Trigger warning: death/grief

November 2008

"I think Opie and I are gonna head out." Donna stated interrupting Sara's conversation with another woman. Sara nodded and hugged her friend.

"I'm gonna stay and help Gemma clean up. This place is a wreck." Sara stated, surveying the party damage.

"We're out of ice and paper plates. Also, Gemma needs dishwasher detergent." A croweater interrupted with a shrug, giving Sara a pointed look. Sara nodded and rolled her eyes. Sure, Sara could've turned around and told the bitch to go out and get some herself, but the scantily clad woman was here more for the guys' entertainment than for actual help.

"I'll run out and get some." The blonde assured, knowing Gemma would have a coronary if things weren't cleaned up after the party.

"No, I can stop and pick some up." Donna interjected.

"…really?" Sara asked, surprised. "I thought you were leaving?"

"Yeah, let me just say goodnight to the kids and I'll grab some stuff and come back and help with the clean-up. Opie can put the kids to bed; I did it for five years by myself, he can handle one night," she joked.

"Are you sure? It's not a big deal."

"I just... I wanna start over, you know? Like really let SAMCRO be my family again." Sara looked at the petite woman a little awestruck. Whatever happened to Donna and Opie in the ATF detention center had put Donna firmly back on Team SAMCRO.

"Ok, I'll see you in a bit." Sara acknowledged, squeezing Donna's shoulder before walking into the kitchen to assess the damage.

Sara looked at the clock on the wall before grimacing. She flipped open her phone and dialed Donna's number. It rang until it went to voicemail. Weird.

"Hey girl, it's me. It been like 10 minutes and the gas station is just down the road. Just wondering what's taking you so long. Call me back?" Sara left the message and chewed her lip as she closed her phone. Maybe it was just on silent.

"Hey Gemma, have you heard anything from Donna?" Sara asked quietly.

"I thought she and Ope left a bit ago." The matriarch responded looking puzzled.

"She was gonna grab some ice and wash powder and come back to help with the clean-up." Sara sighed, confused more than anything.

"Maybe she just decided to go home?" Gemma offered, distracted by Clay on the phone across the room. "Can you just run out and get the stuff, baby?" Gemma asked, pulling a few bills out of her wallet and handing them to Sara. The blonde nodded, annoyed she was getting stuck with running errands after all. Maybe Opie told her she couldn't stay but the least Donna could have done was call her to let her know.

"Hey babe, I'm gonna run out to get some supplies. I'll be back." She stated dropping a kiss on Happy's head. He nodded in acknowledgement, keeping his attention on the cigar and poker hand before him. He pulled the cigar from his mouth to tip his head back for a kiss. She glanced at his cards while she kissed him.

"Oh wow, a pair of fours? Is that a good hand?" She mused loudly with a wink. Her joke got a chuckle from the table and a playful smack on the ass from Happy. "Win me some money, baby. I want more shoes." She shouted over her shoulder as she made her way out.

Pulling onto the road, she made her way towards the closest gas station. Turning left onto a road, she saw flashing police lights ahead of her, effectively closing off the whole road.

"Great…" She grumbled in annoyance, slowing down as she approached to see if any of the lanes were cleared or she would have to turn around and take a different route. Her blood turned to ice when she saw the vehicle surrounded by flashing lights. As if she swallowed lead, her stomach dropped and blood thundered loudly in her ears as she slowed to a stop. She threw her car in park and climbed out, not even bothering to turn off the idling engine.

It was Opie's truck.

She approached on foot slowly, trying to figure out if maybe it was just a fender bender or something, but she didn't see any other cars around. She didn't see Opie or the kids either, although she glanced to the curbs expecting to see them sitting there looking bored.

"Ma'am…" A police officer approached her.

"Is that… What happened?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am, you'll need to back up."

"No, I need to know what happened. I know the owner of this truck; I need to know if everyone is okay."

"What do you mean by everyone?"

"My friend, Opie Winston. It's his truck. He just left a party with his kids. This is his truck. Are the kids okay?" She asked, heart pounding. The officer gave her a long solemn look.

"What? Their mother is my best friend, I promise. I'm not just some looky-loo; I'm worried about my friends. Are they at the hospital or not?" She asked, enraged that this officer was just staring at her flopping his mouth like a fish.

"Officer Brody, I've got this." Finally. She blew out an annoyed breath as Hale approached.

"Jesus, David, that's Opie's truck, right?"

"Sara…" The way he said her name made her stomach clench.

"Is he okay? Are the kids okay?" She asked frantically. Why was no one answering her questions?

"Sara…" He said, again, in the same voice. Annoyed, she shoved past him and ran toward the truck. She heard Hale swearing behind her; she was quicker than he expected, and she slipped out of his grasp. She made it to the truck and looked inside. She stood there dumbfounded for an entire beat before she screamed. She felt hands pull her away.

"Donna!" She heard her own voice screaming, but she couldn't feel it. No. There must be a mistake. That was Opie's truck. Why was Donna there? Why was there so much blood? Was it an accident? A hit and run?

"Why isn't she in an ambulance?" She asked suddenly, faced again with Hale.

"Sara..." Hale said her name again, for a third time, and his forlorn tone finally clicked into place.

"No… No, don't do that." Her voice trembled and cracked as the truth ripped through her. She screamed again as her legs gave out. "No, you need to help her! Why won't anyone help her?" Sobs wracked through her as she sank to the asphalt. "Please… Please, just go check on her again. She might be fine. Maybe she was just knocked out. Maybe she's fine. Go help her."

"Sir, the husband has been notified, he's on his way over now." She only distantly heard the officer update Hale as she fought the urge to throw up. Bile scorched her throat as her stomach throbbed. She could barely see through her tears, the blurry images bleeding together in flashes of red and blue and orange from the streetlight above. Somehow, she managed to discern the outline of the men pulling something from the cab of the truck and she straightened a little wiping her eyes to see. She was wracked again with tears as she saw the small limp body of her best friend being gently laid on a sheet. She stumbled across the rough asphalt toward her body, once more slipping from the officer's watch.

"No, no, no, no…" She mumbled, reaching out to brush the sticky hair from her friend's open green eyes. She recoiled as she saw the missing back of Donna's skull. Another scream tore through her as she registered the horror before her while simultaneously realizing this was no car accident that killed her friend. Arms pulled her back sharply and she thrashed, screaming and kicking.

"No! Let me go! LET ME GO!" She shrieked before being deposited into another pair of arms. Immediately her senses recognized him.

"Hap…" The first syllable of his name was the only thing she could get out before collapsing into his arms in grief. His tight grip held her up, and close to his chest. She could feel the thumping of his heart under his warm chest. The smell of his cologne and leather calmly her briefly as she sucked air into her burning lungs. As if she suddenly remembered why she was there, she turned back to see Opie right as he got to his wife, Jax only steps behind. Feeling her heart break all over again, she collapsed, letting her vision grow blurry before dimming into darkness.

Blue eyes opened slowly, wincing at the light streaming in the windows. Why did her eyes hurt so badly? She moved to roll over and sucked in a breath of air as pain lanced through her palm. She looked at her hand in confusing and saw a rough abrasion. When had she gotten that? It looked scabbed over, but she couldn't remember… why couldn't she remember?

Her head pounded and she groaned. Had she really drank that much at Abel's party? She went to rub her head and felt her tangle mat of hair. Ugh. As her fingers swept over the back of her head, she gasped loudly as horrific images flashed behind her eyes. Her skin prickled with a cold sweat, and her pounding head spun as she tried to climb out of bed. Her whole body ached, and was sluggish, like she was trying to run in water. Frantic and overwhelmed, she slid out of the bed onto the floor with a crash before throwing up.

As she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, she heard the loud pounding of feet as the door flew open, but she couldn't stop staring at the pile of vomit beside her, as if perplexed as to how it got there, or how she got here.

She felt Happy kneel beside her and heard him saying things, but it felt like he was saying them from across a loud room. She couldn't make out his words and just stared dumbly at him. His brow was furrowed, and concern was laced across his features.

"She's dead." Sara whispered suddenly, before her eyes welled up and spilled over into wracking sobs. "Why is she dead?" Reality set it and she felt all the fresh pain come rushing back. "Ohmygod the kids! I need to go to them. I need to help them." Her frantic words were met with clumsy movements as Happy tried to calm her down. "Someone needs to go take care of them. I need to go. Donna will want to know they're being taken care of. When she comes home, she will need them to be okay."

"Baby, she's gone." Happy shushed, holding her under her armpits to hold her up as she flopped and flailed to her feet. "She's not coming home."

"No, no, she has to come home. She's fine. They were wrong. I know they were wrong. She's fine." Happy fought his own tears as he held the thin woman he loved so dearly. He'd been having this conversation with her for two days; it hadn't gotten any easier.

"No, Sare. She's gone, baby."

"Stop it. Let go of me. Why are you being like this? Why won't you believe me?" She argued, trying to push him away. He gently let go, allowing her to balance on her own feet, although his release was tentative at best, and he was ready to scoop her back up should she collapse.

"Let's just get you in the shower, okay?" He stated gently, waving her toward the bathroom like she was a feral animal that might bite.

"No. I'm tired, I want to go back to bed." She stated petulantly before turning and climbing weakly back under the covers. With a sigh, he tucked the blankets around and kissed her head as she closed her bloodshot eyes.

"Wait—Donna! NO!" Happy startled awake hearing Sara suddenly screaming beside him. He sat up in bed and shook her shoulder gently as his blonde writhed hysterically.

"Sara, wake up." He soothed, rubbing her arm as she awoke confused. There was always a 10 second or so moment when she woke up where she didn't quiet remember what had happened. She was serene, as if the nightmare was the worst thing that had happened. Quickly though she crumbled again before rolling into his side in tears.

"I don't know what to do; I can't leave her alone like this." She heard him whispering from his seated position on the edge of the bed facing away from her. "She won't eat, she won't get out of bed, she doesn't sleep more than a few hours at a time and when she does—she wakes up screaming. I'm worried about her…"

She heard him mumble some more before watching him click his phone closed. With a whimper she realized he was talking about her, and all at once she remembered why she was like this. Hearing her sniffle, he turned to look at her.

"Hey, baby." He stated gently, moving to lie down along her side. His exhaustion was apparent in the dark circles under his eyes. For a man who was woken up at all hours to go out on runs to look so tired was unusual.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled.

"For what?"

"For… f-for being lik-k-ke this-s-s-s." She choked on her words as she forced them out, hiccupping at the end of her sentence. "F-f-for being weak."

"Baby, you ain't weak. You're just in shock."

"It's just, like, why would someone do that to her, you know? I mean its Donna." She asked, finally able to express a coherent thought. He nodded sadly, not yet having the heart or the courage to tell her that the Club thought it was Niner retaliation.

"Is anyone helping Opie with the kids?"

"Mary's in town. Staying with them." Sara nodded sadly in acknowledgement.

"Good. I want to see them." She stated firmly. He nodded in acceptance.

"We can do that. First, you gotta eat and shower." He urged and her stomach churned angrily at the thought of food. "Come on, I'll help you into the shower." She simply nodded and let him carry her into the bathroom, setting her on the toilet as he turned on the water. She looked down at the large, white Reaper Crew shirt she was wearing in confusion, not remembering when she put it on to begin with. Like a compliant child, she raised her arms as he lifted the hem over her head. She didn't have panties on, and she rose to wobbly feet slowly. He helped guide her into the shower before releasing her to pull his own shirt over his head and drop it to the floor.

"I'm fine." She whispered, stopping him. "I just want to be alone." He gave her a hesitant look, but she nodded again and reached over to squeeze his arm. He nodded once before reaching past her to grab something out of the shower. Still moving slow, he was out of the bathroom with the door quietly latching behind him before she realized what he'd taken.

He'd grabbed both of their shaving razors. Immediate rage filled her. How dare he think she needed to be coddled like that; she wasn't suicidal. She washed her body slowly, her irritation fading as her energy waned. It wasn't like she had the energy to shave anyway, so fuck him. She tried to wash her hair, but it was so tangled all she could do was rub some shampoo on her scalp and rinse it out and slather conditioner on it. The torn skin of her palms ached as she tried to gently work the cream through the length of her hair. After a half attempt to rinse again, she shut off the water and grabbed a towel. It felt good to be clean, she thought before looking in the mirror. Immediately, her eyes teared up. Fuck, she looked horrible.

She was seated on the edge of the bed sniffling when Happy came in a few moments later. Pitifully, she looked up at him with her big watery blue eyes and held out her comb.

"My hand hurts and I-I-I-can't do it." He took the comb without a word and moved to kneel behind her on the bed.

"Start at the bottom." She scoffed, feeling him poking at her scalp. She thought she heard a soft chuckle from behind her, but she couldn't be sure. She did feel him press a kiss to the crown of her head before moving the comb to the ends of her hair. She zoned out while he worked, and she was surprised when he moved out from behind her. She felt her hair in confusion and felt it all combed straight.

"Thanks," she stated lamely, "How'd I hurt my hand?"

"Hale said you scraped it on the asphalt while barreling past him and his officers." He filled in quietly. She looked down at the floor and got a quizzical look as she suddenly remembered something.

"Did I throw up?" She asked, pointing to the now-clean floor. He nodded once and shrugged.

"Come eat." He directed holding out a hand for her. Still wrapped in a towel, she nodded and let him lead her out of the bedroom. She still didn't have an appetite but he'd promised to take her to see the kids after she ate, so she'd force something down if she had to.

A/N: This was a hard one to write for many reasons. Primarily, I love Donna. I love her and Sara's relationship. I know many of you will be sad to see her go. I've known since I originally came up with the story that she was still going to die, but I didn't expect it to be so difficult to write about. Also, I apologize if this chapter has more typos than usual, I just couldn't bring myself to re-read it the hundred times I usually do.

Anyway, let me know what you think by reviewing! Stay healthy and safe. - L