a/n: It's been a while. What happened was I had a draft but lost it which really didn't motivate me to write the rest of the story for years; however, I do have an ending in mind for this story.

Some personal updates since I last updated - I am engaged now! I have been to Japan - and many other countries since last chapter! I'm a little saddened GinTsu isn't canon, but that's OK! We still have a lot of material for the ship!

8. loyalty

The sky had given the morning a new meaning as she woke up, the rays of light hitting her eyes.

It's been a while since I've seen the sun, she thought sleepily. Then she remembered the activities of last night and saw Gintoki sleeping next to her.

Blushing, she curled back into bed, content to simply look at his face. He looked so peaceful like this. She wanted to touch him again, but knew she shouldn't. She knew that when he woke up, he was going to go away, possibly forever. She had already promised to herself that she would never be with a single man other than him, even if it was likely that he'd never care to see her again.

Whether she cared to think about it (and she didn't want to analyze it), she knew she was falling in love. She had understood from the beginning that it was a worthless emotion, a liability, and a risk too expensive to take... But for once, she had met a person who made her feel truly protected. This was a feeling she'd never had with anybody else before. Her father had sold her. Jiraia had failed to protect her, and had betrayed her completely. Hosen had taken away her sister and imprisoned her.

But Gintoki had given her freedom. With that came eternal salvation. It was a gift that only one person in a million could ever give her, too great a gift that she couldn't think of anything equal to repay him with. Love, something that she only doled out sparingly, and with the utmost reluctance, seemed the only option she could give him, and even them it seemed exceedingly too small a gift for what he'd bestowed on her: a new chance, for a new life.

She rose out of bed, fully intending to leave without a trace, but before she could do so his hand grabbed her arm.

"Don't leave," he said, his eyes tired, but sparkling with amusement. "I want to see your face before you go."

"I thought you were asleep," she replied, embarrassed.

"A soldier never really falls asleep," he said, looking at her as if she was a precious jewel. "Come here."

She obeyed, knowing that the longer she stayed with him, the more she'd pine for him. He pulled her into an embrace; their bodies were still naked and she could feel his heartbeat next to hers.

"I can't promise that I'll visit you as much as you'd like," he said. "But I'll write to you. And if I die, I won't let my friends tell you, because I want you to be mine forever, Shinigami Dayuu."

"Unfair," she said, closing her eyes, smelling the sweet scent of his hair. "I bet you say that to every girl you sleep with. It wouldn't be fair if I kept myself chaste for you but you wouldn't do the same for me."

"I'm serious. I've never been with a real girl before. Or someone who cared enough to give me her first."

She wanted to believe him, and had she been a regular girl who grew up with a normal family, she might have believed him and his pretty words. But she wasn't. She was Tsukuyo, the guardian of Yoshiwara, who'd been around the block and then some. Whether it was unfair, or not unfair, she knew the price of believing a man's lies.

But even so, her heart swelled. If I have to play into this delusion, then I shall walk to its finish line and then wake up from this beautiful dream.

"Then make me a promise," she said, plucking a hair from her golden head. "The next time there is a full moon, you'll write me a letter before then."

She tied the hair around his pinky. He nodded, and then plucked a strand of his, tying it securely around her index.

-x-

As they stood near the elevators that would take him back into the overground world, they spent the last few moments between them in an embrace, not caring who would have seen them.

A new world. A new beginning. She wasn't sure where her future was going to end up, but compared to the dark certainty of dying alone in Yoshiwara, the stark difference was more comforting than not.

The doors opened, and he had whispered into her golden hair "Goodbye," - his voice so faint that she barely heard him say anything all. A look of adoration was the last thing she saw before she smiled sadly, untangling her fingers from his hand, letting him step inside before the doors closed once again.

And so she stared, watching the elevator taking him back into the real world, where he wasn't savior of Yoshiwara anymore, but the savior of Japan's pride and honor.

Once she finally turned around, she wasn't surprised to see Hinowa, who was in a wheelchair, standing in front of her.

"You didn't come home last night," her sister said, head tilted in amusement. "If I'd known... "

"Don't romanticize it," Tsukuyo said sharply, although her eyes were still kind at the sight of the courtesan. "He's a soldier. I simply gave him a beautiful memory. That's all... "

"Isn't that what Yoshiwara is for?" Hinowa replied rhetorically, and then they walked back home in the golden sunshine.

-x-

For the next few weeks, the reconstruction of Yoshiwara had kept her busy, and she would only permit to think of Gintoki when she had a short break for she had convinced herself that he would forget about her. She was now the head of Hyakka, and the deep sense of responsibility that she took on was not unnoticed. Jiraia - for all his faults - had trained her since childhood for her to take on his mantle of leadership, and she took it seriously.

He had stayed somewhat subdued in his prison cell, and for a good while after the Kiheitai had interrogated him, she had half expected him to kill her in her sleep. Even so, nothing of the sort had happened. When he had recovered from his injuries, he had not bothered even to escape from his cell even if it would have been mere child's play for an Iwa ninja like him to do so.

After a few weeks she had visited him, always with preparations just in case her life was in danger, but instead, he had only lifted his head when she stood next to him, the bars casting shadows over their silhouettes.

"Tsukuyo," he murmured. She simply looked at him, not knowing what to say at first.

"Shishou... "

She swallowed, not sure if it was from fear or nervousness.

"I'm glad you're alive," he said.

"Shishou, I... " Somehow, despite his hatred for her feminine weakness, she could not bring to hate him despite his betrayal. How could she?

"You were so strong that night," he said. "Ever since then, I have been ... reconsidering many things in my life."

"The soldier I met gave me... these supplements. For a while, they made me more powerful than normal."

"I see... " At this Jiraia had a mournful expression, as if he was sorry for all he did, all of a sudden. "I truly wanted you to kill me that day. To be eaten alive by my own self, my own creation..."

"Why?"

"Haven't I raised you to hate me? To despise me all this time? Surely at this point I have stripped you from the things others would hold dear - friends... family... the potential to have a husband... "

"I don't need all that," Tsukuyo said adamantly. "I just wanted to serve under you, Shishou. I wanted to protect the women here, and if - if... I had to give those things up, I would have done it willingly.

"But why? Aren't you a woman, too?"

"I told you, I don't care about any of that!" A lump grew in her throat. "Of course I'm a woman! But my feelings have never changed. I want to protect Yoshiwara. I want to protect Hinowa with all my heart, and I want people in this town to live without fear."

There was a silence, and Jiraia only looked at her, his eyes searching for something she could not identify. Then his hand reached out from his bars. "Come here, Tsukuyo."

Her heart beat faster and she took a small step with trepidation. Is he going to kill me?

"Come closer," he said, his voice calm. She obeyed.

And as soon as she did, he patted her on top of her head, the way that he had done when she was so very small, barely old enough to hold a kunai.

"The student has surpassed the master," he said softly. "Be free, Tsukuyo."

-x-

Despite the change in regime, there were many things that remained the same, including the fact that there was still a war going on. Although Tsukuyo had to the best of her ability abolished the more barbaric practices - namely against killing the women who fell pregnant, sick, or too old to service customers - she had found that she could not dissolve the contracts of young girls sold into the brothels without their consent. It frustrated her.

Still, it was a miracle in a sense that more women had an option now to leave; but to her great surprise, most women preferred to stay in the red light district.

"Don't get me wrong, Tsukuyo-dono," one of the courtesans said to her on a late night patrol - "I'm relieved that we can leave now if we wish, but this is the only life I've ever known. I'm not even sure how things work on the surface!"

As she felt the same despite years of fantasizing her escape from Yoshiwara, Tsukuyo could hardly criticize them for sticking to a life they had grown up with. She herself had even told Gintoki as such, although her heart still twinged at the thought of him.

I want to see him.

Perhaps that was too strong of a statement for someone in her position to think, but she had found that her feelings had not gone away, as much as she wished it to. There were some days she would hope that he would never send a letter and other days that she hoped a letter would come. The feelings evoked since that night they shared together were intoxicating, madly exhilarating - and sometimes she resented herself for opening herself up to a world that she knew would be very hard to ignore. But there had been no regrets since then. She had made her choice, and even if it would turn out to be the wrong one, she knew that she had made an indelible mark on him, and he had done the same for her.

Things after all had changed. The sky was bright and brilliantly blue; she could hear Hinowa singing in the morning as she made breakfast for Seita. That was enough for the Courtesan of Death.

-x-

On another planet, far way from Earth, there was a man who looked anxiously at his hair in the mirror, sighing before putting his helmet on.

"Leaving so soon?" his wife asked. "You know, the kids are going to keep asking why you don't love them anymore."

"Someday, they'll understand," he said, leaning down to kiss on her cheek. "And anyways, you're more important than I am."

"But what if... " and here her voice went soft. "If I'm not here anymore, I won't be able to explain things to them. Please, my love - "

"Kouka." He placed a thumb on her cheek, stroking it softly. "I promise you, for the sake of our family and our future, I will find a cure for us. Believe in me, all right?"

She nodded briefly. "Be safe," she said, a soft smile. "Come back soon."

As soon as the door closed, he turned his back on his home.

Now, to find out who killed my old rival and friend...

-x-

a/n: Please review and let me know if you're interested in me continuing to work on this story. I have started an outline but would like to know if there is still interest out there for me to finish this story once and for all (now that I actually have a plan and ending in mind).