My Second Donald Trump Fanfic
At the dawn of a new day, Joe Biden was on the verge of becoming the president of the United States. Donald Trump, reluctant to give up his position, asked Vladimir Putin for a large band of Russian Hackers. Putin agreed, and sent them directly to the newly rebuilt Trump Towers. Trump was off-put by their constant Slav squatting and shouting "сука блять", but increasingly felt an inner connection to his foreign friends. They hacked ballots for the 2020 elections until everyone present felt a disturbance in the Republic. Trump, concerned, went to check the southern US border. It was just as he feared. Biden was there, smuggling illegal voters into the country to steal the election.
Trump let loose his skilled band of hackers on Biden's illegals. It was a hard-fought battle: for every hack there was a fraud to match. The press agonized over who the winner would be. Both candidates made early declarations of victory, yet it was Biden who came out on top. Trump couldn't believe it. He checked up on his team in Tower #2, and they had all passed out. Vodka bottles were everywhere, and it was apparent that his elite team of hackers had been getting skrunk on the job. On his last day in office, Trump signed his last executive order. It was a declaration to Russia: "You're fired."
Biden got to the White House on Inauguration Day and stopped still on the front lawn.
"You're gonna want to film this."
The DK Rap came on over the loudspeakers at the front of the White House. He put on some Aviator sunglasses, started doing the Bees' Knees, then transitioned over to the Worm. The press couldn't get enough. Biden was so hip, they started calling him "Joe Cool".
While this was going on, people all over the country started noticing that the amount of illegal immigrants was skyrocketing. News came flooding in that a slew of illegal immigrants were committing Psilocybin therapy on US Navy Seals. There were complaints that the country was being taken over, that jobs were being stolen, and Joe Cool was afraid his voting scandal was about to be found out. He had to take action. One morning, the American people woke up to a surprise: Biden had legalized Mexico. Additionally, he used an executive order to fund the process of creating new counseling centers where illegal voters could recover from being illegal. The money for this would be pulled from a new tax on cigarettes.
Over the next few weeks, Joe Cool went crazy with radical new executive orders. He outlawed the sale of Supreme Donuts, putting an end to the long-running history of White Supremacy. Feminism was once again legalized. Adam Sandler was allowed to make movies that weren't abominations. These things were all revolutionary, but Joe Cool's Pièce de Résistance was his executive order banning COVID-19 from the country. Any existing person with the virus would have to be executed immediately.
Joe Cool spoke about his controversial decision: "The last few years under the Trump administration were rough. A lot of people died. My solution is to abolish the virus once and for all. We'll show the world that nothing can conquer America!"
After hearing this, the people loved him all the more. His approval rating went up to 69%. The country purged itself from the big bad virus, and was on its way to a full recovery.
The entire US Military was still in the Middle East, keeping hold of their territory. The Chinese Communist Party knew this, so they sent a covert operative over and he sneezed on the US troops, giving every one of them the deadly COVID-19. All of the troops died within minutes, leaving the United States defenseless to any oncoming attacks.
The Chinese Communist Party's plan had worked perfectly. They sent their entire army to Mexico, trying to sneak up to America's southern border. What they didn't know was that Mexico was legal now, so they had to fight off the entire Mexican population. Despite that, they still managed to break through. Joe Cool was sweating it out in the Oval Office. Even his legal voters couldn't do much to stop the Chinese. He managed to stall them in Nevada and used what forces he had left to surround the state. He couldn't do much more than keep the Communist army occupied there, and even then, it was only a matter of time before they broke through and started to take over the country. Hope was lost.
A faint echo was then heard on the Eastern seaboard of the United States. It soon went from a whisper to a roar: the sound of thousands of voices yelling, "сука блять! сука блять! сука блять!" Putin had not abandoned his good friend, Trump. He knew, despite Trump's initial displeasure with Russia, his country would be needed for the upcoming conflict. Putin himself was on the first ship that landed on US soil. Trump met with him there in New York, talked it out, and struck a deal. Russia had been re-hired.
The whole Russian population went to work immediately, helping out Biden's paltry supply of legal voters. They smashed through Nevada in an instant, killed off the Chinese army, and drank the whole night through. There was lots of Slav squatting to be had, and tacos were served throughout the whole country in honor of Mexico's help in the great Chinese-American war. Joe Biden invited Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin to the White House for a day to celebrate their great union, and to cement the brotherhood of all mankind for generations to come.