setlist based on whether or not Chloe will sleep with you maybe we could have had a decent song list and wouldn't have come in second!" Aubrey fired at Beca.
"Hey!" Chloe faced Aubrey, insulted for several reasons.
"Getting laid had nothing to do with the songs. Everyone voted on them if you remember. And besides I haven't been getting laid in awhile, setlist doesn't matter." Beca scoffed.
"Beca!" Chloe whirled to face Beca, feeling like she was somehow the one being attacked in the fight between Aubrey and Beca. "What happened to 'our sex life is none of their business'?"
"I guess that was when we HAD a sex life. Besides, its not like its a secret." Beca shrugged at Chloe, who was now just standing with her mouth open, unsure how to respond.
"So you're so upset Chloe's not sleeping you that you make our set has every song she wants in hopes you'll get some? No thought to how it'll work out in competition?" Aubrey crossed her arms.
"Aubrey! This isn't Beca's fault. And stop making insinuations that she's some horny teenager ruled by her hormones!" Chloe stepped forward, nearly in Aubrey's face.
"And that's not why I picked the songs! I picked them months ago, that the GROUP voted on!" Beca groaned, annoyed that Chloe was trying to fight her battle and getting more and more annoyed at Aubrey blaming this on her and no one saying anything.
"I should've stepped in when I had the chance." Aubrey shook her head.
"You're not our dictator, Aubrey!" Stacie shouted, the first Bella besides the three captains to utter a word. "We all chose those songs. We all agreed on the choreography. Get your panties out of the bunch they're in and be happy that we're returning to Nationals."
"Exactly! We still got second place. We are still going to Nationals." Beca stepped closer to the blonde. "And maybe if you didn't get so cocky and ahead of yourself by focusing our bella rehearsals on the National set instead of making sure we had Regionals well prepared for, we might've done better. But quit acting like we fucking lost!"
"We are supposed to be the best, Beca. If you can't realize that or want the same thing, you don't have to be a bella. You've said before how you never really wanted to. And I guess now that you got in Chloe's pants, you don't feel the need to try so hard." Aubrey said the words bitterly, but immediately regretted them. She knew that was a low and uncalled for blow. She really did love Beca and enjoy what she'd done for the group. But her and her damn emotions took over her mouth sometimes.
"Shut the fuck up about our sex life, Aubrey! I thought you were my friend!" Chloe threw her hands in the air and Aubrey gulped and looked at her with regret.
"Maybe you're the one with the stick up her ass not getting any." Stacie smirked, knowing it would get under Aubrey's skin.
"Screw this!" Beca shouted. She was fed up with the whole situation. Chloe, Aubrey, the bellas, everything. "I'm just going to ride home with Jesse." She snatched her bag from the pile and marched for the door.
"Beca, calm down." Stacie tried to step forward, but Beca evaded her grasp.
"I'm sorry for fucking everything up." She gave a pointed look to Chloe. "This way I won't screw anything else up for anyone." Beca spun around and slammed the door open before Aubrey could say anything else.
"It wasn't her fault." Chloe had her arms crossed against her chest as she stared at Aubrey.
"Seriously, Aubrey. That was harsh." Stacie glared at their leader and the other bellas somehow formed a group beside Chloe and Stacie, leaving Aubrey isolated.
"I didn't mean all that." Aubrey sighed, rubbing her forehead wishing she could rewind five minutes..
"Then quit saying shit you don't mean." CR spoke up. She was tired of watching how Aubrey treated Beca like every thing she did was wrong if it wasn't perfect. She was especially tired of the division in the house over Beca and Chloe's ongoing passive aggressive fight. "She's a bella just like the rest of us. She doesn't win or lose it, we all do. And it's offensive you act like we don't have anything to do with that." She shook her head as she grabbed her bag and headed to the bus. The rest of the girls followed behind, leaving just Aubrey and Chloe.
"I don't know why I'm so hard on her." Aubrey whispered, fighting back tears as Chloe stood and listened. "Part of it is I hate that she's hurting you, at all. And I feel like the protective sister. But i sometimes forget she's my sister too. I hate when I say things that I know will hurt her. They just come out like word vomit. And I'm just so competitive I can't control it sometimes."
"You should try swallowing your pride for once and maybe apologizing." Chloe looked at her feet, avoiding eye contact.
"Are you two okay?" Aubrey asked quietly as she looked up after a moment of awkward silence. Chloe's mouth opened and closed as she looked into Aubrey's eyes full of concern.
"I don't know." Chloe finally breathed out, trying not to burst into tears right on the spot.
The bellas, despite coming in second and earning a spot in the finals, somberly walked back to their bus without Beca. Chloe moved quickly past everyone and hurried to her seat in the back that she usually shared with Beca. She sank down and rested her head against the window. The rest of the bellas filed in as they usually did. Flo and Lilly sat across and in front of Chloe. Emily and CR sat beside them. Jessica and Ashley shared two spots up front across from Aubrey, who usually shared with Stacie. However, on this particular night, Stacie paused and looked pointedly at Aubrey before shuffling to the back, leaving Aubrey alone. She nodded at the seat beside Chloe, asking if she could sit and Chloe only nodded weakly in reply. Fat Amy started up the bus as Aubrey folded her arms sadly as she leaned against the window. Chloe sat in a similar position at the back, trying to not let her anxiety get the better of her, wondering where Beca was and what she was thinking. And if a breakup was waiting for her when they returned to the bella house.
They were able to make it back home in a relatively quick two hour drive. No one was in the mood to stop anywhere. Aubrey was the last to get out of the bus and watched as her bellas walked sullenly to the door as if they had seen defeat at regionals. She blamed herself for their demeanor, and hoped to change it.
"Okay, bellas." Aubrey announced before anyone had made it inside. "I have been...such a bitch tonight. And I am sorry. My ultra competitive brain lost sight of the fact that we are still going on to Nationals for a chance to be repeat National champions. And that is no small feat. I shouldn't have taken away from our victory. I shouldn't have said the things I did to Beca. And I just hope you can forgive me. And I think we need to get out of this gloom and doom mood. What do you guys say about celebrating tonight? Like we should have three hours ago." She was greeted with silence and bellas glancing at each other as if communicating silently. "We're family. We should celebrate together. And with Beca when she gets back." Aubrey pleaded.
"I'm always up for celebratory booze indulgence." Fat Amy shrugged as she glanced around the group.
"We did successfully book our ticket to back to back Nationals." CR agreed, looking at her fellow bellas.
"I'm in." Stacie smiled a long with the other bellas who were nodding in agreement. "And Spring Break is next week so we might as well have a bella party before vacation."
"Yeah." Chloe nodded with a small smile at Aubrey. "Let's celebrate. And you owe Beca that apology when she gets back, too."
Aubrey nodded sincerely. The bellas all clapped and Chloe linked her arm with Aubrey, a silent acknowledgement of forgiveness. They all filed into the house to finally settle in for a celebration.
The ride back with Jesse and Benji was full of awkward silence. Jesse insisted they stop for burgers halfway back and did his best to make Beca smile. Benji offered his encouragement too, reminding her that they were headed to Nationals and she should be excited. Beca would be lying if she said that the jokes and food and milkshakes didn't cheer her up a little. It made her realize she hadn't been smiling as much lately as she had been when she and Chloe first got together. And she really hoped to fix that.
They pulled up to the bella house and they could hear the faint sound of bass pumping through the house. Emily's little disco ball was shining various colors through the window curtains. Beca glanced at her phone, no texts from any of them. She slid out of the car and stood staring at the house before her.
"You okay?" Jesse rolled down the window when Beca didn't move.
"Um. Actually…" Beca bit her lip. She could hear the giggles and cheers and singing coming from the bellas. They all sounded happy. Like they were finally all celebrating getting back to Nationals after all. She was fairly certain if she walked through that door, the party would come to a screeching awkward halt. She and Chloe were in a funk. And if Chloe was happy right now, she didn't want to get in the way of that. "Could I just stay at your place tonight?"
"You don't want to go celebrate?"
"No, not really." Beca opened the door and slid back into the backseat. "I don't want to mess up the party. I'll see them tomorrow."
"You won't mess up the party." Jesse rolled his eyes into the rearview mirror.
"I'm not in the mood for a party. So is it okay if I stay with you guys or not? I can brave the bellas if its not." Beca said quickly, indicating she wasn't up for arguing.
"No. Its fine." Jesse said quietly, wishing he could convince Beca to get out of her own head. But he knew better than to try and win that battle tonight. "You can stay with us."
Beca sent a quick text to Chloe, saying that she'd be staying at Jesse's and not to worry. She'd see them in the morning. It took almost two hours before Beca got a response. She was curled up under the blankets on the couch, thinking Chloe was just ignoring her. She glanced at the response.
Chloe: Ok.
"Okay." Beca scoffed and tossed her phone back onto the coffee table. Just okay. No goodnight, no I love you, no questioning if everything was really okay, no I miss you. Just okay. And Beca couldn't help but stare at the ceiling, desperately hoping that she and Chloe really would be okay.
Chloe was a little buzzed and she had been laughing and singing with the bellas for awhile since they'd returned home. She felt guilty for hardly noticing the absence of her girlfriend. She would have started to worry, but she looked at her phone that had a text from two hours earlier. Beca was staying with Jesse. She didn't want to come home. And she was probably asleep. So Chloe just replied a quick 'ok.' She didn't want to say anything passive aggressive or sounding disappointed that Beca didn't show up to their party.
Chloe took off her jewelry and slowly placed it in the jewelry box Beca had made her. She ran her fingers along the silver arrow necklace and let a sad smile appear on her lips, hoping Beca's intention behind the gift would be true. That they'd find a way back to each other. She let her hand linger on the jewelry box as she closed it, remembering how Beca went through the trouble to make it just so it would be special and make Chloe happy.
She fell onto her bed with a heavy sigh. Were they being crazy? Should she just ignore the fact that Beca won't tell her dad? How did they go from the perfect Christmas a few short months ago to this awkward relationship purgatory? Would Beca break up with her when she returned home? Her hands anxiously tangled on top of her stomach as she stared at the ceiling. She hoped this would pass. And she hoped that when Beca came back they'd be okay. Her eyes closed with a tear sliding down her cheek before she drifted off into deep sleep, ignoring her anxious thoughts.