"So, know anyone who's willing to hire me?" Six asked as he and Angel Dust walked down the relatively empty streets of Hell.
"For what, specifically?" Angel questioned.
"General work. Maybe security or maintenance? Possibly deliveries?" Six explained.
"Hmm..." Angel looked him up and down, before chuckling. "Don't know much about that but I'm sure you could make a killing in adult entertainment."
"Yeah. Dirty blood covered guy in a gas mask. Super sexy." Six replied with a sigh.
"Hey, people could be into it." Angel chuckled. "But if you really want cash, there's no shortage of bounties in this place."
"I'll only kill someone if I know for sure they deserve it." Six said. "I'm not going to run around using this place as my shooting range."
"We're in Hell." Angel pointed out. "Most people who get hit usually deserve it."
"Maybe… but I'm not going to become anyone's hitman. I've had enough of that shit." Six said.
"Well… I've got one trustworthy person who might need a favor." Angel pondered.
"Alright, let's hear it." Six said, his ears perking up.
"Give me sec." Angel said as he nodded, before pulling out a Hellphone. He quickly dialed his contact, who soon picked up before the spider spoke to them with a smile on his face.
"Yeah, it's me. Listen, I need a job, I've got a friend here who's new to these parts and is willing to help with that little problem of yours." Angel explained, as Six pondered how technology in Hell worked. Perhaps it was actually magic, given the pentagram hovering over the city itself made him throw science out the window, yet still, maybe this place operated on some type of rules. Maybe not rules he was used to, but rules nonetheless.
"Alright... Yeah he's a pretty good shot. Yeah he's trustworthy. Alright. Yeah? Okay be there in ten minutes. Love you too." Angel said, before quickly hanging up. "She's at a bar nearby."
"Guess I got the job?" Courier Six questioned.
"Well, you've got the interview at least. Though be careful. She's probably gonna be a bit tipsy." Angel explained, before ushering Six to follow him. The duo then continued on down the street, with Six examining the city all the while.
A few minutes later.
"You know you'd think they'd come up with a name better than 'Hellhole.'" Six said, looking up at a barely functioning neon sign above a small, crappy looking bar. "I mean is that how they name everything in this city? Hell Donuts? Hell Coffee? Hell Grocery Store? Hell-"
"That's big talk coming from someone named Courier Six." Angel said with a sharp toothed smile, cutting off the Courier.
"Hey, I have a reason for that! My real name was blown out the back of my skull along with a fair bit of my brain." Six growled in response as the two entered, with the Courier holding the door open for Angel.
"My my. What a gentleman you are, Courier Six." Angel teased with a laugh.
"At least I'm not named after a drug. Hell, just call yourself Cocaine Snorter at this point." Six shot back.
"Can't, that was taken." Angel responded, getting a sigh from the Courier in return.
The two looked around the place, finding this bar to be filled practically to the brim with demons of varying sizes, though most of them were massive and muscular. A crappy jukebox in the corner, with the old-timey piece of tech being covered in dirt and rust.
"Christ, you think they'd at least get a stereo or something." Commented Angel, before turning to Six. "Look, I gotta go take a piss, so you just wait here until I get back."
"I'm surprised you're not offering me to join you." Six responded.
"Oh hardy har, mailman. Just don't start a fight without me." Angel said, before quickly rushing off to the bathroom.
Six just nodded and quickly looked around the crowded bar, before he began to slowly make his way through the crowd. He maneuvered between demons as he made his way up to the nearest empty table he could find, and quickly took a seat. He waited for a moment, before the sound of a feminine voice broke through the typical chatter of the crowd.
"Three hundred bucks for only four shots! Are you fucking kidding me!?" Six turned to see a demon that faintly reminded him of Niffty, though this one was far taller.
She had pale white skin and one massive, red eye with an X where her pupil should've been, along with a massive, blonde ponytail with pink accents. Her clothes were torn, with a red, low cut crop top, and a torn miniskirt with long, black stockings coming out from under it. Six noted her face was flush, making him realize she was probably drunk nearly off her ass. He supposed demons had a better tolerance for booze and drugs though, given one could get them like candy in this place.
She was currently going off on a much smaller imp who seemed to be her current waiter. The little demon was in a small tuxedo, and looked unsure of what to do.
"Just… ignore it Six. You're not the bouncer." Said the Courier, trying to keep himself calm. He had an immense amount of sadness for the little guy, who was just trying to do his job, with rules he didn't create leading him to a bad situation like this.
"Ma'am. You've had at least fifty shots of our finest brew… You're just... Severely drunk." Tried to explain the imp, but the larger demon wasn't having any of it, as she grabbed him by his collar and brought him face to face with here.
"Listen here you little shit!" She slurred.
"Do they not have security in this place?" Six criticized with a sigh as she continued to scream in the imp's face, giving a long list of insults he didn't bother to listen to. He finally got to his feet, and walked over to the still yelling demon as she shook the imp in her grip
"Hey!" He shouted, getting the demoness's attention. "Can you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up and put him down?"
Instantly the whole bar went silent, as all eyes were on Six. He suddenly felt as if he'd screamed at someone who was high on the food chain in this place, however, at that moment, he realized he didn't give a fuck. The demoness dropped the imp, who scurried as she gave a low growl.
"What the fuck did you just say to me?" She hissed.
"You deaf too?" He responded simply. "I'm not surprised considering you're yapping like you've been on a year long period."
He then heard the faint sounds of an airhorn somewhere in the distance, and turned to see a small imp in the corner holding said airhorn.
"Sorry. Force of habit." The imp admitted, before Six nodded, and turned back to face the cyclops.
However, the instant he did, he got a hard right hook to the face, which sent him flying across the room, before he slammed back first into the jukebox. The machine sputtered out sparks that showered the Courier as he slumped to the ground, growling in annoyance as he did. This act of violence seemed to knock something loose in the machine, making an old, more familiar song begin to play.
"How lucky can one guy be? I kissed her and she kissed me!" The old jukebox spat through static.
"Wanna insult me again, asshole?" Growled the cyclops as Six grunted in response, quickly getting to his feet, with the jukebox continuing to play as he did.
"Like the fella once said, 'Ain't that a kick in the head?'"
"Okay, you one eyed cunt, let's fucking dance." The Courier growled, as he took off his gloves, before rolling up his sleeves, revealing his scar covered arms. The demoness herself growled, before the two rushed down each other, with the crowd parting like the Red Sea as the two met in the middle, with the music blaring the whole time.
"The room was completely black! I hugged her and she hugged back!"
The Courier gave the demoness a hard right hook to the face, sending her stumbling back. However, she quickly shrugged off the blow before she rushed forwards and gave him a hard boot to the stomach, making him growl. The Courier himself powered through the pain and threw a left hook in response, which the demon sidestepped, before she responded by giving him a punch to the jaw. He stumbled back himself, before quickly getting another jab to the face, though his helmet soaked up most of the damage.
"Like the sailor said, quote 'Ain't that a hole in the boat?'"
The Courier shook off the blow before he parried another punch with his forearm, sending her fist careening harmlessly off to the side. She stumbled forwards, allowing Six to then decked her in the mouth, sending her stumbling back. However, he himself ended up hissing as he drew back his hand, which now was covered in deep cuts that slowly began to leak blood. The demoness looked at him and smiled, revealing her mouth was filled with sharp teeth, though a few were cracked thanks to Six's punch. Six just growled and rushed her down again.
"My head keeps spinnin'! I go to sleep and keep grinnin'!"
She dodged a right hook, and then a left, before Courier went all out with jabs, with the demoness jerking out of the way of each. Right, left, right, left, left, right, and so on. The blows continued to be dodged, and soon she ducked under a haymaker, before quickly giving a hard punch to the Courier's gut. However, he ignored the pain as he grabbed her arm, before quickly yanking her towards him. This left her off balance, leading her to stumble directly into a hard right hook, with said hook making her stagger backwards.
"If this is just the beginnin'! My life is gonna be beeuuutifuuulll!"
Six didn't let her recover as he used her being off balance to his advantage to continue his assault. He grabbed her by the front of her crop top, before he quickly flipped her over his shoulder and slammed her hard onto the ground, making the crappy wooden floor crack under her on impact. Surprisingly, the crop top didn't rip, keeping the fight PG... Well, as PG as a bloody bar brawl got. With his opponent down, Six then stomped on her chest, and the second his boot made contact, her ribs creaked from the powerful blow. The attack ended up both knocking the wind out of her and pinning her to the ground as he looked down at her, his red lenses glaring into her singular eye.
"I've sunshine enough to spread! It's just like the fella said!"
"Done yet?" Growled the Courier, before she clawed at his thigh. He hissed, before he suddenly got a small bomb to the face. Said bomb exploded into a small cloud of deep red smoke. This blinded the Courier, and made him step back, freeing the demoness. He swatted away the smoke, and just as his vision cleared, he saw the cyclops flying at him feet first. His eyes widened before he was suddenly drop kicked by the demoness, sending him flying even further back. He went almost a dozen feet before slamming into a table, with said table shattering as he landed back first on it.
"Tell me quick! Ain't love a kick in the heeaaad?"
The Courier growled as he quickly stood up, splinters falling off of his duster as he did. He then saw the demoness rushing for him, before he quickly had an idea. She flew at him, with a punch aimed at his stomach. However, he quickly turned, and let her punch him in the lower back, or more specifically, his spine. This ended up making her eye go wide in pain. She felt as if she'd just punched a concrete wall, and when she pulled her fist away from the Courier, she saw blood leaking down the back of his duster. However, it wasn't his blood.
"Like the fella once said 'Ain't that a kick in the heeaaad?'"
The Courier turned back around to face her as the cyclops screamed in pain and rage while she grabbed her now bleeding hand with her free, undamaged one. Her knuckles were busted, and her pale skin was now covered in blood.
"What the fuck!?" She screamed.
"I've got a strong back." Said the Courier with a smile under his helmet, before she growled and rushed him down. Blood flew from her hand as she swung, with the Courier moving his head back, letting her fist fly right by his face.
"Like the sailor said, quote 'Ain't that a hole in the booaaat?'"
It was the Courier's turn to dodge the demon's wild jabs, with him weaving around them with the skill of a master combatant. He took a step backwards with each punch, watching for an opening. She threw one punch that the Courier easily parried with his forearm. He ended knocking her fist aside, allowing him to deliver a haymaker to the face, before giving a few jabs to her stomach, sending her staggering back. The demoness growled, and launched herself at him once more, though she put all of her weight into one right hook and instantly found herself off balance.
"Perfect." The Courier chuckled
"My head keeps spinnin'! I go to sleep and keep grinnin'!"
He then grabbed her by the wrist, before pulling her into a headbutt that made her close her eye as the Courier's helmet crashed into her face, she even felt a tooth come loose at the blow. He then grabbed her by the neck, before picking her up with ease. An instant later, he chokeslammed the demoness onto the nearest table, with her letting out a shout of pain as he did. The table broke on impact and the cyclops groaned as she pulled herself from the rubble, her vision a bit woozy as her head spun while tears involuntarily poured from her eye due to the headbutt.
"If this is just the beginnin'! My life is gonna be beeuuutifuuulll!"
She growled before shaking off her dizziness, and rushing down the Courier surprisingly quickly for someone who'd just endured a strong blow to the head. She quickly slammed into him, before the two went stumbling back, crashing down through several more tables as they then tumbled to the ground and began to wrestle around on it. Soon enough, the demoness was on top of him, hammering him with punches. The Courier had his forearms up though, defending himself from each jab.
"She's tellin' me we'll be wed! She's picked out a king-size bed!"
He then quickly waited for an opening, and the second she raised a fist to strike him, he gave her a hard punch to the left cheek. This didn't knock her off of him, but it did end up making a bruise slowly form as she began to claw and bite at him. He raised his right arm to defend himself, before she snapped at him, going for his face as she did. The Courier couldn't help but grunt as she suddenly bit into his forearm, drawing blood as her teeth sunk into his flesh. However, she soon felt her teeth clang against something extremely hard just under half an inch beneath the Courier's skin. It was almost like the man had a lair of metal armor just beneath the flesh.
"I couldn't feel any better or I'd be siiiick! Tell me quick ooooh, ain't love a kick?"
The Courier smiled at the fact his sub-dermal armor held up against the demon's bite. He was reminded of the many maulings he'd endured from Nightstalkers, though this bitch thankfully didn't have any poison in her fangs… Not that he had to worry about that given the upgrades he'd gotten at the Big MT.
"Tell me quick! Ain't love a kick in the heeeeaaaaaaad?" The jukebox managed, before it slowly shut off, sparks flying from it as it gave out, silencing the voice of Dean Martin.
With her teeth stuck in his arm, the demon found herself stuck, allowing the Courier to land a few blows with his left fist. She grunted in pain at each one, as more bruises began to form on her cheeks. After four or five blows, he then brought his leg back and slammed his boot into her face, making her grunt as she finally let go of his arm and tumbled backwards. She found herself rolling along the ground before she used said roll to her advantage and got into a crouching position. She quickly got to her feet as the Courier did the same, his arm gushing blood as he did.
Just before the two were about to rush down each other again, a sudden voice cut over the silence that had befallen the once lively bar.
"WHAT THE FUCK!? SIX!? CHERRI!?" Both the demon and the Courier turned to see Angel Dust staring at the scene in horror.
"Angel?" Both said at the same time, confusion in their tones.
"Wait, you know him?" Courier Six suddenly asked.
"You know Angie?" Asked back the demoness, who the Courier now knew as Cherri.
"I… aw fuck." The Courier managed as he realized something. "You're the one he called on the phone, aren't you?"
"You're the one who needed the job?" She asked back in surprise.
"Oh my Satan... you're both idiots..." Angel said, facepalming as he did.
"Well if that's the case… sorry about punching you in the face." Said the Courier.
"And I guess I'm sorry I bit open your arm." Cherri responded, though her apology seemed a bit less genuine as she wiped the blood from her mouth.
"I can't believe I'm the sensible one for once." Angel said, before he quickly ushered the two out of the bar, his four arms grabbing them as he drug them out the front door. "Let's go you two. You've done enough infighting for one day..."
Song: Ain't That a Kick in the Head - Dean Martin