Chapter 18:

"Hey babe, what are you still doing up?" Tandy asked as she walked into Rayna's room.

"Couldn't sleep," she replied looking up from the book in front of her.

Tandy moved to get into bed beside her and put her arm around her sister. "Tough day at therapy?"

"I don't know, they all seem tough," she said as she laid her head on her sister's shoulder.

"That's why I don't see a shrink," Tandy lamented causing Rayna to snort with laughter. "This a Deacon day?" Rayne nodded. Tandy knew that days when Deacon joined her therapy sessions were always the hardest for Rayna. "Could be worse, he could insist you bring daddy." They both laughed at the thought of Lamar pouring his feelings out in therapy. "If it's a Deacon day that must mean you are writing, anything worthy of your next album?" she asked as he peered over at Rayna's journal.

"Maybe," Rayna said and shrugged. "I just wish we could speed up to the end, to the part where we can touch the past without it hurting so badly."

"I know sweetheart," Tandy said kissing the top of her baby sister's head. "How's Deacon handling all this?"

"I think he is regretting suggesting I go to therapy. He's been great though. He's really been trying to be supportive while I figure all this out, being here for the girls."

"He's taking a beating in tabloids; Luke is suggesting some pretty interesting things in interviews and he sure the hell is doing a lot of those."

"Well, he's got to get publicity for that breakup tour of his." Rayna picked her head up off Tandy's shoulder and leaned back against her pillow.

"The girls seem to be doing a little better," Tandy observed.

"Yeah, Maddie seesaws between hating me for coming between her and Colt and grateful that I'm spending time with Deacon. Daphne is still upset that she isn't getting a new sister, I am actually considering getting her a dog to see if it brings her out of her funk."

"I say do whatever it takes but the dog should stay at Deacon's. You want me to stay in here with you tonight, just like we did when we were kids?"

"No, there's no use in both of us having a restless night but thank you for asking and thank you for staying at the house, I don't know what I would do without you."

"Well lucky for you I'm not going anywhere," she said leaning over and kissing Rayna on the forehead. "Night sweetheart, try to get some rest."

After Tandy left, Rayna did try to sleep but she ended up tossing and turning and finally around two in the morning she gave up all together. She started to work on an idea for a song but needed some input from Deacon. She figured there was no harm in texting him now, he would see it in the morning and get back to her. She was surprised then when he replied a few seconds after she sent him the message. Instead of texting back she decided to call him. Texting wasn't his forte.

"Hey, couldn't sleep?" he said answering.

"Nope, you?"

"Nah, got caught up writing, you know how it is."

"Yeah, I was doing the same. If you can't sleep, you might as well be productive."

"That a Lamar Wyatt original?" he asked, a smile in his voice.

"No, but your right is sure does sound like daddy."

"I like the line you sent, what are you thinking about?" he asked as he gently strummed his guitar.

"I was thinking about the park, our table. How we had a neutral place where we could meet and talk. Even after we separated, we would take the girls there and it just felt easy, safe. I don't know," she finished frustrated at her inability to articulate exactly what she wanted to say.

"No, I think I get it. Like a timeout where we could freeze everything for just a few minutes, like a safe place in a storm."

"Yeah, exactly, a place where we could step away and be protected from it in a way."

"Sure wish we could live in a place like that," he added wistfully.

"That's it! Go back to the melody you were playing a minute ago. I think I have the lines."

Deacon played the tune and for the next hour they went back and forth playing around with lyrics, turning a phrase here and simplifying it there. It was their magic, the way they could get inside one another's head. They hadn't written together since Daphne was small, but it all came back like it was yesterday. They had written the song 'Favorite Hurricane' the day of her canceled wedding to Luke and they had been toying with things over the last few weeks separately, but this was only their second attempt at writing together as a partnership.

"Well, we have written in a lot of different places and under a lot of different circumstances, but I think this is a first for writing over the phone." Deacon commented as he let out a yawn.

"You tired?"

"No, just yawning to stretch my mouth," he replied causing her to chuckle.

"I'm tired too and the girls will be up in a couple hours for school."

"Tandy still staying with you?"

"Yes she is, why?"

"Have her take the girls to school; you get some rest. I'll get em after school and we can all have dinner at your place."

"Tandy too?"

He grunted, "Tandy too".

"You're getting soft Claybourne."

"Yeah well, she's taking care of my girls, least I can do is feed her. Night Ray."

"Night Deacon," she ended the call and stretched, finally feeling tired enough to fall asleep. She closed her journal and set it on her nightstand but as she reached to turn off the light, she had a thought. She grabbed the journal and under the last line of the song they just finished she wrote 'concept album, the story of us'. She then put the book back, turned off the light and fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning Rayna had called and asked Deacon to come over to the office in the afternoon, she had an idea she wanted to run by him. She also invited Bucky and Watty wanting to get their opinions as well. Rayna entered the conference room excitedly.

"Thank you all for making this meeting on such short notice," she said has she made her way to Watty to give him a hug.

"Anything for you my songbird," Watty responded as he gave her a squeeze before letting go and finding a seat at the conference table.

"So, as you all know it's been a pretty rough few months for me. I have been in therapy trying to work through some things but the therapy that has been helping the most has been writing. While I have been writing a lot on my own, the two songs I am most excited about have been the two songs Deacon has co-written with me."

"Ray, those songs where all you, I just helped out a bit with the music," Deacon said feeling flattered by her insistence on sharing the credit.

"Come on Deacon, you know it was more than that," she responded a smile on her face. "As I was saying, Deacon and I have been writing together and it got me thinking about my next album and I decided I want to do it with him!" she finished, practically jumping out of her seat in excitement.

"Like a duet album?" Bucky asked.

"No, like a concept album, our story, our truth."

"Rayna, I thought after this whole Luke thing you decided you didn't want to put your personal life out there like that," Bucky asked hesitantly.

"It wouldn't be like that Bucky, no in-depth interviews or media circus, just honest to goodness music. An album for people who truly love country music and what it stands for."

Watty was nodding his head thinking through her proposal. "You know Rayna, ever since I heard Scarlett and Gunnar singing at the Bluebird, I haven't been able to stop thinking of how you and Deacon were in the early years, the songs, the performances. I think this is exactly what you need to be doing, getting back to what you loved about this business in the first place." Watty finished smiling at her. He reached across the table to squeeze her hand as she smiled up at him.

"Well who am I to argue with Watty White," Bucky added. "Let's do it Ray, God knows the label could use another hit album."

Everyone was excited at the prospect of a Rayna and Deacon putting out an album. Smiles all around except for Deacon. He was noticeably quiet and didn't look to be enjoying the idea as much as the others. Rayna realized his lack of participation and asked him what he thought of the idea.

"Can we have a few minutes Rayna?"

"Come on Deacon, nothing you can't say in front of Watty or Bucky," she figured whatever he had to say would be relayed to the men anyway, so no point in making a drama out of it.

"I rather speak about this in private."

"Deacon," she responded almost annoyed.

"No," he answered quickly and matter-of-factly.

"No," she echoed.

"Look I got a few things I have to take care of before dinner tonight. I'll text you when I'm on my way over. Pizza alright?" he asked standing up and throwing his satchel over his shoulder.

"Pizza's fine," she answered quietly, still stunned by his response.

"Watty, Bucky," he said nodding at the men before disappearing.

The three of them sat in the conference room silently, not sure what they just witnessed. It was rare for Deacon to oppose Rayna so resolutely, especially when it came to music but here they were. It was Bucky who broke the silence first, saying he had another meeting he had to run to. Bucky always did his best to stay out of Rayna's private life and thought it was better to have Watty handle whatever it was happening between the two. Watty got up from his seat in favor of the one next to Rayna. He took her hand, waiting for her to say something.

"He said no," she finally said looking at Watty.

"Yes, he did. I take it you didn't talk to him about this first."

"No, I just… I just assumed. You know we've just been working through things that last few weeks in therapy and then when we wrote this song last night… I just assumed…"

"Rayna it's been a long time since you and Deacon have written together. Maybe he just needs some time to think about it. No one makes beautiful music the way you two do, I'm sure when he realizes that he will come around."

"Thanks Watty," she said giving him a little smile. "You're right, it was probably just a surprise. He's had a lot to deal with to lately, he probably just needs a minute," she finished trying to reassure herself more than him.

Rayan and Deacon were subdued at diner, leaving it to Tandy to lead the conversation with the girls and fill the silence when there were gaps in the conversation. She knew something had happened in the meeting with Bucky and Watty today, but she didn't have a chance to get the scoop from Rayna. She kept shooting glances at Rayna to get a feel for what was going on, but Rayna was brushing her off.

Eventfully the girls excused themselves from the table and went to their rooms to finish their homework. If the girls weren't completely oblivious to the tension between their parents, then they were just use to it. Tandy on the other hand was jumping out of her skin waiting to hear what the hell had gone on. "So, what's going on with you two?" she asked like an aggravated mother.

"Nothing," they responded in unison, neither taking the time to look up from their plate.

"Obviously it's something," she countered.

"It's none of your business Tandy, that's what it is," Deacon said finally looking up from his plate.

"Well if it concerns Highway 65 than it is my business and if it concerns my sister looking upset, then I will damn well sure make it my business."

"Let it go Tandy," Rayna begged.

"I just don't see what can be that big a deal for you two to both be acting lot someone shot your best friend. I thought you all were going to make and album together, be the on the top of the country world or whatever the hell it is you use to be."

"Were not doing an album," Deacon responded tersely as he got up from his seat.

"Why the hell not?" Tandy asked annoyed.

"Because I said no," Deacon answered.

"I still don't understand why Deacon. We have been writing, things have been going so well between us, why is this such a problem?" Rayna asked looking up at him, confusion and sadness in her eyes.

"Rayna, please," he begged. "I don't want to do it okay. It hurts! It hurt for the past nine years when we weren't together. It hurt when we were together, but you couldn't trust me. It hurts knowing I hurt you. Most of the time I try not to think about all those years, the things I did when I was drunk because it hurts so damn much, and I don't want to make a record about it. I don't want to have to promote that pain all around the damn country and I sure the hell don't want to sing about that pain every god damn night." Both Rayna and Tandy stood stalk still has Deacon finished his outburst, rubbing his hands over his face.

It was Tandy who found her voice first, "I think we should call it a night". She said directing her words at Deacon. He didn't say anything he just turned and walked over the island, grabbed his coat and left without another word.

Tandy made her way to her sister enveloping her in a hug. "It's alright Rayna, it's going to be all right."

Rayna wasn't crying but she leaned into her sister defeated. It seemed to her that she and Deacon were consistently taking one step forward only to take three steps back. She was tired of being so sad all the time. She was tired of the pain they couldn't seem to get away from. "I'm going to bed," she finally muttered to her sister as she got up and walked away.

Rayna didn't think she would be able to sleep after the emotional day but surprisingly she drifted off easily. She realized how drained she was from the emotional tug of war she was having with Deacon. She promised herself that tomorrow she would be stronger and figure out how to move on from where they were. She loved Deacon more than any other man she ever met but she couldn't go another round with him on the past and who was more hurt by it.

She woke slowly from a dream, her eyes fluttering in the dim room. When she was finally able to open them, Deacon was staring back at her, a soft smile on his face. "Hi," she mouthed not able to shake the sleep from her voice.

"Hi," he replied in a whisper.

"You're in my bed," she stated straightforwardly.

"Just following your lead," he replied with a soft smile.

"What time is it?" she asked in a whisper, keeping the quiet the morning provided.

"Just after five."

"The girls will be up soon."

"I left donuts in the kitchen with a note to wake up Aunt Tandy to take them to school," Deacon answered, his smile growing wider.

Rayna laughed lightly imagining her sister being woken up by a sugar high Daphne. "Tandy's going to love that."

"She owes me." They laid in silence just watching one another. Rayna hesitantly brought her hand up to his face and rubbed his check causing him to sigh. "I'm sorry for yelling at you last night," he finally said.

"I'm sorry for springing this concept album on you without any lead up. I just got so excited; I didn't even think how you would feel."

"See, we're getting better at this whole thing."

Rayna smiled at him again, shrugging slightly. "You look tired."

"I didn't sleep, I was up all night writing a song for you."

Rayna's eyes lit up, she pulled her hand from his face and rested it on his arm. "Can I hear it?" she asked excitedly.

"Nope, right now I just want to lay her with you." Deacon smiled and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. "Besides it isn't done yet, it's going to need your touch if it is going on our duet album."

"Concept album," she corrected him. Her smile faded a bit as she rubbed his arm. "Babe, I don't want you to do this with me if you don't want to, I don't want to hurt you."

"Ray, I'm not going to lie, it scares the hell out of me, drudging all this stuff up, I don't want to lose you, I don't want to lose the possibility of us."

"You never really lost me, and you never will, you're in my blood Deacon Claybourne and I couldn't give you up if I tried and trust me, I tried," she finished with a smile.

"God I love you."

The honestly in his words warmed her heart. Rayna reached over and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. "I love you too," she said trying to match his sincerity with her own. "So, we are going to try this then?"

"No, we are going to do this. No more trying with you and me, we are going to see this through."

"Wanna start now?" she asked letting out a yawn.

"Nah, I want to sleep first, I want to hold you in my arms and sleep."

"Okay," she said and rolled over so that he could hold her. "I write better in my sleep anyway."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do Deacon!"

"Okay, name me one song you wrote while you were sleeping."

"No One Will Ever Love You," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You did not," he said dryly.

"Did too," she threw back before squirming a little closer to him. "I wrote the chorus when I was sleeping, dreaming of you to be exact."

"Oh yeah, what happened in the dream?"

"I don't remember but it was a dream about you, their all about you Deacon," she finished before dozing back to sleep.

"You're ridiculous," he whispered. Then he kissed the side of her head and followed her into oblivion.