Well hello there, it's certainly been a while. Apologies for the wait and as always feedback is very much appreciated!
Coincidences are fascinating occurrences that many believe to happen by chance. Despite the lowest probability of a meeting or a repeated action, coincidences defy the human-made logic of a non-discriminable amount of subject-specific happenings in a singular life. Yet some argue against that meaningless definition when they themselves encounter an improbable repetition. Those individuals often believe in the obscure notion of fate or a higher power. Although, truth be told, that would provide a more solid explanation in comparison to 'it's just a coincidence'. Then again, it's up to the person with the experience to decide.
The evening walk to the bar had somewhat dislodged the weight that had settled like a heavy blanket on Levi's consciousness. His weary anger was no longer a constant thud in the back of his mind and his tensed jaw had finally relaxed. Yet bitterness still remained; at himself, the situation or Hange he wasn't sure but the lump in his throat and the ache in his eyes refused to abate. They'd had disagreements before, but never one so personally criticising. The urge to kiss and make up had never been a particularly strong priority in Levi's past altercations -the person or argument not making a difference- but he currently felt outright aversion to the notion of reconciliation. A scoff tickled the back of his windpipe at his own sensitivity. Rectification was a feat which was, logically, relatively simple but he'd honestly rather sleep on a park bench than deal with the exasperation brought on by his own faults. He'd done it before after all. It was worse, however, because he knew. He knew he was the one at fault and yet, despite that glaring self-awareness, he still felt angry at the way Hange had chosen to react.
With the way depression had clung to him like a billowing cloak for months he was, at least somewhat conscious, that he was making life unnecessarily difficult for the med student. Again, he knew that, but it didn't make the words spoken in vexation sting any less. 'Try' they said. Hange wanted him to 'try' and get better, acting as if the words themselves were a balm to his depressed soul. Yet he didn't know how to 'try', he didn't even know where to start. It was as if life had ceased turning for him. While everyone one else continued to plod along he was stuck in waist-deep cement that no one else could see. A stirring of loneliness wrapped it's cold fingers around his chest in a burning hug. Measured steps slowed when the bar came into view and Levi quickly discarded the clinging feelings with a forced detachment, like binning a used toothpick.
The bar was gaudy, it stuck out from the other establishments as an eyesore due to the strobed lighting from the sign board jutting out from the side of the bricked building. His eye twitched in muted disdain. It certainly wasn't the most tasteful out of the streets laden with commercial properties but Levi wasn't one to care when he was getting paid. He rested beside the wall underneath the glaring sign, out of the way of the night time foot traffic, and took a moment for himself. Thoughts of his future performance and having to deal with another odious audience caused him to glower agitatedly at the cobbled pavement; an unstable tension buzzed beneath his skin. He really wasn't in the right state of mind to perform.
A couple of dead leaves danced near his feet, one catching on his shoe for a small moment before being whisked away by the wind once more. The frown melted from his face as Levi blankly watched it twirl away into the dark. Tilting his head, he stared into the dark blue sky and for a moment his thoughts were oddly silent. He leaned further into the jagged brick, as much as the backpack of equipment would allow, as if to cement himself to the foundations so he'd be unable to entertain the people behind the wall he rested against. If only, he thought sardonically. Fingers twitched around his guitar case as Levi caught the scent of cigarette smoke on the cool nighttime breeze. His nose flexed with the instinct to breathe deeply. Instead, he exhaled and swiftly entered the premises before he lost the will.
The gust of warmth was welcomed at first but as he stoically greeted the pub manager at the open bar and walked towards the small space at the back of the room that was to serve as his stage, it soon grew into something stifling and oppressive. He felt the telltale prickle of sweat on his forehead and on his upper lip as he fumbled with his amplifier under the increasing weight of eyes. Fucking hell, don't they have anything better to stare at. His lips twisted downwards almost unconsciously in irritation as he proceeded to set up his mic stand, slotting the mic into its holder. A droplet of sweat trickled down his temple, the journey was highlighted by the dim lighting as he discretely took in the patrons seated on the shabby red furnishings. It was too early for anyone to be drunk but that wouldn't have been obvious by the raucous laughter from the many groups dotted across the bar stools and pool tables. Levi felt his jaw spasm with the urge to form a grimace at the thought of performing to a room full of people that didn't care.
After pulling his guitar from its case and connecting all the necessary leads, more people had started to notice his presence. Uncomfortable from the attention and the overworked radiators, he hesitantly undid the second button of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves as an afterthought after dabbing the sprinkling of sweat above his mouth. Now awkwardly seated on a wonky stool, he looked over the patrons once more and knew with a bone deep certainty that he'd never get used to being the centre of any kind of attention.
With the familiar pressure of a guitar on his shoulder, Levi tapped a rhythm on his instrumental companion to gain the apathetic crowd's attention. Bored faces turned to him one by one. Swallowing drily over a mouthful of what felt like upholstery foam, the bar took on a fuzzy edge at the corners as the heat of expectation settled along his skin. The generally bad decor didn't do much to help create a friendly atmosphere and neither did the disgruntled staff dotted throughout the building. The whole setting made him stiff with unease. He let out an unintentional forceful exhale, his stomach dropping like a stone in a pond when feedback rang obnoxiously through the establishment. Cringing inwardly, Levi took advantage of the sudden quiet and struggled through his usual introductory speech. Once done, he quickly began his first song, a cover, with shaky but practiced movements and a voice strained with age-old nerves. The methodical picking of strings slowly soothed his anxiety to the point that the world gradually disappeared from his awareness. Procession of his surroundings became lacking and an echo of relief floated through the limited amount of sensory input.
His dissociation, although not obvious, was unsettling to those who were watching the musician's faraway gaze and blank expression and despite the pleasant music, an unreasonable dislike for him formed into pursed lips and turned heads. Levi remained oblivious to the underlay of distaste and simply continued. Finishing the song, a few fragmented and painfully polite claps sounded over the nonchalant conversations that had started up throughout his performance. Steel eyes darkened in annoyance at the blatant disregard; it was always the same damn thing. People only ever came to live music nights to talk through every fucking song. A whoosh of unsteadiness blew away his irritation, the heat was beginning to feel unbearable. Blinking to focus his sight, he discarded his blazer, throwing it to the side of the stage. Breathing slightly easier, he began with another cover. It could barely be heard over the chatter and Levi's mood soured further, disabling him from slipping back into his relaxed mindset. It had been a while since he'd last witnessed a crowd being quite so ignorant. A dark anger spread thickly through his bloodstream. Irritated beyond belief, he changed the chords to something more complicated in an unusual show of spontaneity by adding occasional auxiliary notes and tensing his diaphragm further to force the song out a little louder. The audience didn't spare him a glance and just like that, the frustration evaporated leaving only a bitter aftertaste. Levi didn't care, he was past the point of caring. At one point he might have said that it didn't matter because he played for himself and for his own enjoyment. Except now, it just didn't matter for there was no enjoyment to be had. He was wrung up and washed out at thirty two, hell, the only inspiration he'd gotten in years was because of a fucking kid. He belatedly ignored the image of a particular meeting that eagerly swept to the forefront of his mind, as if waiting for such an opportunity.
A few more forced covers were performed, gaining much the same bland applause. One song didn't even garner a clap but Levi wasn't surprised, the audience's interest in his performance was dwindling as it always did after an hour (if it was ever there at all). An old original ended his first set of the night and he was finally able to escape the spotlight for thirty minutes. During his break, a number of rowdy groups came and went from the establishment like a tide, the sea of faces constantly changing. Perched on a ratty bar stool, Levi subtly kept count in an attempt to distract himself from his dejection and overall impression of feeling snuffed. Or at least, he tried. The perpetual heat that had taken a long term residence upon him was making it a bother to focus but it served as a diversion to the clock above the bar that was a strong reminder of his inevitable second performance that he'd rather avoid. He'd promised himself that this little game of face watching was the only distraction he'd require. That was swiftly broken however when a small, blonde bartender passed a whisky near where his fingers were tapping up a storm. Levi stared at the amber liquid before slowly raising his eyes to meet a kind blue gaze. Her disposition couldn't have been more unsuited to the lurid surroundings.
"It's on the house, you have a lovely voice." The soft smile and gentle expression convinced Levi that, there were in fact, angels amongst humans.
"I, thank you." His small stutter of surprise was mostly hidden behind the safety of cut glass. Her eyes fucking twinkled and then she was engaged with another customer. Diffidence was the last thing he thought he'd be feeling tonight but he couldn't remember the last time someone had given him an actual compliment. It felt unwarranted but nice nonetheless. Incredibly nice. A smile curled the corner of his lips as he cradled the glass of liquid courage close, he'd try to give her a show. Glancing up at the clock, he sighed at the time but tipped back the glass and savoured the rich whisky as it caressed his palate. It warmed his empty stomach and increased his temperature to scalding but it was worth it. He walked to the stage for his last hour with a head floating a bit too far off his shoulders.
Back on the same wonky stool with his guitar once again slung over his right shoulder, he reintroduced himself, not bothering to even look at any faces for he knew he'd simply be disheartened by the lack of attention and he was enjoying the weightlessness of good whisky. It never occurred to him that one glass shouldn't have been affecting him quite so much. He went through the next few songs mechanically and without fanfare, having forgotten his self made pledge to the kind bartender. He simply wanted the night to be over so he could sleep off what he suspected to be the start of a fever. It wasn't until he began the first few broken chords of the song he'd composed in a night did he absentmindedly glimpse at his supposed audience. Only then did he see him, his foggy gaze sliding past then snapping straight back to a crest of auburn locks that he shouldn't recognise.
Sat on the very same barstool he'd been seated at less than fifteen minutes ago, talking to the very same bartender surrounded by a group of people of a similar age was the green eyed kid. Levi didn't know how he knew, it's not as if he remembered a lot of details other than his eyes but apparently his subconscious did, and it was definitely him. Thoroughly thrown and feeling like the alcoholic haze had been sucked up by a vacuum, his fingers stumbled through the introduction as he tried to regulate the sudden exhales that were loud enough to be minutely audible through the mic. He continued to play despite the numbness creeping along his arms. Never in all the number of realities of life did he imagine he'd see that kid again. He fought the sudden bubble of laughter that filled his chest at the absurdity of the situation. Instead, a subtle smile curved the very edges of his lips. It was just too surreal. He thought their encounter would simply be added to the number of regrets he kept in chalked lines at the bottom of his mistake sodden subconscious. Maybe he'd get the opportunity to apologise after all, his guilt would certainly be happier for it.
The small smile remained as he began to sing, there was no getting rid of it for whatever reason but he didn't mind. The soft timbre of his voice seemed to project off the walls and bounce right back at him and Levi was surprised to find he didn't hate the sound for once. The strident chattering seemed to ease into the background but not in a way that he became unaware, in contrast, he was hyper focused as lyrics twirled from his curled lips.
"I float through thoughts,
And impressions of people,
While walls guard the walkway,
To my feelings so feeble."
The world seemed to still as the oppressive heat seemed to become less so and more like a warm embrace. Levi's fingers buzzed as they travelled naturally across the memorised chord progressions, the vibrato from his voice travelling throughout his body like a supernova. Closing his eyes in a show of trust to his own capabilities, he simply listened to the music being made. A distinct shift took place. One by one, people turned to look once more at the forgotten man who suddenly appeared to shine. The patrons were held captive until the last chord was played, the final note echoing across the floor, the walls and through all those present. Applause imitated a ripple as it morphed from a steady trickle to a rushing stream and then crashing waves. People clapped, wholeheartedly clapped, and Levi was stunned from his reverie as people continued to applaud. Never had he experienced such a lively response. He glimpsed down at himself. At his hands, his guitar, his fingers and couldn't quite believe the applause was all for him. Levi was in half a mind to believe it was simply the song rather than anything he did but then that was illogical because he'd performed it before and he was certain he would remember a reaction that made a smile tug at his lips. The loudest appreciation was definitely coming from near the bar, he realised, and he cast his gaze across those applauding until they landed on the blonde bartender. For one so small she certainly made up for it in pure noise. He couldn't have stopped the smile if he'd tried, it snuck upon his face like a current beneath a calm sea. As the applause slowly receded his new cheerleader stuck up her thumbs in an uplifting gesture and that turned out to be all the assurance he needed.
The next hour passed in a blur of applause and a growing feeling of ecstasy from the loud praise which steadily increased the quality of his performance until his final song ended with a few customers giving him a standing ovation. Despite his aching facial muscles the smile remained; covered in perspiration he soaked up the admiration like a dried sponge in an ocean. He shared another heartfelt moment with the angel in human skin when he looked her way before his line of sight was caught like a hook and dragged to what had been his peripheral.
The green eyes that had haunted his subconscious for the past month were suddenly tied to his own and Levi felt as if his chest had been punched by an expert boxer. All the feelings from their encounter: guilt, irritation, fear, kinship were slam dunked to the forefront of his thoughts with enough force to make him momentarily dizzy. The kid was staring at him. Full on staring and he felt pinned to the stool beneath him at the unreserved attention. The look seemed far too significant for his current state of overheated inebriation to fully understand and when Green Eyes seemed to catch himself, quickly turning to look away from their intense staring contest, Levi tried to do the same. He really did, but his gaze was helplessly pulled to the shine that rippled across the tendons below the very ends of his moist hair and once there, he couldn't stop the travel that his stare unabashedly embarked on. The tan skin of his neck appeared to glow a sticky toffee tone under the dim lighting which contrasted quite strikingly with the navy button up he adorned. The shirt was wrinkled, as if he had thrown it on as an afterthought and the small similarity between them shouldn't have felt as nice as it did.
He continued to suck up similarly useless information like a sensory deprived man. His observation of rolled up sleeves and black jeans was halted however when the body he was studying shifted towards him and his attention flicked upwards before he could think better of it. Too light headed to remember subtlety, Levi slowly regarded the face belonging to the eyes he'd at some point realised were reminiscent of the Caribbean shallows. Loosely pursed lips and crinkled, fuzzy brows formed an unreadable expression, consequently highlighting a tinge of purple beneath his left eye. Levi unconsciously frowned. From the distance between them it looked like a bruise, either caused by sleep deprivation or the kid was going around playing fisticuffs with every volunteer. The bruise abruptly served as a visual reminder to his own childish behaviour in their previous encounter and Levi felt like he'd been dunked in an ice bath. Startled from his blatant staring he turned away swiftly, consequently breaking their regard of one another, with no hope of portraying indifference (his body obeying him this time). An ugly red born of shame tinged his pallor as he addressed the rest of his audience, rigidly bidding them a goodnight. A last round of applause swept through the tables but quieted quickly after when he swiftly began packing away. It wasn't intentional if he happened to take his time to meticulously put everything in place and repack his bag twice (if he happened to avoid the kid it wouldn't be a bad thing) but the main issue occupying his headspace was when exactly he'd been sucked into a whirlpool of single mindedness that caused the world to disappear from his awareness. Either he was more sick than he'd thought, drunker than he'd thought or just an uncouth idiot.
Once he was unable to justify any more time wasting, he stood on the edge of the makeshift stage and with the cacophony of voices having taken over the establishment once more he felt particularly lost. Levi had wanted to say thank you to the blonde angel, maybe get one more drink before facing Hange again but with his equipment all packed away, his blazer back on and his guitar safely in its case his incentive to do anything of the sort evaporated (not that it hadn't the moment he'd made awkward eye contact with Green Eyes). He huffed a wry exhale into the sweltering atmosphere of indoor body heat. Either way, the bartender was most likely being nice because it was her job, why did he always take people's kindness to heart when he knew better? As a potential customer and performer it only made sense, hell, he'd even wanted to apologise to the kid but that urge had quickly dived from the burning wreck of his fragile mental state. He'd thought their first meeting had been bad, apparently they didn't even need to speak to each other for his behaviour to leave a sour aftertaste in the back of his mouth. Levi felt like a fool at his own wishful thinking. Why did he think the kid would appreciate an apology when he hadn't cared for one in the first place? It was a shining example of his lack of social awareness that he hadn't even realised but at the very least the likelihood of seeing him again that evening was favourably small. Then again, he'd never get any closure for his shitty behaviour. He'd lick the brat's fucking shoes if it made his guilt lessen and his acknowledgement of his own desperation only brought with it a sardonic acceptance in the form of a bitter smile.
Inhaling deeply, as if to cool his temperature from the inside out, he kept his line of sight shackled to the ugly green carpet as he attempted to slink around the opposite side of the bar to get some much needed fresh air without any unnecessary interruptions. He wasn't even halfway to the door before the greasy pub manager blocked his pathway between two booths. His brow twitched something rotten but the irritation was pushed aside when fifty pounds found its way into his palm along with a few tips which was baffling in itself. He was minutely embarrassed that it hadn't even crossed his mind to ask for his expected payment but the manager didn't allude to his forgetfulness, too pleased with the extra foot traffic his music had brought in when the windows had been opened. Pocketing the notes, he listened to the man's praises with impatient gratitude and a tight smile. Only after asking Levi for a permanent gig was his attention snared from the front door that was cruelly in his line of sight to the overweight man who he momentarily gawked at only to then thank profusely as his pride momentarily took a backseat.
After the man's waddling retreat through the backdoor behind the bar, Levi perused the bar stools on his quick walk to the exit, for no particular reason of course, but he slowed to a stop a short distance away when he failed to spot the familiar (according to his dormant observations), head of brown hair. The blonde bartender, however, was in the corner of the bar closest to the door cleaning glasses to occupy the apparent lull in alcoholic requests. He hovered awkwardly, vastly unsure if he should continue on his route of safety or actually go and say something, even though there was a chance the kid could pop back into the bar's vicinity and the urge to avoid him was like a persistent itch beneath denim clothing. The decision was taken out of his hands however when she looked up, as if sensing his indecision, and fucking beamed at him. He breathed deeply in an effort to herd together some form of courage before casually making his way over (as if he hadn't been about to speed walk through the front door), dropped his backpack on the floor and propped his guitar case against the bar as he slid into a bar stool. The drop in altitude caused his balance to take a nosedive and he quickly grabbed the bar for support. His vision speckled black for a moment before clearing, he exhaled heavily, trying to focus on the familiar sound of blood thumping in his ears. A glass of whisky landed with a startling clink near his hand in a familiar display, mildly dispersing the mental fog. Glancing at her shining expression and bright grin he didn't fight it when his lips quirked into a weary reply to her own as she spoke.
"You were wonderful! What was that song you sang halfway during your second set because I need that on my playlist." Levi had just begun to sip the intoxicant to soothe his nerves but her request caused a sharp inhale of surprise; the whiskey burned its way down his windpipe, making him cough indignantly and causing his eyes to prickle.
"Oh my gosh are you okay?" She reached over the bar to rub a delicate hand across his upper back. The gentle contact felt alien to his touch-starved self considering it was probably the only human contact he'd had in the past few months. No not months, his brain sluggishly reminded him, only if one counted the necessary embrace when he dragged Green Eyes away from the road. Oddly enough, it felt like yesterday as well as a lifetime ago. A hearty cough broke free from his lips, minutely fixing the persistent tickle. He'd only just lifted his hand in time to cover the spray of mucous and he couldn't quite stop his look of disgust at the offending appendage.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, sorry." His usually smooth voice crackled with the effort of stopping another unsightly coughing fit. He shifted twitchily under her prolonged touch while he inconspicuously rubbed the contaminated hand on his jeans. She seemed to notice his jumpiness because her hand promptly withdrew although at a sedated pace. Levi forced himself to answer her previous question."It was an original, I... don't have it up on any social media, sorry." Strangely embarrassed, he went to brush his germ infested hand through his sweat slicked hair, paused, then continued with the action (what did it matter, he'd be showering soon anyway) while he swirled the contents of his glass with the other in a tell of discomfort. Another droplet of sweat climbed down his neck, bedewing the shirt beneath his blazer even further. She hurried to reassure him.
"That's okay! Guess I'll have to wait for the next time you perform." Her blue eyes suddenly widened more than he thought possible as she seemed to shrink into herself. "Sorry, I shouldn't assume, you might not like the establishment enough to perform here again, besides it's not like it's the nicest bar around so I don't blame you. Just, it would be nice to hear you again," she finished wistfully. Levi had ceased turning his drink into a typhoon in favour of staring at the bartender, his mind swimming to make sense of her sudden need to appease him, but he couldn't get a word out in time before she quickly moved on. "I'm Christa by the way," she added a bit too brightly.
"...Levi," he murmured, not having anything better to say. Her smile dampened at his simple response. The silence stretched between them while Levi grasped for something to continue the souring conversation while his mind spun circles around him.
"Thank you. For the drinks."
"No problem," she replied genially. Heat continued to prickle his skin in waves, like a sea battering against a cliff.
Another extended pause deafened him.
Christ, why did he think this was a good idea? Christa had gone back to polishing speckled beer glasses in an attempt to seem busy. The sight of improper cleaning made him cringe inwardly, the disgust appearing as tight eyes and a wrinkled nose, his usual filter absent with the alcohol burning grooves through his brain.
"...so, how much do I owe you?" He enquired apprehensively after debating that offering was the right thing to do; his night's payment sat awfully light in his crumpled pocket but Christa's affronted expression soothed his worries.
"Not a penny, you made my shift a pleasure to work. Would you like another one? On me." She said, gesturing to his thumb smudged tumbler. He shouldn't, Levi knew he shouldn't but the temptation was certainly there as he gazed absently into the mind numbing substance. It was an intense ache, the want to lose himself in more free alcohol. To not have to deal with the endless anxiety over his numerous mistakes that just seemed to keep compiling into one ugly truckload which was tied to his ankles and with no way of freeing himself he was at the mercy of the guilt that was along for the gruelling ride. First the unnecessary fistfight with Green Eyes, then being a depressed mess even Hanji had grown tired of, along with the suffocating pressure of hopelessness that he'd never amount to anything more than the washed up state he'd stagnated into. His pessimistic worldview had been a constant in his youth and although it had receded in more recent years it had never truly packed its bags and left. It was a persistent storm cloud that aimed to crown him king of his own fears with the promise of control when he already knew it to be erroneous. His head began to throb a punishing rhythm.
"No," he announced firmly at the wall of liquor.
"Er, okay then," came a response. Levi suddenly remembered that he was having a social interaction with a person and not a battle with his own will.
"I mean no thank you, sorry I was- I appreciate the offer." His painful attempt at recovering the situation was met with a smile that was on the edge of being strained and that was the deciding factor to get the hell out before he made more of a fool of himself. He tipped back the rest of the burning liquid in a rush, briefly choking before clearing his throat as he stood up. He tried to grasp his guitar case but it evaded his reach, he tried again but it just seemed to get further away. A shrill ringing filled his ears, washing out the background noise to a distant hum as his tunnelled vision of a wide eyed Christa changed to the swirled white paint on the ceiling. How did they even do that? He hit something relatively soft, belatedly realising that was probably the floor. That was some good quality carpeting. Muffled voices started up around him, sounding distinctly panicked, although Levi had no idea why. His head felt heavy against the moving carpet and he couldn't help his eyes from falling shut as a new smell of cheap cologne joined the foray of spilt alcohol and old wood.
The soothing combination was abruptly dispersed by a chilly breeze. The drop in temperature shocked his system and he opened his bleary eyes in mild surprise. A sudden fear curdled his stomach when he realised he was being held up by quivering arms while one hand dug into his waist with a firm pressure that was bordering on painful. Panic seized him. Oh God, ohgodohgodohgod he'd been drugged. His mind snapped into hyper focus as he forced himself to regain his footing and elbowed his would-be assailant in the gut, the taller body loosened his grip with a grunt. Levi tried to turn to deal a left-hook but the spin left him unbalanced and he collided heavily into an unforgiving surface. His shoulder thumped in time with his erratic pulse as Levi took his chance to check his surroundings as the guy was doubled over but his frenzy screeched to a stop when he saw Christa standing underneath the gaudy sign of the bar he now recognised, a hand covering her mouth in shock. The look sat very wrong in his mind.
He became aware of a few other people, further down the pavement (some just having come out of establishments), people across the street and customers peering out of the windows of the bar he'd just exited, all paused in their proceedings. His heart plummeted to his feet at the attention. His trepid observations slowly turned to the poor soul he'd nearly decked in his panicked state with blooming dread, knowing he'd have to reimburse them in some way, but when the heaving body looked upwards his runaway thoughts came to a crashing halt. The glare he received rivalled the green flame he'd caused in his youth when he'd spilled cockroach killer near an open fire. He took a step back, the intensity of the gaze fiery as it flicked to his involuntary movement and Levi froze at the shift of attention. Of course, of course it would be him. They regarded each other, the tension growing thickly between them in an echo of their first encounter. Levi knew he should say something, anything, but his pounding brain and dry mouth refused to cooperate with one another.
"Levi? Are… are you okay?" His attention shifted to Christa, her voice just as small as her hunched form. The sight made his jaw clench. He stiffly nodded, a weight of regret settling heavily on his breastbone. He wanted to apologise, to reassure. He had so many words to say but not one was brave enough to make its way out into the night time air. A frown at his own ineptness tightened his expression into something unintentionally intimidating and she recoiled.
"Right, good… Oh! I'll go and get your stuff, Eren didn't get the chance while he was helping you out of the building, I'll be back in a moment!" She announced, dashing through the main entrance and narrowly missing a young couple in her haste. Levi's forehead creased as he stared after her, confused at her quick retreat. The name she mentioned processed a moment after and with a start his gaze unwittingly connected to the kids once more; he had somewhat straightened, although one hand was still bunched into his shirt where the hit had landed. The soft creases caught Levi's eye before he snapped his focus back to the matter at hand. They looked like rippling ocean waves.
"You're welcome by the way, do you make a habit of hitting people for no reason or am I just lucky?" The sneering tone sounded out of place coming from the lithe figure now idly rubbing his stomach (Eren, his thoughts supplied giddily) and Levi didn't know why when it should have been the most familiar considering their hostile introduction. The urge to apologise flooded his mouth but he swallowed the words, too proud for his own good but only when it apparently mattered.
"It was an accident," he stated instead, his frustration at the situation narrowing his eyes. The last thing he wanted was another confrontation he'd inevitably regret. The brat let out a bark of dry laughter.
"Of course it was, just like the first time yeah? Speaking of, try and hit a little harder next time, maybe you'll blind me for good and not just swell my eye shut for weeks. Oh and I guess it should be me saying thanks right? For the souvenir?" He patted his stomach mockingly albeit gently and Levi felt unfairly ridiculed. "It'll remind me to mind my own business and not help a drunk bastard who can't seem to keep his fists to himself!" he finished with a shout, the subtle echo bouncing off of buildings and into the night sky. People in earshot tried their best to look preoccupied and Levi would have been bothered by their sorry attempt if his attention hadn't been elsewhere. Eren's angry rant had caused a flush to encompass his face and the very tips of his ears and Levi couldn't help but notice how the colour seemed to emphasise his furious green eyes in a stunning combination. It left him a tad stupefied. That is, until, the rest of the words registered and irritability took over, guarding the mountains of shame with steadfast determination. His frown deepened.
"I'm not drunk," he replied tightly.
"Oh, so you're just naturally antagonistic? Figures," he remarked snidely, crossing his arms and leaning against the brick wall in a manner that set Levi's emotions on edge. He just wanted to go home now that he didn't feel like he was roasting in the devil's personal sauna and here the little shit was trying to rile him up. Irritated beyond belief, the spiteful words that he'd kept in check around Hange slipped free.
"Wow, big word kid, did you learn that one today? Your primary teachers must be so proud, and last I remember you're the one who hit me first-" A fist grabbed his sweaty collar and -when had the kid moved?- yanked him upwards, his head snapped back to face a luminous anger the likes of which he'd never seen.
"You insulted my dead mother!" The world stopped as the incensed words were yelled in his face. Eren's breath smelled of sour cocktails and a fleck of spit landed on Levi's cheek but every outward stimulus failed to matter when any defense he possessed against the dark destruction of self loathing vanished and he was left to drown. Breathing became difficult as he was choked by fresh guilt and his own collar, he clutched the hand that was keeping him close enough to mock a degree of intimacy. As it was, Levi's survival instincts clawed to the surface as his adrenaline spiked and as quick as a thunderclap his fingers were in the hollow of Eren's throat, pushing down with a strong but steady force (not aiming to injure) to free him of the unintentional death grip. The grip faltered and Levi broke free, gasping greedily as he palmed the small indents in the bricked wall as he used it to back away and create some space between himself and the current object of his overwhelming self disgust.
"It, it wasn't, on purpose," he heaved between heavy breaths, anger at himself crushing his lungs more effectively than any chokehold. At that moment Christa reappeared from the bar, equipment and guitar case in hand. In another setting, he would have found the whole ensemble amusingly disproportionate as her petite form struggled against the weight of the large rucksack and instrument. As it was, her appearance was a blessing because Eren's hostility dropped off of him like an anchor off a ship as his attention was redirected to her struggle. He rushed the few paces required to assist her. Levi blankly watched their familiar exchange of his possessions through a warbled plane of glass. The hand supporting him flexed unconsciously, the brick was rough beneath his tense palm and the gritty pain brought him back from the edge of a breakdown in time to catch the end of their conversation as Christa sprightly made her way back inside the bar.
"-in the back, take care of him okay!"
"My pleasure," was the mumbled reply. Eren turned and the sight of him carrying the music equipment in careful hands as he walked forwards when he had no reason to was enough to make nausea bubble at the back of Levi's throat. A quiet moment of inaction unfolded across the few feet between them. Levi chanced a look at the kids face and saw thinly veiled displeasure. The unimpressed expression was enough to prompt him to move away from the wall and take his equipment. The exchange of possessions was strangely mellow, the slow pass over of valuables lacking any tension. With the rucksack on and the guitar bag finally in his grasp Levi immediately started to move past the kid, very ready to go home, collapse and very possibly drink himself into a stupor.
"Christa asked me to give this to you." A card was shoved in his face before he could fully escape. Levi glanced at the laminated paper, then doubletaked as he realised what he was looking at. Social media information. The insinuation of further contact made his eyes itchy and his fingers rubbery. He reached to take it but overcompensated his grip and the sudden, unintentional brush of fingers made his stomach clench violently. He jerked away like a skittish fox, taking the card with him. The ache in his shoulder doubled at the violent movement and a low grunt sounded without consent.
Eren remained with his arm outstretched, eyebrows slightly raised at what Levi didn't intend to find out. He quickly slipped the precious piece of paper into his pockets and continued forward with a gritted "Thanks," before he could ruin anything else. He could feel eyes on him until he finally turned a corner. The street ahead was barren and at that realisation his legs gave in and he haltingly crouched against the pavement painted with chewed up gum, dog shit, and glass bottles. Tears immediately threatened his vision and he fought to keep them there but the oily caress of shame choked his every inhale with a sickly squeeze. Resting his damp forehead against the grimy wall he wrapped his arms around himself and pressed as far into his own embrace as he could. Ragged breaths imitated a wind torn sail as they carried into the smog covered night and towards the person hovering just behind the corner of the street. A moment later, soft footsteps sounded before fading away