E:Yes, Regina is standing in front of me with the cutest little boy ever grinning at me like we've known each other for more than a day asking if they can sit with me, I am bound to have that heart attack, seriously this woman….
"Umm, yeah sure" Emma said gesturing to the seats in front of her.
Regina helped her son in the booth then slid in herself, "Thank you and I'm sorry about Henry, ever since this place opened we came her every morning besides Sunday and adopted this booth" Regina explained with an apologetic smile.
"Oh it's ok and I'm sorry, I can move if you'd like…." Emma said about to get up but felt a hand on her forearm to halt her, she looked up to Regina to see her head shaking.
"No, please sit, we don't mind, do we Henry?" She questioned her son as she looked his way and he shakes his head.
"Nope, you pwetty" he said pointing at Emma with a big smile making his momma blush a little.
She cleared her throat and looked back at Emma as Emma settled back down with her own blush "see, the little man has spoken" Regina said with another smile.
E:And now I'm having breakfast with her, would I be able to eat with a lump this size?? Who am I kidding, I'm a bottomless pit…
"Thank you, nice to meet you, Henry and thank you for thinking I'm pretty, how old are you" Emma asked.
E:This could be good, I'm better talking with kids than adults, why? Because adults make me nervous, especially ones as beautiful as this kids mother, yeah, better keep that to myself…
"I tis miny" he said holding up 2 and a half fingers trying to hold the third one up.
Emma fakes gasp, "Oh my, your a big boy, aren't you?" Emma asked and he nods enthusiastically.
" yup, I big" he said then giggled.
E:Ok know what, I'm literally rolling my eyes at myself mentally, am I really that bad in talking to people?
"Anyway, I want to also apologize if I seem creepy, or act like I've known you forever…."
E:Wait, can she read minds, no probably not because I never thought she was creepy.
"...but you remind me of someone I knew and I guess I'm more sentimental than I thought," Regina said as she laughed at herself shaking her head a little.
E:Awe Sweet!!!
"No no, your good, it's actually a good thing because I really don't have friends.. Well except friends from work but that's about it.." Emma said than trailed off not knowing what else to say.
E:I don't know why I said all that, she must think I'm pathetic or something, I swear I have I case of diarrhea from the mouth syndrome, I wonder if that's a thing.
Just then the waitress came over to take their drink order and when they are done Regina looks at her, "they must be busy today, they never take this long to get to you," Regina commented.
Emma shrugged because she doesn't know, they talked and ate the rest of the time there, of course Regina had to pick topics though it seemed that it wasn't hard for her, she good at talking though she isn't one of those people who talk to much that it gets annoying, which is just fine with Emma, of course Henry would get their attention on whatever he deems good enough or cool enough at the moment and would go to color on the color paper he got from the waitress, it's was the best morning Emma had in well…ever
E:I'm now at home in front of the mirror the same way I was last night thinking about breakfast time I had with Regina, I still didn't get her last name though I never asked, I also didn't ask for her number so I may never see her again unless I keep going to that diner, I didn't even asked about Henry's father, I don't know if she is married, divorced, engaged or even has a boyfriend or girlfriend, why didn't I look at her finger? Because I'm weird, awkward, stupid…
E:Oh no my thoughts are going down hill, ok focus, good skin, good hair, weight, good skin, good hair, good weight..
Emma repeated those three things and tried forcing the negativity out.
E:Hmm, maybe I should buy a strap on.. But I don't want to go to the sex store, god I don't want them judging me, I'll go on wish, that simple, I'll just talk to Kathryn about my reasons.
It's been a week since Emma's last appointment with Kathryn and today is the next one, she hasn't seen Regina yet though she also hadn't went to the diner, afraid of seeming like a stalker.
E:Yeah, a lesbian stalker who was an orphan and who thinks she should have been born with a penis, who is also seeing a therapist because I want to actually feel comfortable with it and eventually get the surgery.
E:Yeah who is gonna want me as a girlfriend? Talk to Kathryn Emma, calm down.
"God I'm crazy for my mind telling itself to calm down.." Emma whispered to herself rolling her eyes at herself sitting in the waiting area.
"Emma Swan," Kathryn called, Emma stood up then walked towards her," are you ready" Kathryn asked with a warm smile.
"Yeah" Emma breathed out as she followed Kathryn to her office.
When they got there Emma's chair is right in front of Kathryn's.
E:My chair!!! Yes, one day and that is already my chair, I like Kathryn, she is awesome!
Emma smiled, "Thank you," she said as she sat down with her feet under her butt and Kathryn also sat down in her own chair.
"No problem, ok so before we get started I want an update on your homework list," Kathryn said.
"Well I bought some briefs and I put them on, I stand in the mirror to look at myself with them on and I have three positive things I say in my head at that time, " Emma said shyly.
Kathryn smiled encouragingly, " that's good, I want you to try to voice those things out loud this week, how are you feeling from this last week to before?" Kathryn asked.
"Well I feel a bit better…. Um I met someone, I mean someone who could be a friend but I didn't get her number, I know where she gets breakfasts but I don't want to seem stalkeresh…." Emma admitted with a red face.
E:I don't know why I told her this, maybe because it's good to tell your therapist everything that's going on?? Oh well it's out.
Kathryn smiled reassuringly, "that's great though you don't have to feel that way, that's how we make friends, we take steps to talk to them, we take steps to make these friends, I encourage you to go to that place again and if she is there, then ask to join her, get her number, if she turns you down then it's her lost, just don't let the fear to keep you from trying," Kathryn said sincerely," did you buy a strapon?" She asked like She is talking about the weather.
E:She really just said strapon out loud, my god this is embarrassing...
Emma blushed at hearing those words out load and so boldly.
"Ummm, I order one online, it should be in soon, umm I didn't want to go to the ss…" Emma cleared her throat," sex store, I didn't want to be judged," Emma finished shyly fiddling with her fingers.
"That's alright I understand, last week I asked you something that you didn't answer and I want to ask it again, do you remember what it was?" Kathryn asked.
E:Of course I do, I've been dreading being asked that again, it's a part of my past I don't want to dwell in...ugh.
Emma took a deep breath," umm, yeah, you asked why I was afraid after saying that I I ffeel," Emma took a deep breath and mentally rolled her eyes at herself for stuttering.
E:Get it together.
"You asked why I was afraid after saying I feel like I should have been born with a penis," Emma said embarrassed.
Kathryn nodded encouragingly, " yes, and I know it's hard to talk about and I don't want to push you, I want to tell you though once you talk about it, you would be able to heal from it," she said with an apologetic smile.
E: Of course she is right, I'm going to have to heal from this so I can start to feel comfortable in my own skin.
Emma took a deep breath, "I know, your right, well I was an orphan and in and out of foster homes, when I was little in a foster home I remember telling the mom in that home that I should have the boy parts that other boys have, I knew I was a girl but I wanted to pee like a boy, she looked at me like I was some kind of monster or something, she told me that I'm a girl and I should never say stuff like that again that it's an abomination, of course at the time I didn't know what that meant, but the look on her face scared me so I never said anything like that again,"
"When I got a bit older I had dreams that I had a penis and I'd wake up smile until I woke up more and wondered what was wrong with me, I kept these things to myself, I was already being bullied for being different, I couldn't add to that…" Emma had tears in her eyes as she finished, she was so lost in memory she didn't realize she was crying until she tasted her tears as it got in her mouth.
"Oh Emma, you don't ever have to feel that way again, you are not an abomination, you are who you are and you deserve to be that person you know you are and you deserved to me loved, let people in to do just that, because you are loveable, nothing is wrong with you, you hear me? Nothing is wrong with you, you are a woman who should of had a penis and would have one at some point because that is who you are and you are a beautiful person, don't let others tell you otherwise," Kathryn said passionately.
Emma just nods with tears still pouring down her face, she can't speak right now because of the lump in her throat.
E: God those lumps...is this going to happen every time I come in here?
To be continued……..