So done with this semester... Over it. I want my life back! While I mourn over my life, you guys enjoy this chapter. And don't forget to check out my new story, 'The Brothel.'
Chapter Twenty-Three
I had trouble sleeping through the night. I plagued with nightmares throughout the night. Sometime in the wee morning hours, I finally asked for the nurse to give me something to help me sleep.
Edward stayed by my side. But, I could tell something was a bit off. He was quieter then usual. Which worried me to no end. My imagination ran wild and I couldn't stop thinking about his quiet demeanor.
"Edward, are you okay?" I asked as I pushed the food around on my plate.
"I'm fine, Bella," he looked up from his plate, "Why do you keep asking me?"
I sighed, "I don't you. You're quieter than usual. And, I'm just a little worried." I said.
He smiled, "I'm the one who's worried."
"What are you worried about?" I asked.
"You. What else?" He asked.
I bit my lip, "Are you worried about me not being able to have kids?"
It took him a bit to answer, which made my stomach flip.
"I mean, yes. I am worried about that." He said, looking down.
I swallowed, "Is it… a deal breaker? If I can't have kids?"
He leaned back in his chair, "I just don't want to think about that."
"Can you tell me honestly. If I can't have kids, do you still want me?"
"I want you, I really do," he stood and stroked my cheek, "But, I've always wanted kids. It's always been apart of my life plan. I don't want you to be upset, especially not now. But, if you can't have kids, then, I just need time to get adjusted to the idea of not having them."
I couldn't stop the tears that leaked out of my eyes. I turned away from him, pushing his hand off my cheek.
"Edward, I don't want you to sacrifice anything. If I can't have kids, then, we just need to split. And you need to find someone who can have kids." I said.
"Bella, don't do this. Okay, I-I don't want to be away from you. We shouldn't discuss this now."
"If I can't have kids and you stay with me, then later on, you'll blame me for not having them." I said.
"That's not true, Bella. If I choose to stay, then it'll always be my decision. I'll understand, and I won't ever blame you for this."
I closed my eyes, "Then, I'll always feel bad," I said as I gathered the courage to look at him, "I will always feel like you gave up a big part of your planned future just to be with me. So, if I can't have kids, then, I don't want you to be with me." I finally looked at him.
His face was a mix of emotions.
"Bella…" he looked away, his jaw moving, "Bella, don't make the decision for me."
I swallowed again, "Edward, I can't stand the thought of you sacrificing anything. I'll always feel guilty."
He grabbed my hand, "I don't want to talk about this now. You don't need any stress right now."
I sighed, opening my mouth to argue, but the nurse walked into, wheeling a cart in filled with surgical items.
"I'm here to get you prepped for your opening today." She smiled.
I wiped my tears, "Okay."
Edward kissed the top of my head, "We'll talk about this later. Good luck."
He walked out of the room, leaving me to get ready for my surgery.
Edward's POV
I sat outside of the surgical room as soon as Bella went in. It wouldn't be a long procedure, but, they would want to place her in a healing tank for a couple hours to recuperate. Like they did when she first came in.
Alice and Jasper arrived a few moments after she went back. I greeted them before sitting back down.
"How is she?" Alice asked.
"She was fine. She's just a little nervous," I told her, "But that's expected."
"How are you doing?" Alice asked.
I shrugged, "I'm alright."
Alice grabbed my hand, "Are you worried that she might not have kids? I know how much you want them."
I nodded, "We… discussed it."
"That doesn't sound good." Alice said as she shifted closer.
I sighed, "She said that if she's unable to have children, then she doesn't want us to be together. She doesn't want me to sacrifice anything."
Alice frowned, "That's Bella. Her guilt meter is high."
"I don't want anybody else. I'll be sad if we can't have kids, but, I can't see myself with anyone but her." I said.
"Awe, that's sweet," Alice smiled, "Did you tell her that?"
"Yes."
Alice's face fell, "I guess she told you she'd still want you to move on."
"Yep." I said as I leaned back.
"Hey, Alice," Jasper said, "Why don't we leave Edward alone."
Alice sighed and leaned against Jasper's chest. I enviously spared them a glance, jealous because if Bella couldn't have children, we wouldn't have this anymore.
An hour passed before the doctor walked out of the room. I immediately stood, praying, waiting to hear his answer.
"How is she?" I demanded rudely.
"She's fine," he said, "She's in the recovery room. Healing nicely."
"And… what about her uterus?" I asked nervously.
He sighed, "Well, I did a full exam of her uterus. When I first operated on her, it was badly cut. But, it's healed nicely."
"What about her having children?" I asked.
"One of her ovaries is dead. I can't do anything more to save it. The other one is fine, but, the number of eggs is limited. And right now, with her uterus being so fragile, it's in her best interest to not have a child soon. Let her body rest. And, even then, I don't know if she'd be able to carry to full term." He said.
I sighed heavily. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but, it wasn't so bad. Bella and I could still stay together.
"When can we see her?" Alice asked.
"In a couple of hours. She needs to rest now." The doctor said before leaving.
"Edward, why don't you go home and rest?" Jasper said, "We'll stay here."
I sighed, "Yeah. I'll head on home for a little bit. I need a shower and a change of clothes."
Alice reached up and hugged me, "We'll call you if anything changes."
I put my hand on her back, "Thank you."
She smiled and sat back down. I shook Jasper's hand before walking out of the building.
I took my usual way home, but, I was distracted. I continued to think about Bella. About us. About what she'd say when she woke up.
It all worried me. What if she decided that the chance of her having children isn't high enough, and she wanted to me move on?
I sighed; why was she so stubborn? I wanted her and wanted to be with her. I didn't care if we had children. I mean, I did care, but, I couldn't envision my life with someone else. I wanted her.
When I got home, I suddenly felt tired. I'd spent the last several weeks in the hospital with Bella. I hadn't even been home. Jasper and Alice had been bringing me clothes.
I kicked my shoes off by the door and walked up to my bathroom to take a long hot shower.
I must've lost track in the shower, because when I walked out, the sun had gone down. I slapped myself on the forehead; Bella would be up by now and she was probably asking for me.
I hastily got dressed and started sprinting to the hospital.
Bella's POV
I woke up in my hospital bed. Alice and Jasper were snoozing on the couch. Edward wasn't anywhere in sight. I slowly sat up, wincing as small ripples of pain sparked in my abdomen.
"W-where's Edward?" I asked, my voice cracking.
Alice woke up, blinking a few times before her eyes fell on me.
"Bella, you're awake," Alice said, "How are you feeling?"
"A little sore," I said, "Where's Edward?"
"Edward went home to shower and rest for a bit. I'll call him and tell him you're awake."
I laid back down, my eyes slowly opening and closing. I felt so tired, I wanted to go back to sleep, but, I wanted to see Edward first.
Suddenly, the door burst open. Edward ran in, his hair wet. He was panting, as if he had just run a marathon.
"Bella, you're awake," Edward said in relief, "How are you feeling?"
"Eh, I'm okay," I said, wincing as I adjusted myself on the bed.
He stroked my forehead, "I'm so glad you're awake, I missed you."
He leaned forward and kissed my gently. I smiled when I felt his lips against mine.
"What did the doctor say?" I asked after a moment of silence, my stomach turned into a knot as soon as I asked.
"The doctor said that having a baby right now is not in your best interest," Edward said, grabbing my hands, "You need time to rest. And one of your ovaries isn't functional, the other has a limited amount of eggs. He's not sure if you'll carry to term even if you do get pregnant."
I looked down, tears welling in my eyes, "Well, I guess—,"
He interrupted me, "No. You won't send me away. I've lived most of my life alone, waiting for the perfect person to come into my life. I've found you, and I'm not letting you go. It doesn't matter to me that you can or can't have kids. I'm staying right by your side. No matter what you say."
I bit my lip, "But, Edward—,"
"No, I don't want to hear it Bella," He crossed his arms.
I looked away, trying not to cry or smile. He was being so uncharacteristically stubborn. But, I couldn't find myself to tell him to move on. Truthfully, selfishly, I wanted him to stay by my side.
Goodish news. Bella can have kids buuuuttttt it's not recommended. Hopefully, I'll be able to get another chapter up soon. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Again, go check out my new story, 'The Brothel.' and don't forget to leave a little review on either story!