Damn, I struggled with this one. It's so cheesy but also romantic and I almost deleted it a few times. But my awesome beta divadevi8808 said that I should keep it so you can all thank her for getting this cheesy smut.

The next few days were filled to capacity with combat simulations, strategy meetings, strengthening the Mako's plating and going over the programming of the main cannon. The new algorithm worked so smoothly that Garrus adapted part of it to the programming of the Mako's cannon. It took many hours but Garrus loved it. It was such a refreshing return to his old life, to dive into the code, blocking out all of the rest of the world and only following the trail of variables and event states until it all worked perfectly. He had forgotten how much he had loved programming his games, how relaxing it was.

The closer they came to Ilos, the more the tension became tangible on the ship. When in the first days it had felt like they were a group of kids who had run off on adventure, the confrontation with the reality of getting fuel at the pirate base in the Pegasus system had sobered up everybody.

They had stolen the most famous Alliance ship in the galaxy, they were wanted fugitives and they were all alone. They were on their way to their most important confrontation, and they had no support and no escape plan.

It had become clear in one of the many strategy meetings that Shepard would send the Normandy back to the Citadel as soon as she dropped them off on Ilos with the Mako. If their assumptions about Saren were wrong, they would be stuck there, on a deserted planet full of geth and unable to help against whatever Saren was planning.

Despite being busy, Shepard and he seemed to gravitate towards each other all the time. While he was thinking his way through algorithms, she was sitting opposite of him, working on reports and strategies. When he worked on the Mako, she was improving and maintaining guns and armor at Ashley's workstation. They were hardly ever alone but even just the occasional glances and smiles over the rims of datapads were enough for them.

It was quite possibly the most unsettled time of Garrus' life but he had never felt more secure. If a Spirit of guidance would have come to him and ask him if he wanted to live like this for the rest of his life, he would have said yes without a breath of hesitation.

They were on their last relay jump in the Attican Traverse towards the Mu relay that would take them right into the Terminus. Shepard had ordered intense physical training for all combat crew on the last two days but had given the crew time off before their arrival at the Mu relay. Garrus planned to finally have that promised candlelight dinner with her tonight. But before that, him and all other crew had to work on one of the hardest things for any mission.

They were writing their letters to their friends and families. The Alliance soldiers would store them in their tags, he would store his in his signaculum, Tali in the impressive storage of her suit and a copy of each of their letters and digital keepsakes would travel back to Council space with the Normandy.

Only Wrex had grumbled about not having anything to write about but Shepard had a long conversation with him and later that day, Garrus saw him with his ceremonial armor, taking pictures of it. Whatever it inspired in him, he was currently on his mat, typing out a long letter just like every other member of the crew. Silence had settled over the Normandy as everyone reflected upon the mission and its possible outcomes.

Garrus had started with writing a letter to his sister. It was the easiest for him, they had always had a loose exchange of letters and vids going between Palaven and the Citadel. He had always felt most comfortable with her, he could tell her everything. He wrote about the galaxy wide threat as much as he thought it was safe for her to know. He didn't want to make her the target of the turian secret service by giving her classified information. But soon his letter drifted towards Shepard and he was embarrassed of how much he was gushing about her to his sister. He deleted half of it as he read it back, reducing his capital fanmail to a few sentences of how he hoped that Solana would one day find someone like Jane for herself.

The woman in question just now came up to him and settled down next to him on the bench, leaning her back against the table. He finished his typing and turned to her. She played with the tags on the chain around her neck.

He leaned over to her to keep their conversation private. "What's on your mind, Sunshine?"

She hesitated a bit before turning to him, looking at him from under the blue streak in her hair. "I know you want to have that candlelight dinner now and I would love that but..."

"But you would rather spend the last night before our most dangerous fight with the crew."

"You knew that?" she asked with a big smile.

"A wild guess," he said, taking her hand in his. "And I can understand that, you're their commander, they look to you for guidance and you don't want to leave them alone on such an important day."

Shepard sighed and leaned her head against the rim of his armor cowl. "And they're all so young." She looked around the mess hall, at the marines and crew writing their letters, whispering to each other, showing the others pictures of their families. "And look at them, doom and gloom everywhere. We need a party, raise the spirits..."

"Raise the Spirits?" he asked, faking a trill like he was offended.

She stared at him in shock. "Oh, is that like a bad thing, like trying to raise the dead? That's not what I..."

Garrus burst out laughing, "Relax, I know love, I was just kidding."

"Damnit!," she called out and shoved his shoulder. "You cheeky bastard. I was just about to explain ancient necromancy to you, a speciality of my family line as a matter of fact..."

"What?"

"Hah! Got you." She poked his chest with a triumphant grin.

"You have to admit, with all the crazy human stuff you keep telling me, I have to at least consider the possibility," he said, rubbing his neck.

"True." She leaned back on her elbows, her head tilted back. "So I thought, we could all eat together, put music on, drink some beer, nothing extreme, just have some fun together."

"Is that a human tradition before a major battle?"

"Not really, depends on the Commander I guess. Anderson was always up for a beer with his troops but Wilkins... let's just say we drank our beers in our cots without him. That didn't necessarily help with battle readiness."

Her fingers played on his palm, so many of them. He remembered how disorienting they had felt for him, such a long time ago. That one night where two strangers had met in passion and darkness, exploring each other's alienness. If someone would have told him back then how much this one night would change his life, he would have never believed them.

He wrapped his fingers around hers, keeping their hands under the table. "We can have our dinner for just the two of us some other time." He tried to sound casual but he was keenly aware that it was a promise that they would both come out of this fight unharmed. A promise that neither of them could really make.

She nodded and the way she looked at him told him that she had similar thoughts. A smile wiped away the worried expression and she gave his hand a last squeeze before letting go. She got up, her eyes not leaving his until she almost ran into a wall.

"You okay there, Commander?" asked Kaidan with a grin.

"Fine, just fine," Shepard mumbled and hurried over to the stairs and out of sight.

Kaidan and Garrus couldn't help but chuckle quietly at her display.

Kaidan shut down his omni-tool and placed the tags on the silver chain back under his shirt. He looked up and stared at Garrus, chewing on his lower lip.

Garrus waited. He knew this kind of expression, he had seen it before on suspects and witnesses. This was the moment where an investigation could turn, when new information was revealed. Kaidan looked like someone who wanted to talk about a secret, something that had been on his mind for a while.

"Garrus, listen" he finally said, his gaze dropping to the table. "Maybe you noticed that Ashley and me were watching you and the other aliens on board. And I know, Ashley isn't here but I think I can speak for both of us that..." he stopped, looking anywhere but Garrus' eyes.

"You were suspicious, I know. Ashley especially was wary around Wrex and me at first."

"We all had little experience with working with aliens as one crew on a ship and Ashley had even less. But I know that she warmed up to you and even to Wrex and she sees you as a skilled member of Shepard's combat crew." Kaidan played with the cuff of his sleeve and Garrus waited for him to continue. He knew enough about human expressions to know that the Lieutenant was not done yet.

"I don't know if you know this," Kaidan said, "but there were rumors going around that the Normandy would have a full turian squad and that she would be run by a joined command of a human and a turian commander. Everyone still wanted to be part of this crew of course, this is currently the best ship of the Alliance but for a while... some marines were worried about the presence of aliens on board."

Garrus shook his head. "A turian squad and a turian commander and Shepard's style of leadership and this squad — that would have been a nightmare." Kaidan looked at him critically and he trilled out a calming tone. "I don't mean to say that this is a bad crew, quite the opposite. All the soldiers I have met on this ship are very efficient and extremely capable. But a turian squad is so different..." he didn't even know how to describe the difference. No turian commander could ever work with a squad like Shepard's.

Kaidan grinned as if he knew what Garrus was thinking. "I gather they're not all like you?"

"I have been called a bad turian many times."

Kaidan snickered. "Still, I wanted you to know that I trust you and the others in the squad do too. Same goes for Tali and Liara. And even Wrex, to a point. I'm still not sure what his... his thing is though."

Garrus hummed in agreement at that. "Maybe he doesn't know that himself. When we helped him get his ceremonial armor, he talked about returning to his clan and taking his place as their leader. I think that was a new idea for him."

"Urdnot Wrex, leader of the krogan," Kaidan said as if he tested what it sounded like. "You know, I've heard crazier things on this mission."

Garrus spread his mandibles in a grin. Their omni-tools pinged simultaneously with every other omni-tool in the room to announce a new message. Kaidan read the message and grinned.

"I guess we're having a party tonight," he said. He looked up to Garrus. "Do turian teams have parties before big events like this?"

Garrus sang out a small curse with his second voice. "Not officially, no. There are combat trainings and simulations until the last moment. But that doesn't mean that squadmates won't find ways to celebrate life in secret so to speak."

"Who celebrates life in secret?" came Shepard's voice from behind him.

Kaidan grinned. "Turian troops," he said and winked at her.

Shepard grinned too. She shooed them away from the table to wipe it clean with a cloth and ordered Kaidan to get a cooler from the cargo bay. She placed a few color coded bowls with snacks on the table and looked at her setup with a satisfied smile.

Kaidan reappeared, carrying a large box with one of the marines. It had a cooling system and Kaidan explained to him that it would normally be filled with ice cubes which was of course not feasible on a spaceship. As if the appearance of the cooler announced the official begin of the party, the mess hall began to fill with people.

Apparently, a box with cool beer and a few snacks was all that was needed for a party among humans. Not that turian soldiers had their unofficial parties any differently but an official get-together with the squad commander would have been much more formal. There would have been a seating order, food reserved for higher ranks and sanctioned music.

There definitely wouldn't be a squad Commander chatting with the engineers about the drivecore, clinking bottles with the maintenance crew and talking shop about their favorite access tubes on the ship. He watched her for a moment, how naturally she mingled with her crew. A turian would have considered that to be undermining to her authority but he knew that every single one of her crew stood behind her 100%.

Garrus never knew that quarians had so many funny stories. Or maybe it was just Tali, who showed a surprising sense of humor and entertained their little group at the table with stories of quarian children in protective sterile bubbles rolling around on spaceships. Even Wrex made a sound that was almost like a giggle and Garrus put "heard a krogan giggle" down as another entry on the list of things he never would have thought to hear or see one day.

His look gravitated towards Shepard, engaged in a deep discussion with Pressly. When he saw her clinking her bottle with his and getting up, he rose too to meet her in the middle of the room.

"I think that was everyone," he said when she was close enough to hear.

"Everyone?"

"Your tour among the crew, I think you spoke to everyone now, Pressly was the last."

"You've been counting?" she asked with an amused smile.

"Paying attention." He gently took her arm and pulled her to a corner. "I can say from my perspective that everyone seems to be in a daring and optimistic mood, rather typical human I would say."

She nodded. "Yes, that's kind of what I'm getting too. It worries me a bit, I hope they still take it seriously."

"We don't know what we'll be facing there."

"Yeah and this is a great crew. No matter what we'll face, I have complete trust in them."

He pulled her close and nuzzled her hair. He turned her so that she faced the room. "Look at them. I can say with all turian honor I have that this is the best team I have worked with and it's because of you. You bring out the best in them."

"I..." she stopped and he could feel a shudder in her shoulders.

"What is it?" he asked, turning her towards him to look at her.

She looked down to her feet. "I don't want to lose any of them."

He put a finger under her chin to make her look at him. "Hey, Jane, listen. They're all soldiers, they all know what that means."

She sighed and leaned into his hand. "I know that rationally, I just... thinking one of them won't make it back home..."

Garrus pulled her back into the shadow. "Hey, relax, it will be okay." This party was not the place for a serious conversation. He looked around to find a better place to hide for a little while but the party had spread out over the whole deck. Even the corner in front of the captain's cabin was occupied by a marine and one of the crew members kissing. He turned back to Shepard. "You want to get out of here for a bit?"

Shepard looked up at him surprise. "What do you have in mind?"

Garrus took her hand and pulled her along the bulkhead towards the elevator. Shepard looked at him with a wide grin while the elevator took them down to the cargo bay.

"So, where are you taking me, Optione Vakarian?"

The door opened and Garrus pointed towards the Mako. "Can I interest you in my carriage?"

"Oh yes, it's my favorite."

He opened the side door for her and ducked his head to follow her in. The door closed with a soft thud and the internal lights turned on and laid a blue shine over everything. The Mako wasn't built for people to be standing in, especially not turians, so he quickly sat down on a bench. Shepard sat down next to him, leaning against him. They were silent for a while, listening to each other breathing.

Shepard began speaking, her voice soft and almost inaudible. "I know how to be a soldier, I know how to be a commander, I know that I lead them to their potential death every day. I know all that and I will do everything to fulfill this mission and any other successfully but... we almost lost Ashley. Ashley! The best damn soldier I have ever met. What if the next one is Tali? Or Liara? They're not even soldiers." She stopped and Garrus knew that she wasn't done, that there was more. She looked up to him, her eyes glistening. "What if it's you?"

"We talked about this," Garrus said, his second voice thrumming with his own worry for her. "And we both know about the risk and we said —"

"I know what we said but I can't bear the thought — " she interrupted and took his face in her hands. "You, you can't...!"

"I know," he said, leaning into her touch, "I know, I do," he shuddered and a shrill keen left his throat. Just thinking about her dying, gone from his world, felt like his tether to life itself being cut.

"Promise me... ," she whispered, "promise me you won't die."

He choked on his worried hum. "You know I can't promise that."

Shepard climbed on his lap, straddling him and pressed her forehead against his. "I know that but please, just this once, just lie. Please." Her voice sounded wet. "Promise me."

He answered her plea with a shuddering trill, an ancient song of belonging and trust vibrating in his chest. His marking scent released as he pressed against her forehead. "I promise, I promise to not die." He leaned back and looked into her glistening eyes. "Do you promise to stay alive too?"

"Yes," she said, her eyes dark and serious. "I promise to stay with you forever," she said and pressed a kiss against his mouthplates. For a moment they stayed like that, sharing each other's breath.

Then, with desperate urgency, they started to undress each other. Garrus' upper armor clattered to the Mako's floor, her boots flew against the window pane separating the cabin from the cockpit. She pulled him up to release the latches on his lower armor while he struggled with the straps and zippers on her standard Alliance suit. They didn't need words, they both knew what they needed. Her scent and her panting breath spoke of the same desire that roared inside of him.

Finally his underarmor pooled around his feet as he sat down and Shepard was naked. She didn't hesitate, straddled him, rubbing herself against his crotch. It didn't take long for his plates to part and he moaned as she kept moving. His mouth found hers and with a whimper they kissed.

This was nothing like their usual kisses, soft tangling of tongues, strokes and dips. This was urgent need, trying to consume the other and be consumed. Her hands roamed over his neck, sending shivers right down to his very core. He pulled her closer, as close as possible and he worried for a moment if his rough skin hurt her but she moaned and pulled herself even closer and her hips kept moving, rubbing her wet entrance over his penis and he forgot everything.

Shepard wrapped her arms around his neck and rose up to lower herself down on his hardened length in one fast move. They both grunted and stilled, waiting for their bodies to adjust. Jane looked at him, her eyes glistening.

"I don't want to think about anything, I don't want to think about our chances," she said. "Just... let's just fuck — no — let's make love as if the world is not ending tomorrow."

He stared at her, his subharmonics buzzing in his chest. "There is no world tonight," he said. "There's only us being alive." It sounded like the stupidest thing he had ever said. "I love you?" he tried, wondering if that made his babbling any better.

Jane smiled and he felt marginally better. "I love you too. And I love what you said and it wasn't cheesy at all."

Garrus hid his face in his hand. "You're asking a lot of this turian if you want romantic speeches and declarations of love."

Jane laughed out and began moving her hips in delicious circles. "How about if we skip the declarations and you show me?" She rose and lowered herself down again in one quick push, making Garrus sing out in bliss.

"I can do that, love," he said. He grabbed her waist and leaned forward, changing their angle. He licked over the nubs on her breasts and up to her clavicle. His teeth scraped over that lovely boney part, softly, not enough to scratch her. Her hips kept moving as he nuzzled her neck and she shuddered, pulling closer to him. She seemed to like that even more than him licking her nipples. He loved her neck, how soft and sensitive it was.

Her hands were doing terribly wonderful things to his waist, her many fingers applying pressure on his skin. Every touch made him shudder and all he could do was to nuzzle into her neck even more.

He used his mandibles to flutter over her skin and licked along that weird looking earlobe. She gasped and he could feel her vagina getting tighter. He tried that again, a soft flutter, a lick while he let his finger search for the connection between them, using his knuckle to pleasure her clitoris. His reward was a shudder that he felt on his own genitals as it went over her whole body. She whimpered, her breath coming in gasps and he kept going until she cried out, her back arching, her head lolling back and her inside muscles pulsing around him.

She came back forward, claiming his mouth in a kiss, her hips still moving. But it wasn't enough for him to keep sitting there, he wanted — he needed to move. He scooted down on his knees and every movement made her gasp. He put her down on the floor, leaned against the other bench. He was still connected to her and looked over her for a moment as he kneeled between her legs.

Her soft curves, her wide hips and slim waist, her messy hair and her gorgeous smile. The strength in her body, reflected in her strong mind. His heart was beating too fast, his subharmonics were singing to her, for her.

"I love you, Jane, I love you so much."

"I know", she whispered. "I love you too, Garrus." She moved her hips a bit and he fell forward with a grunt, grabbing the bench with his hands. She wrapped her arms around his cowl and pulled herself closer to whisper in his ear canal. "And now, please fuck me my love."

"Yes," was all he could say and then his vision narrowed to the light in her eyes. He forgot where they were, how the metal was cold and hard under his knees, he ignored the squeaking of the Mako's shock absorbers. His body moved on its own, driving into her with long steady strokes. He felt her shudder, building up to a second climax.

Her body was all around him, a fluid motion of touch and being held. There was safety in her touch, her strength, her love. He felt the wave of physical pleasure run up his spine but it was overwhelmed by the feeling of belonging. He belonged to her, her human soul and his turian Spirit, combined forever.

Her gasp brought him back to reality and he felt her orgasm around his penis. With a shout from all his feelings he came too, driving into her one last time. As the waves of pleasure ebbed through his body, he pressed his forehead against hers, his marking scent mixing with the smell of their love making.

They stayed like that, forehead to forehead, her arms wrapped round him, holding each other until their breathing normalized.

Shepard was the first to move, pulling out a bandage from the first aid kit to soak up the remnants of their love making. They helped each other to get dressed again, lingering a bit with touching each other before they covered themselves again. Garrus climbed out of the Mako to stretch and put on the upper part of his armor. Shepard followed, her suit looking only a bit disheveled.

She took his hand in hers and didn't let go until they were in the captain's cabin, not even when they had to maneuver through the few crew members still in party mood. A short order from Shepard put an official end to the party and the people dispersed except for a few who were wrapped in very close embraces.

Shepard smiled and left them alone. She pulled Garrus into the cabin. She turned to him with an apologetic smile. "I think I need some sleep now," she mumbled. "So much for endless sex before the world ends."

He hugged her, nuzzling her hair. "The world won't end and this crew needs a well rested commander."

They got ready for bed and Garrus waited for her to get out of the shower. He was getting worried that she took so long and just as he was about to get up and check on her, she stepped out of the bathroom in a loose shirt and climbed into bed with him.

"You okay, Sunshine?"

She sighed. "Yes, I just needed a moment..." She let the thought trail off and wrapped her arms around her knees.

"Anything I can do?" he asked.

She smiled at him and scooted down under the blanket. "Just hold me, my Angel. Just hold me."

"Come here," he said and pulled her close to him. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, her head resting on a pillow on his upper arm. He nuzzled into her hair, listening to her breathing. It took a long time but finally her body sagged and relaxed and her breaths came long and slow.

He kept holding her, watching over her sleep.

His life, his mate.