Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials series.

A/N: Hi, everyone! I finally had some time to update. I've had this drafted for a while, but it just didn't seem to fit. I hope I managed to piece this together appropriately, and while I'm still struggling a bit with writer's block, I'll hopefully be able to update soon! Reviews, thoughts, and ideas are welcome :) Just let me know!

14.

Fumbling Feats

"She's mine!" Scratching at him with all of the strength she could muster, Mrs. Coulter was desperate. The golden monkey sank his claws into Stelmaria's gleaming pelt, but she wouldn't let go of his scruff. She gave him a rough shake, and he fell back, limp. "Don't do this to me, Asriel! I command you!"

He shook her off easily as she fell to the cold, stiff ground. Rocks impaled her body as she made contact, and as she turned around to reach for the golden monkey, she felt her arms fail. She clumsily collapsed face-down, and above the howling of the wind, she heard the loud snap of a whip and the frenzied barks of dogs.

Laying there on the chilled, musky earth, Mrs. Coulter couldn't believe this was happening; she couldn't believe her luck. After everything she went through to keep Lyra, it was finally coming to an end.

Life was at that strange in-between stage. Closing her eyes, it was almost as if it wasn't real. Enveloped in a pile of snow with her eyes shut tight, it was almost as if Mrs. Coulter could slowly blink and find her life back to how it was. Just for a moment, she felt a surge of security and normalcy flow through her joints. It was like nothing had changed and everything was fine.

Very carefully, Mrs. Coulter eased her eyes open.

Soft naptha lighting met her gaze, and warmth spread through her body. She felt her daemon shake beside her left leg, and she felt another warm body pressed gently across her right side.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"I need to go to Trollesund."

"Why?"

"I need supplies."

"But surely you can find them here?"

"No, which is precisely why I said I need to go to Trollesund."

Lord Asriel and Mrs. Coulter were sitting across from each other at the hotel's dining room table, and Mrs. Coulter couldn't believe his audacity. Tall, grizzled, and arrogant, he sipped his coffee and peered down at his newspaper, tapping his foot slightly on the ragged brown carpet. It was as if she wasn't there or wasn't even worth his time, and it made Mrs. Coulter seethe with fury. She deserved better than this, and the fact that it came from him made it all the more irritable.

The golden monkey twitched his tail and picked at his fingernails. He's so used to getting his way. I wouldn't put anything past him. He let out the slightest of growls. Don't trust him.

And indeed Mrs. Coulter didn't trust him, which is why she would refuse to leave town without him. "Well, if it's so imperative, I suppose we should all get going, then. If we hurry we can make it there before lunch."

Finally, Lord Asriel put his paper down and glared over at her, gray eyes scorching into blue. Stelmaria sat up a little bit straighter, and Mrs. Coulter felt her lip twitch to the beginnings of a sneer as his dark eyes continued to gleam at her. "Unfortunately I can't even step foot in Trollesund, which is thanks to you. So you have to do it alone."

"Me? Alone?" She let out a cruel laugh. "I'm not going anywhere, Asriel. Not without Lyra. I can take her with me, though, if you really need supplies from Trollesund."

"Of course not. It has to be you and just you."

"How about we send Lyra?" Lord Asriel gaped at her. "She's not going to run off without us. We can write her a list with directions and wait for her return. What do you think?"

"You're impossible." He kicked his chair back and snatched his paper, heading towards the door. "There's never any reasoning with you."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Blinding light flashed across Lyra's face, causing her eyes to flicker open. Shifting in protest, Pan curled tighter into his husky ball as Lyra registered the change of scenery. She was in a big, oak-tiled bedroom, and she was lying on soft silk sheets that tickled the bare surface of her arms. It felt really good, especially compared to the sleeping bag she had grown used to, and Lyra almost didn't want to wake up. Yawning, she did eventually sit up slightly to see Mrs. Coulter standing by the window, the curtains in her hand.

"Good morning, darling." Mrs. Coulter came over to the side of the bed and placed a soft hand on Lyra's head. Her eyes still adjusting to the sudden brightness, Lyra yawned again and then felt for Pan.

Get up, Pan. It's morning. She heard him moan, and she gave him a little shove. Get up, you lazy furball.

"Did you have a good rest?" Mrs. Coulter proceeded to stroke Lyra's head and comb her hair with her fingers, kinking out any tangles. As Lyra stared at her mother and watched her face, she saw her forehead start to crease and her eyes glimmer at her almost half-heartedly. Her touch was a bit rougher than usual (and more random), and Lyra could tell that something was wrong.

"Are you okay?"

For a minute, Mrs. Coulter stopped and continued to stare at Lyra as if she were calculating something. Pan was interested enough by now and so popped his puppy head out from under the covers, his ears perked. What is she doing? What's happening?

"I don't want to lie to you, Lyra." Mrs. Coulter's face was very serious, and as Lyra sat up some more to be able to look at her fully, she noticed how tired she looked. "We're in a bit of an unfavorable situation, and we can't keep it like this forever."

Unfavorable situation? "What do you mean?"

Though she played dull and stupid, the truth was that Lyra already had some sort of idea of what was going on. Even though she was a kid, she was still able to sense when things weren't right. Of course her life had been an enormous whirlwind since arriving at Bolvangar all that time ago, but even since she's been with Mrs. Coulter, Lyra could still understand when things are off. Mrs. Coulter wasn't too happy to be with Lord Asriel, and though a part of Lyra secretly wished that they could all live together forever like most normal families, she knew that it wasn't really possible. Mrs. Coulter had been trying to get away from Lord Asriel in the first place, so why would it be any different now?

"Sometimes adults have to make difficult decisions," Mrs. Coulter began, her eyes still trained on Lyra's. "Sometimes we have to do what we think is best, and when things change, we have to change with them and try to do the right thing."

Where was she going with this? Lyra moved to let Pan come out, and he changed into an owl and flew around to her shoulder, where he perched himself and crooked his neck. He was curious as well, and Lyra wanted to know what Mrs. Coulter was getting at and what she would ultimately want her to do.

"Back in the arctic, we were in a really bad spot, my love. If we hadn't have left at the moment that we did, those wild hunters would have invaded our camp. There's no telling what they would have done, and at the time, I felt it was best to let Lord Asriel come with us so we could make an effective escape."

"But Lord Astriel tried to hurt you, too," said Lyra, truly not understanding.

"Yes, yes he did, darling." Mrs. Coulter's eyes softened as she brushed Lyra's cheek. "You've got a good memory. However, the hunters would have hurt me more, so I did what I thought was best. And now, as we're here trying to figure out what to do next, I have to do another thing that I think is best."

The whole time, Pan was watching the golden monkey, who was oddly calm for once. His little black eyes were narrowed yet mild, and he sat perfectly still on Mrs. Coulter's shoulder. He was normally so prone to give away Mrs. Coulter's true intentions and feelings, but this time, he didn't even flinch. Did that mean she was telling the truth?

"We need to run away again, Lyra." Lyra snapped back to Mrs. Coulter, her eyes widening. "I don't want to keep this from you because I think you should know. I can make us safe again, but I have to do it away from Lord Asriel. People are looking for him because he attacked us, and we need to be far, far away from him. Do you understand?"

We're going back to London. The thought struck Lyra moments after Pan formulated it. Our adventure is over. She's going to take us back to London.

Not looking at him, Lyra instead gazed at Mrs. Coulter, who had finished and was now waiting for her to respond. She made everything sound so clear and sensible, and Lyra had always been safe with her, even when she had mistakenly thought that she wasn't. Mrs Coulter saved her from the Gobblers, saved her from the blade, and saved her from the wilderness. Why wouldn't she trust her now? Why wouldn't Mrs. Coulter be doing the right thing yet again?

Before she could answer, there was a sharp rap on the door. "Lyra, come eat your breakfast. I'm giving you one minute before I feed it to the dogs."

At a nod from Mrs. Coulter, Lyra jumped up and climbed into her slippers, making her way towards the door. She opened it up to find her father there, looking closely at her, and she then turned back to see her mother, who was also staring at her.

Swiveling back the other way, Lyra left the little hallway and entered the dining room. She sat down by her plate and began to scarf down the bacon and eggs while pouring down her water and coffee, and while she chewed and swallowed, Pan nibbled at her ear, fluffing his feathers.

Something really weird is going on, Lyra, he thought. Lyra paused between gulps. I don't really know what it is, but something is happening, and I think we're right in the middle of it.