I do not own any characters from Sons of Anarchy. I own Sara and any other original characters.

January 2008

Days had passed, and Jason and Sterling had gone on their way back to Reno. Sara surprised herself with how okay she was with her brother leaving. She had been worried about him and expected to feel her heart ache with guilt as he rode off without her. Realistically, he was closer now. Reno was only about three hours away as opposed to the five to San Bernardino but she still felt distanced from him. She was trying not to fuss over him and letting him get his bearings. Quite a few of the other guys had followed him to Reno, a few scattering to other charters or going Nomad. It seemed like he was settling in fine though. He seemed lighter now. Maybe it was the lifted weight of no longer being president but he was getting back to being the brother she had known growing up. His temper was no longer a short fuse.

Her heart had swelled with pride as she showed Jason and Sterling her apartment, offering to let them stay on her couch if they didn't want to stay at the clubhouse. Happy had bristled at the thought of Sterling staying in her apartment, but kept his opinion to himself. Anyway, the man opted to stay at the clubhouse while Jason stayed at his sister's.

Happy watched Sterling closely at the clubhouse and was relieved when the younger man indulged himself with a brunette named Stacy. Finding out that Sterling had been her Old Man's prospect deepened his skepticism. Happy and Sara obviously weren't keeping their business too secretive; they had never really felt the need in Charming. But what if this Sterling went and reported back to Ryan. Happy wasn't scared of his girl's ex. The man was in Chino; it wasn't like he could do anything about anything from there but it added a layer of complication to his life he wasn't looking for. Happy was sure that Sara would drop everything if Ryan asked for her. Why wouldn't she? He was the love of her life. They had been together for six years.

While hearing that Ryan had stepped out on her hadn't made him happy, he couldn't help the satisfaction in knowing that Ryan wasn't some perfect boyfriend. It was obvious from Sara's reaction that it was still a sensitive topic. Jason and Sterling had shrugged it off, implying that Ryan and her had worked something out but Happy got the inkling that 'working it out' had simply been Sara agreeing to turn a blind eye to his having a girlfriend in a different state for the sake of their relationship. It wasn't uncommon in the MC world: a lot of guys had girls in different cities, and their wives or girlfriends just pretended not to know.

Hearing Sara admit she would be pissed if she found out about Hap having another girl brought him a sick sense of glee. He wanted her to be territorial. She was so fucking sexy when she was fired up. At the same time he knew he would continue to fuck around with girls in other cities. That's just how he lead his life. He wasn't going to deny himself something he wanted just because some girl in another city didn't want him to. He was an outlaw and lived by the rules he made for himself. Nonetheless, he couldn't blame her. He knew that he would beat a man within an inch of his life if he found out she was fucking some guy while Hap was out on a run. The thought made him see red.

Happy hated this side of himself. He had never felt such strong feelings of possession. It made him uneasy and anxious. He shouldn't be feeling this way. They weren't even dating; Sara was just a girl he filled his time with. He pushed his feelings down into the deep recesses of his mind, refusing to even humor them. He needed to stay focused. Sara had always been a distraction to him, but having men from her life around fussing over her had forced her to the forefront of his thoughts and made him confused. He was getting in too deep, and that wasn't okay. He needed to be detached to do the things he did for the club.

"Did you get tested yet?" Sara asked, slipping a hand into his boxer briefs to grip his length.

"What?" he asked, her words barely registering in his hazy sex-fueled brain.

"You said you needed to get tested before we stop using condoms." She reminded, nipping his ear. Sirens and alarms and bells of panic went off in his head as he flashed back to the fact she planned her apartment around him and that she had missed him while he was gone and now wanted to fuck him raw again—still. Before we stop using condoms… like it was going to become a regular thing. We didn't use condoms; he used condoms with whoever he wanted.

"I… I didn't think you were serious." He mumbled unsure of how to progress as he felt suffocated by intimacy and all of the implications that came with it. Soon she would want him to move in. And then monogamy. And then kids. And then the white picket fence.

She paused and pulled her head back to look down at him with furrowed brows.

"Why wouldn't I be?" She asked in confusion.

"I don't know. You say shit like that when you are horny." He gruffly responded with a dismissive shrug. He leaned up to kiss her again, eager to end the conversation. Sara dodged his lips and she released his cock. He let out a frustrated groan and let his head fall back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"If you don't want to, it's fine. I just thought it would be easier." She tried to sooth but he let out an exasperated sigh. He didn't want to talk about this. He just wanted to fuck her; bitches always want to talk shit out and make it more complicated. He felt the panic bubble up in his chest again as he reflected on how attached they had become. How attached he had become.

He didn't want this shit; didn't want a girlfriend to wait up for him. He didn't want someone whose feelings he had to consider. He wanted to be able to drink as much as he wanted and fuck as much as he wanted without feeling bad about it.

This was only going to end badly.

Someone was gonna get hurt, probably her, and then he'd feel guilty. He didn't feel guilty. He was a savage who killed for sport. He fucked and drank and killed. He didn't love or care or make plans.

Happy gently pushed her off of him as he sat up, rubbing his face with his hands trying to suppress his dread. He felt his heart start to race and the familiar weight in his stomach of an impending panic attack. She was probably right. It wasn't a big deal. He was overreacting. His head was buzzing loudly as he tried to quell the urge to run.

"Happy?" She asked hesitantly, confused by the shift in mood. "It's really not a big deal." She pointed out again.

"I think I'm gonna go." He whispered suddenly. The words had come out faster than he could comprehend them.

"What?" She asked in shock.

"I'm tired. I was just planning on stopping by." He answered, knowing she would see right through it.

"Happy. Stop. Are you mad or something?" She asked anxiously and he felt annoyance unexpectedly rise up in him as his anxiety clawed at him beneath his skin. This is why he didn't date. Bitches always assumed you were mad. He rolled his eyes.

"No. I just don't feel like doing this." He stated defensively, annoyed that every fucking girl dropped the 'are you mad' line.

"But… why?" She asked meekly, crossing her arms suddenly feeling exposed. She helplessly watched him pull his pants on.

"Because I don't want to! Jesus Christ, would you back off?" He snapped turning to face her in time to see her recoil.

"I-I-I'm sorry." She stuttered out quietly.

She cleared her throat and refused to meet his eyes as she reached for her tanktop and pulling it on. Her cheeks were burning pink as she swallowed a lump in her throat. She was confused at his sudden change of tone. He had been short with her before, but nothing like this. He was buzzing with the energy of a caged animal and she felt herself afraid of him for the first time. Not because she thought he would snap and kill her or anything; but because for the first time she saw a wild look in his eyes that made her question if he had only been playing nice with her to get some pussy. She had thought maybe they were moving towards something real finally. Maybe it was all just an act and he didn't give a shit about her at all. She was frustrated with herself that she was getting this worked up because he was mad at her as inexplicable as it was.

Happy watched as her whole posture and demeanor changed. He recognized her guarded façade. It was the cold, dismissive one she had used with him before they had started sleeping together. His chest tightened painfully as he watched her shut down before his eyes.

"Sar—" He started, his eyes softening.

"Get out." She stated bluntly. He crossed his arms and fixed his eyes on her.

"Get out." She repeated briskly. "You wanted to leave, so go."

"Let me expl—"

"There's nothing to explain. We both just wanted a casual fuck and we had that. Now we can both move on. So please leave." She shrugged and pointed towards the door. He sighed and rolled his eyes and left with a mumbled "whatever bitch". He knew she would get over it. She was bluffing because she was mad; she was the most dramatic person he had ever met. With the slam of her front door, she released a shaky breath and blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.

She waited until the sound of his engine faded into the night and she pulled out an overnight bag and began stuffing it with clothes. Ignoring the hurt in her heart, she continued grabbing the stuff she might need. She needed to get out of Charming for a few days to figure out what she wanted. Had she just decided to stay because of Happy or did she actually want to be there? Once more she had based her decisions on a man in her life. She was such a fuck up. She was fooling herself if she thought she could do anything on her own. She was living in a stupid fairy tale.

She still had a few days until she was expected to show up for work. She pulled out her phone and scrolled until she found the number she wanted. Her thumb hovered for a moment over the number, unsure why she suddenly felt the need to reach out. They hadn't spoken in a long time. Dial.

"Hey. I know it's been a while since I called…yeah everything is okay… Can I just… can I come visit for a few days? ... I'll tell you when I get there…No, I'm gonna catch an early flight…Thanks…I love you, too."

A/N: Okay so there's a REAL chapter for you guys to think about. Uh Oh. First real fight. Who'd she run to? Thoughts? Feelings? Thank you for all of your support and well wishes, as well as your enthusiasm for the story. Happy summer break to any of my teacher readers who are already on break. Happy Ramadan to any of my Muslim readers. Joy and Peace to you this month.