On the one hand, Luke knew that Julie needed space. On the other hand, they had a very real midterm to perform in three days.

So after a night of very little sleep, when Luke entered the atrium and saw Julie sitting on the couch wearing her headphones, he tentatively approached her.

"Julie, can we—"

She cut her eyes to him with a look that was more effective than a middle finger, and upped the volume on her headphones, letting the faint sounds of "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" bleed out pointedly.

"I'm really sor—"

"Oh no." Seemingly appearing out of nowhere, Flynn stepped between them, her fury turning her tiny frame into an unmovable wall. "Boy, bye."

"Yeah," he mumbled lamely, backing away.

Reggie and Alex were waiting by the door, looking unimpressed, until they both unleashed happy waves to someone behind him. He spun around and was shocked to see Julie smiling and waving back at both of his bandmates.

As they walked out of the dorm, Luke turned to Reggie. "Why isn't she mad at you?"

"Oh, because I told her that Reggie only didn't show up because he was trying to help you out of your bullshit," Alex said unapologetically.

Luke stopped walking. "Dude."

"Dude yourself. Blame should go where it's due."

"I know I screwed up."

"Awesome, saves me having to tell you."

Luke sagged against the wall of the dorm. "What the hell do I do?"

Alex crossed his arms. "You apologize. To us, too, by the way."

It hadn't even occurred to him to apologize to his bandmates, which just made him even angrier at himself. "Fuck, sorry—"

"A real apology."

"I know, that was 'sorry that I didn't apologize before.' Here's the actual apology: I'm sorry. I screwed up an opportunity for all of us. Alex, I abandoned you on stage, and Reggie, I put you in a situation where you could have gotten hurt, and those aren't okay things for me to do to anyone, let alone my brothers. In the future, I'll always put you guys first."

Alex took Luke's speech in and then nodded his approval. "Good apology."

He and Reggie leaned on the wall on either side of Luke.

"What the hell do I say to Julie?"

Reggie shook his head. "Yeah, that's tough. Definitely groveling."

"Probably more than words, too, Luke. You should have seen her on that stage."

Luke squeezed his eye shut, as if that could prevent the onslaught of images of Julie's fear and pain. Hopelessness flooded his body. "There's nothing I can do to make it right."

"Duh. Apologies usually aren't about erasing your mistakes. You did what you did. Give her a couple days, then own the fact that you did it, show her that you understand the pain you caused her, and commit to never doing it again."

Luke opened his eyes to see Reggie staring at Alex with awe. "Alex, you're so wise."

Alex shoved off the wall with a nod. "I really am."

Two days later, Julie still hadn't so much as looked at Luke. He had debated with himself back and forth about what to do, and still hadn't settled fully on an idea. But then he heard Julie approach Ms. Harrison a few minutes before their vocal performance class. "Ms. Harrison, can I talk to you about my midterm performance tomorrow?" He had run out of time.

Before his feet had completely gotten input from his brain, Luke found himself on stage. He switched on the mic and cleared his throat in it loudly to get everyone's attention. Julie stared at him with narrowed eyes. Reggie covered his eyes.

Luke opened his mouth and started to improvise new lyrics to "You're Such A":

I keep calling, I keep calling
Saying I want you back in the band
Singing with me, singing with me
But you can't, you can't

He gestured at himself with contrition. Julie raised an eyebrow, unmoved.

I keep trying, I keep trying
With that sweet talk on my tongue
But you're not buying, you're not buying
you can't, you can't

Ms. Harrison started towards the stage. "Mr. Patterson, that's enough." He danced out of her grasp.

'Cause I had my chance and I blew it
Yeah, I ripped it up and I chewed it

He had to jump down off the stage into the audience in order to escape Ms. Harrison.

And the more I talk, I prove it
Yeah, I prove it
That, damn, I'm such a

Did I think that you would let me
Crawl right back into the practice room

Julie rolled her eyes at his edit, but then immediately laughed as he, in his efforts to avoid Ms. Harrison, stumbled over a row of chairs.

After everything we've been through
I know the truth
That, damn, I'm such a
Difficult little devil
Trying to put it back together
'Cause I see you're doing better
Without me now
Damn, I'm such a

He leapt over a pile of backpacks. "Mr. Patterson, stop this immediately!"

Dadadadada dadadadada
Damn, I'm such a
Dadadadada
I know the truth
That, damn, I'm such a

I can take my lies to my next bandmates
'Cause you don't have to hear it anymore
And if I'm all that's left when the whole world ends
No, you still don't have to hear it anymore
Dadadadada
Damn, I'm such a dick.

He dropped to his knees in front of Julie and clasping his hands apologetically. Finally catching up to him, Ms. Harrison snatched the mic away. "Out. You can come back when you can act your age."

But all he had eyes for was Julie's face, slightly softened and giving him a tiny nod.

"That wasn't actually an apology." Julie leaned in the doorway of the practice room where Luke, Alex, and Reggie were hanging out. Alex and Reggie immediately fled.

Luke stood up awkwardly. "I know. But I embarrassed you, so step one, embarrassing myself. I know it wasn't the same, but..."

"They weren't your best lyrics." Something in her tone gave him hope.

"Yeah, well, I was writing solo. My writing partner, uh, she makes me a better writer."

She didn't smile, just looked at him. He shuffled nervously. "Right, so, step two. I'm really sorry. It wasn't cool for me to bail on you like that. I know how hard it is for you to get onstage and I should have been there with you."

"So why weren't you?"

He sighed and sat back down on the piano bench. She moved closer so she could see his face.

"There's a lot of baggage with Bobby that has nothing to do with him, you know? When Bobby lawyered up, my parents didn't think it was worth hiring a lawyer because they didn't think I'd written anything worth stealing. So the Bobby stuff… it just hurts in all kinds of ways and I guess I'm bad at anticipating how much it hurts sometimes." Julie sat tentatively at the other end of the piano bench, somehow managing to keep her distance despite the small size of the bench. His gaze fell to his hands. "I'm still working through some stuff there, I guess. I've just gotta accept that my songs are gone and Bobby's gone and Sunset Curve is gone and maybe my relationship with my parents is gone."

"It's okay if you're not over it." Her voice was gentle, much gentler than he thought he deserved. "I just need to know if I can count on you."

He nodded, trying to convey with his eyes how sincere he was. "This band, and you, are more important to me than Sunset Curve ever was. You're the missing sound I've been looking for for, like, my entire life. You're, like, this powerhouse. Ooh, you're the mitochondria of the band!" For a second, he thought he'd found a cool way to express how important she was, but the unimpressed look she shot him quickly doused those hopes. "Okay, I clearly don't really know how to say how much I value you, but I should have at least acted like it. I promise it won't happen again."

She smiled tensely. "I hope that's true."

"I don't deserve you."

"That's definitely true." But her smile was a little softer, and her voice teasing. "Grab your guitar. We've got work to do."

When they took the stage the next day, there had been a couple changes from what they'd rehearsed for the weeks before. Instead of Luke and Reggie joining Julie and Alex on stage for the chorus, Julie had made a hard rule about the boys going out before her. It left Luke feeling a bit awkward: it was hard to stand on stage in a way that didn't distract from Julie's opening solos while also not making him look like a block of wood. But he accepted that it was a super reasonable measure—maybe if he re-earned her trust, they could work on the entrances again, but for now he understood her need to know they were onstage before they started performing.

The other change was in their name, where Julie had decided to commemorate him ghosting her: Julie and the Ghosts (working title).

What hadn't changed was that sense of complete rightness that settled over him when they took the stage and Julie began to sing.

Hearts on fire
We're no liars, so we say what we wanna say
I'm awakened, no more faking
So we push all our fears away

Julie looked up from her keyboard, her eyes sparkling in the way they did when it was just her and the piano. As her eyes met his, he felt himself melt, and an extra sparkle lit her eyes.

Don't know if I'll make it 'cause I'm falling under
Close my eyes and feel my chest beating like thunder
I wanna fly
Come alive
Watch me shine

As Reggie and Luke began playing, Julie jumped up from her piano and began singing and dancing center stage, managing to make the fact that she never made direct eye contact with the audience look mostly natural.

I got a spark in me
Hands up if you can see
And you're a part of me
Hands up if you're with me
Now till eternity
Hands up if you believe
Been so long and now we're finally free

Julie turned to Reggie, dancing with him as she began the second verse.

We're all bright now, what a sight now
Coming out like we're firеworks
Marchin' on proud, turn it up loud
Cause now we know what we'rе worth

Luke joined his voice to hers, and when he looked over to enjoy the perfect harmony of their voices, his heart skipped a beat at the realization that she was looking right back at him with the same intensity, not breaking eye contact.

We know we can make it
We're not falling down under
Close my eyes and feel my chest
Beating like thunder
I wanna fly
Come alive

Their voices blending together was so sweet that his heart broke a little when they uncoupled so she could finish the verse by herself.

Watch me shine

I got a spark in me
Hands up if you can see
And you're a part of me
Hands up if you're with me
Now till eternity
Hands up if you believe
Been so long and now we're finally free

As Julie brought the mic to him for their duet, he suddenly felt too aware of his body, because this was the moment he'd been waiting to replicate since karaoke. She stared directly into his eyes, and he felt the words they sang to each other ringing deep within him. He'd written the lyrics before he'd known her, and she was only singing to him onstage to avoid triggering a panic attack, but somehow this song felt written for exactly this moment and exactly the two of them.

I got a spark in me (I got a spark in me)
And you're a part of me (And you're a part of me)
Now till eternity (Now till eternity)
Been so long and now we're finally free

As they broke apart again, he caught Alex and Reggie exchanging an amused glance. Reggie winked at Luke, but since Luke couldn't stick his tongue out at his bandmate in the middle of a performance, he focused on putting all his energy into his guitar and voice for the final chorus.

I got a spark in me
Hands up if you can see
And you're a part of me
Hands up if you're with me
Now till eternity
Hands up if you believe
Been so long and now we're finally free
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I got a spark in me (Ooh)
Hands up if you can see
And you're a part of me (A part of me, yeah)
Hands up if you're with me
Now till eternity (Ooh)
Hands up if you believe
Been so long and now we're finally free

The guys all went silent to allow Julie to sing the final line by herself.

Finally free

He knew he was doing the kind of dopey, private smile that should be reserved for off stage, but her voice was so beautiful, so controlled, and in the moment she sang it, he relived all the time he'd spent working on drafts of the song, trying to capture the perfect ending. And now here she was, and she was perfect in ways he hadn't anticipated and couldn't have thought to look for.

He'd spent all this time searching for the thing that was missing. He'd always assumed it was a sound missing from the band. But maybe it was actually a person, this person, missing from his life.

Oh, fuck. He was a goner.

Songs/musical references in this chapter:
• Taylor Swift's "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" (a missing moment from this chapter is Julie and Flynn singing this on repeat all night in a rage fest)
• "Finally Free"