A/N

Enjoy

Chapter 14: Violence in My Heart

Kyson's POV

Kyson and Tali had fallen asleep in the lounge while leaning on each other. Time it would seem decided to be forgiving for once allowing them a good solid seven hours to recoup.

"Hey you two, time to wake up. We are at the Citadel" said John as he lightly shook the young couple awake. Tali was the first to open her eyes.

"Hey Shepard, thanks for letting us know" she said groggily.

"Just call me John now Tali" replied Shepard. At this point Kyson had his eyes closed still but was listening. He was afraid to move for he knew if he did his body was going to scream in agony.

"Um, okay. Why?" she asked with curiosity. John laughed lightly.

"Family doesn't need to be so formal with each other. There will be time for that though. Kyson, I know you are awake" said John. Kyson slowly pushed off of Tali. His shoulder felt like he had been skewered with hot iron right out of the forge.

"Everything is pain" he groaned as his head exploded into a storm. John had a bottle of water along with pain pills waiting. Kyson grabbed them like an addict.

"Thanks John...so the Citadel huh? What are the orders?" asked Kyson figuring it was time for more work to be done.

"Watch over Garrus. You two are in no shape to do anything but relax. We both Know he is going to make a bee line for Teagann" replied the older N7. Kyson nodded with understanding. He stayed silent for it was still in the air if his sister had even pulled through her attack by Kai Leng. Shepard must have noticed his thinking.

"No word yet, Garrus is already waiting at the docking tube waiting for decontamination. I suggest you make it up there double time. I'll be behind you in a few" said John as he began to walk away. Kyson shook his head. He hadn't said a single word to John for his reckless behavior.

"Hey John. About the last mission. The way I handled things was sloppy as all fuck" stated Kyson not sure how to approach his massive shortcomings. John stopped at the doorway with a side glance.

"You never know what's going to happen when consulting crazy, am I right?" asked John with a slight smirk before leaving. Kyson just stared after the Commander. He had used his very words from almost a month ago when he wanted to make Kyson defacto second in command.

"You got that right" mumbled Kyson.

"Something I need to know?" asked Tali as she stood up. She offered him a hand. With a stifled yelp he stood as his right knee took his weight, Kyson took a few unsteady steps.

"Yeah, but it can wait. Just, John using my own words on me really" he said.

"Ah, he likes to do that" she replied as they made it to the elevator. Kyson could feel the distance between them in the elevator. It was odd, ever since Tali had come back he couldn't feel the bond between them except at the most stressful of moments. Was it the time? The distance they had been apart? She had been tight lipped about what had just happened on Arvuna.

"I'm sorry" he said out loud with no warning. It even surprised him a bit.

"I know. I can see it in your face. Even without the injuries you now walk all ridged. I hate what had to happen, but it needed to. Shit, Kyson, I feel so distant around you it's hard to see things for what they are these days" said Tali stating what he had feared.

"You have noticed it as well?" he asked being blunt. He was too tired for panic of the bond breaking. It was sad but true.

"I have. It's...it is another trial in life. We will make it through" she said strongly as she grabbed his right hand. Feeling her fingers in his added a small bit of comfort. Who ever said that being in a relationship was easy? No one ever, out of trillions. The door to the elevator opened to the CIC.

"I love you" he said with all he could muster in his drooping state. A tight squeeze of the hand followed.

"I love you too Kyson" she said back. They began to walk to the docking tube. Sure enough there was Garrus. In his jeans and T-shirt. The bandage on his head was fresh.

"How's your head?" asked Kyson. Garrus glanced at him with what looked like anguish.

"Nothing compared to waiting for this damn door" growled Garrus. Kyson knew that feeling. Oh did he know the waiting killed you.

"You are clear to depart" said EDI as the shipped opened both inner and outer doors. Garrus would have ran if it wasn't for his injury. All of them were moving slow that day. But Kyson was still the slowest. Garrus began to walk away with Tali in tow as he panted with shallow breaths. The pain was immense as he tried to walk. It wasn't until he reached the elevator did he realize the two staring at him.

"You should have stayed on the ship, Kyson" said a very agitated sounding Garrus.

"Kyson was ordered to stay around with you" said Tali who put a hand on her hip. She wasn't about to let Garrus be a dick. The elevator door closed.

"I'm sorry. That wasn't fair, I'm just..." Garrus seemed unable to finish. Kyson put a hand on Garrus' shoulder.

"I know bud, it's okay. We'll find out together" he said trying to keep his friends resolve together. Garrus just stood stalk still but Tali caught his eye. The gaze he got was 'she was that bad off?' but it could just be him projecting. The doors opened to the hospital, Kyson felt very nervous. Bodies were everywhere of all different species. Tarps had been laid over the dead while many more laid around with grievous wounds. Men and women still with bloody armor groaned in their seats or on the ground. It was truly a bad sight. The war must be getting bad, and closer to the Citadel.

"Keelah, there are so many..." said Tali in shock. She hadn't been part of the main war yet.

"Dead? Yeah, it's even worse than it looks" said Garrus as he began to walk in. they hadn't made it more than twenty feet before a Human nurse with dark circles under her eyes spotted them.

"Have you been seen yet? If not you need to check in. Supplies are getting tight so you are just going to make do and hold on" she said

"Just looking for a Human female. She was admitted a just over a week ago" said Garrus. The woman shook her head.

"That could have been anyone, but go ahead and try. I need to run, sorry guys" she said as she hurried of to the next task. Garrus looked at him with pain etched on his face. Not giving up Kyson began to hobble forward. After they made it through the first check point the groans turned into wails of agony. They were reaching the operating rooms. Now people were scattered about on medical gurneys with drip lines and vital displays working away. Those who weren't dying anymore had blank expressions as they heard the patients that were dying around them. Kyson knew about PTSD. He preferred the old term 'soldiers eyes' from the old days. It was more apt here. PTSD was too clinical for what it truly ways.

"I don't like this Kyson, when watching over my people down in the bay, it was bad but most had been stabilized by the time they got here. Now, these people are straight from the battle" said the Turian with a hollowness of his own. Kyson shook his head. The suffering in this place alone was just so great, it pressed on you like a sick cloud.

"Excuse me doctor, we are looking for somebody" said Tali to a man looking over a patient.

"So is everybody else! There is a general meeting area on the holding docks that gives out lists of the missing or dead. If you are not injured you need to leave so we can work!' snapped the doctor. Kyson saw Tali begin to bristle.

"Tali, come on. He is right. We need to keep moving" he said gently as he tugged at her arm.

"Bosh'tet didn't have to be rude about it" she growled under her breath.

"Did you see the twitch in his eye? The strained stance? The doctors here have been working nonstop using stem packs. They are truly desperate" said Kyson.

"This war is disgusting" said Garrus as the kept walking. Kyson nodded as they reached the furthest section of the hospital. It was now filled with the hurried and hushed tones of doctors between operations. All the people being treated here were in the ER.

"I just don't know, I've never seen such an aggressive poison before. It is so unique to Turians that someone really had to have a grudge against them. The chemical structure is masterful" said a Salarian doctor.

"Excuse us but, we are trying to find someone. My sister, Teagann Sorley. She was admitted here over a week ago with a sever slash running down her leg" said Kyson with a quite tone showing that he was not some crazed desperate loved one. The doctors looked at each other with concerned looks before the Salarian stood forward.

"I know her. She was my patient. She is..." the doctor was interrupted by a door opening to one of the operating rooms. A voice called out.

"I found the anecdote! The fuckin' thang was made by Cerberus!" shouted a shrill female voice full of relief. The Salarian and his team rushed inside. So did the others. The voice sounded very familiar. Garrus bounded into the room needing to see. Bright light came through the window facing over the presidium. A Turian who was glassy eyed lay face up barely breathing.

"I have sent the necessary drug quantities to you and the lab. We are going to save him. Hold in there general, you will be back in the fight with your men soon" said the woman from before as she laid a hand on Turians own digits. The three fingers tried to close, but only slightly.

The woman was wearing black flats on her feet with a knee length shirt. A green floral tank top adorned her torso but she was on crutches. Long brown hair draped flat to the small of her back but stray hairs went all over the place showing she had been moving around a lot. On the other side of the patient stood the Salarian doctor. He was looking at his Omni-tool but looked at the woman. He shifted his eyes to look at Kyson. The woman turned around.

"By the spirits! Teagann!" gasped Garrus, as his fears let go. Teagann seemed lost at first. If the nurse had looked tired, Teagann looked like death. Deep bags were under her eyes. She had been through a tough time.

"I thought you might not make it. Teagann, I tried to get in contact so many times but..." Garrus had gotten right up to his sister. She was beginning to cry as she wrapped her arms around his waist. Kyson just watched for he knew all the pain they must have gone through. The not knowing, to constant bargaining one goes through just to see their loved one more time. Garrus brought her in for a long, deep kiss. They held the position as tears began to fall on Teagann's cheeks. Garrus had her back.

"Not...not here Garrus. General Apatha needs to be left alone" she said with a trembling voice. Garrus took in a sharp breath.

"Apatha? Oh hell, doctors. Hop to it, he is one of our best" said Garrus.

"Of course, Teagann has been saying the same. Let us get to work then" said The Salarian. Teagann tried to bend down for her forgotten crutches but Garrus got there first. The two made their way back out of the room. That's when Teagann recognized Kyson. She saw his face causing her to twitch. If she looked like death, what did his face say?"

"Kyson, what happened two you two? Is the Normandy okay? What about John? Why couldn't I get a hold of you? Hackett kept telling me you were still behind the Perseus veil with the Quarians" she asked. Kyson walked up to his sister burying her in a hug. She hugged him back, it was crushing.

"Many things have happened Teagann. I'm just glad you are still alive" he said with his own level of fear being abated.

"I'm so sorry, I now know what you went through with losing her" said the youngest Sorley. Kyson started to chuckle a bit which made Teagann let go of him.

"Why the fuck are you laughing?" she said as more tears began to show in her eyes.

"Hey Teagann. I'm glad you are recovering" said Tali as she made herself visible for the first time. Teagann squeaked as she held her hands to her mouth. Tali brought her in for a heartfelt hug as Teagann began to sob.

"I thought you were dead! I thought I had lost everyone! My whole family...Thank God for bringing you all back. I...I..." Teagann just cried as Tali held her.

"I know, it's all right now. We are back. We aren't going anywhere" said Tali in soothing tones. Kyson walked away to find a place to sit. He had reached the end of his pain tolerance. It was time to leave.

"I'm coming with you." Said Teagann strongly though her sobs. Kyson turned around.

"No rush awright? I just need a place to sit. I don't feel so good" he said. Teagann nodded before she began to catch up with him. She moved quickly on the crutches. She had been up and about for a while now. That was a good sign. As they made progress through the dying fighters of the galaxy, Kyson could see the tear streaks on his sister's face. But a very hard expression met him.

"You have been here helping haven't you?" he asked. It seemed obvious she would have stayed and worked while incapacitated. That was a trait she shared with Liara.

"I have. I want to go now though. I can't do this anymore Kyson" she said as they got back to the elevator.

"Do we need to grab any of your stuff?" asked Garrus.

"No, Kolyat has my stuff for me. He has been watching me like a damn hawk. Good guy though" said Teagann. Her words were getting stronger now even though she still would wipe a tear away once in a while.

"How is he taking Thane's death?" asked Kyson.

"Not well. They were patching things up between themselves but, there were still a few things left out in the open" said his sister as she looked at him.

"Reminds me of something" she said but left it at that. Kyson knew what she was talking about. He let the topic die.

"Where are we going?" he asked instead. He needed to let Shepard know.

"I dunno, coffee anyone?" asked Teagann. Ten minutes later they were on the presidium commons at the Apollo cafe once again. Shepard had been notified and the grilling began. So many questions were asked. Tali did most of the talking with Kyson filling in the bits she didn't know. Garrus, he mostly just sat there next to Teagann with one of his hands in his sisters. He didn't have use for words anymore.

"So it was a Reaper on Rannoch? Damn. I bet John was glad you were there to save the day" said Teagann with wide eyes. They had just finished describing the showdown with the targeting laser.

"I hate to say it but you had a reason to worry" said Kyson being truthful.

"No shit Sherlock. But this thing about Kerris? It makes my skin crawl. Seeing and fighting under that Reaper on Tuchanka was in a league of its own but the actual fuck guys?" she asked not sure of the full implications. Kyson didn't want to elaborate on that one any more than he had too. He was still trying to figure out how he felt about it. An image of Kerris being consumed by the water still haunted him. He had wanted death to escape the very monster inside him.

"We couldn't find a way to save him. In the end, he killed six people on the Neema when he escaped his trial. He left twenty one more injured..." Tali stopped herself to look at Kyson. He reached out with his right hand despite the fire of his shoulder. Then layed it on her thigh giving it a squeeze letting her know that she didn't have to keep going.

"I miss the old Kerris I grew up with. Not the thing he had become. I saw what was happening, I even hoped I could save him. But, the cost would have been too high. It already was" said Tali. Kyson felt his stomach churning again. He still felt sick for his harsh actions when he had been in command.

"I'm sorry Tali. Many people are hurting right now. I've mostly been running family interference at the hospital. People screaming and wailing for their loved ones as their soldier husband or wife get dragged back into the ER. Then, the worst part. Telling them not an hour later that they didn't make it. Over and over all day long. It's going to be a long war" said Teagann gloomily.

"You didn't have to do that" said Garrus.

"I know that but no one else had the time or the tact to do it. I just couldn't keep watching it happen. Even then if it got to be too much I went back to helping Primarch Victus" she said while rubbing her forehead. Exhaustion was catching up with everyone.

"It has been hard" said Tali as she laid a hand on Kyson's. The family was completely battered, beaten up, and used. But they were back together once again despite all of the hardships. This was not lost on Kyson. He decided to change the subject again.

"Hey, once all of this shit is over, we can go to the beach or somthin'. Get pizzas, knock back some drinks while we enjoy the breeze" he said trying to give something to look forward too. He got a smile out of Teagann.

"It'll be a while before I get into a bikini again. Look at this..." said Teagann. She stood up and as modestly as she could, hiked up her skirt on her right leg. A scar ran from just below her knee and up the outside of her thigh. She made sure that her whole leg wasn't exposed but the wound went all the way up past her pelvis. The gash was still red and puffy but it had finally begun to heal with the matrix weave skin sutures.

"Damn...Teagann. How bad was it?" asked Garrus who had concern all over his face.

"From what the doctors told me, I was touch and go for another day after you left. But after that I stabilized. It was close" she said with a pained expression.

"That's hard to come back from" said Kyson noticing the look.

"Yeah it is, hey look who's coming...wow Shep found a bunch of them today huh?" asked Teagann. Kyson looked up at the whole group coming in. John had Liara by the arm while Sotorios Vakarian walked with Luke Sorley. Beni was there with Solana. Hell, even Boomer was there with Miranda! They descended down on the four friends with warm smiles.

"Back together again huh?" asked Boomer as he looked at the gathering. Kyson got up quickly, nearly following over trying to get to his old friend. He hadn't heard from him after the attack on the Citadel. Kyson hobbled over to him. Grabbing the outstretched hand he brought his friend in for a hug. Rough pats on the back translated the hard times.

"God damn it man" said Boomer sounding like he was going to choke up a bit. Kyson let go and stood there with a tired smile.

"We are so far from home aren't we?" asked Boomer who now had a massive burn scar on his neck. Miranda even looked like she had been though a grinder.

"That we are my Boomer. Not quite that days in the back woods is it?" he asked as he remembered the days of playing in the forests of Virginia. Boomer just shook his head before he sat down joining the rest of Kyson's rapidly expanding family.

The wounds were still there on all of them. Some old, many new. All of those there knew that a blow had been dealt to the Reapers this past week. No one had any idea of how long the scars would take to fade for memories often continued far into the future. But that was their lot in life. It was how things were, and while they were together, they could at least forget about the pain for a short while until duty called once again.

Kyson did begin to lighten up as Garrus and Solana's father, Sotorios began to heckle Miranda about her scuffed armor. In reality, it was almost spotless compared to the chunk missing from everyone else's. But he couldn't help but wonder, that after Kerris, after what he had seen on Rannoch how many would be here the next time they all had a chance to meet. Each mission dropped the chances for a full reunion. Would it be Beni up in the hospital screaming for her life next time? Boomer? It could be anyone.

"Kyson, wake up buddy" said John as he laid a hand carefully on the left shoulder. He had beer for Kyson.

"Oh, I have missed you so much liquid bread" he said as he took a long drink. The cold beer washed down like nectar of the gods. With the beer gone Shepard smiled before downing his. A loud burp ensued.

"Good stuff, haha!" laughed Shepard causing the people gathered to laugh.

"Kyson, come with me for a bit. We need to talk about some stuff" said John who still had an easy smile. Kyson got up with a little more ease now that he had rested for a bit. The beer would be helping soon enough as well. They walked down a quiet little hall close to the banking center. Shepard had even brought two more tall beers.

"Now we can talk. You wanted to say something about the last mission?" asked John as he nursed his beer.

"Yeah. I didn't hold things together with the Kerris situation" admitted Kyson being frank. John nodded while sipping more oh his beer.

"I know. Did you learn anything?" he asked. Kyson shrugged, mostly his left shoulder.

"I found a bunch of stolen documents from the major governments dating back before the council. Kerris had been approached by Saren along with Sovereign. But the darkness thing in Kerris. We are no closer to understanding what that was" said Kyson.

"Hmm. How did you get him? I could feel the explosion from Rannoch" said John. Kyson raised an eyebrow at John's smirk. He was fucking with him.

"Funny, asshole. He had a seismic charge that broke the dam. Then a singularity bomb went off that devoured the place before the nuke went off. Then...I shit you not it set off the old volcano in the caldera. I looked up the Arvuna reports for the almost million people living there. They are used to the eruptions" said Kyson. He was just happy the tiny islands had next to no people living on them. Most were on floating cities above or below the water. John downed half the remaining beer before grunting.

"I'd say he is dead Kyson. But, did you learn anything besides evidence?" he asked. Kyson screwed up his face in confusion.

"What are you asking?" said Kyson not sure what the Commander was driving at.

"The feelings you had while being in command of the Normandy" added Shepard helping Kyson along. Kyson went red in the face in embarrassment.

"I did. Just like the N7 program I hated it. I can lead a tech crew no problem...deciding the fate of galactic events? I haven't a taste for it anymore" said Kyson before drinking some more. John chuckled a bit.

"It hurts don't it?" asked Shepard. Kyson sighed.

"I would say 'more than you know' but that would be bullshit" he replied knowing the things John had been through. John just laughed like an idiot.

"Now that is the truth" said John as he finished his beer. Kyson just shook his head. He was far from laughing. John looked at Kyson causing him to settle down.

"But there is still a lot on your mind" said the Commander.

"I didn't deliver the killing blow" said Kyson with resentment. He should have been strong enough but he hadn't been.

"Why not?" asked John waiting for Kyson to explain. Kyson smirked at that. It was one of the reasons Shep was such a good man. He waited for people to say what they needed too.

"I'm still having problems in my head. With my brother. I still see him everywhere I look. When I had my hammer ready to come down on Kerris's head, he was staring at me. Kerris wanted to die. But the voice of my brother kept telling 'do it Kyson, take control' over and over" he said as he tried to keep looking down his glass at the little bit of beer he had left.

"What stopped you?" was the asked question in the air. Kyson looked up at John.

"It would have made me just like Kerris. Giving in to my inner demons. I don't think my trauma is going to go away John, and that scares me. If I live past this war, I will still see the horrible hallucinations. And worse, what if Tali saw me smash her once beloved brother's brains all over the place? She says she understands that he had to die but something is still not right" replied Kyson. John had a sad look to him as he studied Kyson.

"This war is attrition Kyson. And you know the hell we are both in. I wish I could help with that but..." John stopped. Kyson figured it might do something with Akuze and losing his whole squad.

"We are soldiers in a war. It's part of the job" finished Kyson. Shepard nodded.

"Yeah, but what do you mean something is still not right though? Tali is back. You two are now a little older and a little wiser. But here we all are together again" said John Kyson shook his head with a snort. This part made him angry. It was a new feeling at that moment.

"I can't feel her the same way I used too. I can tell something is between us. Like something is blocking the bond we once had. I can feel her, John. Her, thoughts, emotions, and a few times her sensations. But now, it's as if a heavy blanket is between us. I can kinda make out what's going on, but it's muffled, muted so to speak. I fucking hate it" snarled Kyson resenting what the war was doing to him. Had done to him. John looked horrified at the thought of having to go through the same situation.

"Fuck this war" he snapped. Kyson finished his beer.

"Ditto" he agreed. John let out a long breath that spoke volumes of the amount stress on his shoulders.

"Let's dive back into the fam shall we? I don't know what to say about Tali, but she is a strong woman, Kyson. Have some faith in it" said the older N7. Kyson nodded. They made their way back to find everyone talking about just piddly stuff. Nothing was about the war. It was a nice change.

"I'm just glad I know how to play that damn video game. It passes the hours" said Boomer to Garrus. The Turian laughed.

"Yeah, Fleet and Flotilla can get a bit challenging. But it keeps your mind off things" agreed Garrus. Kyson took a seat next to Tali again.

"Hey babe" he said in announcement.

"Hey, how are you feeling? You need to go back and rest?" she asked. Kyson thought it over. He was still in desperate need of sleep still.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea" he said. Giving their goodbyes, the two left. Kyson shared a glance from John though. It was a small smile that seemed very reassuring.

"Yo Kyson, wait up" said Boomer as he got up.

"What's up? Asked Kyson.

"Miranda and I are headed back to the Omaha, our ship. Mind if we tag along?" he asked.

"That would be nice Boomer" said Tali who had met Kyson's old friend for the first time today. After a few more farewells the four were off to the docks.

"Man, it was good to see people today. I miss the old barbeques back home" said Boomer. Kyson nodded as he limped along.

"Oh, there will be more. Wonder if the old pit is still there after all this time with Reapers crawling all over the place" Kyson wondered aloud.

"I doubt they are interested in an old farm hose Kyson" added Miranda.

"Hey, that place is home. Where we grew up damn it" snipped Boomer.

"It is a magical place I agree but she is right. It is out of the way of the major cities" Tali observed. Kyson smiled at how she called it magical.

"You have been there? To the old Sorley farm?" asked Boomer now very interested. Tali nodded.

"I have, Kyson took me there after the Normandy got grounded before the war. It was kinda romantic seeing all of the old structures in Front Royal" said Tali as she slipped a hand into Kyson's. Boomer laughed.

"A regular romantic Kyson? Well done. I just might have to see this place one day" said Miranda with an odd look Kyson had never seen on her before. Tali told Miranda about the place before things went quiet again. They began to walking past a wall that was still riddled full of bullet holes from the Cerberus attack.

"Man, they still haven't fixed all of the damage from Cerberus" said Kyson.

"Cerberus attacked the presidium? Why? What the hell would they gain from doing such a thing? I know they are evil but why aren't they working to stop the Reapers?" asked Tali incredulously. Kyson just shook his head for it was a damn mystery to him as much as anybody else.

"The Illusive man is trying to find a way to control the Reapers. He is using implants from reaper tech to indoctrinate his troops. Bend them to his will" said Miranda with a disgusted look.

"That is the most horrible thing I have ever heard" said Tali revolted. Kyson couldn't agree more with the sentiment. He remembered killing the bastards on Mars. But looking back on things, he wasn't that different back then from now. He just had a focus for his rage now.

"Creep-tastic stuff for sure, but they are going to pay for what they did here" said Boomer voicing what they all felt. They got into the elevator to head down to bay D-24.

"Things are crazy. So Miranda, what are you up too in the war? I know you aren't on the Normandy anymore" asked Tali. Miranda smiled a bit before answering.

"Well, I am fighting a bit, but it's for selfish reasons" said the former senior operative of Cerberus.

"I gave up the position of Admiral to stay with Kyson. It's okay" said Tali by way of extending an olive branch. Kyson knew Tali never saw eye to eye with Ms. Lawson.

"That is a big deal. You are very lucky Kyson" said Miranda showing the smallest hint of understanding. Kyson nodded.

"Well, truth be told, Tali, My father has found Oriana again. He has fooled Justin and myself several times now" said Miranda.

"That bosh'tet. I thought we moved your sister to a safe place? After Neket along with all the other crap we went through I thought it was over for you two" said Tali. Kyson had the feeling Tali was there for Miranda before as he listened.

"So did I. If it wasn't for us fooling for that trap the bitch Samantha set up..." she began but Tali held up a hand showing she needed to say something.

"Samantha? As in the one Kyson got stabbed by? The one he killed on Illium?" she asked as she looked at Kyson.

"Yeah, the same one. Turns out Shepard was the last to ever be brought back. Samantha either never died or I dunno. I don't think she was worth resurrecting" said Kyson.

"She wasn't. When she captured us when we thought there was a trail. She told us the story of you two. It was like a sick, twisted little game to her. You missed her heart by fractions of an inch, Kyson" said Miranda.

"Where is the bitch now? I have a score that still needs settling. I could use a good kill right now" growled Tali. Boomer looked at Kyson with a worried look on his face. Kyson couldn't help but smile.

"Kyson finally did kill her. It was here on the presidium. She was part of the attempted coop but I think Kyson knows how it happened better than I do" said Miranda as the elevator door opened.

"I had no idea she was alive...I was busy fighting my way towards the councilors to save them from an assassin named Kai Leng. As I was firing from cover I looked up to see the face of Samantha coming at me. I just reacted" he said as they started to walk toward the Normandy. He left out the part he thought he was hallucinating full out.

"So, I used my hammer. His skull was crushed, brains went everywhere but I had no time to reflect upon it" he finished. Tali just shook her head.

"Why won't the people who need to stay dead keep on being that way?" she asked tiredly. Kyson looked around and was thankful for the chance to smoke. He pulled out a red and began to take in a nice deep drag.

"Hell, Tali. Does God exist?" he asked being dramatic.

"Hey, you weren't brought up that way Kyson. Don't be a dick about God awright?" asked Boomer. Kyson looked at his old friend for he was right. He was brought up in a religious family.

"Sorry, Boomer. I am being a dick" admitted Kyson. But to avoid a religious debate, Kyson decided to change topics.

"You two never answered Tali's question in full though. What has been new since the Cerberus attack? It's been almost two weeks now hasn't it?" asked Kyson.

"Nothing much unfortunately" said Miranda which made Boomer shake his head.

"We haven't been busy for any leads on Ori are cold right now. But we have been running small drop off runs for N7 spec ops teams" said Boomer proudly. Kyson raised an eyebrow.

"They aren't really N7. They are just what the resistance against the Reapers call themselves. Hackett says they can keep saying it for moral. The funny thing is, more and more weird things are happening. I now have teams of four made up from Krogan to Quarian. My Last mission had a Geth Juggernaut!" said Boomer who looked thoroughly traumatized.

"Then you must have gotten back from a mission before seeing us?" asked Kyson for the timing from when the Geth gained sentience and now was still very small.

"Yup. Just ran a few drop off missions on Earth" he said with a grim tone. Kyson's eyes blazed like the end of his cigg. In a hushed tone Kyson grabbed his friend by the arm and asked one question.

"How bad?" he snorted fearing the worst. Boomer looked at both the girls for help. None came. With an audible gulp Boomer began to talk.

"I tried not to show anything earlier but, Front Royal, Kyson...it was one of the strategic fall back positions for Washington D.C. I had to do a drop off there. At home...everything is burned. I could find the house but if I had stayed around we would still be down there, shot out of the sky" said Boomer with a distant look in his eyes. Kyson swore as he stomped away towards the Normandy. He knew this was a likely thing to happen but his childhood home was more than likely destroyed, gone!

"Dude, I'm sorry!" yelled Boomer. Kyson stopped no more than ten feet away.

"It was our home" said Kyson full of a blind rage he couldn't control.

"I know. We have to keep fighting to get back if at all" said Boomer. Kyson knew it, he had known it before the Reapers even came. But right now, the reminder was like a lance striking his left nut. Crude example but an appropriate one.

"I Know Justin. Thanks. You two stay safe out there, if not for me then for taking our home back" said Kyson. In all of the years they had known each other, Kyson only used Boomers real name when things were serious. Boomer gave Kyson a salute. Returning it, the two said fair well.

"Good luck, old friend" said Boomer.

"Luck is a damn myth" replied Kyson with a wry grin. Boomer nodded before Kyson went back to the Normandy. His anger had settled a bit but he was in no mood for the situation the galaxy was finding itself. Making it to his room, he found a seat behind his workbench. Pulling out a fresh smoke, a bottle of Scotch, and putting on some tunes helped him a bit. He just sat there with his throbbing wounds pondering upon how his life had taken another turn.

"My home is gone. Even If Earth is saved, the Reapers defeated whole sale, what then?" he asked aloud to the empty room. Sighing he decided why not keep going?

"I mean, do I simply just rebuild on the land? What good would that do? The memories inside are gone forever. Ha! Well, it's funny how I spent years wishing the place would burn to the ground. Now it quite possibly has done just that" he said as he began to laugh. Rummaging in his top drawer of the bench he found something. A small tube full of pills. It was the gift from Mordin.

"Huh, now there is something" he shook his head wondering about if Tali would even consider trying the experimental drug that could allow her to have his children. Things seemed like they were falling apart as it was.

"I don't even have any land to pass down anymore. Well, dad would have given it to Garrus and Teagann anyway. She always was the golden child" smirked Kyson. He wondered where his suit was for it held another vital item. He checked around a bit by the other door and found it dropped off. Everything needed fixing. And naturally the most expensive piece had been crushed by Kerris. The shoulder plate with the small missile launcher.

"It's like he knew" he groaned. Kyson quickly checked over the rest of the suit. Nothing else was badly damaged except the one. A quick order had a replacement going to Cortez. Now he was pacing, with a limp still but his frequent sips of scotch helped that. Not knowing what to do with himself he turned his attention to the crates of information he had absconded with from Arvuna. Papers upon papers half of which he had no clue how to read were before him. He opened the last crate expecting to find more of the same. But, to his mild surprise it was filled with a backup drives from experiments. None of them were labeled for they had been hastily gathered but as he picked through to the bottom a very odd device stood out to him. It was a capsule that looked very much like the Geth made it.

"Now that is a very interesting piece of equipment. It is not for you though Kyson" said the all too familiar voice of Kevin. Looking up, the once eldest Sorley child smiled while smoking a Marlboro just like Kyson. Past the point of caring much he laughed at his ethereal brother.

"Is that so? Well I should just go right on ignoring you. If you don't mind me asking, why are you smoking good old flavor country? You always smoked Camel" asked Kyson for he just kept looking at Geth the capsule with interest. It was about a foot long, six inches in diameter, and reminded him of a stretched out egg. Around both circumferences was a green band of light.

"What can I say? You are a bad influence little bro" laughed Kevin. As Kyson took a seat at his workbench, Kevin took a seat directly across from him. This was the closest his 'brother' had ever come to him. Kyson didn't miss this fact but knew that nothing could be done about it.

"I try" was all Kyson could come up with as a response. He hoped that if he worked long enough on the object in front of him his brother would go away. Kevin began to laugh at him as if knowing this was his plan.

"Nice, but we have things to talk about before I let you get back to your dying relationship" said Kevin before taking a deep drag on his cigg. Kyson bristled at the base of his neck.

"Go fuck yourself. You are part of the reason things are so difficult" snapped Kyson. Kevin tut-tutted to himself as he ashed the cigg into the tray on the desk.

"I am not the one to blame Kyson. You are. Why you didn't listen to me and kill Kerris I will never understand" said Kevin trying to change the subject. It worked.

"Because the hallucination that is you told me too. That is reason enough on its own. But I will not be like Kerris! I will not give in to petty bullshit in my head no matter how much pain it causes" said Kyson as his anger began to surface again.

"Oh yes, the whole martyr syndrome. How boringly original of you. Why would I ever want to disturb your downward spiral brother for you do it so well? I know, you need to be more like me! Be positive about the dark things that are handed to you in life and use them to your advantage" laughed Kevin. Kyson was finishing a swig from his bottle before he grunted.

"I'll never be like you. You blew your brains out, left me to find you when you didn't have the balls to face dad on your own. But hell, I guess I understand a bit. It wasn't like mother was ever capable of helping anybody" snapped Kyson. (My Violent Heart: by Nine Inch Nails)

{You and I, we may look the same. But we are very far apart}

"I left for the good of the family. I was in the way, you were getting more violent, and dad? Well, how could I have ever been able to keep up with his demands? The fact that I never went into the Alliance made sure I was to be the black sheep of the family. Branded the failure" said Kevin with a sour look. Kyson just stared his dead brother down.

{There's bullet-holes where my compassion used to be and there is violence in my heart}

"Besides, you have no room to call me a coward. What did you do after I got out of the shitty existence you still live in? You cracked! You ran away. You clung to anything that could pull you out of despair. Then, you ended up in the Tenth Street Reds. The little girl you killed was the real you Kyson. Mom trying to hold onto her sanity? That is on you as well. And Cynthia? Oh! She is your biggest sin" said Kevin as he took the bottle from Kyson taking a swig himself. Kyson was too sick to his stomach to notice anything strange like his hallucination interacting with the environment. But, that's how crazy went right?

{Into fire you can send us, from the fire we return}

"Ah, I can see you are beginning to understand" said the happy sounding older brother.

{You can label us a consequence, of how much you have to learn}

He didn't have to stand here and take this shit...Kevin wasn't fucking real. He had been putting up with this for over a year now and enough was enough.

{You can try but you'll never understand, this is something you will never understand}

"You will put up with it. You will come with me Kyson one way or another. You missed your chance to touch real power on Arvuna. You will not miss it again" Kevin replied to Kyson's unspoken thought.

{Can you hear it now? Hear it coming now? Can you hear it now?"

Kyson became all too aware that something had changed. Chills ran through him. His brother had never been able to read his mind before. Something very horrifying was happening. Kevin smiled as he allowed Kyson to begin an understanding of his situation.

"The thing in Kerris, we know each other" said Kevin. Kyson felt his gut drop.

{On hands and knees, we crawl. You cannot stop us all!}

"Fuck you! You are nothing but my damaged mind! Why won't you leave me alone? Why must you haunt me so?" shouted Kyson in rage. His heart was beating faster now as he slammed his fist on the workbench.

{You wear our bones, our skin, we will not let you in}

"Because you have earned it Kyson! Fair and square! I am your guide as I lead you through the rings of hell!" laughed Kevin as Kyson ground his teeth.

"I hate you...I hate you! I hate my mind damn it! For fucks sake, I looked up to you, Kevin. I wanted to see the stars, the galaxy with my brother! I don't deserve this. I never wanted any of this life I have now..." lamented Kyson as he began to choke up.

{You have set something in motion, much greater than you've ever known}

Kevin just stood there staring at him, waiting for more. Kyson couldn't look at his brother. It was finally too much. He remembered filing the police report as the CSI team came in. He had been so distant in his recounting to the officer that not a single detail was missed. Kyson shook his head in a mix of sorrow tinted by a longing for the past.

{Standing there in all your grand naivety about to reap what you have sown}

"You can't go back Kyson. It had to happen" Kevin answered quietly.

{Time will feed upon your weaknesses and soon you'll lose the will to care}

"Why? At least answer my why you did it" asked Kyson as he tried to clamp down on his emotions. Kevin sighed with a tired cast to his features.

{When you return to the place that you call home we will be there, we will be there}

"You wouldn't understand" replied Kevin. Kyson snapped.

{On hands and knees we crawl!}

"AHHHHH! Bullshit! You were a selfish dick! You weren't brave enough to face life! You hated dad! You hated mom you even hated Teagann and I! When you pulled that trigger you said 'fuck off' to all of us!" Howled Kyson as he reached out to throttle his brother by the neck. All he grasped was a black wispy smoke.

{You cannot stop us all our blood will stay we will not go away}

"Not hate, Kyson! But revenge! Retribution for having been dealt shit cards in life! I found the reset button! I found salvation in death!" growled Kevin in defense as he backed away from Kyson.

"That's just like you! Blaming everything else for your problems. You always thought people were holding you down, holding you back. It was you Kevin, by your own hand" Kyson shouted back. Now Kevin was laughing. Shrugging his shoulders, Kyson's brother answered.

{On hands and knees we crawl. You cannot stop us all.}

"What difference does it make?" he asked.

"You made all of us suffer, you little bitch" snarled Kyson.

{Our blood, our grace, will never leave this place}

Kevin just shrugged again as he stood back a bit more. He looked to his right. A form moving from the shadows of the floor began to rise. With horror, it materialized into Kyson's mother. Amelia Sorley. She was a pale, ghost compared to the last time he had seen her. She was thin, frail, and very gaunt in the face. She looked to be wasting away.

Not wasting time, another shadow took form. Cynthia arose with the bullet hole in her forehead. She was staring at him just as vacantly as his mother.

{We crawl}

Skin crawling jolts of fear ran along his body. The faces were not blank. They were accusatory. A mountain of guilt fell upon him, he couldn't move because of the weight. Kevin began to laugh as Kyson began to crumble from within.

{We crawl}

"I'm so sorry..." Kyson said just above a whisper. There were so many choices he had done differently.

"How can we? You left us, but we are not the ones to judge. She is" said the hallucination that was his mother. Having no idea of who 'she' was, Kyson began to look around the room in despair. The darkness in the room began to lap at his feet like the small waves of a pond in a storm. He took a step back as the smell of burning flesh filled the room. Wafts of smoke began to diffuse around him reminding him of burned hair.

{We crawl}

With a swelling fear, Kyson remembered who it was his mother was speaking of. His spine ached from the tension of his taught muscles as he remembered the last visit he had had when the girl climbed up on the hammock with him. At that second, the moving black at his feet seemed to grab his ankles.

"Oh shit!" he barked trying to leap back in shock. All that was accomplished was him falling on his ass while the dark grip held him rooted to the spot.

"She will never let go. This, I cannot help you with. She has every right to your soul as me" said Kevin with a sad voice. Felling the dark press against his body, Kyson felt a sick revulsion as if he was being tainted by some living form of tar. Then, eyes. Bright little eyes formed out of the building tar mist in front of him.

"Why did I have to die, Kyson?" asked the shadow before crashing over him like a wave. Searing pain was all he could register. All of his life was forgotten except the pain of his body burning. His hair was on fire, his skin bubbled, then once the moisture was gone, began to flake and crack. He screamed but all that did was make the pain enter is mouth. He choked as fire reached his lungs.

{We crawl}

Thrashing around on the floor in his death throws, he tried to cry but his tear ducts had long since burned away. The pain began to recede being replaced by an extreme cold as his nerve endings sizzled away losing all feeling. This is the point in which shock was supposed to take over. A blinding light exploded through his eye lids. His pain disappeared. The cold he was feeling was nothing more than the metal deck of the Normandy. The light were those that lit up his room. Sweating, heart racing, Kyson slowly sat up to a voice asking for him.

"Kyson? You in here?" asked Tali as she came from the right side of his work bench. He could see her pause as she looked at him on the floor. He had to look like some sort of broken freak on the ground. Humpy dumpty sat on a wall... he thought.

Tali looked like she didn't know what to do with him. He knew his eyes were flicking around the room wide with fear and apprehension. He just couldn't stop smelling the scent of burning skin.

"Decontamination sequence complete" said the VI on his terminal. The room had done its job, Tali instantly took advantage of the notification. Taking of her mask, she sat next to Kyson on the floor looking at him. She was frowning.

"Should I be worried?" she asked bluntly trying to get a feel for the situation she was in. Finding himself in another area of fear, he began to think of excuses. He could just tell her but he couldn't begin to say what he had just witnessed. The pain was simply too great.

"Flashbacks" was all he said. It was a half-truth and for now it would have to suffice. He remembered that he had promised John to tell Tali what was going on with him but he just couldn't. Not right now.

"I have them too" said Tali as she reached for a hand to hold onto. Kyson snatched the searching hand of hers in an iron grip. He still felt like he was on fire, but the sensation began to dull as he held on to Tali. Eventually, after twenty minutes or so, he only recognized the pain from his knee and ear.

"After everything, all that has happened. I have you back, Tali" he said with as tired, flat voice that was still slightly short of breath. Tali leaned in, giving Kyson a full kiss. Kyson enjoyed the familiar, almost sweet taste of her as she began to kiss with a more intimate fervor. Her tongue sought his has he groaned softly. They had been so lonely, so lost. It had been as if the galaxy had eaten them over time.

The kiss they had after seeing each other for the first time since Kyson had 'supposedly died was one of confirmation he was real. The moments on Rannoch of joy, and adrenaline. But the way Tali gently clutched to his shoulders, the way he gently nipped at her lower lip. This was reconnection. The chance to become whole once again. Tali broke away from him to look at him.

"You are not the only one haunted Kyson. You are not alone anymore" said Tali as she ran a hand on his fuzzy hair. Kyson nodded, the truth be told? He never was. But without her it had felt that way. Tali frowned again as she looked to the side and slightly at the ground. He knew that look, she wanted to come clean about something, but wasn't sure how to say it.

"Kyson, I have something I need to tell you" she said while still not looking at him. Kyson brought her in close by the waist.

"I'm here" he said reassuringly. Tali just looked at the floor with anger in her eyes.

"There, there was a day, I...I almost left you for good" she said. Kyson couldn't make out the tone in her voice, it reminded him of a snarl but, from deep in the chest. Then he remembered that Quarians were much more in touch with their 'primitive' or 'feral' side.

"I'm sorry, Tali. I had to take him out..." he began with a heavy heart but, Tali shook her head violently.

"No!...no, Kyson" she said shouting at first but settling down. Whatever was on her mind was torturing her.

"I almost ended it. I was a hair away from doing it. I...I almost left the world of the living. If I hadn't been interrupted" said Tali with that same feral growl of disgust. Kyson began to rub her back to calm her.

"I wanted, almost took my own life Kyson" she said now with a true growl of anger at herself before burying her face in her knees with disgust. Kyson trembled a bit at the thought. He couldn't comprehend it. He jumped to his feet, dragging Tali up behind him.

"I understand. I forgive you babe, I know how the felz'elt works on us. It is over now, we just need time" he said with the little confidence he had left in his veins. Not for him, but foe her. Tali smiled weakly for a flash of a second before burying her face in the crook of his neck. They stood for an indefinite time as Tali softly cried into him. This time, he was there to catch the tears.

A/N

Review as you will as always.

~RJ