Emerald eyes stare up at the ceiling of Sonic's bedroom. He can't sleep, but for once he doesn't want to go on a run. Not yet. First he has to figure this out.
Tails and Sonic didn't talk about his crush much after lunch, to Sonic's relief. But Tails did try to answer Sonic's question.
You would know better than me, but I would say at least a few months now? You two have been hanging out constantly since Shadow started therapy, so it must have happened sometime around then.
It makes sense. Tails is right, Sonic would know more about his feelings than Tails would. But there is something that keeps Sonic from agreeing with that timeframe. Yeah, they had started to hang out more around that time. An argument after an impromptu race had changed everything. Well, it changed how Shadow spoke to him. And that was a start.
Sonic remembers that day with a smile. He had yelled at Shadow that day for calling him an idiot. It always hurt to be talked down to but with Shadow? It was unbearable. While the hero could brush off insults from villains easily, the ones from Shadow always cut deep. And Sonic finally had enough. He snapped and nearly felt bad for it - but Shadow had actually looked regretful andapologized, promising to be less abrasive. At least with Sonic. And after that Shadow just kept talking.
Sonic didn't stop him, more than happy to be an ear to listen. That was something Sonic had been working his butt off for, and he was so excited for it to happen. Before then Sonic had spent years trying to get to know Shadow, but he could never get past the hybrid's walls.
Though Sonic shouldn't be surprised that it wasn't until he snapped and began waiting for Shadow to come to him that their relationship started to change. Shadow has always been a tough nut to crack. All he needed was the right kind of pressure, Sonic guesses. And sure, maybe he should have realized that trying to force Shadow out of his shell with the wrong tools wasn't the right approach. Sonic had been more of a hammer than a nutcracker. But hey, Sonic is a go getter! He didn't know Shadow has the constitution of a chashew.
But that day, when Shadow poured his heart out? When Shadow told Sonic that he was a trusted friend and he never intentionally hurt Sonic? The thought still makes his heart swell with pride and warmth. But...
But somehow it just doesn't seem right for his feelings to have developed then.
With a deep sigh, Sonic shifts to lay on his side. That day was definitely a game changer, but notthegame changer. Thinking back, why had he been trying so hard to be Shadow's friend in the first place? He could argue that they were great allies and that he valued friendship, but there was more to it than that. Sonic hadnevertried this hard to befriend anyone else before. Despite what others believed if him, he knew that not every person on Mobius would like him, and he was perfectly ok with that. Not everybody has to like everybody. That just makes your actual friends way more special! Besides, Sonic was used to people chasing him for friendship, not the other way around. But with Shadow?
Sonic starts to nibble on nail of his pointer finger. Shadow... in Sonic's life, he was - is - the exception. Ever since they had first met Sonic had always cared about the hybrid. His well being, his opinions, hopes and dreams. Maybe Sonic cared a bit too much. Why else would he try so hard? Another groan and Sonic pulls himself into a sitting position, hugging his knees.
Have I been crushing on him this whole time?
Nimble fingers brush against the polished surface on the inhibitor ring he wears on his ankle. He's kept it, cherished it, since that time Shadow fell from space. It was all he had to remember Shadow by at the time. And when he learned Shadow had somehow survived? It only became more special. Because he wasaliveand it gave Sonic hope that no matter how bad things got that there was always light at the end of the tunnel. It was a reminder that even after many mistakes Shadow had turned things around and was fighting for Mobius like him. The hybrid is a hero in his own right; Sonic isn't alone. It was a reminder that there was good in everyone and you just have to fight for it. Sometimes Sonic would have doubts but when he felt the weight of the ring he felt alive and powerful. It was grounding.
Alright, so maybe he's been crushing this whole time. Great. Sonic grimaces, hugging his knees once more. It shouldn't be a big deal but it is.
He just doesn't have time for this. He can't have these feelings. Sonic is the defender of Mobius, he can't waste time obsessing over a silly crush. And what does he even do about it? Pursuing Shadow is out of the question. He can't slow down and then settle down. He's got goals and bad guys to fight and people to protect and fun to have. What would a relationship with Shadow even look like?
Races at anytime? Movies in Shadow's living room, with the popcorn extra buttery? Lunch dates at a restraunt recommended by Rouge? Regular crime fighting as a team and relaxing nights by the fire afterwords? Ok... that backfired. That admittedly sounds nice. Really nice. But Sonic can't! He can't be distracted.
Besides, it's not like Shadow would want to be tied down either. Shadow has spent most of his life under the wishes of someone else, the last thing that Sonic would want is to make him feel like that again. Shadow deserves to feel free and a relationship would just hinder that.
Without meaning to, Sonic's thoughts drift back to Shadow and possible dates. It's surprisingly easy to imagine dinners and outings hand in hand. Sonic never thought he'd like things like that. He wonders what the hybrid would like. Shadow's old school, and a closet romantic. Sonic bets that Shadow would be an extremely attentive boyfriend. And lover.
Oh chaos. Not this again.
With a sigh Sonic gets out of bed and gets dressed. It's time for that run now. His thoughts are a mess and maybe he can talk to Tails in the morning.
Maybe if he runs fast enough the fantasy of a relationship with Shadow will leave him.
Sonic returns home to find Tails making pancakes. The kid has set up a breakfast feast and Sonic feels a bit guilty. Tails always does this when trying to cheer Sonic up.
"Hey! Do you want orange or apple juice?" Tails isn't looking at him, but Sonic knows that Tails is trying to not ask where he was last night by the way yellow ears twitch. He really shouldn't make his brother worry.
"I'll take orange." Tails nods and moves to grab him a glass before Sonic steps in front of him. "I'm sorry I was out so late."
Tails' eyebrows raise in surprise, "It's alright, Sonic. You had a lot on your mind and I get it! If you want to talk about it, just let me know. I just... worry."
Sonic would normally apologize here and keep his mouth shut about his feelings. But this whole crush thing is really getting to him and its driving him insane. It's no big deal! But it is? It's frustrating that he can't let it go. Plus Tails is the smartest person he knows besides Shadow, so why not talk about it?
"Can we talk now?"
Blue eyes widen comically, and Tails rushes to get Sonic into a seat. "Of course!" Tails scrambles to his chair, his namesakes wagging wildly. "I'm going to be honest, I didn't think I'd get this far!"
Sonic laughs, but it feels a little hollow. He hates that he makes Tails worry at all. He always thought confiding in the kid would be a bad call, but now he isn't so sure.
"So, tell me what's up." Tails cuts into his eggs, taking a bite. He stares at Sonic, waiting on the hero to start.
"I just feel weird about it. The crush." Weird is an understatement but he'll get into that later.
"Weird?" Tails tilts his head, frowning. "Why?"
"What do you mean why?" Sonic tilts his head in confusion as well. "Isn't it obvious?"
Tails shakes his head but doesn't say anything. He idly taps his fingers on the table, clearly thinking things over. To what those things are Sonic has no clue.
"Shadow's my friend, a best friend, and I have feelings for him. It's awkward. And Shadow! Of all the people on Mobius my heart decided to pick the edgiest weirdo of all time." Sonic sighs, taking a bite of sausage.
"It's only awkward because you don't want to feel that way."
Sonic looks up from his plate to find Tails staring back. What the? "Excuse me? You're not making sense, Tails."
Tails shrugs, gulping down some pancakes before continuing. "It just seems like the crush isn't the problem. And not who the crush is on either." Tails messes with his glass of apple juice, avoiding eye contact. "You seem more upset by what the crush might mean."
Sonic is definitely confused. He eats his pancakes in silence trying to make sense of what Tails just said. The fox isn't wrong, but how does he know that? How could he possibly know what Sonic is thinking? After a few moments his brother tries to explain further.
"Look, I know you don't like the idea of being in a relationship. I have a few theories as to why that is, but I'd rather you tell me what you think before I share them." Tails pauses, tapping the table again. "I feel that you think this crush means that you have a real desire to be with Shadow. And maybe it does. But that isn't a bad thing like you think. It's probably scary and goes against how you've done things in the past but a relationship can be a good thing, if you want it."
Tails is still avoiding eye contact and Sonic can't blame him. He can feel that he's glaring. But he can't help it! Tails isn't wrong and he feels so... exposed. When did Tails get so mature?
"A relationship is only gonna slow me down. I don't have time for one anyways."
Tails finally looks at him and frowns. There's something in his eyes that Sonic can't place. "That's just not true. I feel like you have this idea that you'll lose who you are if you get into a relationship and that's just not how a healthy one would be. You can still be who you are and date Shadow."
Sonic laughs. Tails means well but he can't possibly know. "And how do you know that, little buddy?"
"It's pretty much what you two are doing already."
Sonic nearly chokes on his eggs. Now it's Tails' turn to look smug.
"Pardon?"
"Oh you heard me. You guys always hang out and make time for each other. You guys race and brawl and go out to eat and stuff. Shadow has GUN and you have Eggman to fight but that's never been an obstacle for you two. No matter what you guys find eachother, andyoueven manage to do so without a phone which is crazy in this age." He shrugs, but he's smiling. "That sounds like dating to me."
Sonic is stiff with shock. Dating is fine dining then shopping and kissing under the moonlight. All that sappy stuff he thought of last night. Not what Shadow and him do. Not that. Right?
"That's not dating! It can't be! Dating istotallydifferent. Besides, I can't give someone a normal relationship anyway."
Tails frowns, namesakes flicking in agitation.
"If anyone understands your lifestyle, it's Shadow! He's not free spirited like you but he understands and respects it, Sonic. Not a lot of people are like that. He doesn't seem like the type to want a 'normal' relationship anyway, whatever that means."
Tails sighs, and he looks defeated. "I don't know what you're thinking but worrying about what's 'normal' has never been an issue for you before. So this must really be stressing you out."
The two sit in silence, eating the rest of their food in tension. After their plates are clean and cups are empty Tails breaks the silence.
"I meant what I said. To me it seems like you guys are dating already, so it just seems like it'll work out."
Sonic smiles, tucking his head down in embarrassment. "Does it really seem that way?"
"Definitely. And you spend more time at Shadow's than you do here! You practically live there. Honestly all that's missing is overnight visits. In the same room. I know you sleepover there some nights."
"Hey! Get your head out of the gutter!" Sonic fights back a blush but Tails just giggles.
"I'm not a baby, Sonic. I know what happens when two people want each other. And don't tell me you haven't thought about it."
He hadn't. Not really. He normally caught himself before things got too heavy. Until just now, actually. Now Sonic is fighting desperately for those thoughts to not take over his mind. That deep voice and strong hands. What they could do to him... He's keeping his cool through sheer force of will.
His silence and blush must speak volumes to Tails, because again the fox starts giggling. "Look, all I'm saying is that it isn't a bad thing. Enjoy it."
"Enjoy it?"
"Yeah." Tails nods, pointing his fork in Sonic's direction. "You have a crush. So enjoy it. The way it makes you feel and all that, I guess. You don'thaveto try to sweep Shadow off his feet. Take it slow and figure yourself out first. If you end up wanting more then go for more. If you just like flirting and that's it then just make it clear that it's nothing serious and do that. It's simple."
Sonic isn't sure. It can't be that simple. Can it? Sonic mulls it over. It's just a crush, right? He likes the idea that if he wants something more than sure he can try - that he has a choice. But honestly? He isn't sure.
"When did you get so mature, little buddy?"
Tails smiles, getting up to place his plate into the sink. "I learned from you, bro." Sonic gets up as well, pulling Tails into a hug. He's still surprised by how tall Tails is getting. They're about the same height now.
Tails hugs him back tightly and his words come out muffled. "I learned from Rouge too. If you need advice on love, she's the one to go to. And Ms Vanilla is great too."
"Oh? Is there somethingyouneed to share, Tails?"
Tails pulls away from their hug, finally flustered. "We're talking about you! Not me!"
Sonic snorts as Tails runs out of the kitchen. He'll have to get that out of him sometime. Oh shoot, he was going to ask something important! Sonic had forgot in the midst of everything else going on in his head.
"Hey! Wait!" Sonic calls after Tails, trying not to laugh when a pillow is thrown at him from the living room. "Truce? I need you to help me get a phone, little buddy."