A/N
I do not own any of the characters in this story. They Belong to Bioware/EA.
~Enjoy
Chapter 25: North of Boston
Garrus' POV
The Kodiak finished docking with a loud clunk. The door opened with the crew inside shuffling out. No bickering was heard or the after-battle comments on possible improvements. Garrus stood still with his arms behind his back as he got a nod from Tali. James saluted him along with Cortez. Teagann was the last out with an obvious limp. She got down gingerly as she held his gaze.
She will have more to go. Push through my country gal. Garrus looked at Tali making sure not to be too lost in his thoughts.
"Anything of note?" he asked his new point woman. Tali didn't know that she was on the hook for more yet. The Quarian shook her head.
"Not that I could think of. The factory is ready for our fleets and Captain Riley has a hold on the situation." Tali said, staying brief. That surprised Garrus despite the banter he heard over the comm.
"Very well. We have contacted the various fleets already. Turian and Alliance ships are top priority for the time being." he answered for the crew. He looked back at Teagann.
"Teagann, go get patched up we don't know what might be next. Be ready."he said. She seemed to think she could get out of it as she began to try and stand up straight.
"That's an order. Now. Stephen, James, you are dismissed. Tali with me please." commanded Garrus as he turned on his heel and began for the elevator. Salutes all around set the next part of his day in motion. He had to prepare for Wrex and whatever shit he might stir upon his arrival.
Teagann was dropped off on the crew deck before Garrus led Tali back to the shuttle bay. Tali seemed content to be lost in her own thoughts as he walked to the left still under the engineering walk above. Garrus spotted Luke Sorley who had a calm air about him as he saw them approach. The grey hair with the smallest trace of the once black hair on the temples had left him in the past few months.
Garrus had done a check on the projects his crew were running once he had taken command. The old man had been very busy despite his lounging around. He had been locating old contacts and leaning on soldiers turned dignitaries since they had all aged from the first contact war.
"I didn't think you wanted to jump into this." said Tali, seeing what was about to happen. Luke smiled that tired face of his. Garrus wondered if that was the key to getting old. Looking like you know things before it happens. It seems to keep people off guard like it was with him right now. Luke was not a simple man despite how he acted at times. He pushed people with his brashness in order to get a measurement of their temperament. Then, he would ruthlessly manipulate. He had been watching how it was used on Kyson and Teagann. And that was why he was here now.
"Garrus. Tali. You look like someone shot the dog." said the old Human. Garrus looked at Tali who leaned against the back wall.
"We want to ask you about the N7 program." said Tali as a preamble. Luke dropped whatever demeanor he was trying to use and seemed to go cold. This was the Luke Sorley Teagann had warned about. He eyed both of them like a shark,eyeing something splashing in the water when the blood touches it's senses.
"That is a pretty big subject. There is a book or two on it even." said Luke as he settled his gaze on Garrus.
"I'm just interested in a more current bit of its history. John has given many detailed accounts of the training. The grueling tests of skill and character make great promotional propaganda." said Garrus trying to ramp up to the point. Luke waited as Tali decided to jump in.
"Why did you put Kyson in the program when he was so unstable?" asked Tali. Garrus was expecting to hear a bit of rage or a hint of frustration but it was not there. That was him not Tali projecting those emotions. She just wanted to understand. Garrus let his breath out realizing he was the one getting tense.
"What was I supposed to do? He dropped in my lap a broken heap. He needed fixing." said Luke as if it were just a natural step.
"By putting a young man with obvious psychological trauma in a position of high stress. That doesn't sound like the first choice. Not from someone who helped found N7." said Garrus. The simple answers were a front. Luke shrugged and began to walk away. Garrus stood in his way causing a glare from the old Marine.
"Why did you put Kyson in there?" he asked directly again. Luke looked at Tali who just held still waiting.
"I didn't know what else to do." admitted Luke firmly. More silence. Tali held out her hand inviting him to continue.
"At first, I thought he would just do what many do when faced with death. Bury it down where it doesn't shine. When that failed Beni tried talking with him and he only stared at the floor and drank himself to sleep while he was in the shop." said Luke with a look of disappointment. It reminded Garrus of his dad in a way that made him want to punch Luke. But too many years had passed for those emotions to have any real hold.
"He did sober up for a week. He seemed lost, confused even as he hurriedly began prepping for the Reapers. He would wander down the streets going to old friends' homes and talk them into the night his stories of the Normandy. At first people were shocked to see Kyson home from space, much less a crew member of the Normandy. Then, he would start screaming at them to get ready to fight. In their own living rooms sitting down for dinner, kids playing on the floor. He was crazy. Some listened though." said Luke as the first sign of regret seemed to edge in.
"He got enough people and myself convinced of what was to come. We set up a few cargo ships with supplies and disguised their eezo cores in the hills." said Luke as he looked back at Tali.
"He saved you." said Tali. Luke shrugged.
"I would be fighting down there don't you doubt." said Luke with a scowl. Anger was still very close under the surface. Garrus could see the next step of the story. Many young people ended up in the military the same way. It was a last chance for reform. It was a constant in the galaxy.
"You hoped the structure and routine would bring him back." said Garrus bringing the topic back on line. Luke nodded.
"I did. He wouldn't listen to anyone. He stopped bathing, he stopped eating. Garrus, I watched him stare down the barrel of his brother's old gun." said Luke with a snarl. The memory was a tough one.
"Luke, I'm sorry what happened with Kevin." said Tali as she moved forward. Luke just shook his head.
"My family never seemed to understand the drive needed to keep going." said Luke dismissing Tali. Garrus saw his friend tense up. That was a big insight into Luke as a person. It was devastating to see that after all that had happened the old N7 still couldn't connect with his children. He was softer on Teagann but it was a daughter thing. The sons had nothing but war as an example to live up too.
"I wish you could see how you are wrong." said Tali. Luke looked at the shuttle bay before sighing deeply.
"I forget that so much has happened since then. That the two of you have been such influences on my children." said Luke.
"I know that we both care for Teagann and Kyson with everything we have, Luke. We just want to know because Tali met Captain Riley on this last mission." said Garrus trying to ease the old man's regrets. Luke smiled.
"Riley? Shit let me guess. She was the one stuck with him?" asked Luke but he knew the answer. Tali nodded the confirmation.
"Damn. Riley is the current director of N7 and she would not take kindly to an 'emergency' training of a non alliance member. The arrogance would instantly set her on a warpath against the recruit. I figured that it would happen to Kyson but if Riley's unit was the one who got him…" Luke trailed off as the consequences set in.
"You need to apologize. I told her you two were on the ship." said Tali Luke stroked his bearded chin.
"I do." he said before sidestepping Garrus and getting in the elevator. Tali decided she wasn't done with the topic. Garrus watched happy that Tali so readily supported him thus far.
"Have you talked with you son about Kevin?" asked Tali. Garrus could tell by the way Luke seemed to be smacked by an invisible hand that the answer was no. The conversation never happened even once since the two had crossed paths again. Luke opened his mouth but he had taken too long.
"I know what happened. All of it and you need to make peace with him. You know why I would ask you." said Tali with a small hint of understanding given to the Marine. Tali was being smart making sure she wasn't an enemy. Luke looked at Garrus for help but got his death mask stare. Turians were famous for it.
"I will." said Luke before walking stiffly away.
"Tali, thank you again. I felt that it was an issue that would come up after this mission anyways." said Garrus.
"I saw what happened to Kyson. You saw the vid didn't you?" she asked. Garrus nodded.
"Kyson ran away only to show up with a girl after his brother died. Then, he was gone again. Nither tried to talk about it." he replied, shaking his head. Tali nodded.
"And now this thing with John. I know it is only right that we step up after all he has done to help us. He is our family at this point." she added. Both stared where Luke had been standing. Two coffins were neatly against the wall.
"I think Wrex is mad." said Garrus as he reviewed the past events.
"Should we warn Shepard?" she asked. Garrus shook his head. He had orders and was being kind in breaking them by playing ignorant.
"No. He needs to rest while he can. I doubt Wrex is coming over to cause trouble. He actually sounded concerned for a change." said Garrus.
"That is an unsettling notion. Wrex growing soft." said Tali. Garrus was quiet for a moment as he tried to stay focused but it was a losing battle. He needed to head to the Citadel yet Wrex was already on the way.
"We will find out." he said.
They ended up finding out two hours early as a request from a Turian frigate asked for permission to dock. No sooner had Garrus finished filing a report of the situation on Cyone that he had to rush to the docking bay. He could hear Wrex shouting for him the moment the krogan hit the cockpit. The two privates stationed at the war room checkpoint had their rifles out and gave him a worried look.
"Those won't do a damn thing." Garrus said quickly. The wide eyed terror in the younger one made him shake his head.
"Garrus! Where the hell are you?" shouted a very angry sounding time bomb. Garrus had apparently misjudged the shit stirring. He opened the door to the CIC and Wrex, in all his eight foot glory was there. His red eyes glared at him with a look of murder.
"What the hell is happening on this ship?" he asked. Wrex didn't wait for a reply. He grabbed Garrus by the shoulder with ease. The grip was as feared. It was crushing. He was imagining two asteroids rubbing together as he lost feeling in his right arm.
"You all were supposed to watch each other. You all helped cure my people but couldn't keep tabs on Ashley?" asked Wrex with a strange tremble in his voice. Garrus couldn't decide if it was rage or sorrow but Wrex was furious one way or another. He was also right. They had all failed their old friend.
"Kerris." was all Garrus could mutter.
"What?" shouted Wrex in his face. Garrus was confused as to why his hopefully old friend seemed amiss. Then he realized that not once did the situation with Tali and Kyson ever get mentioned to the old warlord.
"Ashley was killed in response to the unification of Geth and Quarians." he said, making sure to get the point across as quickly as possible. His arm and life probably depended on it. Wrex roughly shoved him away.
"You need to do better than that. Where is Shepard?" asked Wrex.
"He is still recovering in the med bay. He is under strict supervision right now." said the voice of Tali from behind the walking house. Wrex spun around with disturbing quickness and got in Tali's face.
"And where the hell were you? You let your shit get others killed again? Damn it Tali, I warned you to be more careful." said Wrex as he shoved her aside. Wrex commanded the whole ship as he made his way to the elevator. The two dismayed friends in tow.
"Chakwas will have to tranq my ass with twenty barrels of rincol in order to keep me from my answers." grunted Wrex as the elevator began to move.
"Shepard took a bad hit to the head on Rannoch. He is still struggling…" Tali tried to start. Wrex shook his head. He wasn't going to say another word to them. Tali looked at Garrus but he could only shrug. Who the hell was going to stop Wrex?
When the three got to the med bay the door was already open with John standing in comfortable clothes waiting. Wrex ran up to the stoic looking Commander. Garrus watched as the two men shared something silently before John nodded for Wrex to come in. Garrus made a move to join but the commander shook his head.
"This is on me." said Shepard as he laid a heavy hand on Garrus' shoulder. He looked at Tali and the look of sorrow as enough to break Garrus. He had to look away and John turned around to the med bay. The two were alone again.
"I don't feel right leaving him alone in there." he finally managed to say. Tali led him off to one of the mess tables and saw Shepard standing with his arms crossed. Wrex was screaming his head off at the Commander and Chakwas was in her usual chair with a familiar pensive look. Shepard stayed quiet for most of it. The doctor even added some point that made Wrex look up at what he guessed was Tali. The look on the old Krogans face was one of loathing.
Tali couldn't hold the Krogan's gaze and began to slump into the table.
"He is not taking the news well I see." came the voice of Liara who had come out of her office. Garrus looked on as Wrex shook his head at the three in the mess hall. Then John said something that caught the old one's attention.
Now John was the one getting heated. Garrus had never seen a Krogan go through so many emotions in, well, any amount of time. Everyone knew the stereotypes. He saw anger, shock, sadness maybe. But then a pensive look of understanding as he looked back at the old team again after nearly thirty minutes. John motioned to the group who was battered on the other side of the windows and Wrex closed his eyes and hung his head.
"Keelah, I'm sorry we weren't as careful." said Tali. Garrus just stared at the table.
Ashley had been a friend. They had never seen eye to eye on how the galaxy worked or the fact that he wasn't sure about Humans yet. He remembered the heated debates Ashley would start from her obviously only Human combat outlook.
Garrus had hated her and hoped that Humans would stay in their place as a second tier species. Then as time went on he realized just how new Humans were to the galactic front. While the first contact war was before his time. It was only just. Turians for melinia had grown up knowing about other races and actively pursued careers around it as if it was just another day.
Ashley came from a world where few outside species had yet to make any cultural impact outside of the tech advancement grab. Technological marvels are grabbed first, friendships and understanding much later seemed to be the way of Humans. He had pointed this out as well hoping that she would see it as a boon to her argument. Leave an out.
She would just keep digging. He even almost went as far as to draw a line in the old shuttle bay. His side, her side.
Then one day, Ashley had a question he wasn't ready for. She asked 'Do you believe in a higher power? Or has tech replaced that too?' Garrus was ready for another political fight. Garrus had never seen himself as religious by his peoples standards. When he told her this a whole new side of the Gunnery Chief opened up.
Ashley was a very passionate and devoted sister. An even more dedicated soldier as it proved by her constant and unwavering service to the Alliance. And her faith was at that core. Garrus had even found himself reviewing his own place in the galaxy in the wake of their late conversations as they helped outfit the Mako or tweak salvaged weapons on the workbench of hers.
He felt a wave of guilt as he realized that after the first Normandy blew apart he never tried to reach out even once. He even chastised her reaction to John on Horizon when they went after the collector ship.
Heavy footfalls could be heard as Wrex caused the trio to come back from their private musings. John stood next to the Krogan with a slight hunch. He really did look tired. Wrex focused on Tali and even kneeled down so he could look her properly in the eye.
"I didn't know." said Wrex. Tali still wasn't sure of the situation she was in.
"You could have asked for help after the boy got spaced. I would have helped." he said glumly. Tali reached out and laid a hand on Wrex's.
"I'm sorry. I was so lost I forgot even my friends." said Tali softly. Garrus shook his head angrily; it was not a good enough excuse. Not for him and how he had acted.
"I could have reached out. Even after Shepard died I should have tried to do more." he admitted as he got the strength to look at his old team. Wrex only nodded.
"Ashley would say otherwise." said Shepard.
"She said a few weeks ago that if we didn't go our separate ways, we wouldn't have covered as much ground." continued the Commander. Garrus could see the truth in it. Tali said what everyone was thinking.
"It still doesn't stop me from hurting." said the Quarian. Garrus wasn't sure what else to say. They all had their own memories to remember Williams by.
"I want a funeral. She deserves one after all she had done for this galaxy." said Wrex. Garrus was honestly surprised despite all the emotions portrayed by the usually one dimensional Wrex. No, not one dimension, a vast sea where people could only see the ripples. Wrex was a very complicated individual. No one was sure what to say as Wrex looked around at them.
"Don't fucking look at me like that. She was our damn comrade in arms. She was there helping us figure out how to fight this war before it began. She is getting a proper send off by us." said Wrex as he stood back up. Garrus looked at John.
"I agree. We have lost several here recently and they have more than earned their right to rest." said Garrus as he thought of Ashe and Smithe. Several others had gone down as well in their sleep.
"Then we should prepare." agreed John.
Tali's POV
Tali remembered being invited by Anderson to the funeral services being held for the SR1. She had declined saying that the memories were too fresh and gave him her condolences. She also said how grateful she had been to work on the Normandy. She also remembered the defeat she had felt. Both with the loss of her commander but what she thought was a true home for once.
The childish need to belong. Not to mention the heartbreak at realizing she would never be with Shepard the way she wanted.
Time passed as she found herself busy again at the fleet with the burning knowledge of the Reapers. The need to belong faded and was replaced by the more mature need to be of use. The crush had faded as well to a sad thankfulness that it was Liara who had that pain and not her.
Now all of these memories came back as a row of coffins were laid out in the shuttle bay with the launch door open. The void yawned with no passing interest in the scene. Each of the six crew members sealed away waiting to return home hopefully one day soon.
She leaned heavily against Kyson as they stood in the small crowd of the crew. No one had seemed ready for such an event. Tali always knew that many armies waited until the end of a major conflict before giving ceremonies of death. Kyson had explained that some funerals and other rites were performed by necessity, not process.
This was for healing.
Tali reflected on how her own people mourned. It was normally like most would expect. Somber, with a few wailing in outbursts as the Felz'elt may be overwhelming but it was a social affair. The whole ship was affected by the loss of one member in every case and family even more so.
Yet the circumstances of this were so personal. She was still trying not to let Wrex's comment get in her head but it was. She had no control over the events with Kerris even if she did have the shot back on the Neemah. Kerris being so wild and damaged was not on her shoulders. But Ashley dying because of their negligence to make sure the madman was dead will haunt her.
Her grip tightened on Kyson. He probably felt the same, he hadn't said a word even after she told him about the funeral. He had only nodded slowly before lighting another smoke.
All she could do is watch as Shepard walked up to stand on the opposite side of the coffins. He seemed very calm for someone who had collapsed a few days ago only to wake up and get chewed on by a Krogan. He took his time collecting his thoughts as he made sure everyone assembled was ready.
"Crew of the Normandy. Friends, my family." opened John. Tali could tell this was going to hurt the same way it did to find her father. Shepard was not one to hold back what he truly felt.
"It is remarkable to say I have all of those things here. It is groundbreaking to be the Normandy's crew. It has rocked the galaxy with the friends we made along the way. And I can say it is an unwavering truth that it is more than just good fortune that I have come to have a family amongst it all." said the Commander as he held her gaze.
"Every one of the people who are resting before us has an entire galaxy in their debt. These few who made sure to stand where many fled. Pvt First Class Richard Ashe, Corporal Alex Jenner, Sgt Gene Smithe, Pvt Amanda Okado, Legion, Commander Ashley Williams." said John as he stepped past each coffin. Tali couldn't help but stare at the box holding the place of first Geth to gain full sentience. Legion's old platform was amongst his people, on Rannoch where it belonged already. A friend despite everything. She got a chill thinking that she had almost stopped it from reaching its goal of life. Shepard had helped her from making so many mistakes.
"These are the names of those who in this war will be known for making us win. It was them, who made sure this ship and crew made it to the end. We must ask more of ourselves in their memory. Not only for their honor but for ours as well. If not for the ultimate sacrifice by our crewmates and our family we would not be still fighting today. We fight for them because they fought for us." said John as he resumed his stance in the middle of the row.
"Attention." snapped John as the whole crew, Tali included, stood at attention. She had been given a quick rundown on how Alliance colors were to be honored. Tali watched as her eyes began to tear up for the third time as the Alliance flag laid upon each coffin was folded by James and Joker. A momento for each family back home. The final funeral would wait as the bodies were put into cryo for a proper burial on Earth.
Tali looked at Kyson as the funeral ended yet people still stood around not sure what to do. He seemed distant as he always did these past weeks preferring to stay quiet and let the events sort themselves out. A large figure moved from behind her lifemate. Wrex.
He moved up to the coffin with Ashley in it. The Krogan seemed very humbled by the scenario before him. Everyone knew the stories surrounding the old warlord but few knew him. Everyone watched as a deep sigh came from the Krogan as he laid a hand on the box.
"I told myself that I should never go back to Tuchanka. That it was dead just like the future for my people." said Wrex. Tali had never heard him sound tired before. She had never seen a look of defeat in that hard Krogan. But, what she was seeing was something she realized she had never looked for despite the evidence in front of her all this time. Wrex had always cared for more than he ever showed.
"Ashley. She called me a coward. I wanted to rip her throat out for such an accusation but, the girl was right. She heard my little talks with the Commander as he tried to do whatever it is he does. Gain favors with feelings and all that shit. She started quoting all this Human crap about trees and life cycle shit too. I hate fucking poetry." said Wrex as he turned back on the crowd. Tali wasn't sure where he was going. If she was heart broken a moment ago, it was about to shatter.
"She bored the hell out of Shepard with it and Garrus damn near spaced himself." said Wrex as he began to laugh.
"What she did one day when I finally told her about some of the Krogan situation, she seemed confused about why I felt we couldn't keep our people's need to expand in check. Only expansion and violence were my peoples way. She then told me a very important saying." said Wrex with an almost wry smile. The whole bay waited.
"Good fences make good neighbors." said Wrex. Tali had never heard the phrase before.
"She read to me one of her poems that didn't suck. Where she had been hiding it we will never know. I do know we had hoped she would use it sooner. But, it isn't a matter of keeping the Krogan in. It is about everyone knowing that only the boundaries we set keep us in or out. The wall is to keep us honest. Good fences make good neighbors." said Wrex with a firm smile. Tali still didn't understand.
"A lock keeps an honest man out." added Luke causing Wrex to smile harder.
"Exactly. She sent me the works of Robert Frost. It helped me realize that the galaxy might be ready for the Krogan again after all. Even if it took another thousand years." said Wrex as he patted Ashley's coffin one more time.
"Thank you, my friend." he said as he walked away.
"It's time for a drink." Added Wrex as he went towards the elevator. Tali thought some booze would be an amazing idea for the welling ocean of emotion. The tension she was carrying in her shoulders caused her to shift and tilt her head back for a slight stretch. Up above, on the engineering cat walk a figure stood alone with a frown. Javik had remained apart from the funeral.
"That bosh'tet." she murmured under her breath. It wasn't missed.
"What?" asked Kyson. He followed her gaze.
" Javik? Leave it be. I doubt there is any room for sympathy from him." said Kyson as he began to walk towards the coffins. Tali let herself get guided gently as she let the scowling Prothean drop away. Kyson was looking at each of the coffins in turn before he closed his eyes. She watched as he mouthed some words to himself. It reminded her of Thane and how he would pray on missions. Kyson was not a religious man that she knew of.
Then, he placed a hand on the coffin holding Legion.
"I owe him so much and I never got to tell him." said Kyson. Tali waited not wanting to interrupt for she still wasn't sure how she felt about her friends dying yet.
"If it wasn't for you I would have never had a chance to see Tali have hope for her people. You made it possible for me to see her again even if you didn't let on you knew. Thank you Legion. You saved so many." said Kyson before moving on to Ashley and the others. Tali just stood there as more crew began to pay their individual respects.
Legion had helped all of them. He even stalled his upload to ask her one last question. Now Tali felt her hand on the coffin. The box may be empty, the shell left behind but Tali knew the spirit of Legion was still around. In her heart.
She wept as she moved to Ashley knowing the guilt would drive in. Legion wanted to be where he was by his own choosing. Williams belonged on Earth with the crew of the Normandy by her side. Not killed by the engines driving it.
Tali sank to her knees as she remembered Ashley pulling her away from the grenade in the ally by Chora's den. The shouts from behind as Tali was saved from Rachnii by the chief's rifle or that smile she had given her when Tali stood up to her dad for the first time over a vid comm.
Ashley Williams was her friend and Tali's past killed her.
Arms were around her as she felt Kyson try to support her. Tali tried to block out the sound of Kerris howling in rage and pain as he left the ship. He deserved so much more.
Now, the sounds of the lounge were filling her thoughts. She vaguely remembered the slow walk up with Kyson. She cried. He held her. It was all she could do not to just go to bed but she told herself she would not hide.
"I remember Ilos. She had kept those damn Geth armatures busy while I got around and placed grenades. She had one convulsing in bits before I got into position. She was getting tight with her take downs." said Wrex to a pensive looking Garrus. The two war buddies watched as Kyson and Tali walked up to the bar.
"She had gotten even better by Horizon. We got some vids from the collector attack. She stormed half of the colony by herself. When she would reign in her anger nothing could stop her." said Garrus.
"Not that she would learn that from you." said Wrex and the friends toasted on that and poured another round. Kyson went around and got himself a bottle of water. Wrex looked at it but said nothing. His gaze fell on Tali as she took a seat on the end.
"Rincol?" asked Wrex. Tali almost said yes.
"Turian brandy." said Tali and Kyson got to work.
Wrex was busy watching as Kyson worked although it was a straight shot. Tali reached under her helmet and felt for a small latch. She found it and with a small click a slot opened with the end of a small tube. She pulled on it until it reached the liquid. A small pop that probably only she could hear said that the seal had opened and the opposite end extended towards her mouth.
"You could do this at any time?" asked Wrex, who seemed perplexed. Tali began to drink the liquid causing an intense smokey flavor with a hint of sweet to reach the back of her throat.
"For you, boy?" asked Wrex towards Kyson. The use of the age reference must have irked the engineer but he shrugged before he poured a single shot of bourbon. Silence followed as the four sipped at their drinks. Tali focused on how good the drink was, she didn't have much more to give today.
"Tali. I was wrong to say what I did." said Wrex cutting the silence. Tali looked at the old Krogan to her right with apprehension. She wasn't sure what he was talking about. That could also be the drink setting in.
"It wasn't your fault. I was just angry." said Wrex for clarification. Tali poured another drink with a shake of her head.
"We still could have done better." she said before another long pull on her induction port.
"We all could have. But, we are here now to keep going. Let Ash's memory serve us to keep fighting." came a voice from the doorway. It was Shepard. Tali didn't need to turn around to know that another possible pep talk or lecture might await. All she wanted was to keep pulling the trigger on her gun.
The constant hours on the ship were beginning to torture her. She wanted the fighting to be done, she wanted her home on Rannoch. The more enemies she put down the closer she got. Not running constant power balance checks. What possibly hurt the most was how ever since she got Kyson back, and future on her home world, she was in no mood for helping on a ship.
She was getting urges to be front lines. Damn hope. It made you stupid and didn't really hear the conversation that followed outside of a few toasts. She joined all of them but kept to herself otherwise.
[You need some space?] asked Kyson as he reached out to her. Garrus was busy telling a story from Omega while she glanced back at her lifemate.
[Mabe.] she replied. And with that Kyson laid a hand on her shoulder with a soft smile on his face. His hair was growing out again, the beard as well.
"We will make it back to Rannoch. I promise." he said.
"How long were you in my head?" she asked. Kyson shrugged.
"I didn't realize I was for a while. But we got this, I can feel it." he reiterated. Tali was almost taken aback. Kyson seemed almost confident for the first time in a month. Even though he had made such comments and displays of a forward attitude since she had come back to him she realized as his face seemed more relaxed than she can remember seeing, that he had been reciting recordings of feeling. This time, he believed his words.
"See, we need more of that. We are losing the will to fight too early in this." Said Wrex from the couch. Tali Didn't need a reminder, the overwhelming enemy they faced was quickly bogging down the surge of troops from the Geth and her people. The movement of Krogan was a boost but she was receiving reports and giving information back to the fleet. All fleets were trying to hold out for the crucible yet still had to hold on.
More conversation on how to make good on promises were thrown around leaving Tali wishing to go back to her room and ride the buzz into sleep. She had been on a Mission plus the fourteen hours she had been up in total. She had even started to drink water again as she said goodbye to Wrex who was shown out by Shepard.
"Hey, Kyson?" She asked who was busy reading on his data pad behind the bar. She knew it was about work when he didn't respond. She tapped him on the shoulder.
"I'm going to bed. You staying up?" She wasn't too concerned these past weeks of him working himself to death anymore now that Kyson was separated from Khoshekh. He had found a pace of fifteen hours on, nine hours off. Enough sleep to work but no spare time.
"I'll let you get rest. I still have work to do in order to help Gabby with some repairs that need to be done outside the hull." Replied the tired looking Kyson. Tali almost asked what repairs before she thought of the obvious. Kyson was taking on a grim task yet, it was not anywhere near a first for him.
"I want to wake up with you beside me this time." She replied making sure he was looking at her. He had almost gotten into a habit of being awake when she was asleep. She was giving him time to reflect and to heal but she needed him back as well. That was the healing she needed. Selfish but necessary for her. This may be the last chance until more of them go...
"Yes ma'am. Goodnight." He said with a small smile as she climbed down from the stool and had to brace against the bar before taking her first step. She looked back and Kyson had missed it. Good, last thing she needed was to be seen being walked back to her room drunk.
Tali saw that Garrus had also taken up reading and just waved as she left. The door to the lounge opened and Tali could feel the good decision of leaving with each heavy footfall. The elevator was even opening on her deck making things easier. Luke walked out and headed right towards her.
"Hello there." Said the old Marine.
"Mr. Sorley" She said with a yawn no longer able to disguise how sleepy she was causing Luke to pause.
"I know you are about to go get shut eye but, is Kyson in there?" Asked Luke with a glance at the Lounge.
"He is." She said. Luke thanked her as she got into the elevator and she leaned against the wall. She knew that the only thing that would grant sleep was the body forcing a shutdown. She hoped that it would only be a few moments before sleep would take her.
A soft chime went off on her Omni-Tool. An urgent message from Garrus.
"Go ahead." She mumbled.
"Luke kicked me out. I think he is gonna take our advice early. You think Kyson is ready for his dad's baggage so quick after Novaria?" Asked Garrus. The Turian was second guessing his actions. Tali almost began to laugh at the absurdity of people. But she got why Luke would choose now.
"Us forcing the issue coupled with a funeral must have left an impression. Is Kyson ready? Not for us to really know if you ask me." Said Tali trying to believe her Saera was sound of mind once more. All she got was Silence.
"Have you made peace with your sister about your mom?" She asked.
"No. I have been trying though." Replied the Turian. The elevator opened and Tali began the short walk to her hammock.
"Be glad you still have a chance. Goodnight." She said.
"Yeah." was all she got before the comm closed. Garrus was concerned but why bring it up if he didn't want this to happen? Maybe he thought Luke would take more time before opening up old wounds but who was she kidding. She was no different from the Sorleys. It took an open wound to just get a glimpse of what was actually going on.
The question Tali had was how would Luke bring up the subject. She now found herself looking up at the ceiling and her eyes began to close as she reached out gently with her mind. She figured it would be enough exsertion for her mind to give up and let sleep win.
Instead, she found herself seeing images of a farmhouse on a forested mountain. The Sorley farm. Then an Image of the lounge from behind the bar. She kept feeling the urge to look out at the stars as the Normandy drifted in space.
I'm seeing from his eyes. She thought causing a feeling of hair standing up on her or was it his neck? The urges came again and she had no choice but to obey. Luke filled her vision with a beer in his hand. He looked so old. So very old she didn't even think she had met a Human of such an age. His black hair was fading quickly while the shoulders seemed to be more hunched than forward.
A pang of anger washed over her as Luke looked up at Kyson. The gritting of Kyson's teeth as he saw the pain on his father's feature. She could feel a tug at her mind as Kyson shook his head and they lit a cig.
Luke lit one as well. They looked almost exactly alike giving Tali a sick feeling. She only had a single memory of her father's face. And that was almost gone as it was.
"I never talked to you about my dad have I?" asked Luke as a large cloud of smoke was let out.
"You said he died not long after I was born. And that he hated you joining the military. I just remember mom's side some." said Kyson who began to pour more drink for himself.
"I hated him." Said Luke. Kyson laughed a bit.
"I'm shocked." said Kyson with an edge.
"I also remember how he would beat me and ask questions later. My mother was even worse than him. You would think beating children would have been pretty well stopped by the twenty second century yet…" Luke seemed to disappear for a second before moving along.
"I remember when I came back home. Mom was in hospice and she died as the sixth round of cancer finally won. The morgue, my father and I in the consultation room as we prepared to identify her body." continued the old man.
Luke seemed to be drawn back in a way that made Kyson have another flash or anger.
[One funeral. Just one and he gets enough of a feeling of remorse to make things difficult.] Said Kyson rattling Tali from just observing. She felt herself get dragged as Kyson walked over to the seat next to his dad. She could feel the tense muscles in his legs like two pile drivers moving in auto.
"My father looked at me with tears in his eyes. I had never seen the old man have a moment of kindness, or even sorrow behind those shrewd coals he called eyes. He looked me dead in the eyes and told me how 'They told me these were the golden years but, they ain't.' before he never said another word to me ever again." Said Luke. Kyson's mouth went dry as he looked at his father who seemed so lost.
[He is your father, Kyson. He was once young like us with his own battles to fight. He is a person too.] Suggested Tali trying to be gentle with her thoughts. She could feel how Kyson began to tense up. It was also odd how similar it felt to her and her physiology but that could wait.
"When he identified the body of my mother with me, she looked nothing like she had in life. She looked more like a jaundiced mummy not the woman who despite her dark moments and temper once told me she loved me. Even if it was after I got beaten for running away for the fifth time. My father only had one glance before he had to look away and left the room." Said Luke asking for another cig. Kyson obliged.
"After that it wasn't long before he was in a nursing home. He got evicted for being so argumentative and demanding we had to send him to your aunt's house. He never looked me in the eyes since that day in the morgue. He never said he was sorry for the beatings. The hate and rage for not being what he thought I should be. I never got another word from that old bastard. He even looked away from me as he died like my mother did in hospice. And, Kyson. I want you to know that I am sorry." said Luke, finishing what he had to say with a deep drag on his cig. Tali saw images of Kyson's mother as she screamed in fury at a younger Kyson with a raised fist before another quick flash of a grave. Amelia Sorley it read. No dates. Nothing but a name.
"Why would the way a person dying bother you?" Asked Kyson as Tali could feel him avoiding giving his dad closure. Kyson was still angry. Luke sighed deeply before opening another beer.
"When people are shot, crushed or blown up in battle. Soldiers, mind you or mercs who are in their prime know the risk they take most of the time. Even if half a face is blown away what is left is still an image of what they were. That was not there for my mother. Age took its toll and I won't lie. After that day I spent more time taking missions that had less and less chances of coming home." Said Luke. Kyson could only shake his head.
"So, better to die than deal with your crazy wife?" Asked Kyson, causing Luke to shrink in stature.
"Or how about being home for when your children were hurting Just. Like. You. I don't blame you for Kevin. I know that you want that blame but it was Kevin's own choice. Mom was going to be upset with the way the galaxy was no matter what. She thought she was owed something better than where she was in life at any given time. Neither of us could control that." Said Kyson.
"You are right." muttered Luke as he nursed his beer.
"I forgive you. And please, forgive yourself" Said Kyson. Tali felt the numbness begin to ebb away from Kyson as he began to let go himself. Then a great pressure formed around their chest.
"Thank you, my son. I am sorry." Said Luke who was giving his only living son an embrace.
Sadness came in a slow cold flow from the chest as memories flashed by Tali. Children running through the woods. The family huddled over a table with papers and a ship model as Luke motioned with his hands the ship flying. Amelia cutting Teagann's hair on the front porch. All of these memories of just living.
[Kyson.] All Tali could manage to say.
[I never thought, yet...neither did he. He is sorry. I always knew at least a part of me always believed.] Kyson breathed shallow breaths as he focused back on the moment.
"I always think I knew. I just wanted to know one thing." said Kyson. Luke turned to his son with a distant look waiting for Kyson.
"A son can be many things. A prodigy, a burden, a joy and a blessing. He is expected to be the refined image of his father yet retain just enough of his own personality to be considered new growth. If Things go according to plan the father will be there in the beginning to hold his son's hand as the stars are revealed. Destinations charted when learning to walk while the monsters are kept in the dark where they belong. Time passes, the two grow and so do expectations. The son becomes louder while the Father becomes quieter due to nature." Said Kyson another beer was cracked by Kyson as he took in a few deep breaths steadying himself.
This speech had been played out in his dreams before it seemed.
"The son seeks to take in knowledge thirsting for places to grow, making his sails for his journey. The Father is mending his sails for the thousandth time as he allows his son to make hasty mistakes. Learn why one makes plans before shoving off. But one thing never happened with us. One very important notion that most young boys get from their dads. That last push from the dock, and saying in spite of the fiercest storm on the horizon or the shadows revealing the monsters that it would all be okay in the end." Said Kyson with what Tali could feel was a small tear forming. Kyson then let go.
"I just needed to know that it would be okay. A single island on the map to let me know that it was worth swimming. Mom damn near beat that out of me. Kevin was the last blow." Said Kyson. Tali knew this, it was no different when she found her father with Shepard. Everything she had wanted to say came out.
"I should have. I wish more than anything that I did" Said Luke as he looked back at his beer.
"I knew mom would kill me over Kevin. Not because she loved him but because it would inconvenience her. If I survived that then I had you. The constant failure, disapproval, the silence. Hell, mom would at least rant and rave but negative attention was better than none! I was settling for her crazy bullshit in hopes that you would one day come home and rescue me. How sad right? To think that I would get saved. Kevin believed it, Teagann still does. But I have spent the past years believing that the best gift you gave me was apathy." Added Kyson who was trembling now. She could feel muscles threaten to constrict the life out of the bones they were on.
Then, what started as a slow ebb turned into an avalanche of relief. Kyson looked at his dad who had finally met his gaze. A mixture of regret and fear left Luke looking very frail. It broke Kyson's heart. She could feel the agony as he tried to stay angry.
"I was wrong though. I should have stayed home with Cynthia. I should have been there for my family instead. I needed to..." said Kyson with a sigh.
"I understand, Kyson. I'm just lucky to be in your life again." said Luke. Kyson poured another drink. The release of tension caused Tali's view to go black as sleep finally found it's prey.
{Bilgewater: by BrownBird}
When Tali woke up she could hear light breathing from under her. She rolled so she could see. Kyson was on a quickly made cot with a blanket almost under her. He had a single hand outstretched and she took it. His hand tightened slightly before both slept better than they had in months.
Review as you will and thank you.
~RJ