Children From A Lesser God
Chapter Nine: Cracks
Buffalo, New York
5th November
28 weeks gestation
Fox was glad to be leaving Buffalo. Yes, it was cheap and their accommodation had been nice. He just hadn't liked it there. Hadn't liked the experience. He had been driving out of Buffalo towards Dayton, Ohio for about three hours now and they probably had another four until they reached their new accommodation for the next month. He hoped that Dayton had more going on seeing as he planned for them to be there for the next three months until the baby was born.
As he approaches the outskirts of Cleveland, Fox sees a sign for a mall that advertises food and entertainment. He takes his eyes off the road to look at Dana, who is staring out the window with a smile on her face. That and the radio station's host, who has the personality of an overexcited puppy, has been his entertainment for the last three hours, and quite frankly, Fox is getting bored and could use a change of scenery to make the next four hours more bearable.
He snaps off the radio station, thank-full for the respite, but he can see from the corner of his eye that his irritation has been picked up by her.
She raises her eyebrows at him, her big blue eyes asking a question.
"Do you fancy some lunch and maybe a movie?" he asks.
She stretches a bit in her seat, "that sounds great".
Fox nods, and gets in lane to get off at the next intersection.
~xXx~
Somewhere outside Cleveland, Ohio
13:13
He insisted that she picked a restaurant but she insisted that he picked one because, she is normally always choosing. He reasoned that was because she was the one with the limited menu choice, but she assured him that wherever he picked, she would find something to eat. So to stop them going backwards and forwards, he agreed that he would pick somewhere. Secretly disappointed because he wanted to pick the movie and thought it would be a bit pig headed if he chose the restaurant and the movie. But then again, he figured they could always go to separate shows.
He resisted proving a point and choosing the restaurant that had the chicken on it's logo and instead picked the Olive Garden, pretty certain that she would be able to order something from there.
Fox is watching her eat while she tells a story about a family vacation when she was younger and the oar or something was lost on a boating trip. Fox can tell by the way her eyes light up and her arms move as she tries to multitask that she must really love her family. Fox has almost finished his food, but she is still slowly working her way through hers. She has some kind of breaded fried vegetable thing with tomato and cheese on it and then a helping of spaghetti with tomato sauce on the side. She also got a salad for the two of them to share. Her half she ate first, which Fox just doesn't understand why you would fill yourself up on salad before eating the more tastier part of the meal. Not that he should really complain, he will eat whatever she leaves.
She's caught him staring at her and she stops her story and smiles. She then clears her throat and tucks her hair behind her ears, her cheeks going red and concentrates on her food for a bit. "You don't have any funny vacation stories?"
Fox shrugs and then shakes his head, no. His father is always working, most of his vacations are spent in Martha's Vineyard and that was usually just him, his mother, his sister and any of the other neighbourhood kids whose families were also vacationing. "I was enjoying listening to yours though. Please continue, don't worry, we have plenty of time before the movie starts", and he reaches over the table to stroke her elbow before going back to finish his food.
She smiles again at him and this time she shows her braces.
At least that is an expense that Fox no longer has to worry about.
He smiles back at her.
She did have the most beautiful smile, and he did enjoy kissing her lips. But now shelter, food, safety and exhaustion were not their immediate worry, and, judging from their conversation over the last couple of weeks, he wasn't sure how much they had in common.
Did he have much in common with, Sarah?
Sarah would just talk and talk until they found something in common. Or Fox would say something he knew would annoy or distract her just to shut her up.
Fox insisted that she picked the movie and wouldn't give anything away when she asked him what movie he would choose if he was picking. She looked overwhelmed while she was looking at the movie choices. For Fox, there was only one movie he would pick and he thought that was blatantly obvious in the list of other movies showing. He thought that she would pick the romantic looking movie, but when she picked the animation movie, on the outside Fox nodded and smiled as if she'd made a good choice. Internally, he laughed at himself, of course she would pick the cartoon, she's a kid.
Still, the movie was funny and they both laughed all the way through it a long with everyone else in the movie theatre. Not once did their hands find each others or did they end up making out like in Buffalo.
Maybe this is how they were destined to be now?
~xXx~
Buffalo
less than two weeks ago...
It all started back in their rented apartment in Buffalo when he asked her whether she was excited about having the baby. They had been in their new accommodation for just a day and they were enjoying the extra space they had, truly being able to feel they could relax.
"No Fox", she said, looking him straight in the eye as if he had asked her whether she would eat the heart of her pet rabbit. Not that he knew whether she had one? But it was like he had told her he didn't know what one plus one was, her look was so incredulous. Looking back on it though, it was probably a stupid question given what he knew about her means of becoming inpregnated.
"Why do you rub it all the time and hold your stomach?" he asked, leaning in to tuck the stray hair that always came loose behind her ear. He stole a kiss from her too, and another one.
"Because it seems to calm him down, otherwise, he's just kicking me constantly or moving about constantly".
"Calderon. What a douche?" He commented. Only looking over from the show they were sort of watching, more just have on in the background, when she doesn't respond.
Her eyebrows were furrowed in a frown, her nose upturned and her mouth in an adorable pout. "Why do you say that?"
"Because he was the one that put it in you", he said, now as if he is the one that is explaining one plus one. "I read your file", he shrugged, his cheeks heating. He had forgotten he hadn't actually told her, he had read her file. "And when I say put it in you. I dont mean he put it in you. I mean he put the specimen in you. Like I said, I read your file", and he leaned in to give her a kiss because he didn't like the look she had been fixing on him.
She doesn't respond.
"My file?" she asks, when he pulls away from her face. But looking at her again, he realised he had misread her expression thinking her to be annoyed, and that she was instead clueless about what he was talking about.
So he got up to get her file and showed it to her.
He sat, slightly further away from her than before, and nibbled on his thumb while he watched her read.
Which she took forever to read. But judging by the way her eyes flicked, he thinks he gauged the moment when she read the part on 'surviving the pregnancy', that definitely still gave him shivers, and he wasn't the one who was carrying it, who would have to push it out of her...
Fox winced.
When she did give it back to him, she said nothing and went back to watching the show.
Was she mad at him?
He hoped not because he had so many questions for her.
Was she seriously not going to say anything?
After everything they had been through.
He had been through.
"Dana..."
She looked at him, as if she was very bored.
"I have a right to ask these questions. Everything we've been through". And he worked really hard to say 'we've' and not 'I've'. "I have the right".
"I never said you didn't, Fox. You haven't asked me any. If you ask, I will answer".
OK! where to begin!?
But he decided to let that slide, because yeah she was right, he hadn't asked a question, but, come on, questions jumped out from everywhere without having to be asked.
He decided the most logical way to organise his questions were as they came up in the files and scanned through them.
He did see the glare she threw him.
"What kind of specimen is the baby? Why did Dr Calderon impregnate you with it? And why just you? A 14 year old girl?" He asks throwing the papers in his lap.
"I don't know what kind of specimen", she stated, and said nothing else.
She was really starting to piss him off with all her evasiveness and passiveness.
He couldn't just keep giving, giving, giving and she give nothing back in return. He was potenitally putting his life at risk. His parents had potentially put their lives at risk too for her.
"My father said the baby was special", he said, biting the inside of his cheek to try and keep his calm. She was still his little bird after all.
"I'm not the brains behind the project, I'm just the one they put it in", she snapped back glumly.
"They must have said things around you. Things that are more than these hundred words or so. That fucker Dr Calderon" and he did see the way her eyes flinch. "What did he do, what did he say, how did he put it in you? Did he not tell you what he was doing?" He realised he had pushed himself further into the corner of the couch away from her in his frustration, which was probably a lot better than the opposite.
Her lips just pursed in response.
"You know your brick wall attitude is really starting to piss me off!" He exploded, not being able to keep it in anymore. The papers in his hands going everywhere but because there were so few, it wasn't really dramatic. He crouched to pick them up before he stood to walk away. "You said you would answer my questions", he shouted back at her before exiting the room. "So stop being such a child about it and answer them", changing his mind and u-turning back to her, very much in her face and pointing his finger at her.
"I am a child, Fox!", she shouts back standing up, and there is his death in her eyes. But he is like twice her height and probably her weight, not to mention older than her, so he will not be intimidated by her. "I am the victim here", she continues. "I did not ask for this. I do not know the correct answers to your questions. All I know is that I am pregnant with a child I did not plan for, and in a few months time I will have to give birth to it. And it's not fair", she looked like a little girl, the way she stamped her feet.
"Well life fucking isn't fair, Princess. Haven't you heard that?" He said and it's a cheap shot, said with not much effort because really he can't have a come back to what she's just said. So he stormed back out the room again instead.
It wasn't until he was halfway down the hall when he heard her muffled and anguished sigh.
He walked back and peaked his head around the archway to find her bent over, rubbing her stomach.
He walked over like a dog with its tail between his legs because he was afraid she would topple over and he also didn't like seeing her hurt.
"Are you ok?" he mumbled.
"He's just kicking", she hisses. "Just doesn't like me getting angry", and she gritted out the words.
Fox helped her sit back on the sofa.
There were tears in her eyes so he started rubbing her wrists.
"Im sorry. I was wrong to get angry at you. I shouldn't have asked you all those questions. You're right, you are the victim. I'm sorry".
But it didn't look like she was listening to a word he was saying, the way she crunched her teeth.
Fox rested a hand on her stomach, wishing he could take away some of her pain.
The baby was kicking so hard.
"Wow".
"Yes", she says through her stream of tears.
Fox brought the back of her hand to his lips and started placing kisses on it.
In response she not so affectionately slapped his hand off her stomach.
"I think you're making it worse", she explained and Fox guessed that was an apology. So he got up and kneeled in front of her, taking both of her wrists and rubbed patterns into them. "He probably knows that I'm the source of your anger and he is trying to defend his mommy".
"Im not his mommy, Fox. Im just his host", she breathes.
She sounded so cold and detached. Fox put it to the pain she was in and continued rubbing circles.
~xXx~
In the end, he had picked her up and laid them both in bed, resting her head in his lap, petting her hair while she rode through the motions. He woke up later wrapped around her like he has done so many times, his face in her chest and his hands on her stomach. Although he is not looking at her, he can tell by her breathing she is awake.
Was she the one that put his hands on her stomach? Or do they just fall there instinctively?
"He's no longer kicking", she says, alerting to the fact that she knows he is awake.
"Does that mean you're no longer angry at me?" he asked looking up at her hopefully.
Her hair falls messily over her face while she smiles down at him. She doesn't look like she's still angry at him. Fox would say her face was full of love and adoration.
"I was never angry at you, Fox", and she rested a hand on the top of his head. "I was angry at your questions", she ruffled his hair and then stretched, making them loose contact with each other. "If I had a dollar for everytime I was asked those same questions you asked me. And if I bet that same dollar on the amount of times that people didn't believe me...". She looked back at him. "I just didn't want you not to believe me, I didn't want to see that look, the look of ditrust in your eyes".
"I will believe", he said lifting himself up to hover over her because he missed their contact. "Whatever you say. I will", and he placed small kisses on her lips. "We're partners... sort of", suddenly embarrassed by his admission.
"Partners?" she asked smiling. But she wasn't laughing at him. She was genuinely touched.
"Yeah", he smiled, falling slowly on his arm so he could control it and not fall on her. He lay down next to her on his back. "Like Rocky and Bullwinkle, except we're Dana and Fox. Short and tall".
And she laughed. Her full proper laugh. He hadn't heard it that many times, but he loved it when he did, he loved being able to illicit it.
"Laura and Robert", she supplied, leaning into kiss him.
He laughed, they were their Penn State stolen identity cards.
"Scully and Mulder", he added.
Dana smiled and rubbed her stomach with both hands.
Fox joined his too.
"I think he's sleeping now".
"Finally", she laughed. "Dr Calderon was actually nice. I always liked him", she supplied, and then looked him in the eyes when he didn't respond. She placed a kiss on his lips.
"Up until he impregnated you with this", Fox finished.
"He told me the baby was special. That it would make me better", she said looking down at it indifferently. The amount of times Fox had caught her looking down at her bump with that same expression. Unsure. Love with trepidation. Hate with an abundance of love.
"Make you better? Why? Were you sick?" and Fox began to panic, because he didn't know what he would do if he discovered she had some sort of life threatening illness. He didn't know how he would ever recover.
She nodded.
"Are you still?" And he held in a breath while he waited for her to answer.
She shook her head, no, and Fox let out what he thought was the longest sigh of relief he had ever done in his life.
"It was a few months before I found out I was pregnant. I'd had a lacrosse injury".
Lacrosse. She was definitely a lacrosse girl. Sarah played lacrosse. There was a similarity between them.
"It was just a nose injury but when it was x-rayed, a cancerous tumour was located in my nose".
Cancer.
That was why she looked so frail.
"They said they were going to try and operate before chemo. When I went back after a few weeks, Dr Calderon said it looked like it was in remission, but they would have to monitor it. I went to the doctors every week. When my mom took me to the doctors because I was pregnant. My mom, she was so angry, she wasn't listening to me, wanted me to get rid of it, wanted Dr Calderon to get rid of it. But he said I was too far along and it would be too dangerous for me because my body was still weak. My mom said she didn't care". Dana paused for a long time. Fox thought of saying something because it looked like she was battling internally with something, but he didn't know what to say, so instead laced one of his hands through hers and gave it a squeeze, hoping the gesture would be encouraging and supportive for her.
"When he sent my mom to get coffee", she continued, "he told me, he said the baby inside me was special and that it was what had taken my cancer away".
"But how?".
"I don't know. I didn't, I didn't think to ask. I was still in shock that I was pregnant. I hadn't... I haven't had sex", she said, and her cheeks went red, so Fox squeezed her hands and kissed her forehead.
"He said I would be giving birth to the future and that it was imperative I protected it. We're Catholic, so when my mom returned, I reminded her that abortion was a sin", she said, and her spare hand fingered the golden cross she wore around her neck.
"So he guilt tripped you into keeping it".
"No, I wanted to keep it. I didn't want to kill it. I couldn't. Not when God had decided to keep me alive by ridding me of my cancer".
~xXx~
Sunday 27th October
Buffalo
26 weeks gestation
It was a Sunday so Fox told Dana she could pick were they were going to celebrate their 'anniversary'. They were both looking forward to getting out of the house and actually doing something.
Dana asked to go to church and because it was bad weather, Fox suggested they went to see a movie after. They ended up kissing half way through the movie because everything about that day had so far felt so great and care free and it had just been them in the theatre. They couldn't stop smiling at each other, it was perfect. A perfect day, and the day had only half gone. After lunch, they had gotten a temporary library card and rented out a load of books. Well she did, Fox wasn't really a reading for pleasure type of person. He was much more hands on and outdoorsey or he liked his games console. Give him a games console and he would be entertained for hours. Still, he was happy enough that she had something that she enjoyed - and it was free!
After the library, they had walked around the little shops. As they were walking past what looked like a local baby shop, he asked her is she wanted to go inside.
She shook her head no.
Fox shrugged and didn't push it, thinking she was still a bit sore from their conversation a few days ago. However when he tried to continue their walk, his arm became outstretched because she wasn't moving with him. When he turned back to see what had got her attention, she was like at him with heavy trepidation.
"What's wrong?" he asked, walking back to her.
She let in a deep breath. "I know we've already bought something for him. But I kind of always planned to just leave the baby at the hospital after giving birth".
He had still been holding her hand, and he let go of her at her words and looked at her in disbelief.
Very cold.
That was very cold.
Where had his sweet, kind, Dana gone?
The one who always smiled as if she would welcome the whole world as her friend, was lovely and polite to strangers, who said please and thank-you to everyone, who made Fox feel like he was worth a million dollars and wanted to prove and show that worth. Who made him... who made him feel...
She would dump her own baby?
She was there just a moment ago.
Fox laughed because he didn't know how else to react.
"I'm sorry that we wasted money on the baby grow".
Fox shook his head because a wasted $15 so was not the point. "But you said you wanted to keep it?".
How could he have gotten everything so wrong?
These last couples of weeks, he's been planning as if this baby would be with them for...
"I just want to keep it to give birth to it".
"And then just give it away?" And he tried really hard not to say 'dump'. Because he wasn't angry, atleast he was pretty sure he wasn't. He was just confused.
She nods.
"What about the baby blanket? You bought wool, you made a baby blanket?"
"i just got swept up in things, besides I thought it would be something that kept him warm".
Fox nodded.
So she was still there a bit.
"Are you angry?"
More like scarred.
Fox shook his head vehemently, no. "No", he hugged her, because she did look like she was going to cry and it was her decision. "No, of course not. It's your decision".
"I just think it's for the best. All they want is that baby. Once they have it, everything can go back to normal. We can go back to our old lives. Everyone can be as they were before. Your parents", and he gripped her hard because she was so sweet for thinking about his parents. "My family", she pulled away from him to look at him. "Then all this trouble can be put behind us and we can continue. Don't be angry at me", she pleaded and there were tears pricking her eyes.
"I'm not", Fox assured, perhaps badly. "I'm sorry if I look angry. i just thought you wanted to keep this baby and in my head, I had been planning, budgeting for ...", he trails off, realising how stupid he sounds. Thinking of jobs. All those hours he wasted on baby websites. "Never mind. You're right. Clever. Smart. Right decision. Wish I had thought about it myself. Let's get an early dinner and go all out", he suggested.
They could now he knew they weren't budgeting for diapers and pacifiers.
But dinner wasn't great, the food tasted like ash in his mouth, for some reason what she said was bothering him, and he could see it was bothering her. Maybe they were both tired.
Or not?
Maybe dinner had been nice and he was just imagining it. They'd had three courses. They'd kept up the chatter.
But there were moments in the conversation when what she said outside the baby shop really gnawed at him. That she would just give it up.
Was it because he didn't want to give it up?
It was probably because of all the wasted time...
But he noticed that she would falter in the conversation too, and everytime she did, she looked so much older than her years.
But at the end of the day it was her baby and it was her body.
The apartment they rented in Buffalo had two bedrooms but they had been sleeping in one, in one bed. When they got in that night from early dinner, they had kissed, but then went to bed in separate bedrooms.
It didn't mean anything, they were both just exhausted and needed their own space.
~xXx~
Monday 28th October
27 weeks gestation
When they woke up the next day, they could both see the other were in good moods, sleep had indeed healed whatever ailments they were going through the previous evening. There was a carefreeness about them both too, despite something clearly having changed.
It was like a line had been crossed, a mutual agreement had came without discussion. They had gone from what couldn't be described as anything else other than boyfriend and girlfriend, to just friends. They still shared kisses, but they were more like pecks.
Maybe they had become siblings?
Not that Fox would kiss his sister.
They were frequent pecks.
She spent most of her time in her room reading. Fox became so bored, he had bought a PS4, again because he didn't have to plan for a years time.
If asked, he would say they were quite happy to do their own thing, convening to eat together, asking each other questions about their lives before the baby. If they had a million pounds what would they do with it? If they were stuck on a dessert island? They were learning more about each other but also pulling apart and Fox didn't know if this was because they had come to a mutual decision that as they would only be in the others' presence for another few months, they better just nip it in the bud. Or had nothing ever been there? Was it all just adrenaline or a strange Adam and Eve complex that they would be stuck together forever?
~xXx~
Somewhere outside Cleveland, Ohio
19:07
They were setting off a lot later than Fox thought they would be when they first pulled into stop, but they had a nice time.
He waits to make sure she had belted herself in.
When she had, she turns to look at him and nods that she is ready to go.
"You're sure? Enough sustenance?" he asks, joking about the two big bags of chips and the jumbo Diet Pepsi she has in the drinks holder. They were supplies for them both to share.
She nods grinning.
"I am going to guess you will need at least three pee breaks between here and our new accommodation".
And she giggles. "Not one", she says defiantly, raising a perfect finger.
"No, you need at least one. Come on it's four hours. I will need at least one".
"You are going to get hungry for something more than chips before I need to pee", she giggles.
"You're on, but load me up before we go", and she holds the drink for him while he takes a few sips and she giggles when she stuffs his face of chips and he bites the rest of her hand.
He hadn't told her that their next accommodation just had one bed, he wanted to test a theory out.
Edited: 12/05/2020 AN:/ Do you think friends is how they are destined to be now? Do you think Scully should get rid of the baby? What do you think is going to happen when they are in one bed again...?
So what I did whilst organising my various fanfiction documents, was delete the file that had all my notes for this fic ;/ Anyway, always looking on the bright side of things, maybe it will make me finish it sooner :) Also incase it wasn't clear, this chapter was present, went back in time and then present again. Also I'm changing the rating to M next chapter, just because re reading through the FF guidelines, I realised M is the fics correct rating in regard to previous content. Until next update!