For the Sake of the Mission
Waves crashed softly against the makeshift pier as the bright moon shined its light across the vast ocean. The moon wasn't quite full, maybe in a few nights or so. As soon as the sun had set the team headed for their respectful sleeping arrangements for the night, but the anxious waterbender couldn't keep still as the dead of night called her out. She sat up from her sleeping furs and sighed, rubbing her eyes with the palm of her hand. It was impossible to sleep. The words he spoke rang over and over in her mind's ear, taunting her. It was the closure she needed, but she wasn't strong enough to handle. A slight hiccup escaped her puffy lips, she hadn't meant to cry again but here she was. Crawling out of the tent, Katara stood, not bothering to throw her dress back on. The waves summoned her over to the ocean which she happily obliged. This was her comfort, the warm embrace she needed when she felt sorrow, soft and gentle like her mothers touch. Letting her tears fall, she walked down the hill and away from where they set up camp, straight into the water. She let her feet soak for a moment before submerging into the cold water. After what seemed like an eternity she rose from the sea, throwing her head back and brushing her hair out of her face. With a sigh she looked up at the moon.
"What do I do Yue?" Katara swam towards the pier and jumped up, sitting on the edge while she let herself drip dry. She was a strong girl. Normally she wouldn't let these things boil in her mind, haunting her dreams and ruining her sleep. But facing Yon Rha was her ultimate quest in life and she finally faced him. Should she have just done it? Killed the man who took her mother from her? He caused all of her suffering and pain, and she wanted to give it back to him so badly. To be rid of her anger and sorrow, she'd give anything, but now it only festered in her more. To know her mother was killed by such a sorry, pathetic excuse for a man made it all worse. She wished he'd just taken her and been done with it. She couldn't live with this pain any longer.
Katara choked on her sobs, feeling so hurt and alone. She couldn't go to Aang with this, his problems and loss were far greater than hers. And Sokka? She had to stay strong for her brother. As much as she needed him, her needed her as well. They kept each other going. Toph was way too young to understand such hurt and sorrow, and maybe wasn't the best listener. Zuko…
"Are you ok?" Katara's puffy tearful face whipped around to make direct eye contact with the Fire Prince. She hadn't heard his footsteps at all. He stood there awkwardly shirt untucked, with his vest in his hands, approaching the water. Katara quickly bent a glove of water around her hands to wipe her face clean of tears before meeting his gaze again.
"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to intrude I can come ba-"
"It's fine." Katara chuckled. Zuko's good eyebrow went up at the sound of her laugh and his cheeks grew slightly red before he nodded and proceeded to the water. There was a large stain in the corner of his vest he'd tried to get out with his drinking water. It cleared didn't work, only making the stain grow larger. Zuko submerged the clothing into the ocean waiting for it to soak into the fibers of the material. Katara awkwardly kicked her feet in the water before mustering up the courage the say something.
"Do you need any hel-
"Are you sure you're o-
The two cut each other off and smiled at their awkward behavior. Zuko nodded his head toward her for her to speak first.
"I was just going to ask if you needed some help." She lifted a bubble of water out of the ocean with a slight flick of her wrist. "Laundry's much faster when you know a waterbender." Zuko smiled at her gesture but kindly declined the offer.
"No, it's ok. You do so much around the camp for these kids, the least I can do is my own laundry." Zuko smirked and Katara couldn't help but chuckle.
"I don't mind really. I like helping out around camp." She admitted.
"Yeah but you do everything, the cooking the cleaning, keeping them in check. It's not fair to you." Katara blinked, knowing full well all that was true. Zuko couldn't help but let out a sly chuckle. "You really are the mom of the group." Katara's smile faded, going back to thinking about her mother, she looked away from Zuko and off into the horizon again. Zuko noticed his comment struck her and kicked himself mentally for it.
"What are you doing out here this time of night?" The firebender prodded. He had a hunch he knew what it was. They'd just come back from their trip to find her mother's killer and he knew exactly what she was feeling. He just didn't know if she was willing to admit that to him or not.
"The water was calling me, I couldn't sleep so…here I am."
"Life is like a dark tunnel." Zuko began as he lifted his vest and rang the water out. "You can't always see the light, but if you keep moving you'll come to a better place." Zuko blushed as he felt her gaze back on him.
"That was…quite inspiring coming from you." She said. Zuko smiled.
"Yeah I stole that from my Uncle. One of many things he's told me in the past which, surprisingly has stuck with me." The stain remained in Zuko's vest. He grunted at the lack of progress and Katara just smiled.
"Give it here won't ya." Zuko met her gaze and complied, walking up towards the waterbender. She slightly towered over him as she sat on the pier and he stood in the water beneath her. He handed her the vest, slightly grazing her fingers with his. Her hands were as soft and gentle as he expected them to be. Before he let go completely of the shirt, he bargained with her.
"If I let you clean my vest, you have to let me help you." Katara's brow went up.
"With what?" She asked.
"With whatever is bothering you." She tried her best to look innocent.
"There's nothing wrong I'm fi-"
"If there's anything I've learned recently, it's that it's ok to talk about your feelings. Especially when you have such a close knit family like this one." Nodding back towards the camp, he looked deep into her eyes with all seriousness. Too many times in his life he let himself swallow and consume his own pain. He'd give anything to not have Katara end up like him.
"If you don't feel comfortable talking to me that's fine. But you should speak to someone you do trust." Zuko let go of the vest and stood in the water awaiting her response. Katara's eyes were wide as she listened to his little speech. How far they'd come. Only a year ago she looked at his man with hate and resentment, and now she trusted him with her life. It took her some time, she would admit, but she was also being a bit harsh. She could see the genuine change in Zuko as much as she hated to admit that once. He was truly kind, and thought about others. He cared about this group and their mission, and her feelings apparently. Katara nodded and shifted her weight to the side making room for him to sit beside her. He took that as a signal and jumped up on the pier sitting next to her. It wasn't a large space by any means, and her bare leg was touching the side of his. He hadn't mentioned anything about seeing her in her under wrappings, but if she was comfortable with him there then he was too.
Katara lifted the clothing to see the stain clearly and began to bend a stream of water back and forth in that exact area.
"Is it about Yon Rha?" Zuko asked her straightforwardly. Katara nodded. She felt the tear begin to fill her eye again.
"How are you coping?" Katara shrugged at his question. She felt like if she talked she would start crying in front of him. She swallowed hard before her answer.
"I felt like facing him would be enough closure but, it's not. I feel…pain more than ever now." She swallowed a hard lump in her throat. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
"I don't think it ever gets easier Katara. I think it's just how you learn to deal with the pain that will make life bearable." Zuko said, unknowingly touching his scar. "I think that even if you tried to heal my scar, the pain, the memory, would always be there. Even if I couldn't see it." He looked down at her, watching her body heave holding back her cry.
"You were truly amazing. I've never seen so much power before." He added. Katara shrugged.
"It was just rage." Katara felt sick even admitting that. Rage only brought out the worse in her; bloodbending.
"I think sometimes it's ok to let out that anger and frustration. It's only natural." Zuko kicked his foot in the water, creating ripples beneath them.
"Is that why you're such a hothead?" She joked at him. Zuko chuckled and nudged her shoulder with his.
"I'm just saying, you keep up this facade within the group when, you're really just hurting. Unable to get it out." The waterbender almost felt offended and looked up at him. He didn't know her, how could he say something like that? No matter how true it was.
"Excuse you? Why would you say that?" Zuko just stared off into the water without meeting her gaze.
"You remind me a lot of myself. We have that in common, amongst other things. I could see it from a mile away. Why do you think I offered to help you to find Yon Rha?" Katara blinked, slightly embarrassed he's seen right through her this whole time.
"I just thought you were tired of me yelling at you all the time." She admitted. Zuko shook his head and finally looked her in the eyes.
"I could tell you've been hurting. I just wanted to help you release that." Katara's eyes began to tear again. No one had ever offered to care for her like she did for everyone else.
His heart hurt for her. This poor girl had been suffering and never really got to release that emotion. She was so strong and tried to be there for everyone else but was anyone there for her? He felt like they weren't so different after all. Zuko hesitantly put his hand on her shoulder to console her. He was unsure where their boundaries lay now but he wanted to comfort her.
At the slight touch of sympathy she felt on her shoulder, she let out her cry. She couldn't hold it in anymore. She reached up with her hand and put it on top of his as she cried. Any bit of touch from a friend meant the world to her right now. She cried out all of the pain she'd pent up for years, letting it flow in front of Zuko willingly. As her cries got heavier he slowly wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in for a hug, running his other hand through her hair to comfort her. She left her face fall into his chest as her tears stained his shirt, clutching onto the vest she still had in her hands.
"I-I don't want t-to be w-weak." She muttered out against his chest. Zuko shook his head and held her tighter.
"Letting yourself cry makes you stronger Katara." Katara's emotions were getting out of control. She felt pain, comfort, forgiveness, anger, too many things to handle at once. It was never this easy to unravel around anyone else but him. Maybe it was because their past was so complicated that she wanted this new beginning. Or that him helping her find her mothers killer bonded them closer then anyone else in the group. She didn't know, but she was thankful. Thankful she felt comfortable crying in front of him, thankful he was listening to her and not trying to solve her problems like Aang did, thankful he was holding her body so softly and carefully as she was in her most vulnerable state. She wanted to cling onto him as long as she felt this broken. Her fingers snaked up and grabbed onto his shirt as she pulled herself closer to his embrace.
Zuko held her close and rested his head on top of hers. She was the most powerful bender he'd known and she was falling apart right before him. To him that made her more human, more soft, more beautiful. She reminded him so much of his own mother. They certainly had their differences in the past but this trip changed them, the both of them. She was no longer an enemy, but a friend. He'd gotten to know her, understand her, and realize how much they really had in common. Holding her, seeing her at her most vulnerable, made him want to protect her for as long as he could.
Suddenly Katara's crying slowed down and she backed away from his grasp ever so slightly. She lifted her hand to cup his cheek and gently rubbed her thumb across his scar. He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent softly. Slowly moving his hand up he cupped the back of hers and rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. The two sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. When Zuko opened his eyes, Katara's face was close to his. His heart stopped beating when he realized what she was about to do. He didn't know how to react. If he returned the kiss he'd be giving into the desires of her unbalanced emotions. Would she regret this if she wasn't in such a vulnerable state? He didn't want to take advantage of her. On the other hand he wanted to let her have the time to get her emotions out. She'd obviously been keeping so much in and he was the only one she could express that too. He had to know if she was ok with this.
"Are you sure?" Katara's glossy eyes barely moved at his question.
"I'm so tired." She said softly. "I'm tired of keeping up this facade. I just want to feel-"
At her last word her lips ever so gently brushed up against his. He was stuck. It wasn't like he would mind felling her soft plump lips against his, he just wanted to respect her.
"Aren't you tired of keeping your walls up all the time?" At that statement, Zuko let those walls down. He pushed forward and met her lips with his, soft, gentle pecks that turned into longer, more passionate kisses. Katara melted under his arms and she clutched his shirt tighter and deepened their kiss. Zuko wrapped both of his arms around her back pulling her closer and opening his mouth to catch his breath before diving in for more. The two let out their pains and sorrows through this kiss. They'd both been through so much, with and without each other. It felt nice to just be teenagers for once in their lives.
Zuko grabbed the back of her head as she slung her arms around his neck, leaping into his lap. Their heart rates quickened as their kisses grew sloppier and desperate. Zuko turned his body so he'd fall back on to the pier as Katara leaned into his chest and straddled him. Her hair fell messily around their faces, his hands around her waist. He felt wrong for touching her bare waist without her permission. He lifted his hands and placed them on her back where her wrappings were but she grabbed his hands and slid them back down, closer to her bottom. Zuko's heart jumped.
"Katara." He let out between kisses. She was getting hungrier for his touch and moaned at the sound of her name.
"Zuko." She moaned back to him, pulling on his shirt to loosen it up. She slowly moved her hands up his bare chiseled chest before Zuko grabbed her hands and pulled back from her kiss, panting to catch his breathe.
"Katara please." He heaved. "Slow down a second." Katara caught her breathe, face flushed and eyes puffy. She slowly realized where she'd been going and her cheeks turned bright red.
"Zuko I-I'm so sorry." She hiccuped and began to tear up again. Zuko cupped her face as he sat up with her still in his lap.
"No no don't apologize." He wiped her tear with his thumb. "I just want to make sure you're ok with what you're doing. I don't want you to have any regrets doing anything…like that, with me." Katara shook her head and looked up at him. Spirits how his heart melted when she looked at him with those big blue sad eyes.
"I wouldn't regret it…I only regret not forgiving you sooner." Zuko smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear, kissing her forehead. "It's just…" Katara trailed off as she looked back at the camp. Zuko followed her gaze and sighed.
"Aang." They both said in unison. Katara looked up at him embarrassed.
"Do you love the Avatar?" Zuko asked her. It took her a moment of staring off into he distance to find the right words but he didn't need to hear them after that.
"I can't afford to break his heart right now. The world is depending on us, I…he's so fragile…" He was her best friend. She'd never want to hurt him in a million years. She knew how he felt, everyone did. Although she tried, her heart just wasn't with him, not romantically anyway. If he'd known that though…there's no telling what he'd do. Zuko understood her struggle. It was clear to him that Aang was in love with his girl. He was the Avatar yes, but he was still a childish kid at heart. Katara had to be careful with him.
"When are you going to put yourself first Katara." She was a bit thrown off guard at his blunt statement and she looked down unable to meet his eye.
"For the sake of the mission. I can't be selfish." And just like that her facade was back up. Zuko sighed, feeling the shift in their predicament. She was going to go back to pleasing the Avatar and making sure they were on track. Zuko would go back to being the angry brooding fire bending teacher who was the stick in the mud. No one would ever know the true side of these two soft and vulnerable people. Zuko's walls started to go back up as well.
Grabbing her arms, he softly rubbed her skin with his hands before helping her off him. She stood up and grabbed his hands to help him up. They straightened out their clothes and Zuko grabbed his vest before they headed back to camp. They would have to go back to pretending there wasn't anything sparking between them. Like none of this happened, for the sake of the mission. Zuko couldn't help himself, he grabbed her hand and held it on their walk back up. If this was the last of their escapade he would make every moment count. Katara hesitated but squeezed his hand with hers and intertwined their fingers. He walked her to her tent and his heart sank, knowing this would be their last time being so close.
She stopped before opening her tent and turned to face him. Zuko had a million things to say but couldn't get them out. The girl looked around to make sure everyone was still asleep before stepping up on her toes and kissing him one last time. Zuko immediately snaked his hands around her waist and pulled her in close savoring their last moment. His kiss intensified as he grabbed her hair and pulling her closer against his body. Their heart rates spiked again and Katara gasped in the kiss.
"Toph will feel us." She whispered.
"Let her, she won't snitch." Zuko said quietly. Katara couldn't help but smile and deepened the kiss further. The passion they both shared was special and indescribable. They felt like they'd finally found each other for the first time, and now they had to let go. Zuko pulled back first and leaned his forehead against hers.
"Are you going to be ok?" He asked her, genuinely concerned for her feelings. Katara smiled and nodded.
"Now that I know I'll always have you in my court, I'll be ok." Zuko brushed her cheek with his hand.
"Always." He spoke softly. She slowly, unwillingly took a few steps back from him as she grabbed the opening to her tent and began to step in. Zuko held onto one of her hands tightly, not wanting to let this intimate moment slip away.
"When can we be together again?" He asked desperately. Katara's smile faded as she looked away. It wasn't something she wanted to contemplate right now. She didn't want to further confuse herself or cry in front of him again.
"I don't know Zuko." Her voice trailed off and there was clear despair in her eyes. To not further upset her, he kissed the back of her soft hand and finally released it, letting her go.
"Goodnight Katara." He gave her a warm, comforting smile.
"Goodnight Zuko." Zuko didn't walk away until she was fully submerged back into her sleeping quarters, then, he walked over to his just on the other side of camp. He'd just left his tent to wash his damn shirt, he didn't know he'd come back with his mind flooded with unrealized emotions and feelings. That mission may have been to seek closure for Katara but it released something within him as well. Something he didn't feel for anyone other than his uncle and mother. Zuko felt that same homey, family feeling around Katara. To say love would be irrational and far too quick but 'safe', that was close as he could get. He truly felt safe with her. He could open up, be himself, fall apart and be genuine. There was nothing more he wanted than for her to feel the same with him. As he entered his tent he tossed the vest and flopped back onto his sleeping bag, hoping to bottle his emotions once more and forget his heartbreak. His vest now lay in a pile in the corner, stain free.