A/N: I know most of us agree Brennan shouldn't have left Booth to recover on his own after his surgery, but I can imagine that he wouldn't want her to see him being weak, so he might have urged her to leave. That's just speculation on my part.
If you have time to leave a review, I'd appreciate it. Laura.
Dr. Jursik was making his morning rounds later that week, and stopped in to check on Booth. "I've done some research about nightmares, but I need some more information about your specific situation...if you feel up to it, that is."
"I'm sure Booth won't mind, will you, Booth?" Brennan reached over and patted his shoulder. "Do you feel like answering his questions?"
Apparently distracted, the agent looked up at the doctor in suprise. "What? Oh, yeah...questions. Okay, sure."
After staring at his patient for a few seconds, the doctor cleared his throat, obviously annoyed that this man was taking up his valuable time. "Are you prone to having nightmares? Have you had night terrors in the past?"
"Yeah.," Booth mumbled, somewhat embarrassed by the admission. "I've had bad dreams for most of my life…ever since I was a little kid. They come and go...it got worse after my deployment in the Army. See, I was held as a prisoner of war for a few days, which didn't help, of course...and actually I was in a lot of bad scrapes...when I was in the service. I was also a sniper, so I took out a lot of bad guys, but...it kinda bothered me, you know?"
"I see." The doctor pursed his lips as he entered some information on his tablet. "Well, given that information, I'm fairly certain that your latest round of nightmares was not caused by your reaction to the anesthesia, but I'd like to keep you in the hospital one more day, or preferably two, to make sure you're truly ready to move to the rehabilitation center."
Dr. Jursik turned to smile at Bones, making Booth agitated in the process. I swear that bastard was flirting with her, trying to show off with his best bedside manner. If I could get out of this damn hospital bed, I'd set him straight. She isn't interested, is she? God, I hope not...but he's not a bad looking guy...better than Hacker anyway...although I guess that's not saying much...
"...I appreciate your concern for your partner's welfare, Dr. Brennan, but I believe Agent Booth is progressing nicely, even considering the nightmares." Dr. Jursik's tone indicated he wasn't thrilled with her unsolicited input. "I understand that he's been in a coma, but based on the anectodic evidence, I doubt the two problems are related. There doesn't appear to be any cause and effect relationship,and so there's no apparent correlation..."
She stood there with her hands on her hips and her chin stuck out, tapping her foot noisily, and Booth could tell she wasn't satisfied with the physician's explanation. "Are you sure, Dr. Jursik?," she began in an imperious tone. "I find your conjectures to be somewhat disconcerting, given Booth's medical history. He has had terrible problems with anesthesia in the past, but being in a coma of several days is quite unusual, even for him...and then if you consider the severity of the nightmares, it seems to indicate an issue of some magnitude. I want to make sure that nothing is overlooked before he's released from this facility. Have you considered ordering any sort of brain scan or conducting a sleep study?"
Annoyed, Dr. Jursik pinched his lips together, giving Brennan an angry glare for her trouble, obviously annoyed by the fact that she had the nerve to question his conclusions. Booth couldn't help but laugh to himself, knowing that she wasn't going to back down one bit. This clown doesn't know who he's dealing with...
He knew he should be glad to have such a stubborn woman on his side, but then it occurred to him that with her stubborn streak it was going to be hard to get her to listen when he told her she needed to leave him alone while he healed.
Finally the doctor puffed out a frustrated sigh. "I tell you what, Dr. Brennan...would you please come to my consultation room? I can show you my latest research in the American Journal of Neuroscience. There are some rather extensive articles about the brain's reaction to this sort of surgery. I think if you read it for yourself, you'll be more comfortable with what I'm trying to explain..."
Brennan was irritated but she nodded in agreement. "If you have evidence to support your rather dubious claims, I'd like to see it."
She gave Booth a look that told him that she was going to set this doctor straight, and he almost felt sorry for the guy. She's gonna chew his ass good...
"I'll be back shortly, Booth." She picked up her bag and followed the doctor out of the room.
"Don't worry...I'm not going anywhere…"
Finally all the nurses left the room, too, and he could actually relax. As he stared at the blank ceiling once again, he thought over the last few days. Being an outgoing, social type, he used to like being around people, but in his present state, feeling anxious and slightly confused, it was nerve wracking, and it was starting to wear on him a bit. He was exhausted, but he hoped he could just sit here and enjoy the peace and quiet for a change. As he used some of the relaxation techniques he'd learned as a Ranger, he could almost feel his blood pressure drop...until he heard the timid knock on the door of his room.
"Agent Booth?" Sweets peeked cautiously around the door. "Can I come in?"
"Sure, what the hell...come on in. I don't need to rest after my surgery, right?" As soon as the smart ass words came out of his mouth, he regretted them, knowing that he would need the kid's help to get his Bones out of harm's way. "Sorry to be such a bastard, Sweets. I'm still a little cranky. I haven't been sleeping well...and when I do manage to sleep, they keep poking at me, waking me up again...or I have a nightmare..."
Sweets came to sit in the chair next to Booth's bed, wearing that pathetic sad puppy look he often wore when he had to tell the agent something he wouldn't want to hear. Inhaling deeply, Booth knew that whatever the kid had to say, it couldn't be good. "What's the matter?"
The young man glanced toward the door. "Where's Dr. Brennan?"
"She went to consult with my surgeon, Dr. Jursik. I guess she's gonna chew his ass because he thinks my latest nightmare situation isn't really a big deal." Eyeing Sweets suspiciously, he wondered why the psychologist was so nervous. "She was going to read over some sort of medical journal or some scientific paper, so she'll probably be gone for a while. Why?"
"I had a meeting with Cullen and Hacker yesterday." Sweets was pulling at his collar, sweating bullets in the cold room. "They're concerned about you…"
"Well, ain't that sweet?" Booth glared angrily at the young man sitting next to him. "Is that why you're here? It would've been easier for them to call or come talk to me in person. Sending me best wishes by messenger...not very convincing. So what...they want to know how soon I can get back to work, right?"
"That's not the entire reason, Booth. They're also worried…about other things." Sweets' jaw was clenched as he twisted his fingers nervously. "They're concerned that you're going to give up too much information about the RICO case you were working on for Cullen before your surgery. I had to tell them that you mentioned Dick Vorstenbach when you were talking in your sleep...you know, during your nightmares…"
"You did what?!," Booth yelled at the top of his lungs. "Goddamnit! If I wasn't hooked up to all these fucking tubes, I'd kick your balls up between your shoulders! I can't believe you spilled your guts to Cullen about my nightmares. Some shrink you are, Sweets, giving up my private stuff like that. That shit is embarrassing enough without those guys having to know about it, too. What happened to all that doctor/patient confidentiality shit? I can't believe you squealed on me, you rat bastard!"
Sweets was trembling, thoroughly afraid of Booth even though the man was still weak from his recent surgery. "I didn't tell them about how you thought Dr. Brennan was your wife or anything personal like that. I just told them that you dreamed he'd murdered her. I had to, Booth...they wondered if it was related to the RICO case...they think Vorstenbach is gunning for her…"
Booth lay back in his bed and blew out a frustrated sigh. "Oh...I see. Well, yeah...I get that. I'm worried about that, too. We need to get Bones to go on that dig, Sweets. I want her out of town as soon as possible."
Sweets nodded in agreement. "I'm going to try to convince Dr. Brennan that it's in your best interest for her to leave the country, without mentioning the gang ties to Vorstenbach. I'll tell her that you need to focus on your recovery. That way she won't feel the need to investigate anything while you're in the hospital."
"I hope she buys that. You know how stubborn she can be…" He shook my head, worrying about how the kid's powers of persuasion would stand up against the obstinence of a certain forensic anthropologist. "Your logic will need to be spot on...and you'll need to have every detail mapped out before you talk to her. Don't leave any loopholes for her to slip through."
"I think I can make her believe that she would actually be helping you if she leaves." Sweets fidgeted with his tie as he stared at his shoes. "Um...there's something else…" He paused, swallowing nervously. "Cullen and Hacker want to fake your death. They want to put you in a safe house until they get a handle on Vorstenbach and the rest of the gang. They're going to wait until after Dr. Brennan leaves to announce it…"
"I'm not sure I like that plan...not one goddamn bit." Booth picked at the tape that was holding his IV in place on his hand. "You're gonna tell everyone I'm dead? And then, what...I just show up one day and say 'surprise, I'm alive!', right? I don't think Bones can handle that sort of thing twice...she'll think she was abandoned again. I mean, I promised her I'd never do that sort of thing to her again, after what happened last time. I don't want to break that promise...she'd never get over it, and..." He closed his eyes and sighed. "...she'd shut me out of her life for good."
"No, of course you wouldn't just show up and surprise her. You know that's not how it works, Booth. You give me a list of people to tell about what's going on...that you're really alive. That way they won't be upset by the news of your 'death'. They won't be able to actually visit you, but we can arrange some communication via email or skype...something like that…and we'll make sure to send the details to Dr. Brennan while she's on her expedition." Sweets was trying to be reassuring, but it still sounded like a shitty idea, even to him. "Unfortunately, it's probably the only good idea I have. If Vorstenbach thinks you're dead, he may grow careless...and he'll probably lose interest in pursuing Dr. Brennan as well."
After thinking things over, Booth realized he didn't have many options, He wasn't sure he could completely trust Sweets to handle things correctly this time, but he needed to get the hitman's focus off of Brennan at all costs, even if it meant telling her what amounted to a lie. "Okay, Sweets, I guess I don't have much of a choice. Have you got a pen? Here's who you have to tell, okay? You have to tell Rebecca and Parker, my Pops, and Bones. I guess the squints at the lab will be okay if I show up later, but those people absolutely have to know. You got it?"
"Yeah, yeah, I got it." Sweets sighed audibly as he jotted down the names. "I know this is awful, but still…"
The door to Booth's room swung open and Brennan walked in, wearing a triumphant smile. "I've convinced Dr. Jursik that he shouldn't dismiss your nightmares so easily, Booth. I believe he'll be monitoring you more closely now."
"That's great, Bones. Thanks" He glanced at Sweets with a raised eyebrow and nodded slightly. The young man got the silent message and stood up suddenly.
"Dr. Brennan? Do you have a minute? I need to speak to you privately…."
Ooooooooo
As Brennan joined Sweets in the hall, he glanced around nervously as he tried to find the right words to convince her that she only had one logical choice.
Standing with her arms crossed over her chest, Brennan glowered at the psychologist. "What is this about, Sweets? I need to get back to Booth."
"Okay...um...well..." The young man took a shallow breath and leaned against the wall, trying to avoid Brennan's steely gIare. She stood opposite him, tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for him to speak.
Clearing his throat, he began again, speaking calmly as he tried to explain what he wanted. "Remember our conversation the other day?"
"About your suggestion that I go on an expedition to Costa Rica? Yes, I remember." She nodded thoughtfully. "Booth has tried to convince me to leave as well, although I can't imagine his reasoning behind that idea, given that he'll need help as he recuperates. However, I told him I would consider it."
Sweets straightened up a little, seeming to gain a bit of confidence. "So you're not opposed to the idea?"
"Well, he seems to want me to go on that trip very badly, but I'd rather be here to monitor his progress. Unfortunately, he sees that choice as 'hovering', which annoys him a great deal. I believe he's merely being stubborn...trying to prove his masculinity by denying that he needs help" She made no mention of what she considered to be her own selfish desire to stay, or for that matter, her conflicting desire to leave. Turning away from Sweets, she sighed as she considered the situation before her. I don't know what I want, do I? I don't know what to do, and the uncertainty makes me anxious. I don't like feeling anxious...I don't like the loss of control that comes with being indecisive.
Her swirling thoughts were interrupted by a soft cough. "I really think you should go to Central America, Dr. Brennan. I know you think my practice is a soft science, but I'm sure even you can see how much Booth is struggling. He can't get a handle on his nightmares, and the doctors are at a loss as to what to do to help him. You just spoke to Dr. Jursik yourself to make sure he didn't discount Booth's nightmares! Surely you must realize that you are at least partially the catalyst for his difficulties, right? He's been dreaming about you...and if you were to go away for a few weeks, those dreams would most likely become less frequent since he would have less contact with you. You would no longer be at the forefront of his mind...or the focus of his anxieties."
He paused for a moment, giving her time to process his words, and she was grateful to have the time to think things through. His points were valid, and even she could admit that her studies in anthropology could do nothing for Booth in this situation. Maybe he would be better off without me, until he could remember that I was just his partner, Bones, and not his wife, Bren…that I was not pregnant with our child...that he didn't love me…
She took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. "You're right."
"Yeah, but-...wait. You're agreeing with me?" Sweets stared at her with an idiotic, wide-eyed look on his face. "Really? I can't believe that worked..."
"Yes, I'm agreeing with you...I need to leave Booth alone for a few weeks, and going to the excavation site in Costa Rica will accomplish that."
He smirked slightly, happy that he'd won his point, and she rolled her eyes at his glee. Walking away, she called over her shoulder. "Tell Booth I'm going home to pack my things. I have to be on a plane to Costa Rica tomorrow afternoon if I want to participate in the expedition."
Walking away, she didn't see or hear his response. Instead, she took a nearby elevator down to the parking garage and got into her car. Sitting quietly, she let herself ponder over what she had just done.
She thought it might be good to get away from Booth while he got back to normal. By the time she returned from the six week dig, he'd definitely be well on the way to recovery. He'd probably even be recertified with his pistol by the time she returned, and they could jump right into any new cases that presented themselves. Things would be back to normal.
That thought made her pause. Normal. Was that what she really wanted?
He thought we were married. He thought he loved me…he wanted us to have a child together...
She shook her head, compartmentalizing those thoughts. He didn't really love her, of course. All of his supposed feelings for her could be explained away by his brain surgery, and even if he did care deeply for her...well, it didn't matter. Love was an ephemeral romantic ideal caused by a rush of hormones. She wasn't the kind of woman he deserved, so there was no point in pursuing it. He needed someone who could share that ideal love with him...and that was never going to be her.
He would recover from the surgery, from the coma, and then things would be back to normal. He wouldn't love her anymore, and she would try to forget what she had wanted from him. We'll be partners again...that's all. Partners...
The car door opened suddenly, startling her out of her thoughts. "Angela! Why are you barging in here?"
The artist climbed into the passenger seat and gave Brennan a sly grin. "Hey, sweetie. What's up?"
"I'm going home to go pack for my trip to Costa Rica. I have to leave tomorrow afternoon. And I still have to notify Dr. Pak, the site manager, that I'll be joining the expedition, but I'm sure that'll be no problem."
"Cutting it a little close, don't you think, Sweetie?" Angela studied her friend closely. "Are you sure that's what you want to do?"
"Well, as hard as it may be to believe, after discussing the situation with Sweets, I think he is correct in his assertion that I may be in the way. Booth needs to recover his sense of normalcy, and he can't do that with my continous presence here, confusing the issue for him. Besides, Dr. Pak has been emailing me for weeks, asking me to reconsider my original decision to decline his invitation to work with him. He won't mind that I've changed my mind at the last minute."
"Okay." Angela buckled herself in and nodded resolutely. "Well, since I won't see you for six weeks, I'm going to help you pack."
Laughing, Brennan pulled away from the hospital. "Alright, Ange. Let's go pack."
As she drove out of the parking lot, she glanced back at the large building. This was the first time she'd left the hospital in almost a week. She had bathed, slept, and eaten her meals there, afraid to leave Booth for any extended period of time. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head and turned the car onto the busy street in front of the medical complex. That didn't matter anymore. Booth needed to recover, and she needed time and space to examine her emotional state.
oooooooooo
Hodgins and Angela sat in the lab's lounge, staring at the empty silver platform below. Finally, Hodgins asked the question that had been on his mind for several days. "Hey, Angela? Do you actually think Booth will be recertified by the time Dr. Brennan gets back?"
Tilting her head, the artist pondered his question for a second. That hadn't been her most pressing thought over the past week. "I don't know. You know what, though? After talking with Brennan today while we packed her bags, I think she would've gone through with the artificial insemination if he had died during his surgery."
"That's a really random statement, Angie. What does that have to do with Booth getting certified at the gun range?" Hodgins chuckled softly before he realized what Angela had just said. "Wait...you really think so? That she'd go through with the AI? I mean, I know she'd talked about it a lot, but...anyway, he's alive, so that's not gonna happen now, is it?"
"I guess not." She nodded, looking down at Brennan's darkened office. "But that's not the point. I think she would've done it. I don't think she would've known why she was doing it, but she would've done it."
"I don't get it." Hodgins followed Angela's gaze and stared at the anthropologist's darkened door. "Why do you think she'd have done it? And what difference does it make, anyway?"
Laughing to herself, Angela stood up and refilled her coffee mug. "Honestly? I think she would've missed Booth terribly if he had died. She would've been so upset that she would've pulled back into her scientific shell, but she'd be so lonely, and I think she'd want someone in her life to take his place. On the surface, even to herself, she would have logical reasons for having the baby. She's getting older. He said she could use his donation. She doesn't want the sample to stay frozen for too long. He is an exceptional donor and she'd be a fool not to use what he gave her. It would all sound so rational, but the truth is, she couldn't stand the idea of living without him. She'd be devastated, and need something...or someone to help remember him...and that's why it's important."
The entomologis nodded, finally understanding as Angela connected the dots. "So underneath her calm exterior, she'd just miss him, plain and simple. She'd be grieving...and need some comfort...and having his child would provide a sense of connection to him."
The artist nodded. "Yeah...but that's just what I think. If you want a professional opinion, ask Sweets.," she answered with a wink. "I'm sure you know that he thinks he has all the answers to what makes Brennan tick."
Hodgins laughed out loud. "Ha! As if he could ever understand Dr. Brennan like you do."
Smiling, Angela shrugged. "I've known her for a long time, Hodgins. It's taken years for her to open up to me like she's done recently. And honestly, when she's upset, she pulls away from everyone...even herself in some ways. And that's why, if Booth had died, she would've used his stuff, but she wouldn't have any idea why she was really doing it." She paused before continuing quietly. "She loves him so much."
Hodgins nodded. "I know. Everyone can see it...except maybe Booth, somehow. Do you think she knows?"
"Hmm. I don't know if she knows, but I think Booth may have some suspicions, or rather, some hopes about her feelings for him, and maybe he's just waiting for her to catch up to what he's feeling." Angela stirred some sugar into her cup. "I do know she's acutely aware of her attraction to him, but I don't think she'd call it love, just because she is who she is, and she believes all that brain chemical shit." Sipping her coffee, Angela shook her head. "I think Booth knows she feels something, but it's risky for him, too. I mean, she can't admit that love is real, so why would he want to take a chance on losing his heart to someone who doesn't believe she can love him like that?"
"That, my friend, is the big question, isn't it? But we'll have to save the answer for another time. I have to go check the mass spectrometer." The entomologist stood up from the couch and made his way down the stairs, leaving Angela alone with her thoughts. When he got to the bottom, he called back over his shoulder: "I think that's part of why Brennan's leaving the country. No matter how well she can 'compartmentalize', she can't handle what she's feeling, right?"
"Oh, I have no doubts about that.", the artist mumbled quietly. "I just wish she'd talk to me…"
Angela made her way into her friend's office and sat at her desk. Looking at the picture frames arranged neatly on the corner, she contemplated the predicament they were all in. Booth's nightmares weren't getting better, Brennan was leaving on some dig in a third world country, and the rest of the team would have no idea what had really happened between the two of them.
Whatever she read to him must have been pretty powerful, if it could cause Booth to be so confused between the dreams and his real life. And why had those nightmares upset her so much? Unless Booth finally realized he was in love with her...
Angela's head snapped up and she gasped softly.
That was why she was so upset! So confused! He found out he was in love with her! Or at least, now he's acting like he's in love with her.
She groaned, throwing her head back to stare at the ceiling.
She was terrified. That's why she left. She thought he could heal better without her, and she was terrified of the emotions he was exhibiting after the coma...in his dreams...
"Goddamn it." Angela dropped her head against the desk and moaned. "Oh, Brennan…don't do this..."
How were we going to recover from this? Honestly, Brennan had the wrong idea. She doesn't belong at the other end of the world. No...she belongs right beside Booth, in his arms, even. If he loves her, then she should stay and help him figure that out. They should be humping like bunnies, not him laying in a hospital bed alone or her digging in the dirt of Costa Rica.
Shaking her head in exasperation, Angela left Brennan's office and walked down to hers, grabbing her coat and purse before she left the deserted lab.
What were they going to do now?