I always Screw myself out of everything good: Chapter 7
One day; it's all some have therefore you should make the most of it. Alex experienced a few weeks of a taste of what its like to not have Jo. He knew in his heart his mistakes what he threw away. This is what he feared when it came to traveling back to Seattle to tell Jo the news he wouldn't be able to leave her. His heart ached at the mere thought of saying goodbye its why he acted fast. He also felt there was so much left unsaid. He was surprised she agreed, now his only real concern was Izzie. Did he care if Izzie cared? No he wanted Jo here. But Alexis and Eli were her kids she had a say in if Jo got to meet them. He was hoping once his ex returned home he would be able to spend more alone time with Jo give the pair a chance to actually talk.
Standing in close proximity was hard because the male didn't know how to act around Jo. He couldn't hold her in his arms, he couldn't take her hand it was almost as if they were strangers. His eyes went over her features wanting to take in her brown eyes, to the small smile forced onto her lips. He hated that he hurt her; it was the worse thing he's ever done. He could hear the footsteps coming from the outside which meant the kids were coming in. Alex wouldn't lie if they asked before Izzie returned. She wasn't due home for another hour. Wearing a little smile on his lips.
" Want to help me make dinner for them? It's nothing too serious only mac and cheese and chicken nuggets. We normally only eat light on the nights Izzie is working late." He worked mornings for a reason; he tried to limit the time Izzie and himself were in the same room. It could be tense given she wanted more with him than he was willing to give. He had no interest in rehashing the past with her; he screwed up. He let Jo slip away and no izzie never made him send those letters. She always told him she wanted him to do what he was comfortable with. The thing was he wanted Jo and to be a dad to his kids. He couldn't walk out on them. But he also couldn't walk away from Jo after he saw her.
Making dinner; it almost sounded so domestic for Alex Karev. Jo was impressed he took on the dad role quite quickly. Her fingers fiddled with the hem on her jean jacket as her foot shifted onto one another.
Yet Jo found herself uttering a " Yes." This was the first time her eyes lifted to fully meet his own. This was awkward beyond words feeding his kids he now shared with Izzie. But she wasn't here, and he seemed to want to try to make the most of this day. Forcing a playful grin onto her lips enough that lit up her eyes Jo walked over to where Alex stood swatting his shoulder lightly. " Come on we don't want to keep those kids waiting. I don't know much about being a parent but I do know if they're like you Alex they might get cranky with an empty stomach."
Now that was to tease him. If she was to get through this dinner Jo needed to try to lighten the mood. She could hear the chuckling from her husband when she walked right into the kitchen. Footsteps coming behind Jo he was quick to come to the counters circling the big kitchen. With one swift movement he opened the closet where they kept the Mac and Cheese. " You can turn the oven on to 350." Tilting his head to the side he waited to see Jo move to the oven between the white cabinets knowing she heard. He took the box of spiral noodles moving across the kitchen with ease. Alex could hear the tiny footsteps entering the home in the room the pair just were.
" Alexis, Eli wash hands and go into the living room to watch TV, dinner will be set soon." As if on cue the two youngsters stopped in the kitchen. Curious eyes of course eyeing up the unfamiliar brunette in the kitchen. Alex knew his kids might have questions surely. " Alexis, Eli this is Jo a close friend of daddy's okay. She's going to help with dinner." He hated not telling the full truth. But with kids involved it would get complicated. Alex didn't want to fully introduce Jo to his kids before speaking to Izzie. He held responsibilities now for his children; he couldn't up and leave. Alexis was the first to run over to the sink in the kitchen to turn the water on. Eli soon followed. He was mindful to the little ones in the room as he set the pan of warm water over the stove. Jo managed to dig out the chicken nuggets from the freezer already setting a few sets of pieces on a dark pan for when the oven went off.
It was nice; he didn't have to bark orders, despite the tension looming in the room he felt like Jo and himself didn't miss a beat. Alexis and Eli had shut the faliet off and were now talking in the living room. He could hear the hushed tones. His eyes picked up to the brunette who was now putting the pan full of nuggets into the hot oven.
Never did Jo imagine herself here in Kansas with Alex tending to his kids. She had one goal when she arrived and that was to get closure she did regret agreeing to stay for the day. But seeing the way his kids looked at him with adoring eyes, she felt her own eyes soften. It did sting to hear him refer to her as a friend but Jo did get it. He needed to run it by Izzie; and let's be honest one day with his kids wouldn't change the pain and hurt he's caused. She noticed the mac and cheese box sitting on the white countertop after shutting the oven. Pushing her back to lean against the counter she wore an amused smile.
" Are we sure we can feed this to kids? It's not expired right?" Her brown eyes lifted full of amusement knowing Alex would get it. To pull her little joke off she took the full box in her hand slightly arching her eyes to look for the date.
Rolling his eyes he stepped over taking the full box of mac and cheese from Jo. His face matched her amusement. His fingers brushed against her own, the sparks he felt as if he barely been apart from her. With one movement he poured the mac and cheese into the now boiled water. Setting the temp down he stepped to the side. " I think you'll find I've gotten better with ensuring the food isn't out of date. Can't be too careful."
Uttering the words he couldn't help but grin. It felt so easy with Jo. His shoulder brushed against her own.
Purposely nudging his hip with her arm Jo emitted a single laugh. " It's good to know you are capable of being an eye on food dates. But for what its worth. I know you've got this dad thing down. They look at you with so much love. I always knew you'd be good." Jo meant it; her words were sincere. Her eyes lifted to meet his own almost getting caught up in some moment.
Again it was as if they were stuck in time, the only people who mattered were in this kitchen. It was so easy for Jo to fall back into old habits. The anger she felt washed away. It tugged at her heart to know that Alex wanted his kids to know her. Of course she wouldn't get involved not unless this was the big thing. Alex needed to know what he wanted. Jo wasn't going to play games. She came prepared to sign those papers and leave but now perhaps these next few hours were special.
He felt the proudness in her voice; he felt the love Jo once had for him maybe still does. His brown hues met hers, feeling this pull towards her. " I know I shouldn't say this its selfish but the only thing missing is you. I wanted a family and I'm so sorry it hurt you. But your opinion is what means the most to me. I want to be good for my kids, but I also want to be worthy of being a dad and great guy for you." He overstepped he saw the realitizion on her features when Jo stepped away clearing her throat. " I'm sorry." He tried to say despite not actually being sorry.
Awkwardness arose when the oven went off. That's when Alex pulled himself together. He stepped back with a oven mit covering his hand to pulling open the door to see the chicken was cooked. " Alexis, Eli go wash hands and come to the table." His voice could be heard throughout the room. He expected to hear the movement of feet within seconds.
Jo was confused; this wasn't fair. How was she to walk away when he was being so kind? She agreed assuming her husband would set it straight. He meant the awful words he wrote in that letter. He wanted to leave her. He wanted to build a life with Izzie but his actions, how he looked at her making her stomach do flips said otherwise. She felt conflicted its why she moved quickly from the moment being saved by the beep huh? She stepped back to move over to the kitchen table where she went around the table to place 4 settings of napkins and forks and spoons. She didn't know what children use to eat. She was trying to be brave. But how does one heal when her heart was beating out of her chest?
Saved by the beep huh? Alex couldn't help but chuckle to himself. He did get caught in a moment; one that should be avoided. Given all the tension between them. His feet moving swiftly around the oven. He would steal small glances towards Jo when she wasn't looking. She was too busy setting the table to notice. He pulled four white plates down setting them to the side. Taking two bigger bowls He poured the mac and cheese into one and poured the nuggets into another. The fant sound of the water shutting out could be heard before the kids rolled into the kitchen finding their spots at the kitchen table. Taking one bowl at a time he crossed through the kitchen to the table setting each one down over the cloth. Knowing his kids he took it upon himself to place 4 nuggets each on their plates. And scooping out a good portion of mac and cheese filling their plates.
He was a natural Jo said to herself have paused when he needed to get through to the table. She stood against the stool near the counter just watching. Alex was a good dad; he ensured the twins got what they needed. She found herself grinning out of habit. For just a moment she imagined this being their life. Cooking dinner together, feeding the kids. She could get used to the idea. She barely heard him calling her name.
" Jo.. Jo you can sit and take what you want." His voice being heard. He saw the smitten look on her face it made him smile himself. From the corner of his eye he noticed the twins already digging in, definitely his kids. A small laugh could be heard as he lowered himself into the chair besides his son. Jo should followed taking a seat besides Alexis. She sent a slight glance at the woman. All four of them sitting eating it was almost as if they were a family. The one he wanted.
Jo and himself each scooping out the mac and cheese and nuggets onto their plates with ease. Silence took over almost as if the silence was made of glass. But Jo and Alex kept glancing at the other as if they were thinking the same thing.
This was nice.. A family dinner. The idea was in his head maybe being a dad and a devoted husband could work if given the chance.
A family; its what Jo felt like in this second. The small conversation, and feeling Alex's glaze on her. She felt like this could be a reality. She was popping a nugget into her mouth when a unfamiliar voice was heard.
" What the hell is going on here?" The unfamiliar blonde's voice was heard. Her eyes sending death glares at Jo the second she stepped foot into the kitchen. Her kitchen. What was happening.
That's when you could hear a pin drop…