Chapter 17:

Deacon sat in his living room watching the clock on his mantle. "High Noon" the invitation read. He assumed that was Wheeler's idea and he thought about what a jackass he was. He tried his best to avoid anything that had to do with the wedding, but it was all anyone could talk about. It was in every paper, on every radio station and was covered on almost every local news station. He wanted to run away but he knew there wasn't anywhere he could go that would protect him from the pain of losing her once and for all.

Everyone was also worried about him. Several of his friends had offered him gigs around town that day to try to keep his mind occupied. Coleman offered to skip the wedding and go to a meeting with him instead. He convinced Coleman it was unnecessary but humored him and attended a meeting that morning. The truth was he needed the meeting as badly as he wanted a drink. The only person he couldn't shake off was his niece Scarlett who insisted she wasn't going to sit through watching Rayna make the biggest mistake of her life. She loved Rayna but she truly believed Deacon was the only man for her. She was also terrified that this would be the straw that broke the camel's back and would send him flying off the wagon.

She was in the kitchen making tea and jabbering a hundred miles an hour when the front door flung open and Luke Wheeler appeared looking like a pissed off bull in a china shop. At that moment Deacon was never happier to see anyone in his life. If the man hadn't come at him swinging, he would have hugged him. Deacon did his best to get rid of him without making a scene but instead ended up on the front lawn trading jabs. When his neighbor finally pulled him away, both men were bleeding and several people were standing around with phones pointed in his direction. Normally he would be pissed at the invasion of privacy but at that moment the only thing he could think was 'Rayna didn't marry him'.

Tandy opened the back door to the house knowing exactly whose face would be on the other side. She knew what he wanted but she still stood in the doorway, hands across her chest, blocking his entrance.

"Where is she Tandy?"

"Deacon, this is not the time," she put up her hand, "just give her a minute."

"Tandy, I swear to god, I will pick your ass up and throw you to the other side of the room if you don't move," he threatened but Tandy being Tandy stood stock still, daring him to do it. When he motioned to pick her up, Bucky stepped up behind her.

"Tandy," Bucky said. She turned towards the man and scoffed but stood aside. "She's in the music room." Deacon nodded and started for the hallway before Bucky grabbed his arm. "She's upset Deacon and she doesn't need anyone pilling on."

"I promise Bucky, I won't do or saying anything to hurt her. I just want to talk." The men eyed each other, Bucky begging him to go gently and Deacon just asking for a chance. Bucky blinked first and nodded his head as he let go of Deacon's arm. Deacon nodded back and continued down the hall.

Of course, this is where she would be. The music room was always her refuge, her place to think and to write. It was also the one place in this house that had his stamp on it. She had started building the house right after Maddie's first birthday. Her album was still on fire and her next one a few days away from release. Her upcoming tour was also sold out giving her the financial security to build a house in the posh Bell Meade neighborhood she grew up in. Deacon was against Bell Meade and she couldn't even understand her own need to be there but after running away from the place all her life, she decided that is where she wanted her daughter to grow up. Maybe she was trying to right the wrongs of her own childhood, she couldn't tell. She and Deacon had been finding there way back to one another and she was staying with him in their East Nashville bungalow while construction was being finished. It was somewhere in the middle of construction that Deacon insisted she have a music room with a small studio. She often spent long nights recoding and he knew that she hated missing Maddie's bedtime so he figured having a studio at home would solve the problem.

When the house was finished, they had moved in together, but it was still Rayna's house to Deacon, and he didn't give any opinions on decorating except for this room. While furniture and décor were still being ordered, Deacon had this room finished with the help of her interior designer. It was a gift to her. Something to make her feel at home. He even hung some of his own guitar collection on the wall, all of which were stilling hanging, except for the one she was holding on her lap when he walked in.

She was less holding the guitar than hugging it like a life preserver in a lonely sea. She didn't even notice him until he sat on the table in front of her and touched her knee. "Rayna," he whispered not wanting to scare here.

She looked up at him tears running down her face. "I'm a horrible person."

"No baby, you're not," he responded wiping away her tears.

"I hurt him. It's the Wyatt curse, we hurt everyone we love."

"Well then that explains it," he started as she looked up at him for explanation. "That's the Claybourne curse as well, must be why we found each other," he finished with a wink. She laughed through a sniffle and he reached down behind her leg and began to rub her calf soothingly. "Besides you weren't in love with ol' Wheels Up Wheeler, you were just running away is all."

She looked up, shaking her head. "I was Deacon."

"Then why did you call it off?" he asked, no malice in his voice.

"I just didn't recognize myself anymore, yeah know. I was sitting in my room this morning and I was trying to picture my life and all I could see was flash bulbs and magazine covers. I don't want to have to share my life with the world, I hate the idea of it but there I was giving the world every detail of my life, for god sakes we invited the press to our wedding!" She looked up to be sure he was following, and he was, his kind eyes willing her to go on. "I just couldn't do it, not to myself or the girls or to…"

"To who?"

"You," She said taking a breath and looking deep into his eyes. "I hurt you with that magazine article when I said we never got married because of your drinking."

"It was true," he supplied.

"Doesn't mean I should have said it. I never had the guts to say it to your face, but I put it out there for the whole world and for what? For some stupid publicity? For album sales? For my label's recognition? That's not who I am, that's not who I want to be."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I think… I think I was still so mad at you. That first time you proposed to me, the night we conceived Maddie, I was so happy. I kept thinking, this is it, we are finally going to move on from all the hurt and the darkness and the pain and then I woke up and you… and you didn't even remember Deacon. The best moment of my life and you couldn't even remember it. I think something broke in me that morning and I just let it broken. I didn't even try to fix it. It was like I was punishing myself for loving you and trusting you and I was mad at you for that, so I punished you too. Like I said, I'm a horrible person."

Deacon used his free hand to wipe away his own tears when she finished. They had spent so long punishing each other for their past, for who they were and who they couldn't be. He squeezed her leg to get her attention. She looked up bracing herself. "I'm sorry Rayna. I know I've said it a million times but I am. I'm sorry I couldn't be that man you wanted then, the one you deserved but you have to understand it wasn't about you, I was broken a long time ago, long before I met you. You tried to put me back together, but you couldn't. I was the only one who could do that, and I did. I did because I wanted to be the man you saw when you looked at me, I wanted to be the daddy mine wasn't, I wanted to be happy, I had a beautiful life and I didn't want to lose it. I had to hit rock bottom and that morning, when I realized that I couldn't remember proposing to you, that was my rock bottom baby. I couldn't remember the single most amazing thing in my life up until that point and it hurt so bad. I knew then I would either get sober or die, there was nothing in between." He reached up to take her hand. "I wanna fix the piece in you that's broken but I can't, like me you are going to have to fix it for yourself but when you do… baby I'll be right her waiting for you." She nodded her head in understanding.

They sat in silence for a few minutes trying to gain their composure, stop their tears. It was Deacon who broke the silence. "So… you trying to play that thing or you just hugging it because it's so pretty."

Her tears started up again. "I was trying to write a song, but I still can't play the damn guitar and I didn't want to sit at the piano downstairs where everyone can watch me."

"Hey, don't cry. Here let me help you." What does the melody sound like, I'll give you the chords."

She hummed him a few bars and he told her the chords, placing her fingers when she didn't have it right.

"You remember when you tried to teach me to play this thing?"

"Sure do," he laughed "never heard something quit so terrible come out of her," she slapped his arm. "You know I can't believe you kept it all these years."

She shrugged. "Maddie's got mommas' guitar and I guess I always thought I would give this one to Daphne. You played it…"

He smiled "I played it the night she was conceived. Now that is a night I do remember. Though, how can you be sure she wasn't conceived the next morning, it was a hell of an encore." She laughed in earnest at him.

"Deacon Claybourne,"

"Give me that guitar," he said reaching for the instrument.

"I guess I'm still a horrible student?" she asked handing it over.

"You're my favorite student, don't tell the girls. This will just go faster if I play and you sing, as I recall, that's the way it usually works best."

Rayna watched him for a minute as he sat across from her strumming his guitar, looking for the right melody. How lucky she was to have this man. The only man that every really knew her heart, touched her soul. She didn't know how she would do it or how long it would take but she was determined to fix the piece inside that was broken, the piece that wouldn't let her forgive him, the piece that was holding them both prisoners in their pain.

She loved him so much for the way he loved her. The way he was able to pull her out of herself. He was always like that, a force, whether he was picking her up or knocking her down. A force so strong she couldn't resist him. "You're my favorite hurricane," she sang aloud following his tune.