Anxious Mind

The rhythmic tapping of her fingers on the counter echoed throughout the bar as her eyes unconsciously shifted over to the clock on the left.

It was almost time to go.

She couldn't help the sigh that escaped her. About two weeks had passed since she told Cloud and the kids the news, and today would be her first visit the OB/GYN. To say she was nervous was an understatement.

Something that didn't seem to escape Barret's notice on the other end of the line as well.

"You okay?" he asked, voice instantly filled with fatherly concern. Since Marlene already spilled it all to him, Barret had called her almost daily to make sure everything was alright and that "Spike was doing his part!" around the place. She had to smile inwardly at his first reaction and the look on Cloud's face as the older man cussed him out over the phone.

"I'm fine. Just nervous," she admitted.

"That's normal," Barret replied, and she could hear him shift around on the other end of the line. "I hope you're giving yourself enough rest."

Tifa chuckled. "For the millionth time, yes, I am," she replied in a teasing tone. Due to the fatigue her pregnancy caused she had to change her routine a little. Sleeping a bit longer than usual and once lunchtime was over she took a little nap that refreshed her enough to keep her through the day, but even then she was out again as soon as her head hit the pillow. Much to Cloud's amusement, who used that fact to tease her a little.

She could hear Barret rumble from deep within his chest, telling her that he wasn't 100% convinced, which in turn made Tifa shake her head. For such a big, tough guy he could be an incredible mother hen.

He took a breath to say something, but Tifa cut him off. "I know you're worried, and I'm happy for that, but we're fine. But I promise you that as soon as we need help I will call you personally."

"Hmm. Fine," Barret grumbled, making her smile with affection even if he couldn't see it. Another look at the clock told her that it was time to go.

"I have to go now."

"Alright. We'll talk tomorrow?"

"Don't we do that all the time now?" she teased him. "But yes. And Barret?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. I mean it."

She could practically hear the smirk forming on his lips. "Anytime."

After saying goodbye, she hung up and placed the phone back on its stand before rising to her feet and walking over to the door. Tifa let her eyes sweep over the bar one last time, then headed out of the door.

Once she had locked the door, Tifa pulled out a note that Dr. Hiragi had made with instructions on how to get to her destination.

It wasn't a hard to find place, but it would still be roughly a 40 minute walk from here, so Tifa didn't waste anymore time. Not exactly a great first impression to be late on the first appointment.

As she walked through the streets, Tifa couldn't help but watch the people passing by her. It was a habit that she had picked up way back when she had first arrived in Midgar all those years ago now. This time though, she was more focused on the children. A group of kids no older than Denzel and Marlene; a little girl holding her father's hand while clutching a little toy in her other and a couple going on a walk with their little infant.

Unconsciously, Tifa's hand moved to her abdomen. Would Cloud and her be like that couple in the future? Would their child play around these streets without a care in the world?

It was still such a foreign thought that there was a life growing inside her. And while she was much less anxious than she was weeks ago, that feeling was still very much there, nagging in the back of her mind and filling her with doubts and worries alike.

She just hoped that today's appointment would alleviate some of them. Sighing inwardly, Tifa removed her hand and continued on her way.

Arriving at her destination, Tifa found herself standing in front of a building like any other in Edge, built completely from scrap from the nearby Midgar ruins, and, like Dr. Hiragi's current and past clinic, it didn't really look like a place where a doctor's office was located.

But the engraved plate on the door told her that she was in the right place.

Leonie Ritzmann M.D., obstetrician and gynaecologist, Tifa read as she stood in front of the door. She stood there for a few minutes, taking deep breaths like her master had once taught her to calm herself.

Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Exhale.

With one final audible breath, she reached out her hand, opened the door and headed inside. Once inside, she was immediately greeted with music from the local radio station. A few feet away was a desk with a young woman, that couldn't be much older than herself, sitting behind it, typing something into the computer in front of her while humming to the music.

After Tifa closed the door, the woman seemed to finally notice her and looked up from her work.

"Oh, hello. Welcome to Dr. Ritzmann's office. Are you here for an appointment?" she asked with a bright smile as Tifa walked up to her.

"Yes," Tifa said.

"What's your name?"

"Tifa Lockhart."

The assistant's fingers practically flew over the keyboard and her eyes returned back to the screen, checking something for a few seconds before nodding.

"Yes, I see. The doctor's still attending another patient so please sit down in the waiting area and she'll be with you shortly." That friendly smile never leaving her face, the other woman pointed to an adjacent room to the right where Tifa spotted a few chairs and a table. "Oh, and before I forget..."

She opened one of the desk's drawers and pulled out a clipboard that she held out towards Tifa together with a pen. Attached to the clipboard was what looked like a questionnaire. "Would you please fill this out to the best of your knowledge? It's for the patient file, you see."

"Yes, of course," Tifa said, then took the offered items. Heading into the waiting room, she sat down on one of the chairs and started to write. It was simple stuff. Name, birthday, known allergies, ect. Nothing that would seem of consequence, but having lived in a clinic herself she knew that some of it could very well be important.

After she was done with the questions, she put the clipboard to the side and grabbed one of the magazines lying on the table. It wasn't exactly the type of stuff she usually read, but she needed something to distract herself with.

It worked, because she was soon engrossed with the newest trends that were popular in Costa del Sol. She jumped a little when all of a sudden a hand was placed on her shoulder, and it took all of her willpower not to have years of training take over.

"Ms. Lockhart," the doctor's assistant said. "The doctor will see you now."

"Oh!" Tifa all but threw the magazine back on the table. "I'm sorry I kind of got—"

"Distracted?" the woman chuckled. "Don't worry. Happens a lot in this place. Here, let me take this."

She took the clipboard and pen, then pointed at the door. "Down the hallway, it's the door to the left."

Tifa rose to her feet and headed out of the waiting room and down the hallway just like until she stood in front of the door. As she lifted her arm to knock on the door, she hesitated momentarily, forcing herself to do her little calming down exercise yet again, before rapping her knuckles gently against the door.

"Come in!"

Opening the door, Tifa stepped inside and saw the doctor sitting at her desk as she wrote something down real quick, before turning her attention towards her. Dr. Ritzmann was a woman that Tifa guessed her to be in her mid-to-late thirties with deep green eyes, her dark blonde hair done up in a messy ponytail and she noticed just a tiny bit of make-up on the woman's rather attractive face.

"Ms. Lockhart, welcome. Please, sit down," she said in a professional tone that still held a small amount of kindness.

Tifa did as she was told and rested both of her hands on her lap.

"I'm sure you already figured it out, but I'm Leonie Ritzmann," the doctor properly introduced herself after putting her pen away and held out her hand towards her.

Tifa blinked for a second before reaching out to grasp the woman's hand in a firm handshake.

"Strong grip," Dr. Ritzmann commented. "Now, Ms. Lockhart, from today on I'll be your OB/GYN and will do everything in my power to make sure that you and your baby will be taken care of. So should there be any questions or problems, you or your husband—Oh! Are you married?"

Tifa felt herself stiffen at the other woman's words. Was there a problem with the fact that Cloud and her weren't married? Back home in Nibelheim people would surely have frowned at the fact that she had gotten pregnant from Cloud without being his wife. Did this woman feel the same way, too? Or did she think she was some poor little girl that got herself knocked up from some random guy and now had to deal with it on her lonesome?

She felt anger well up deep inside of her at the last thought.

"No," she said with a slight edge in her voice. "My partner and I aren't married. Is that a problem?"

If Dr. Ritzmann noticed the anger that she was feeling, she didn't seem to let it phase her. "Of course not. And I'm sorry if I offended you. I'm just asking because of the ring on your hand. I heard in some places it's a tradition to wear the ring on the right hand."

As quickly as it arose, her anger faded, leaving behind only a feeling of shame as she looked down onto the ring on her right hand. "No, I'm sorry," she released a sigh. "Lately my emotions have been all over the place."

"Of course. You're pregnant. You'll experience that a lot in the coming weeks." Dr. Ritzmann grinned a little. "As I was saying: should you or your partner have any questions do not hesitate to call me. I always have an open ear for my patients."

Tifa exhaled through her nose and nodded. "Alright."

"So, let me ask you some questions for now. You've been experiencing morning sickness, yes?"

"Yeah." If she hadn't told Cloud and the kids back then the cat would have probably been out of the bag a few days later when she started to puke her guts out. She grimaced at the thought of the first time it happened. She had barely gotten out of bed when nausea had hit her full force and she dashed towards the bathroom, kneeling over the toilet bowl. The only good part of it had been the fact that Cloud had been by her side in an instant, gently holding her hair and stroking her back. Her heart did a small flutter at that part of the memory despite how unpleasant it was overall. "Ah, but sometimes I also have to throw up in the evening."

That was particularly annoying.

"That's normal. Calling it 'morning sickness' isn't really accurate since it can happen any time of the day. One way to deal with it is eating multiple small meals spread out over the day," the doctor told her and took her pen once more to write what she said down. "Have you experienced any pain or bleeding?"

"No," Tifa replied.

Dr. Ritzmann nodded to herself. "Do you smoke?"

"I don't." And she actually enforced a pretty strict non-smoking policy in 7th Heaven because of the children.

"Drink?"

"Sometimes. I own a bar, you see, so occasionally I participate a bit. Always in moderation of course."

"How many?"

"One or two per week at most, nothing heavy. I stopped completely when I realized I was pregnant," she told her earnestly, eyes still focused on her fingers as she played with the wolf ring.

"When was your last drink?"

"The week before I missed my period, it was New Years after all...that's bad, isn't it?" Worry started to creep up inside her. Did she cause harm to her baby without knowing it?

She would never be able to forgive herself if she did.

"It's not ideal, but let's be honest, a lot of women don't realize they're pregnant unless they were trying, and I assume this one was a surprise?"

Tifa bit her lip and gave her a low nod.

"The important part is that you stopped drinking as soon as you realized you were pregnant, and I can assure you, your little one is doing fine. During New Year's it only really started to settle in after all, so don't worry," Dr. Ritzmann said with a calming smile as Tifa finally looked at her.

A little hesitantly, she gave her a smile of her own.

"It's scary, isn't it? Learning you're carrying a new life inside you, and you just don't know what to do?"

Releasing a shaky breath, Tifa let herself sink back into the chair. It was like the doctor had just read her mind. "Yes. How do you—"

"Know?" the other woman put her pen away. "I have two of my own. When I first learned that I was pregnant I was in the same spot as you, always with that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I could be doing something wrong, or that I might not be up to it. But when I finally gave birth to him, and held him in my hands for the first time, it was the most amazing feeling in the world."

Listening to her words made Tifa look at Dr. Ritzmann in a different light. She wasn't just talking from medical experience, but from personal experience. It eased her worries considerably.

"Will it get easier?" Tifa found herself asking.

"Yes. You just need a little time. All of this is strange and new. It doesn't help that your hormones are running wild. Soon enough your body and mind will have eased into it and you'll have so much energy that you don't even know what to do with it," Dr. Ritzmann said. "Now, let's proceed, shall we?"

"Yes," Tifa replied, feeling herself smiling a little more. The doctor asked her some more questions before proceeding to tell her what she should be paying attention to in the coming weeks, what prenatal vitamins she should take, how much training she was allowed to do and what further changes she should be expecting in the coming weeks as well.

After that the doctor gave her a thorough check-up, took her blood pressure as well as a small sample of it for testing. Tifa was also asked to leave a urine sample, much to her chagrin.

"Alright," the doctor said once they were finally done. "That's it for today."

Tifa let out a breath in relief. Dr. Hiragi had told her she should expect a lot of questions and tests, but she honestly didn't expect all this.

"How are you feeling?" the other woman asked.

"Better," Tifa replied truthfully. She was still nervous, but she didn't feel like she was blindly stumbling through the night anymore.

"Good." The doctor smiled. "Now. All we have to do is make another appointment. Let's say in three weeks."

"Okay..."

"Believe me, you're going to like it," the doctor said. "We're going to take a look at your baby."

Looking at my baby... Her hand went to her abdomen once again. A warm feeling spread through her body at the thought of finally getting a glimpse of the life Cloud and her created.

After scheduling the next appointment, Tifa left the doctor's office, feeling almost a little giddy as she started to make her way back home. Partway home she felt a sudden craving for ice cream, and went off to buy some with a huge smile on her lips. She enjoyed the tasty treat all the way to 7th Heaven, and was still licking her fingers by the time she opened the door.

It was completely silent, meaning the kids were probably still out playing with their friends. She walked upstairs, intent on lying down on the sofa and perhaps taking another nap after the day she had. But once she had stepped into their living area, she heard a sound coming from down the hallway; from Cloud's office to be precise.

Following the sound, she found him sitting at his desk, tapping his pen on his desk while reading a book. Whatever was written inside must have completely engrossed him, since he didn't even hear her footsteps as she entered the room. Tifa slowly approached Cloud and peeked over his shoulder to see what captivated him so, only to be surprised that he was reading a medical book.

He must have finally realized that she was there, because he spun around in his seat and looked at her in surprise. "Tifa. You're back..."

"Yeah. Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you," Tifa said.

"You didn't disturb me..." He visibly hesitated before asking: "How did it go?"

"It went alright. Did some tests, talked about the dos and don'ts," she told him. Brushing a lock of hair behind her ear she looked at the book on the table. "Why are you reading that?"

"Hm?" he followed her gaze and blushed a little like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Ah, I—Sorry, I just thought, what with us being pregnant and all, that I need to do some research on it too..."

Tifa couldn't help but smile softly. She remembered how he had tried to find something to ease Denzel's geostigma even as he was slowly succumbing to the sickness himself.

…

Wait a sec… Tifa blinked. "Did you just say 'us being pregnant'?"

His eyes widened and his face became an even darker shade of red as the words seemed to be stuck in his throat, causing Tifa to burst into giggles.

"Aww, that's so sweet!" she said and sat down on his lap, moving her arms to circle around him. Burying her face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent and enjoying the warmth of his body. After a few moments, Cloud regained his composure and hugged her back.

"Sorry I couldn't take you to the doctor today," he said.

"It's okay. I think the walk actually did me good."

"Mhm. Still...next time I'll drive you. Promise."

She nodded and closed her eyes. "Can we stay like this for a bit longer?"

"Of course."

Neither of them said anything afterwards and instead simply enjoyed this moment of close intimacy. As Tifa listened to the sound of his heartbeat, she felt fatigue catching up with her, and she slowly drifted off into a pleasant sleep.

So I'm sure some of you are wondering: "But if Cloud and Tifa had sex on Yuletide and she was nearly in her fifth week in the last chapter, shouldn't the week before she missed her period be after New Year's and not during?"

Not really, since the weeks are counted from the last menstrual period. So first week of pregnancy is the week after the last cycle even if nothing magical has yet happened.

And that concludes today's lesson.

See you around!