Silver Apple, windbreaking, thank you for adding this story to your alerts! InuKagLover 1992, thank you! I was hoping to convey some of the tension that can come out from unintended actions! It's not all sunshine and buttercups for someone in that kind of situation. I hope that I can keep you guessing!
When Kagome opened her eyes, the world around her blurry and soundless. Why was it so silent when she could slowly see that her mother was over her, talking to her while she just stared at them. Her mother's brow tensed in worry at the fact she was just zoning out, the confusion building in her eyes. Fear was starting to take over, her stomach lurching like it always seemed to do now. Was this what anxiety was? Did it just numb your senses and leave you with only a crippling feeling of fear? If this was what it felt like she could honestly say that she wanted no part of it!
"What's wrong with her?" Inuyasha asked, his golden orbs watching the girl before him stare blankly at her mother. She reeked of fear and confusion, one rising over the other one as time seemed to click by. Her mother said nothing, her eyes closing in silent prayer. Whatever had happened that night that her daughter had told her of, it was something that seemed to be holding her daughter in its throes...breaking her down slowly.
"She's having an attack," her mother stated. That word only seemed to rise the tension in his body, his muscles moving involuntarily into attack mode. Kagome was under attack? By whom? How could she be under attack when she was right here, in her time where nothing could harm her? Only in his time could that happen, hell, it had happened a few times! She had been strong enough to stop both attacks, not allowing the person controlling her to harm him! Kagome suddenly tensed, her eyes following her mother's line of sight, the fear rising so high that even her mother seemed to feel it as well. She turned from him, her cheeks growing hot as her hearing seemed to come back, her sight clearing up only to become hazy as hot tears fell down her cheeks.
"I-Inuyasha!" she cried, refusing to look at him now, as she felt his own confusion and worry with her raised aura. "I'm not ready to go back," she stated. "Maybe in a few days, but not right now. You need to leave." The hurt that he felt at those words made him feel weak, like he physically could not move, but as that hurt weakened him, his anger gave him strength and while it was good that he could move, his mouth should not have.
"Whatever, bitch," he spat to the horror of Kagome's mother and the young boy that peeked around the corner, his idol cracking right before his eyes. "Come back whenever you can." Those last words held no bite, but she felt the hurt in his tone, the fear almost tangible. It gave her strength as she turned and grasped his hand, her mouth open to speak, but nothing left her lips. Not a word formed into the air. He waited for what felt like forever for her to say something, but nothing came and he pulled his sleeve away from her pale grip before leaving her behind without a backwards glance. Kagome watched him go, her heart cracking more, his words far worse than the betrayal she felt she had dealt him. Even if was an imaginary betrayal to him as he knew nothing of her love for him, she felt it none the less. He was mad at her because she refused to come with him? How the fuck did he expect her to go back if she couldn't do anything anymore? Maybe that was the biggest fear she had because that meant that all her friends would send her home! They wouldn't let her stay because she would be a true burden. Of no use except to bring Ramen to Inuyasha, treats for Shippo...She was just a mule if that were the case. Carrying all this stuff from her time to his.
"Dear, I think you hurt his feelings," her mother said softly. "He wasn't going to take you home if you weren't ready." She looked up at her mother, seeing that her mother was torn because even though Inuyasha wasn't family he had integrated into their family with so little effort that he was part of their family...their home and yet he was wrong for what he had just done. The hurt in her daughter's eyes was still there, the fear pushed to the side. But, Kagome was wrong too. She hadn't thought about her friends and that wasn't something the girl before her had ever done! She wasn't perfect, but she did the right thing every time when it came to those whose love mattered to her. When she loved someone they were so important that she forgot her own needs and feelings, but those same friends gave just as much as they received so Kagome was always so happy. She never forsake a friend and for her to do that in this time and the time beyond the well, that wasn't her. That wasn't Kagome. "Kagome, I don't know why you are so afraid all the time now. I can't even grasp what would make my beautiful, bright daughter so unhappy and afraid of her own shadow, but I know that I don't like it."
"Mama?" Her mother held up her hand, silencing her daughter.
"You act like the world has ended because of what you did, but I can't understand why it's so devastating when you just made a mistake. People make those every day. I did the same thing when I was younger." Her mother blushed softly as she appeared to be remembering how she had done a similar mistake. "I was a little older than you and me and some friends snuck out late one night," she said quietly. "We went out to the woods and one of my friends had brought a bottle of sake from their parent's..." she faded off with a shrug. "I learned my lesson. I was lucky because your father was there with me that night. He was my first, but it wasn't what we planned to do that night and probably wouldn't have if we hadn't drunk that sake." She could see what her mother was trying to say to her, but her mother's story was different from her own. She had known who she was and even luckier still was they loved each other. Her mother hadn't done what she had done. "Yes, it isn't the same, I know that, but I felt the shame you are feeling now. In fact, you are lucky that you live in this time because in my time there was hell to pay and in this case I think you have felt that hell...might be in it for a while, but know this my daughter. You have wonderful friends, in both eras, and they won't condemn you to the stake for making a mistake." Looking down she knew that even if what her mother said might be true she wouldn't be telling anyone anything anytime soon.
"Mama, I want to go back, but I just...I just don't know what will happen when I go over there." Her mother's brows raised in confusion.
"What will happen? I don't understand what will change with you having sex?" Kagome's eyes widened as she looked around, worried that Inuyasha might still be close enough hear them.
"Mama! Shhhh!" she cried and that was what finally clued her in to what the real issue was here. Her daughter didn't want Inuyasha to know that she hadn't been able to give him her gift. No, she had given it without even realizing it in a night that she couldn't remember.
"Oh, honey, nothing will change and you don't have to tell anyone yet. Just work it out when it's time to cross that bridge." Her daughter's face grew a brighter red with each passing second, with each word that passed her mother's lips.
"Oh mama! Not that! No, Miko's can't have sex or they lose their powers!" she quietly squealed in frustration. Now her mother looked like she got it, her mouth forming into an 'o' at those words. "If I go and I've lost my powers than how do I help? They wouldn't want me to stay if I didn't have my powers!" Her mother shook her head at her daughter's worries about why her friends stayed with her.
"Okay, first things first. How will you know if that is even true if you don't try?" She didn't even have to add why she knew that Kagome wouldn't do it here. She knew why. "And your friends are your friends no matter what you can do! Even if they send you back here, and I don't think they would do that unless they thought that you were in real danger. Even if you didn't have your powers I doubt they would exclude you from being there to help them or to spend time with them when they're not fighting. From what you've told me and from what I can tell when Inuyasha is here, I get the feeling that even he wouldn't refuse you time on the other side. And besides, didn't you make a promise to fix the jewel?" Kagome nodded. Yeah, she had done that. "Would it be fair with how close you are to completing that goal that you would leave them to finish what you did all that time ago?" With that said, she turned to leave, but threw one more thing her daughter's way. "You could do either, but which one could you live with?"
Inuyasha had been, thankfully for Kagome's sake, on the other side of the well, in his tree looking at the well in anger, his eyes burning imaginary holes in the wooden structure. He hated that well sometimes. He hated that it kept taking Kagome back to the other side where she was several hundred years away from him. She wasn't really that far away thanks to that same well, but he could feel the difference having been on that side. The differences in their worlds was so astronomical when you knew what the future had in store. Would any demons be on that side in that future or would humans have eradicated their very existence? Chuckling darkly at those bleak thoughts. Would it matter in those hundreds of years if all of his kind were gone? Wouldn't that be better for Kagome's people? If they didn't exist than creatures like Naraku wouldn't arise and cause destruction. Why am I thinking about this? Why was he thinking about this? Shaking his head he suddenly found his nose assaulted by a scent, a scent so calming and so wonderful that he thought maybe he was imagining it since she had said she wasn't ready. Blinking he watched as the very woman whom he had been thinking of crawled out the well, her raven hair blowing softly in the winds that rustled the green leaves of the forest. She was back, and while she still smelled like fear and shame that mixed with her natural scent he was happy to see her.
She crawled out as he watched her stop and sit down on the lip of the well. He could hear the deep breaths that she took, her body shaking softly. "Okay, I can do this," she whispered as she closed her eyes. Inuyasha wondered what she was doing, why she wasn't going to the village...It was too dangerous to be out in the night with Naraku MIA at the moment. He could be waiting for this very moment to happen so he could get the young girl and she wasn't even aware of what danger she was putting herself in. He jumped down, his feet hitting the ground echoing around them. She turned toward him, a startled expression on her face as her scent became heavy with guilt, before relaxing. He could still smell the scent of guilt in her scent, but she was okay, her eyes reflecting the open emotions that were always there. Her love and trust reflecting back at him. "You scared me," she whispered before she looked out toward the village. "How long were you there?"
"For a minute, in the tree," he said. "You should no better than to be out here," he stated, a bit of a harshness tinting his tone since he was still upset with her for being out there alone, well, since she hadn't been aware of him being there. He said nothing else as he stalked off, knowing that she would follow him and she did, slowly, but she followed him. Unbeknownst to him she was cursing herself, for not having had the foresight to know that he would be out there and that she hadn't had a chance to check her powers. That was the real reason she had come back. Not to stay, no, she wanted to see if her powers worked first before deciding how she would tell the others if it didn't work. She didn't want to stay in the past just yet, the guilt still to fresh and the shame...that didn't feel like it would ever go away. The guilt probably wouldn't either, like her mother had insinuated just moments ago before she had decided to head back. Her mother had been right though. Either way it fell with her powers she wouldn't be able to live with a decision that left her friends in a lurch. No, she would find a way to help them even if she was still feeling weird about what had happened. It didn't take long to get to Kaede's hut, even though with the awkward silence that hung between them it felt like forever. She felt bad, the fact that she wasn't being honest again with Inuyasha or with her friends. She might go crazy if she had to do this for much longer. It always seemed to clench her heart in such a vice grip when she lied to them, to him.
"Hi Kagome!" came the cry from the small fox demon, his small body propelling into her gut with such force that she nearly fell back. No, he wasn't stronger...she was weaker. The others sat before her and she could see the questions that filled their eyes, but she could see the worry that was etched on their faces and her guilt rose higher than the shame for the moment. Inuyasha was watching her, trying to figure out why those two emotions seemed to war against each other. Why would she feel those two emotions? Not like she did anything to be shameful of, maybe she felt guilty for staying away too long, but shameful? Not Kagome. As the smell of food, the stew that was cooking over the small firepit, hit her nose she blushed deeply, the sound of her stomach echoing in the quiet space.
"Come, child, eat," Kaede said, shooting a look to the others that she didn't noticed as she looked down at her offending organ for its sounds. Nodding she sat down, taking the bowl in her hands. Clutching it she began to eat, heeding that warning her stomach had issued just moments before. "Are you feeling better?" the older Miko asked, noting the glare shot her way from Inuyasha.
"Um...yeah," she stated out loud while her thoughts ran, I'm not pregnant from a one night stand and oh, I might have lost my powers. "Everything checked out. Good to go." Maybe. "I'm...um... sorry for the way I left and for not coming back sooner. My mom wanted me to stay and get looked at." She still didn't tell them why she needed to be checked out.
"Are you sure, Kagome?" the kitsune inquired. She nodded in the affirmative. "Then why are you still wearing your winter stuff?" She blanched at that, her mind running thru every possible answer and so she came up with something that was close to the truth without revealing her hand.
"Oh, um, the reason is because...I had such a weird...well...marks on my body," she admitted, saying the last words so softly she was afraid that they hadn't heard and that they had heard. "That's part of why I went to the doctor. Had to make sure everything was running smoothly, ya know?" The blush on her cheeks grew darker as she shifted in her spot, shoveling more food in her mouth to keep from saying anymore. It was as if Inuyasha knew she was lying, and maybe he did since she knew he could scent things about a person. He had called her out on lying before which was part of the reason she had found ways to tell half lies that made it less likely he would catch her. She hated those the most! She didn't want to lie to him, but she also didn't want to put him in a position that would be awkward either.
"Shut it, runt," the Hanyou hissed, eyeing the kitsune with a warning shining in his golden orbs. "Leave her alone. She'll tell us when she wants to, right?" he asked, looking at her now with another warning in his eyes, but now aimed at her. He was warning her that he would find out and that he wasn't happy that she was keeping something. It had to be those swirling feelings that seemed to dominate her thoughts. He had to be able to tell they were there. She wasn't very good at controlling those well yet. Kaede had been training her to hide her scent for helping when they were in battle, but she figured that it would be beneficial to use now once she had it worked out. Whispering a soft 'thank you' to him she continued with her meal before the others joined in, each taking a bowl of the hot stew. She could feel all the eyes on her, all of them full of worry and hurt, but Inuyasha's burned the hottest since he had known her the longest besides Kaede. He had known her longer when it came to time wise, but Kaede had been the first to meet her. She needed to find time to be alone with the older woman, maybe under the guise of one of their regular lessons. That would give her an excuse to get away from the rest of the group for a moment. Yeah, she would have to ask Kaede for her lesson and talk to her about her problem. Kaede wouldn't reveal her secret to anyone else.
Ah, so she isn't pregnant, nor is she in any danger of some kind of sickness from her moment of abandon, but she still hasn't figured out if her powers work! Will the others figure out what is wrong with her? Will Inuyasha be able to deal with it if he finds out what she's done? Stay safe!