Well that introduction Pa talked about? It never came to be. Harper and her father weren't at the gym. Scott did the introductions and they just went through some PT before breaking off to carry out their various duties.
Ryder was a reconnaissance specialist in the team. Training were mostly lessons. Brushing up on fundamentals of outdoors survival with a particular focus on what they anticipated to face in Andromeda, basic first aid for all species, fundamental repairs and engineering course to make sure everyone would be able to perform simple repairs on their gear and vehicles, first contact protocols and on and on. Sometimes they meet up for PT in the morning, most of the time it was just herself in the biotic training simulator. She hadn't seen hide or hair of Harper or her father.
"She's on some mission for Pa," Scott said. He was apparently in constant contact with their father. Their father in turn avoided her if he was on the station.
Ryder shrugged. She wasn't in the position to question about it. If that was how her father wanted to do it, it was fine by her, probably easier for everyone that way.
That changed one day when a message buzzed her omni-tool.
Report to the briefing room at 1500hr for the briefing on the implant surgery.She didn't know how she feel about having something utterly foreign surgically implanted into her head.
"But you have an amp don't you?" Scott pointed out.
"Sure but I got that when I was a kid. Now, I'm not a kid and this freaks me out," she said, pacing their shared room. "Doesn't it freak you out?"
Scott rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean yes it does." He sat down on the chair, propping his legs up on her desk. Her eyes narrowed, and he swung around to lay them on his desk. "But think of the possibilities. With an AI right at the tip of your fingers, there is so much we could do. I've been speaking to SAM. Did you know Pa has been trying to teach it humour?"
She snorted. "Pa? Humour?"
"I know right?" he chuckled. "SAM will be able to help us out once we get there. Like letting us know if the air is breathable, the plant isn't toxic to humans and the like."
"Yeah I guess you're right. I'm just antsy." She scratched at the faded scar at the back of her head. "Someone digging around my head isn't my idea of fun."
Scott stiffened and activated his omni-tool. It projected a real time image of himself back at him. Ryder frowned. Neck extended, he twisted his head left and right, trying to look at his head from all angles. She cocked her head and watched like he was some strange new species of bird. Fingers brushed through his brown locks, tugging particularly at his fringe.
"Do you have a date or something later?" she asked.
"Oh no," he replied, still distracted with putting his hair back to rights after messing with it. "Do you think Harry will shave our heads for the surgery?"
Ryder blinked. "Someone is going to crack open your skull and stick something inside. And that's what you're worried about? Your hair."
"Yeah." His attention was completely taken by his own reflection on his omni-tool. "Hair is important too, you know? I remember how shitty I looked back during boot camp." He shuddered for effect.
Ryder laughed and laughed and laughed.
Ryder almost jerked to her feet when her father walked in. The words 'officer in the room' was chomping on the bit to burst from her mouth. Scott shot her a look. She ignored it. Am I the only ex-Alliance around here? Scott seemed to lost all the shit we've been drilled in. Greer, Kirkland and Fisher straightened in their seats. Seems not.
Alec Ryder swept in without acknowledging anyone, but he wasn't alone. Right behind him was a straight-backed, blonde-hair woman. She was all razor sharp cheekbones and straight-edged jaw, her hazel eyes keen and piercing. They darted first to the window, then the corners before flicking across to every single person seated in the room. Ryder glanced at Scott. The slack-jawed, wide-eyed look he'd got on his face told her everything.
This was Cora Harper.
A grin tugged at the corners of her mouth as she nudged him. "Close your mouth, Scott," she said, "you're drooling."
His hand swiped at the corner of his mouth before glaring at her. If looks could kill, she'd be dead already.
Trailing behind the pair of elite soldiers was Harry. He had datapads stacked high in his arms. "Hey doc, need help?" Kosta asked, immediately standing up.
"Yes, please," Harry grunted, handing over half his stack. "Hand those out."
"Big day's coming, isn't it?" Kosta said. "You're going to stick tech into all our heads huh?"
"Not quite so crudely but yes, essentially," Harry smiled.
Ryder schooled her face back into one of studious professionalism after feeling her father's eyes on her, allowing Kosta's and Harry's conversation to wash over her. The fun times were over. It was time to get down to business. She studied the document detailing the function of the implant, the procedure they were about to consent to and a whole host of other details she didn't understand just from the quick glance she gave it.
Harper sat down in front of Scott, in the front row. Ryder held herself still, pretending to be reading the datapad. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Scott leaning forward and reaching out towards Harper. No, no, no! His fingers tapped Harper's elbow. And Ryder winced. Now you've done it. Harper stiffened, hand reaching towards her thigh before aborting the action just as quickly. That was where asari commandos typically strap a pistol to. Scott was lucky asari commandos were also masters of control.
Harper turned. The flush practically lit up Scott's ears. "Hey, I'm Scott Ryder."
"Harper, Cora Harper," she replied.
"Do you think—"
"I think we should pay attention to the talk. We're all going to agree to get brain surgery pretty soon here."
Scott flushed redder. Ryder pressed a hand against her mouth to keep her sniggering to a minimum. Whatever he wanted to say withered and died on his tongue. "Right," he nodded. "Yes, yeah, we should. Listen, I mean."
Harper's eyes narrowed.
"Right, I'm going to shut up now."
With that, she turned back to face the front. Ryder could feel Scott's stare aimed at her, but she kept her eyes fixed on Harry, seemingly extremely interested in how he was setting up the audio visual equipment.
Their father cleared his throat. "First, let me just say though I've been actively monitoring your progress, the reports I've been receiving has heartened me. This is Humanity's Pathfinder team. Our job is to find a new home for humans on Andromeda. And with all of you," his eyes swept across the room, bypassing her as if there was a black hole there. Ryder bit back her sigh, the earlier mirth vanished instantly, "I'm confident we will get it done."
"Cora Harper," he gestured towards the ex asari commando, "will be my second." His grey eyes darted to find hers. "And Scott Ryder will be serving as my third."
"I want you on my team, where I can keep an eye on you." Her father's voice echoed in her head.
Ryder straightened and exhaled. Despite expecting that, it still stung. But it wasn't sharp, not like years ago when she still hoped to gain his favour by being the best in everything she did. It ached in the way old wounds did, deep, scabbed over and never quite going away. She had learnt to live with them, edging around the familiar scar tissue that had sunken into her soul.
"What about Sara?" Kosta asked, a broad grin plastered across his face.
Ryder clenched her fists, wishing she could strangle him. Kosta was earnest, helpful and sweet but sometimes, sometimes she wished he would just shut up.
"She will be serving as our reconnaissance specialist," her father said, "and that's all."
The others just nodded. Kosta shot her a look, and she turned her head away, pretending not to have seen it. Harry glanced about the room, his eyes darting between all the Ryders. "All right, let's get to today's briefing."
Harry sighed as he stared at her scans. "I've told Alec it's better if we started with a non-biotic. Does he listen? No. He insisted on you."
Ryder sat on the examination table, legs hovering high over the ground, feeling like a child in an adult world. "What's wrong?"
"You got your amp and implant way younger than usual so the original placement for the SAM implant will not work for you," Harry explained, staring at her scans as if they had offended him. "If we stuck to the original plan, it'll mean replacing both implant and amp as well. That's fiddling with things that are not broken."
"Maybe he just wants a guinea pig," she suggested darkly.
Harry stiffened as if slapped. "No, this procedure is completely safe. I've performed it on your father myself."
She chuckled and shook her head. "It's a joke, a bad one but a joke."
Harry shot her a look that just reeked of disbelief, but he turned his attention back to her scans. "I'll need to confer with Lexi," he said in the end. "Give me a minute."
"Will we still be doing the procedure today then?" she hoped off the table, wincing as her bare soles came into contact with the cold floor.
"I hope to, but I'll know after I've spoken to Lexi."
Harry bustled out of the examination room, leaving her alone. Ryder felt weird wandering around the station in just a thin flimsy medical gown so she opted to stay put. Plopping down on a chair heavily, she looked at the blue orb that hovered on the desk next to her scans.
SAM.
For something so small and innocuous, it was powerful. It held all of her father's attention despite their family needing it. A flare of anger surged from her gut. She knew objectively this was merely a representation of the AI, that SAM wasn't truly at fault, that her father was responsible for his own actions. But childishly, she wanted to blame SAM.
"SAM," she called out tentatively, unsure if it could hear her.
"Yes, Sara." The blue orb pulsed in time with its flat delivery.
She stiffened. Now that she had its attention she didn't know what she wanted to say.
"You seemed nervous." Its voice, cool and calm, had masculine tones.
"How can you tell?"
"I have sensors placed around the room to help me learn."
"And what have you learned from me?" she challenged
"You are baring your teeth, your voice is deepening and your muscles are tight across your arms," it said. "I infer that you are angry."
"You're right, SAM. You've learnt your lessons well," she managed to keep the growl out of her voice. "But do you know who am I angry with? And why?"
"Given that I am alone with you here and your interaction with Dr. Carlyle did not show such signs, I infer you're angry with me." The way the words were delivered was so matter of fact, as if the conclusions didn't matter to SAM. Why would it? SAM was an AI, it was not capable of emotions. There was a long pause before it continued. "You are angry because you are still grieving over your mother's death. You are angry because Alec didn't spend time with her before she died."
Ryder inhaled sharply. The ache that was buried deep was instantly excavated in just two sentences. "You're right again, SAM. I see my father hadn't wasted his time on you even though my mother needed him, even though my brother needed him."
"But not you?" the inflection made her wondered if that was concern she was hearing.
"Not," she gritted out, "me."
"But…" SAM's voice trailed off. The pause was significant in an AI. She could imagine hearing its… his… data banks and processors whirling up trying to deal with her anger towards him. Not him, SAM is a thing, not a gendered being. It.
"I apologise, Sara, for any pain that I have caused. That is not my intention. I understand you're angry, and I would like to help you feel better."
Her breath was caught in her throat. She had no reply. What was she thinking? Speaking to SAM would make her feel better about everything that had happened? As uncomfortable about having the implant, she recognised SAM's usefulness in their mission to create a new home away from home. But this was something else altogether. This was…
"Sara, please breathe," SAM said, the inflection grew stronger. Concern, care, even worry.
She shook herself, scrubbing her face roughly her hand before straightening her spine. A confused mix of emotions roughly shoved to the back of her mind where she can sort through them at her leisure. Or not at all. "SAM, I cannot say I am not angry. I cannot say I will ever not be angry with you. But I want us to have a good foundation to work together. If nothing else, I want that. Can we do that?"
"Yes I believe so, Sara. And likewise, I would like that. Resentment isn't the best foundation to a good working relationship. But in time, I hope to learn this concept called friendship."
"Friendship…" the word formed oddly in her mouth. For the AI to ask for friendship when everything was heavily marred by her father's actions. It was too fast, too soon. "Maybe. One day. Meanwhile, please don't go rooting around in my head after I get the implant."
"I promise to respect your privacy as per the rules and allowances drawn up in the agreement with the rest of the Pathfinder team."
"Thank you, SAM."
"You're welcome, Sara," the way SAM's voice lilted up, it was akin to hope.
Maybe SAM is a real boy after all.
With that, Harry swept in with Lexi in tow.
Scott hovered in the background, a frown creasing his brow. She asked him to be present after Harry had explained to her about the situation. Due to the way her implant had been installed, it wasn't viable for the SAM implant to piggyback the same placement site. So the alternative was a little different. He'll have to cut into the side of her skull, drill and remove part of it to insert the implant directly into her brain that way.
"Well, it's brain surgery one way or another," she said, a headache starting to form. It wasn't supposed to be even more complicated than it already was.
"Is it more dangerous?" Scott asked. "Compared to mine or the others?"
"It will require more time for SAM to integrate with Sara," Harry said, pointing at the zoomed up image of Ryder's head scan. The spot where her amp and implant were pulsed in red while the new suggested site in blue.
Ryder tugged at her hair harder than needed, dragging her fingers through the loose strands. If she was going to go through with it, they'd have to take more than just a tiny bit of her hair. But hair was the least of her worries now. "How long?"
"At least five days but maybe a week."
"That long?" Her eyes bulged, shoulders hiking up to her ears. Scott put a hand on them, and she forced herself to relax.
"Yes, Sara," SAM piped up, blue light pulsing. "You will be sedated while I integrate the chip to your physiology. Effectively you will be in a temporary coma during this time. After the integration is completed, Dr. Carlyle will wean you off the sedatives and bring you back."
Her eyes darted between Harry, SAM and Lexi, whom she was introduced to just minutes ago. Apparently Lexi was the asari doctor she had seen in the labs during her initial check up. Lexi smiled at her, a blue hand reaching out to pat hers. "It's completely safe, this procedure. Even the others would require about two to three days of integration."
Scott bit his lip. "It makes such a big difference?" he asked. "Just because the chip is going into a different part of the brain?"
Ryder closed her eyes and kneaded her temples. She tried to listen but their explanation washed over her. In the end, Harry said, "If you are not comfortable with the procedure we will not proceed with it. Take some time to think about it, maybe speak to your father."
Ryder remained silent. She was afraid. This was more than she had bargained for. Brain surgery she had accepted but something different from the others, something that wasn't tested. It had only been simulated in SAM's computer banks. Is that enough? It boiled down to trust. Did she trust Harry and his team with this? Her father clearly had. He had his implant for who knew how long now.
Scott's grip on her shoulder tightened. "You don't have to decide now. Please don't feel pressurised to make this decision. It is not something to be made lightly," he said. "It's okay to say no."
She lifted her head and looked at her brother. Their eyes met. Fear stood in his eyes, it was something nebulous, not quite tangible but there all the same. She was tired of second guessing herself. She had made a commitment to the Initiative, to Scott and herself.
Hands clenched. fingers curled, she straightened and turned to Harry. "Let's do it."
Ryder ran her hand over her buzzed down hair. It was like in boot camp all over again. She left Scott to his own devices "You don't have to wait you know. Harry said it will take hours."
"I can't concentrate anyway. Pa should really be here," he growled. "I've should have gone first, not you. Are you sure you want to do it?"
"If you're going to ask me one more time, I'll just quit the Initiative," she warned jokingly, her voice a little higher and more brittle than usual. She sighed. "It doesn't help if Pa is here. You're here. That's what that matters."
Scott held her hand, his grip so tight it hurt. "I'll be here when you wake up."
She snorted. "In a week's time then."
He chuckled.
"Hop on," Harry said, only his eyes were visible. The rest were trapped behind a surgical mask, cap and scrubs.
Ryder gulped, her hands were clammy and wet. Why the fuck am I still like this? I've decided. I've chosen to do this. She took a deep breath and climbed onto the surgical table. The thin foam on top was ice cold and unyielding. Suppressing a shudder, she laid down.
A mask was quickly pressed against her nose and mouth as straps were used to secure it to her face. Nurses all clad similarly as Harry hopped into motion.
"Small pinch," one said as something pricked the back of her hand. "Just a mild sedative to start you off first."
Harry's face hovered into view as another wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her arm. "So what we are going to do is to put you into the lateral position after we intubate and catheterise you. Once the initial implantation is completed, we'll take you back to the recovery room to make sure all neurological functions are fine before sedating you for the integration."
Ryder nodded, her responses already slowed by drugs. Harry disappeared out of view as a third nurse said, "Pardon me, I'm going to pull your gown down to connect the electrodes."
She couldn't possibly be objecting now so she nodded again. Pretty soon, a persistent beeping filled the room. Lexi came into view. Her eyes blinked slowly as she studied the asari's pebbled skin with fascination she hadn't felt earlier. "Sara, please count backwards for me from a hundred."
"100." Something hot and sharp burnt as it travelled into her hand and up her arm.
"99." The lights overhead seared her eyes so she shut them.
"98." Someone was touching her head, marking the side of her scalp.
"97…" "She's out," someone said, their voice hollow and far away.
"9… 9…" A hand stuck itself into her mouth and forced it open, while a hand tipped her head back. Her eyelids were sealed shut with tape.
"9…6…?" Her legs were pulled apart as her gown was removed. Fingers probed and pulled as a cold catheter tube slid into her urethra.
"9…5…" Her body failed to move despite the discomfort as her mind receded into the fog. The darkness not quite taking her just yet.
"9…" Something hard and cold slipped between her teeth, forcing it open wider. A long tube slithered into her mouth and down her throat.
Just as she tried to remember what number she was on, the lights in her head winked out. And Ryder knew nothing more.
"Sara," someone called. "Can you hear me?"
Ryder groaned, something hard and uncomfortable was wrapped around her face, stretching into her mouth and throat.
"Relax, you're safe. The procedure is complete, and you're in the recovery room. You're still intubated, just squeeze my hand if you can hear me."
The voice resolved itself into Harry as she peeled her eyes open. Her vision fuzzy and her brain muddy as she tightened her grip on his hand. It was alarmingly weak. Her heart rate kicked up a notch and a machine squealed in response.
"All right, I know it's hard but please try to relax," Harry said, "I'll get SAM to run some diagnostics."
He turned away while Lexi ran scans over her, orange light pierced her eyes. Ryder tried to take a breath and found resistance, she started to reach up towards the tube, but another hand intercepted hers. It was rougher and larger. Her eyes traced the hand to the body it was connected to and a pair of grey eyes bored into hers.
Pa?
He tucked her hand beneath the blankets. "How is she?" he asked turning to Harry. "She seemed to be in pain."
Ryder frowned and groaned again, frustrated that she was thwarted, wishing hard she could speak, and not passively watch as the others drifted around her, fiddling with machines surrounding her like sentinels.
"I'm sure she is in quite a bit of pain," Harry explained as he tapped at a data-pad. "The initial anaesthesia is wearing off. But we will give her more once the initial diagnostics is done."
She blinked, meeting her father's eyes. Was it worry she saw there? Was it regret? She couldn't tell, her thoughts were clouds and they were taken by the wind before she could hold on to them.
"SAM, how is it looking?" Harry asked.
Before Ryder could gather her attention to listen to SAM's response, there was a sharp spike of pain that lanced across her head. It felt like a brand taken to her scalp, acid pouring into her skull and an omni-blade to her head. She would have screamed if there wasn't a tube lodged in her throat. She settled for aching her back, clutching her head but shying away when contact made it worse, groaning low and drawn out.
"Harry!" her father barked.
Her hands reached out towards him, clenching and unclenching, finding nothing but air. Her father turned towards her, grabbing her hands that sought his. He held onto it, his grip warm and sure.
"What's happening?" The question came sharp and urgent.
"I'm sorry, Alec. I was initialising the implant, and it sent a pulse into Sara's brain," SAM replied. "It was unexpected."
The fire in her head had banked, but it left trails of scorched earth in its wake. She trembled and shook, eyes fluttering shut, too weak and out of it to register what was happening. She didn't see her father's fear, didn't quite feel the tremor that ran through his body.
"Lexi, let's do the NG tube later," Harry suggested. "We'll sedate her now." Someone bustled away as he sighed loudly. "SAM, please a little warning before you do that the next time."
"Understood, Dr. Carlyle."
"Will she be okay?" her father asked, his voice hush, his hand still tight against hers.
"We will know more once the integration is complete. You know the Ryder implant is slightly more complicated than the others and with the additional complication of a new implantation site, it's not going to be all smooth sailing. But right now, Sara is fine. In pain, yes, but fine."
Lexi neared. "I'm going to sedate you now, Sara," she said.
Ryder concentrated on breathing, or rather letting the machine breathe for her, fending away the throbbing against her skull as she opened her eyes. Drugs flooded her body, pulling her back into blissful, painless sleep. As she drifted away, eyes sagging shut, her father's hand was still unwilling to relinquish hers. She heard her father asked, "Will she remember any of this?"
"It's tough to say but it's unlikely. General anaesthesia tend to mess with memory, and she just had brain surgery…"
And everything faded from away.
The week passed in a flash for Ryder. One moment she was falling asleep on the operating table, the next she was in her room. Heavy gauze wrapped around her head, tubes helping her breathe, feeding her and taking her wastes away.
Her first sight was of Scott, legs propped up on one end of her bed, concentrating very hard on a datapad. However the telltale noises that came from it told her he was doing anything but work.
Blinking slowly, her vision sharpened, her body making its aches and soreness known. She desperately wanted the breathing tube out. She stared hard at Scott.
Notice me.
Scott stared at the datapad like his life depended on it. Summoning her strength to move her hand, she only managed a somewhat twitch. She'd sighed if she could.
Notice me, damnit!
Scott's hands alternated between swiping across his screen and running them through his hair. If she hadn't recognise the iconic sound effects of the Super Mario game, she wouldn't have felt quite so pissed off.
There has got to be a call button somewhere.
Eyes darting around, she spotted it. The red call button was on Scott's fucking lap. She rolled her eyes, it was the only reaction left to her. Tugging at her core, she felt for the biotics she was born with, the one thing that separated her most starkly from Scott. It answered readily. Her muscles relaxed a notch. Taking a deep breath, or rather allowing the machine to breathe for her, she uncoiled her biotics slowly. Reaching inch by inch across the small distance between her and the call button, she Pulled at it. Slowly, it slid from his lap.
Scott paid no notice. The call button was hovering right in front of him. With a grunt, she shot it right at his forehead. It cleared the short space instantly and thwacked solidly against his head.
He jolted upright, dropping the datapad with a clatter. His eyes darting everywhere, hands going for a pistol he no longer had. He stopped short of actually looking under her bed. And then, and only then, did he looked at her.
Finally. Save me from my moron brother, please.
Ryder lost a week to the integration and then another to recovery. The day she stepped out of the damn med-bay she felt like a free woman. Her head was no longer wrapped in heavy gauze. There was just a strip of waterproof dressing protecting the wound. Harry had declared she could take care of it herself and sent her back to her room with an arm load of dressing and medi-gel packets.
But that wasn't why that day was memorable.
There were some events that was seared into the collective memories of everyone living. Like when the first Prothean artifact was discovered, like the start of the First Contact War, like the surrendering of Shanxi. Today was one such day.
She had just dropped off her medical supplies back at her room. Her omni-tool buzzed. Stabbing it with her finger, she realised it was Scott.
Sorry I can't come to the med-bay to pick you up. But do you want to get lunch?Ryder snorted and quickly typed a reply.
Scott, it's just the fucking med-bay. The station isn't that big. And lunch sounds good.Ryder made her way to the cafeteria. Scott wasn't alone, the rest were there too. Harper, she noticed, was sitting right next to him. A grin pulled at Ryder's lips. As soon as she got a tray of food, she sat down opposite Harper, right next to Kosta. The others chatted about the recent goings on, catching her up on what had been happening around the station. In between bites of food, Kosta ran a playful hand over her head, mindful of the wound. "It's a good look on you."
Ryder cocked her head, scratching at the stubbly short hair that now cover her head, minus a cleanly shone left side. "Maybe you should consider it for yourself," she suggested.
He flinched away in mock horror, clutching at his naturally curly hair. "Never!"
Before she could react, a commotion over at another table caught her attention. "No!" someone near shouted. "That can't be true."
"Put it up on the holo-screen," another called out.
The holo-screen that dominated one side of the cafeteria, normally playing Jien Garson's call for colonists video on repeat, flickered. It was replaced by one of the many news channel.
"This is Khalisah bint Sinan al-Jilani of Westerlund News. I'm reporting from the Citadel. Just minutes ago, the Systems Alliance had released a press notice reporting the downing of the Normandy seven standard days ago."
Ryder's breath hitched as she stood. The chair scrapped sharply across the floor. Everyone else had fallen silent. All eyes were focused on the lady on screen.
"There are a number of Alliance personal has been declared killed in action but most notably among them, Commander Riley Shepard, hailed by the Council as the Saviour of the Citadel, the Hero of the Blitz, is confirmed to be among the dead."
"No," someone said. She hadn't realised it was her. Vision blurring slightly as a wave of vertigo made her brace against the table for support. Scott rounded the table to her side. His hand gripped her shoulder and squeezed. "What about the others, Ashley, the LT and Delta?" She strained her ears but the reporter went on to recount how she felt the Alliance was covering something up with this press release. And how Shepard wasn't truly the Saviour of the Citadel if she sent so many of her fellow soldiers to their deaths when fighting Saren."
Ryder couldn't listen to it anymore. She turned away, stabbing her finger at her omni-tool, calling… Who the fuck do I call?
A hand rested on her other shoulder. It was Harper. Her eyes locked into hers. All Harper could offer was a grimace as Scott said, "I'm so sorry Sara. I know you have friends on the Normandy."
She hadn't really heard the words, instead she was wracking her brains. She needed information, she needed to know who was safe and who wasn't. Her breath hitched as tears brimmed.
"Sara," SAM said.
She flinched, SAM's voice echoed inside head.
"You might want to approach your father for help. He should have contacts within the Alliance."
Her eyes widened. SAM was right.
"Are you all right, Sara?" Scott asked. She realised he hadn't heard a single word SAM said.
"Yes, I… I need to talk to Pa," she blurted. Without explanation, she took off in search for her father, leaving Scott confused in her wake.
With SAM's directions, she had no problem finding her father. He was jogging on a treadmill at the gym. His gaze grew flinty the moment he caught sight of her, his eyes flicked to the white dressing on her head before going back to her face. "Why are you here?"
"I need your help," she blurted. "I need to get in contact with anyone in the Alliance."
His mouth grew pinched as he stopped the treadmill. "Why?"
"The Normandy is down, the Commander is dead. I need to know who survived."
He stiffened but wasted no time in putting a call through on his omni-tool.
Ryder stood in the crowd, a part of everyone but yet apart as well. It was the first time since she resigned that she put on her uniform. The fabric scratched and itched like it didn't belong to her, like it no longer fit. She stood a good distance away from the stage. It was only five days since the news broke, and the Alliance had already organised a funeral honouring the Normandy dead. But in truth, it really Shepard's funeral, one that was being streamed across Alliance space. If there was a private one planned, she didn't know of it. After all, who was she to the Commander, merely another grunt under her command.
Shepard had nobody outside of the Alliance. The thought made her chest ached, and she had an intense desire to her brother. Scott had been there to see her off when she left Theia Station. She hadn't hugged him then, but she wished she did now.
Ambassador Udina was speaking, a huge Alliance flag hung behind him. An artificial wind blew, setting the flag fluttering prettily. Everything about the event smacked of it — fake, unreal and completely manufactured. The only thing that wasn't was the heaviness in the air, the throng of people turning up for the event, the sheer outpouring of grief on the extra-net.
They didn't have enough space to accommodate everyone who had turned up. The VIPs, families of the dead and the surviving Normandy crew were seated up front, regular citizens of all species and Alliance soldiers not part of the invite list had to make do with the hastily set up giant holo-screens and the press of people around them.
"Commander Riley Shepard, the first human Spectre and Saviour of the Citadel, she was a force to be reckoned with the moment she enlisted. She had a rough start in life, but she never let that hold her back," Udina's voice boomed over the speakers. "She may have lost her way in recent months, talking about mythical Reapers, but that was due to the head injuries she had sustained while heroically saving the Council."
Ryder stiffened and bit her lip. Lies, lies had already started, smearing everything Shepard did and had done with a paintbrush from the political machine. They couldn't even let the dead rest.
One by one, dignitaries and guests took the stage. Everyone didn't have much to say except some generic words about bravery, duty and condolences to the families of the dead. Shepard was the main focus for their attention, the rest of the dead were relegated to being merely 'the others'. Ryder scowled her way through the speeches.
She was relieved to find out Ashley, Alenko, Chakwas and most of the rest had survived, but the fireteams didn't all emerged from the tragedy unscathed. Teo, Kaiser and Arashi were among the lost. They would join the Janus fallen, their names carved into her heart.
Tears stood in her eyes as she craned her neck to keep her eyes on the holo-screen. Councillor Anderson spoke, his voice raspy and dry. "I'll never forget the day I met Commander Riley Shepard. She was a kid then, lying on a hospital bed, recovering from forced Red Sand addiction and shotgun wounds. She had fire even then, a will to rise above her circumstances. And this," he gestured out at the audience. "she'd hated this. She'd wanted you all to toast to her death, smoke a stick in her memory and then carry on her work. Keeping the Council and Alliance space safe, from all enemies. All enemies, not just the ones we can see with our own eyes. She'd want you to stand up for what you believe in, to do what's right and to commit to your belief." The Councillor took a deep breath. "Lieutenant Alenko, please call the roll."
Alenko stood from among the seated. Bruises that marred his face was clear even from this distance. His shoulders were set, head held high as he took to the podium. He had no need for a datapad with the names, he had them all etched into his shattered spirit.
The remaining Normandy crew stood up as names were called out. One by one, they answered when called. But there were names called with no response.
"Private First Class Teo," Alenko called. Teo's name echoed. "Private First Class Joshua Teo."
And he went on. More names joined Teo's. The responses grew less and less frequent. It was all Ryder could do to keep her eyes dry.
"Lance Corporal Arashi, Lance Corporal Ryo Arashi."
She could hear sobs coming from the section where the families of the dead sat. Hitching breaths from widows and widowers, from parents who lost their child, from families now left with a hole in the middle.
"Corporal Kaiser, Corporal Linus Kaiser."
Her hands clenched tight by her side. She'd pay the dead their dues. They deserved it.
"Navigator Pressly, Navigator Charles Pressly."
Even the Councillor had his head bowed as they approached the last name on the roll call. They all knew whose name it was.
"Commander Shepard," Alenko's voice hitched. He cleared his throat roughly. "Commander Riley Shepard."
The ensuing silence sealed the end of the ceremony. As Alenko stepped off the podium, a bugler stepped up. Dressed in formal dress uniform, the bugler put the instrument to her lips. Everyone stood. A mournful note dragged itself across the stifling air.
Day is done, gone the sun,
From the lake, from the hills, from the sky;
All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.
It started softly at first. A lone voice singing out to the bugler's music, but it didn't take long for all Alliance soldiers present to join in.
While the light fades from sight,
And the stars gleaming rays softly send,
To thy hands we our souls, Lord, commend.
Do us proud, Ryder. That was the last thing Shepard told her.
Her lower lip trembled even as she trapped it between her teeth. Chin held up, eyes shining with tears unshed, Ryder took a deep breath as the last notes faded.
"I will, Shepard. I will. Rest in peace, you, Teo, Kaiser and Arashi. I will do you all proud."
Lyrics taken from Butterfield's Lullaby