Prairie Schooner (Tales from the Crypt #40, Feb/March 1954)

Mildred Jackson flung open the door of her house and squealed with joy. He stood on the paint-starved front porch, dressed resplendently in his captain's uniform, his face bronzed from 40 years at sea, his eyes cold and squinting, his mouth grim, his two suit cases beside him.

MILDRED: "Ezra! Ezra! Why didn't you write me you were coming to visit?! Oh, Ezra, it's good to see you again."

EZRA: "Hello, Milly. Got a place for yer old sea dog brother to bunk down for a spell?"

Milly led Ezra into the parlor.

MILDRED: "There's always room for you here, Ezra. You know that. How long will you stay?"

EZRA: "Just for spell, Milly. Just 'till I decide what I'm goin' t' do next. Y'see, they took away my ship. They retired me."

MILDRED: "Retired? Oh, Ezra. I'm so sorry."

EZRA: "Yep, my sailin' days are over, Milly. Well, where do I stow my gear?"

That was how Ezra Jackson came to live with his sister, Mildred. At first, Milly was very happy to have him. After all, she was an old maid and Ezra was company. But as time went on, Ezra began to do strange things.

MILDRED: "Ezra, what are you looking at through your spyglass?"

EZRA: "Huh?"

MILDRED: "I said what are you looking at with your spyglass?"

EZRA: "N-Nothing, Milly! I was just watching that ship on the horizon!"

MILDRED: "Ship?! But Ezra, this is Kansas! There aren't any ships on the horizon. There isn't any water for hundreds of miles!"

One night, Milly was roused out of a sound sleep by heavy paws shaking her roughly.

MILDRED: "Wha...? What's wrong, Ezra? What is it?"

EZRA: "Get up, you lazy swab! You're late for your watch! And if you ever do this again, I'll have you thrown to the brig!"

From that night on, Milly was forced to "stand watch". She had to move through the halls of the old house from 2:00 AM to dawn, carrying a lantern and shouting...

EZRA: "Louder, you blithering idiot! Louder!"

MILDRED: "Eight bells and all's well!"

It was obvious to poor Milly that her older brother was ill. Mentally ill. The shock of being retired had been too much for him. His mind had snapped. He fancied himself at sea again. The house, his ship. And she, his crew.

EZRA: "You call this clean?! I want this deck scrubbed 'till I can see my reflection! Understand?!"

MILDRED: "Yes, Ezra."

EZRA: "Don't "Ezra" me! It's "Yes, Captain Jackson"! Now, get to work, you bilge rat!"

MILDRED: "Yes, Captain Jackson."

Milly had been a school teacher in her younger years. She had worked hard and managed to save a small amount of money. She had used part of it to buy the house she now lived in. The rest, she had invested wisely and she had been able to live comfortably. But with Ezra's arrival, her meager income was not enough.

EZRA: "Phaaah! You call this food!? You dare to feed this slop to your captain?! You ought to be strung up and given ten lashes!"

MILDRED: "It's...it's the best we can afford, Ezra! Please try to understand!"

EZRA: "I understand one thing, you galley pig! Either the food improves or it's irons for you! And it's "Captain Jackson"! Y'hear?"

MILDRED: "Y-Yes, Captain Jackson!"

So Milly was forced to earn extra money to augment the small income she derived from her investments. She had to take in washing.

EZRA: "Where in blazes are you, you sloppy sea cook?"

MILDRED: "I'm...in the cellar, Captain. I'm doing ship's laundry."

Ezra came down the cellar stairs, screaming...

EZRA: "YOU'RE "BELOW", YOU DUMB LANDLUBBER! NOT "IN THE CELLAR". "BELOW"!"

MILDRED: "Y-Yes, Captain! I'm...below!"

Ezra stood in the center of the cellar floor, staring about him with wide gleaming eyes.

EZRA: "Perfect! Perfect! Just the place for quarters. Here, you, send for the ship's carpenters. The ship fitters."

MILDRED: "Y-Yes, Captain!"

Milly was helpless. She had no other choice. Expect, perhaps, have Ezra put away. So she called in a carpenter. A plumber.

EZRA: "Avast, up there! Come below!"

MILDRED: "Please gentlemen. Remember. Humor him. He's...quite harmless."

PLUMBER: "Of course, Miss Jackson."

CARPENTER: "We understand, Miss Jackson."

Ezra stormed about in the cellar, shouting out his orders.

EZRA: "Rip out those windows! Close 'em up! Put up false walls! Mahogany paneled walls! Set in port holes! Real port holes that open!"

CARPENTER: "Yes, Mr, Jackson."

EZRA: "CAPTAIN JACKSON! Put ocean scenes behind the port holes. Hang ship's lanterns around. Put in a bunk. A galley. A head. Make everything authentic! This is my ship!"

CARPENTER: "Yes, Captain!"

And poor Mill withdrew her life's savings from her investments to pay for the nonsense.

MILDRED: "...4,990...5,000 dollars. Here you are, Mr. Gunner."

GUNNER: "Thank you, ma'am. I hope your brother is happy with the job we did."

"Below" in his ship's quarters, Captain Jackson bellowed...

EZRA: "Stand by to cast off! Engine room, full speed astern! All hands, man your stations! On the double!"

Milly came "below" carrying her laundry basket filled with the wash she had been taking in.

EZRA: "What in blazes are you doing down here with that?!"

MILDRED: "I've got to do the ship's laundry, Captain. I've-"

Ezra struck out savagely.

MILDRED: "Ow!"

EZRA: "You'll do the laundry on deck, you scullion beggar! Get out of my quarters!"

With her investments wiped out and the income from them gone, Milly had to take in more wash than she could handle in order to meet expenses and Ezra's abuse became worse and worse.

EZRA: "Scrub out that head, you fo'c'sle drudge!"

MILDRED: "Y-Yes, Captain!"

Poor Milly would escape, every chance she could get and locker herself in the upstairs bathroom in order to do the wash in the tub. And as she scrubbed, she would listen to Ezra's ranting and raving.

EZRA: "Ease the helm! Give 'er more rudder! Steady as you go! Hard aport! Steady! Steady go!"

MILDRED: "...sob...sob..."

One hot summer's day, Ezra stood at the open port hole, shouting out at the sea-scape sea beyond.

EZRA: "Ahoy! Ahoy there! Ship ahoy! Hold fast! Stand by!"

While upstairs, directly overhead in the bathroom, Milly panted over a load of wash. The hot water, running into the tub over the soaking clothes sent up clouds of steam which filled the locked bathroom. Suddenly, Milly clutched at the excruciating pain in her chest, toppling over.

MILDRED: "...*gasp*..."

And as her heart failed and her life faded with it, the boiling water overflowed the tub, pooling about her prostrate body, sinking through the bathroom floor. In his cellar ship's quarters, Captain Jackson listened as the water, leaking down from the overflowing bathtub above, filled the space between the false mahogany paneled walls and the foundation of the house.

EZRA: "Stormy sea tonight! Batten down the hatches! We're in for a blow!"

Suddenly, the water began to pour through the open port holes.

EZRA: "All hands! All hands! We're taking on water! Man the bilge pumps! Secure the bulwarks!"

The cellar filled with steam. Captain Jackson staggered to the port holes, slammed them shut. The pressure of the water crumbled the paneled walls.

EZRA: "Abandon ship! We're sinking!"

Slowly, the water rose in the cellar, boiling, scalding, blistering Ezra's aged body. But he stubbornly stood fast.

EZRA: "Abandon ship! The captain must remain!"

Until the rising hot water reached his chin, his neck, poured into his mouth and stewed his tongue, his throat, his lungs.

EZRA: "...*glugg, glugg*..."