Chapter 6:
It had been a week since Dallas. A week since the last time Rayna a Deacon had even a moment alone together. When Deacon walked out of her dressing room that night, she could not have predicted the week they would have. When the door closed leaving her alone, sweaty, heartbeat one hundred miles per hour, she made her way to the couch and sat trying to make sense of everything that had just happened. She put her fingers to her lips, still tingling from his. She closed her eyes, the image of him burned into their lids. She took a deep breath, the taste in her mouth still mingled with his. "Oh my god," she said out loud.
She was trying her best to process everything that just happen so that she could go about compartmentalizing things in her usual way, especially things that had to do with Deacon. He said they would talk but how the hell was that conversation supposed to start let alone end. She had spent over a half a decade putting feelings and thoughts of Deacon in a nice little box she hid away where no one could find them, not even herself. When he walked away from her all those years ago, she knew that the only way they would both survive was to keep out of each other's lives the best they could. In the beginning it was difficult, she couldn't wrap her head around being a co-parent to a two-year-old and six-year-old without being in a physical and emotional relationship but somehow, they found a way. Mostly it was Deacon that found a way to untangle their intertwined lives. He left her band, left her house and left their friendship.
That was the part she missed the most. She missed being able to lean on his shoulder at the end of a long day and tell him about her fears, hopes and dreams. She missed being able to take a walk with him and clear her head. She missed the way he would pull her into an embrace when she was starting to unravel, the way he would hold her until she relaxed. She missed going to bed with him and talking quietly as he rubbed her back. She missed the way he would call her on her shit when she was being a diva or level set with her when she was driving everyone crazy with her take over the world energy. She missed the calm that would come over her when he told her everything was going to be okay. While he was still in her life as a co-parent, she missed him, the him that was hers.
When she finally pulled herself together, she showered and made herself ready for the after party. She knew it would be at least another hour if not two before her and Deacon could steal away. She shook hands, made small talk and smiled, not the Queen of County smile that she had perfected over the years but a genuine smile. Most people assumed it was due to the amazing performance she had just put on, but there was a man on the other side of the room that knew better, that knew exactly what had put that smile on her face and he had one to match.
Deacon had watched her from a distance, doing his level best not to cross the room and take her in his arms. She was beautiful, glowing in fact and he was satisfied knowing that he helped put that glow there. While he was still on cloud nine, there was a small voice in the back of his head that told him to be careful. He had spent a lot of years being careful with her, trying his best to be a good father and co-parent without getting involved in her life. The last few weeks had been balm to his heavily scarred heart, and he was so damn tired of being careful. This would work out, it had to for all of them. Maybe now she would be able to see what he had all along, the amazing life they could have together, if she would give into it, they could have it all, music, the girls, peace and love and every moment in between. Every now and then he would catch her looking at him, his smile would brighten just a tad, letting her know that he had noticed and was feeling the same.
He was in the middle of one of those exchanges when his cell phone rang. He checked the number and not being familiar with the digits decided to take the call, something he always did when the girls weren't with him. He listened intently as Rayna's wardrobe assistant, Alice, told him that Daphne had all the sudden gotten sick and had been throwing up for the past few minutes. She didn't want to disturb him or Rayna, but Daphne was upset and asking for them. He told her that he would be right up and ended the call. He then made his way to Bucky to let him know that Daphne was sick, and he was handling it and he shouldn't tell Rayna until the party was over. He didn't see any use in both of them having to end, what was quickly becoming one of the best nights of his life, to take care of a sick little girl.
Rayna was practically blushing at Deacon when he answered a phone call. He seemed concerned and right after he finished the call he was talking to Bucky before disappearing all together. Her heart sunk a little watching him walk out the door. A déjà vu that she didn't particularly care for, but she did have a job to do so she soldiered on for another twenty minutes until she got a chance to talk to Bucky.
"Hey Rayna, what a night! The room in on fire after that performance and I just checked in with PR and the buzz online is the best we've had in a long time."
"Thanks Buck. It's been a night," she said with a smile. "Hey, you wouldn't happened to know where Deacon went off to would you?"
"He said he had something to take care of, but he would catch up with you later." He didn't like lying to here or more accurately 'handling' her, but she was at an inflection point in her career and with all the recent success, he knew she had to capitalize if she was going to take the next step. He also knew the Deacon was more than capable of handling the girls. She may have his ass for it later but tonight he was putting her and her career first.
"Okay, thanks," she said smiling but this was a much more reserved smile than he had been witnessing lately. She turned to walk away when another thought had hit her, "Hey Bucky, have you seen Juliet?"
"She left about thirty minutes ago. You know how she can be, probably not loving the attention you are getting."
Her stomach dropped. She couldn't even fathom that Deacon would leave her to run to Juliet, but her insecurities were whispering to her that Juliet was young and talented and fun and didn't come with any of the heavy baggage that she a Deacon had. She shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts. No, she wouldn't go there, not tonight, not when things were going so well.
A car horn beeped, and she was brought out of her musings. She raised her hand in apology and hit the gas. It had been a week since that night. When she finally made it back to her hotel room around one in the morning, Deacon was asleep in her bed, a feverish Daphne beside him. She made her way to the girl's room where she snuggled next to Maddie. The rest of the week was a rush. The success of the tour made her more in demand than ever and Bucky had her all over every town they were in, doing interviews and appearances. She was also fielding phone calls and remote interviews. When she wasn't working, she was checking in on the girls, who had both come down with the flu. Deacon spent most of his days playing nurse to the girls but even he seemed to be getting sick, though to a lesser extent. They barely got to say hello to one another let alone find time alone to talk. As they made their way back to Nashville for their three-week break, the girls were feeling much more themselves, but Deacon was still exhausted and has spent the first four days of their break resting.
He had been pretty radio silent as well which worried her. They hadn't talked about Dallas at all and it was starting to drive her a little crazy. As she pulled into Soundcheck she smiled when she noticed his truck in the parking lot. She pulled next to it and jumped out, hoping to catch him before her rehearsal.
Deacon was in the hallway taking a break from Juliet's band rehearsal when he saw Rayna come through the door. He made an excuse to some of his bandmates and they all tried not to notice that he made a b-line for Rayna. He took her by the hand down an empty corridor. They ducked into one of the storage rooms. He backed her into the far wall holding some guitar cases before kissing her sweetly on the lips.
"Hi," he said has he moved a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Hi," she replied smiling up at him like a shy teenager. "I've missed you."
"It's only been a couple of days," he playfully argued.
"No, a couple it two and it's been four days," she pouted making him chuckle.
"Well, how will I ever make it up to you?" he asked before finding her lips again. They kissed for a few minutes; it had been a long time since they enjoyed a mid-day make out session. It had been close to two decades since they were carefree about anything and they were both enjoying the shift. It was Rayna who finally pulled away knowing their stolen time was fleeting.
She wrapped her arms around his neck then she pulled back, far enough to talk to him without her lips falling onto his. "So, I have rehearsal in a few minutes, but I did want to talk to you. It's been over a week since we were in Dallas and we said we would talk."
"Yes, we did, so you wanna talk, now?" he asked nodding at their current surroundings, not particularly sure she would want to have this conversation in a storage room.
"Not now but I want to talk about when."
"So, you wanna talk about talking?" he was laughing softly but stopped when he realized she was serious and not just that, she looked vulnerable. He tightened his arms around her waist bringing her an inch closer. "Sorry baby. How about tonight. We can have dinner at your place then we can talk about Dallas, about your week, about your day and anything else that might be on that beautiful mind of yours. How does that sound?"
She smiled at him and then reached in to give him a kiss. "That sounds like a date."
"A date? Hmmmm, I guess that means I should shower and everything before coming over. You don't mind if I bring my kids along on our date?" he asked winking at her.
"I don't mind at all," she said as she wiggled out of his arms and made her way to the door. Before opening it, she shot him a look over her shoulder, "I don't mind at all but if you are bringing your kids than I am bringing mine."
Family dinner was a success. It was the first time in a long time that the four of them sat at the island in the kitchen eating dinner and laughing. Usually, if Deacon joined them for dinner at the house, it was a holiday which meant he also had to put up with Rayna's family, there wasn't much room for laughter at a Wyatt family dinner. It was the only time Deacon was ever tempted these days to have a drink.
Today was a casual dinner and casual always felt good on him. The girls carried most of the conversation with Rayna and Deacon along for the ride. They filled Deacon in on their last week, friend's latest drama, Daphne's hunt for the perfect backpack for the new school term and Maddie's high school dilemma. They also laughed about the tour and retold stories like old roadies catching up. Since the school year hadn't kicked in yet, Rayna couldn't enforce a bedtime, but she longed to talk to Deacon alone and she was getting antsy. Finally, the girls both retired on their own, Daphne to finish her new book and Maddie to call her friend.
Deacon helped Rayna clean up before she led him to her music room. This was a safe place for them to talk. The room had extra sound proofing that allowed Rayna to sing and play music at any time of the day without disturbing the girls. It was also as neutral a site as Deacon was going to get in Rayna's house. The room was filled with their memorabilia and photos, not to mention guitars, which always made him feel at home.
He picked up one of his old acoustics off her wall and strummed it "outta tune," he commented before putting it back and taking a seat next to her on the couch. They kept a respectful distance but close enough to place a hand on a knee or hold hands while they figured out their future.
They talked about the tour and how good it felt to be together as a family. They talked about how much the girls benefitted from a summer with both their parents and how happy and content they had both been lately. They agreed that being back on stage together was exciting and exhilarating. Rayna admitted that she hadn't had that much fun playing in almost a decade. Deacon admitted that he hadn't felt that musically fulfilled for the same amount of time. These days, performing had been more of a job than anything else but the last leg of the tour felt different. She felt like an artist again, she was felt more connected to the audience and the music.
They talked about the night in Dallas both the show and after show. It was less awkward than either of them thought it would be but that didn't stop both of them from blushing. Rayna relayed here fears of moving too fast and how the girls would react. She didn't want to put too much pressure on their relationship and if they were open about it and moved to fast, the expectations could break them. Deacon agreed to take things slow as long as she agreed to be all in. He couldn't go back to a gray area where they were together with Rayna having one hand on the door. He didn't want to feel like he was walking on eggshells, scared she would bolt.
"So, we are taking it slow," Deacon confirmed as he scooted closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"And I am all in, we are all in," she followed collapsing on top of him when he tugged her closer.
"Where else would I be?" he asked playfully before kissing her. She kissed him back and ran her hands through his hair. He moved from her lips to her neck and Rayna sighed in satisfaction.
"I guess you are going to have to let all your girlfriends know you are officially off the market," she said her eyes rolling closed when he hit a particularly sensitive spot.
He snorted against her neck, "I'll send em a group text," he murmured before beginning his decent to other spots he knew would drive her crazy.
She should have just let it go at that. She should have just enjoyed the feel of his lips on her skin, his hands on her hips but she couldn't resist answering the siren call of her insecurities. "Well you may want to send a separate text to Juliet, you know that girl likes to feel special." Her tone didn't come off as playful as she would have wanted but rather, annoyed.
Deacon stopped his decent and pulled himself up to look at her, his hands still on her hips. "Juliet? Why would you be bringing her up?"
"I'm just saying, I know you haven't been a monk all these years."
"Oh, I'm sorry and you have?" he asked pulling completely away from her.
She scoffed at him and folded her arms under her chest. "I'm not the one that goes around town advertising it."
"Advertising it?" he said more to himself than her. "Rayna, what the hell are you talking about?"
"Come on Deacon, you think I don't know you've been catting around town the last seven years."
"Catting around?"
"Would you stop repeating everything I say!"
"I would if you were makin any kinda sense! Rayna, I have no idea what you are talking about. Have I dated people, sure I have, I'm not gonna lie about that but I sure the hell haven't been catting around, let alone advertising it!"
"Not what I hear," she scoffed.
Deacon was irritated now and stood up from the couch. "Heard from who?" She was silent for a minute thinking of all the hushed conversations and "she's got nothing on you sweetie," she'd heard over the years, Nashville's social butterflies always ready to share the latest rumors. "Heard it from who Rayna?"
"People talk."
"People or Tandy? Hell Ray, you know damn well that Tandy can hardly stand me, I bet she just can't wait to tell you the rumors she hears round town."
"Well they don't call her the Mouth of the South for nothing but doesn't mean she's wrong. Anyway, she isn't the only one, hell everyone round here loves to fill me in on your latest flavor of the week. The moms at the girl's school could barely contain themselves when they told me about you and Juliet," she finished scowling at him.
"Juliet! What the hell does Juliet have to do with any of this?"
"Keep your voice down, the girls will hear you!"
Deacon paced in front of the couch a few times doing his level best to get his anger in check. He was mumbling to himself trying to figure out how he went from making out on the couch with Rayna to arguing over his love life, if you could even call it that. While he had dated, there had never been anyone serious and he was always very careful lest the girls find out. He and Rayna had both agreed that until anything was serious, put a ring on it serious, they wouldn't introduce the girls and even then, they would tell them together. Rayna watched him as she sat fuming. She wasn't sure why she was so angry or why she even brought any of this up in the first place. They were apart all these years and she had no right to act like a scorned woman.
Deacon finally stopped in front of her. He rubbed his hands over his face, he looked tired, but he was determined to see this through. "What's all this about Juliet, Rayna? Where is this all coming from?" he asked a little more calmly.
"You're going to stand there and tell me you haven't slept with her? Come on Deacon, I know you. She got you in your soft spot, writing with you, recoding your songs."
Deacon was somewhere between furious and dumbstruck. "My soft spot!" he finally said when he found his voice. "Christ Ray, I didn't know that I had to sleep with someone to get them to record my songs."
"That's not what I meant," she followed up quickly realizing how bad that sounded. "I just meant that she obviously has a thing for you, and she used music to…," she looked away realizing how terrible this all sounded.
"To what Ray, seriously, I want to hear you say it," he demanded and stood waiting with his arms crossed.
Finally, Rayna turned to him, her eyes glossy but a look of determination on her face. "She wanted to sleep with you, and she used music to get you into to bed. There, I said it, now you going to tell me I'm wrong," she shouted at him.
He stood for a minute shaking his head, "damn Ray, you don't know how wrong you are." He looked down at her pinching the bridge of his nose, trying his best to bring his temper down another notch. "Jesus Rayna, I am old enough to be her daddy! And I not just saying that, do you know we are the same age as her parents?"
Rayna was shocked at his retort. She really did believe they had slept together. Now she was feeling stupid for even bringing it up. "So, she didn't try to sleep with you?" she questioned, trying to validate her thoughts.
"Ooooh she tried…," Rayna's head snapped up not just at his words but at his tone. "… but like I said, I am old enough to be her father." He finally was calm enough to sit back down on the couch. "That girls got a list of issues a mile long and I saw her coming. You know she admires you and wants to be just like you. I guess she thought if she had me that magically she would become you. Pretty stupid huh?"
Rayna shrugged, then looked up at him, a tear rolling down her check, "maybe not, I've always said there would be no Rayna James without Deacon Claybourne. I'm sorry Deacon".
"No Rayna, you aren't going to do that," he said as he took her hand in his while the other wiped away her tears. "You aren't going to use those tears of yours to get out of this. Talk to me, where the hell is all of this coming from. You know you aren't the only one who hears things. You think I didn't know about that real-estate guy from New York or the damn finance guy with the ranch outside of town? Not to mention ol' Teddy Conrad. You don't think every time you had someone in your life Tandy couldn't resist letting me know you were happy. Hell, I could tell you were with someone just by the damn grin on your sister's face."
Rayna let out something between a sob and a laugh as she collapsed towards him, her forehead on his chest. When she got herself under control, she looked up at him and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Babe I'm so sorry, I just… I just… I don't know, I guess I was feeling so damn insecure about myself and I took it out on you. She's just so damn young and everyone is in love with her," she said rolling her eyes. "I just figured you were enamored with her like the label, like the girls, like the whole damn world".
Deacon laughed in earnest as he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. "Rayna James, the world loves you too, the label wouldn't exist without you and those girls, those beautiful, smart, talented girls, are so damn awestruck by you. You're their everything Rayna, can't you see that?" She nodded her head and smiled letting him know she felt foolish.
"And me…"
"And you?" she was looking at him, her soul bare before him, holding onto his every last word.
"And I, most of all, know that no woman will ever come close to the amazingness that is you." He finished kissed her lightly.
Two hours later they were wrapped around one another in her bed. She was stroking his cheek with her hand, admiring the way he looked, tired but content. "I thought we were going to take this slow." He finally said, his eyes closed halfway falling asleep.
"We are, aren't we?" she asked confused by his statement.
"Well, we already had a fight and make-up sex, isn't that more like a three-month milestone?"
She giggled and he opened his eyes to watch her. "Deacon, I am pretty sure that was week one the first time around. Heck, I was already living in your apartment before we were even dating." He closed his eyes and sighed. "Babe you got to get up."
"Why?" he murmured.
"Because we are taking it slow and that's not gonna work if the girls wake up to find you in my bed."
"Come on Ray just a little longer." She giggled again loving the feeling of having him in her bed, in her arms.
Finally, he agreed it was better that he didn't stay the night, but he was exhausted and worried about the twenty-minute drive to his own bed. They settled on him sleeping in the guest room at least that would be a little more acceptable in front of the girls.
That night they both drifted off happy and content knowing they were sleeping only a few feet away from each other and that when the morning light greeted them, they would have each other.