Chapter 14:

She stood in her kitchen leaning up against the counter slowly drinking a glass of water. She didn't really know how she had gotten here. Everything seemed to happen so fast and out of nowhere.

The day had begun like any other. It was the end of the mid-tour break and she was playing at the Bridgestone before kicking off the West Coast leg. She had invited Luke to come and play with her tonight. Before kicking of their tours, Luke had asked her to sing on a new duet written by Gunnar Scott. Being that Gunnar was one of her artists, she thought it would be a good boost for him and the label. She agreed and 'Ball and Chain' had made the top ten on the country charts. Tonight, was the first time they would perform it together publicly, an idea Luke had as a way to get past the awkwardness of her admission that she spent a night with Deacon.

She was excited to get back on the road and leave all the craziness of her family behind. Lamar was on the mend and though she and Tandy both took him home from the hospital, they were all rather cold with one another. She wanted to heal the rift between them, but she didn't feel like she had the energy required to go fifteen rounds with either one of them. Lamar was his grumpy self, but Tandy was obviously hurt by her sister's distance. Even at the office Rayna did everything she could to avoid being in a room with Tandy which was becoming difficult. At least on tour she wouldn't be forced to have to deal with things.

The show was going great and Luke wanted to end with 'Ball and Chain'. She had no idea that the song was going to end with his proposal. When he dropped to his knee at the end of the song every coherent thought in her mind was gone. She didn't know what to say but she did recognize she couldn't turn him down in front of tens of thousands of fans. She bent down, kissed him and let him slide a large diamond ring on her finger.

The girls were at the venue, but she didn't get to talk to them. They hadn't been backstage when she got off and after trying to call them both several times, she got a text from Deacon that told her to give them a little time, that they were both upset by the proposal. Luke's kids also didn't seem that thrilled, though they did their best not to let Rayna see that. Luke decided that they should each spend the night with their kids to talk to them about the adjustment and Rayna agreed but she didn't have the guts to admit to him that at the moment, her girls were not speaking to her.

She was so deep in thought that she didn't hear the door open or hear him come in. She wasn't sure how long he was standing there in front of her before she finally noticed him.

"Hey," she said coming out of her daze.

"Don't do this Rayna." Deacon begged standing across from her.

"Please don't Deacon."

He took a step towards her, but she put her hands up to stop him from getting any closer. "You really going to do it, you're going marry him?" She shrugged but he noticed that she didn't say the words. "Do you know how broken up those girls are right now? You can't do this Rayna."

"It's better this way."

"Damn it Rayna! You can't do this." He moved towards her again and though she protested he took her by the hips and pulled her forward, close enough so he could lean his forehead against hers. "This isn't right, you and I both know it. It's us Ray, its Daphne and Maddie and you and me." She was shaking her head no even though she wanted so badly for it to be true. "Rayna you don't have to do this, just tell him no, tell him no and we can move on together. Come on baby."

She put her hand on his chest and gently pushed him away. "We can't Deacon, I can't."

"Okay, you wanna tell me then why you think it will work with him and not me. Why you could say yes to his proposal and not mine?" Deacon asked the hurt and anger evident in his voice.

"That's the thing Deacon, I did say yes to you." She could see the confusion. "I said yes to you the first time. It was the night… Maddie." She finished in way of an explanation. "I said yes, you got drunk and that was that." She stood looking at him sadness in her eyes. "I don't know if it's going to work with Luke, but I want to try. You and me Deacon, there's just too much hurt, too much pain to move past. He's a clean slate and I want that, I need that."

"So that's it. There's nothing I can say or do to make you see me for who I am now?"

"Deacon," she said taking a step toward him, but he responded by taking a step back.

"When you told me Maddie was mine, I told you that I was better that I can be better, and you told me words weren't enough, so I've tried Ray. I have tried every day for the past fourteen years to show you that I am better, that I am that man you always said I could be. I know how to love you the way you deserve. After you turned me down that last time I proposed, I walked outta here Ray and I never wanted a drink so bad in my life but I didn't have one because I promised you I wouldn't, because I believed that someday you would trust me again and let me back into your heart." He did take a step towards her now. He took her hands in his and kissed them. "Please baby, just let me in and we can finally do this."

She pulled her hands away from his and closed her eyes. "I'm sorry Deacon," she whispered. She stood for a couple minutes bracing herself for the pain she would see when she opened her eyes but when she did, he was gone. For a minute she doubted whether he was ever there but then she spotted it sitting innocently at the edge of her kitchen island. It was her engagement ring.

It wasn't the ring he proposed to her with at the cabin all those years ago, the ring that led to them making Maddie, but it was the ring he presented to her the last time he proposed. It was a beautiful diamond, elegant and simple, not gaudy like the one that presently decorated her finger. Daphne had just turned two and the four of them were living in the house Rayna had built. Deacon had brought up marriage several times since she told him Maddie was his daughter, but she never felt the timing was right. At first, she said it was too soon after his last stint at rehab. Then she was building the house and felt she had enough change at the time. When he proposed after she found out she was pregnant with Daphne, she said that she didn't want to feel like they were doing it just because she was pregnant. By the last time he has proposed she had run out of excuses. She just told him no and that they didn't need to have some legal ceremony, that as far as she was concerned, they were together and a family. The truth was she couldn't let go of the past enough to every really move on with him. He had broken her heart when he couldn't remember proposing to her at the cabin and it never really mended. Deacon knew the truth as well; it wasn't Rayna bucking tradition; she couldn't trust him not to hurt her again in that way.

She had gone to bed that night, but he didn't follow. The next morning, he had packed his bags and told her it was better for him if he moved back to his house. She thought he just needed some time to cool off but when he didn't renew his contract as her band leader, she realized he was leaving her for good. They would always be parents to their girls, but Deacon decided he could no longer be in a relationship with someone who was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It just about killed her when he left but she found a way to get through it. She always assumed that somehow, in some way they would eventually find each other again.

She wondered, staring at the ring on the tabletop, what it would look like on her finger. It never made it that far and she had the sudden urge to know. She slipped Luke's ring of her finger and picked up Deacon's. Her hands were shaking so violently it took several attempts but finally it made its way home.

It looked so beautiful, almost like it was meant to be there. That's when the pain of the last several minutes hit her. It was over. She and Deacon would finally be severed by her marriage to another man. She quickly took the ring off and threw it across the room.

In the morning she would find the ring and place it reverently in her jewelry box, next to the one that was her mother's. Someday she would give it to either Maddie or Daphne. It was a beautiful symbol of the commitment their father had to their family. Tonight however, she would curl up on the couch and cry.