November 2008

Donna's funeral was a blur. Happy had called Sara's mom who had flown in the same evening he finally managed to get her out of bed, showered, and fed. He'd kept to his word and brought her to Opie's to see the kids, although he wasn't wholly convinced it was a good idea in her fragile state. Unable to do much more, she had just curled up with the kids on the couch while Mary had fussed with the laundry. Happy's presence was more or less ignored as he sat at the dining room table with a beer, keeping a watchful eye on his blonde.

Having Sara's mom in town at least allowed Happy to at least leave the apartment for periods of time. Piney had been on the war path since they'd realized it was Niners who had put the hit out. Happy couldn't deny his own bloodlust was strong after trying to repair his woman for days on end.

Juice had practically begged to come over, but Happy had wanted to keep her secluded from the club, knowing she probably wouldn't want them to see her looking like a wreck. Even Half-Sack had offered to come and keep an eye on her. The one-time Juice showed up unannounced, she'd adamantly refused to see him. Juice looked hurt when Happy had to turn him away.

The day of the funeral, her mom had helped her slip into a simple black dress. She'd done her daughter's hair and forced the younger woman to put on a face of make-up to cover the dark circles and swollen, puffy redness that surrounded her eyes. Despite looking put together, she'd been nothing more than a warm husk for most of the service. She thought she'd been out of tears, but she managed to find some after seeing Kenny and Ellie tucked into either side of Mary. The blonde had hugged them both tightly at the wake after the service and promised she would come around to see them both soon. Other than that, Happy had guided her around the solemn event like a balloon on a string, just following behind him helplessly.

Days later, Happy sat her down at the dining table with her mother where they told her that Happy was going move her up to Tacoma with him when he'd taken care of a few things for the Club. It was the first time since Donna's death for some of her spirit return, but it had just been the part that told him to 'fuck off' and had stormed off to slam the door. When she'd emerged later, her mom had already started packing her kitchen.

"So, I don't get a say in this?" She'd argued. Her mother had shaken her head sadly.

"No, you don't. You can barely function; you need out of this town. I will go back to Reno for your brother and you will go to Tacoma with Happy."

"I'm fine; I'm just grieving. Give me a goddamn break, I saw the inside of my best friend's skull."

"If I thought you were just grieving, I wouldn't be sending you with him. You can come back later if you change your mind, but you need a break from Charming." Sara simply scoffed. She wasn't that bad. Sure, she hadn't changed out of sweatpants in days and when she'd tried to numb the pain with a bottle of wine she'd ended up throwing up in the kitchen sink; but that was nothing compared to the way she'd seen some of the guys grieve when they'd lost a brother. Well, she'd lost a sister.

"Please, my child, I can only worry so much about one of you at a time." Her mother finally pleaded, preying on her daughter's sense of guilt; Sara agreed. Her mother would stay to finish packing up her apartment, but Sara would be going up to Tacoma with Happy this weekend. She packed a few boxes and duffle bags that would fit in her car, and they'd left early on Saturday.

"You hungry?" Happy asked hopefully, kicking off his boots. "We can go to that Thai place I was tellin' you 'bout."

"No." She responded simply, not looking up from the tv screen. She'd been in the same spot when he'd left that morning, curled up on the couch staring blankly at the screen.

"You gotta eat, girl."

"I just ate." She responded defensively, a lie he saw right through.

"Yea, what'd you eat?" He probed.

"Cereal."

"Where's the bowl?"

"I washed it and put it away," she snapped, "Just leave me alone."

"Sare, I know you're upset still, and I get it. But you gotta take care of yourself…" He stated as delicately as he could, moving toward her.

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed." She responded in annoyance.

"Its 6PM…" He stated incredulously as she padded softly past him into the bedroom and simply closed the door behind her. He sighed and ran a hand over his face in frustration. She'd been like this since she'd moved up a week ago. He'd tried to get her out of his apartment each day, but she'd found excuses to stay. If he offered dinner, she said she wasn't hungry. If he offered a ride to see the city, she said it was too cold. If he offered to drive her car, she said she had a headache and maybe later.

He was getting desperate.

"Hey girl." The unexpected voice had Sara popping her head out from under the blankets in surprise.

"Kozik?" Her voice was raspy from disuse.

"In the flesh, baby." He teased, moving to sit next to her on the bed. He made himself comfortable, leaning against the wall and crossing his sock-covered feet at the ankles.

"What're you doing here?"

"Here to see you." He answered simply. She huffed.

"I'm fine."

"I see that." He responded judgmentally, patting her messy hair.

"I'm just not feeling well." She argued.

"Well, time to get up and feel better." He argued, the pep in his voice grating her nerves.

"Some other time." She gritted.

"Nope." He stated, popping his 'p'. She felt the bed shift as he rose, and she covered her head again. "You may remember a time when I refused to get out of bed, and you came in and forced me to get up and play stupid board games with you." He explained, pulling the comforter off from the foot of the bed, ignoring her cries of protest.

"I'm not in detox, Koz. I'm not an addict; this is different." She bit out viciously.

"Well, you sure as fuck ain't healthy neither. So, get up. Let's go. Games are a-waitin'."

"Fuck off, Kozik."

"Okay, cool, I'll carry you. I hear you haven't been eating so you should be even easier to lift." He stated, dragging her down the bed by her ankle. She tried to land a kick, but her muscles were tight and weak. Sure enough, he hoisted her into his arms and carried her out of the bedroom into the living room as she seethed.

"Put me down." She stated as firmly as she could manage, shoving at his chest.

"Sure thing." He stated, dropping her less-than-gently on the couch. She looked around the quiet apartment slowly.

"Where's Hap?"

"Out." Kozik stated with a shrug as he made his way to the kitchen. "You want water, coffee, or a beer?"

"Beer."

"Too bad, you're getting water. You can win yourself a beer. That's how this works, right?" He stated, tossing the water bottle at her and pointing to the pile of games. She gave him an amused half-smile. She'd done something similar during his detox four years ago.

"Pick your poison." He stated, gesturing to the pile of games stacked on the coffee table.

"I don't want to play games." She sighed, her smile faltering as sadness filled her.

"Ok fine, I'll choose." He stated, peppy as ever. "You know, it's a lot more fun to be on this side of things." He observed with a cheeky grin.

"Go fish." He stated, sipping his beer and watching as she pulled a card. They'd been playing for about an hour, and she'd finally seemed to have accepted that this was going to be her day. "You ready to talk yet?"

"What's there to talk about?"

"Six?" He asked, and she shook her head with a 'go fish' before he continued. "We can talk about how you saw your best friend's murdered body up close?" He offered. She winced. Jesus, he couldn't even soften the blow a little?

"I'm trying really hard to forget about it; why would I want to talk about it?—threes?"

"Here," he slid his pair of threes across the table to her, "and because it's fucked up." She scoffed in agreement. With a sigh, he folded his cards and set them down, his eyes roving over the damaged woman across the table from him. She looked so young with her bare face and tangled hair. Kozik was positive he'd never seen her look so messy. The Sara he knew would wear a full face of make-up and heels to the beach. Even during lock-down she'd always looked put together.

"I'm serious. You don't see shit like that and not have it completely fuck you in the head."

"You guys see this shit all the time."

"And we're all fucked in the head." He pointed out with a smirk. "Besides, it's different for us."

"How so?"

"Because the people we kill, they aren't our family." He stated bluntly. Usually the guys tried to sugarcoat the dark underbelly of club business. "I promise you, if I came upon Happy's body with half his head blown off, I'd be a wreck too." Kozik assured.

"I just can't believe she's gone." Sara whimpered, her voice cracking as she shook her head sadly. "Like, I keep thinking of something that I want to tell her, and I reach for my phone to call her, and then it all comes crashing back."

"Yeah, that'll happen for a while. It sucks." He acknowledged. "But at the same time, you think she'd want you to be a wreck like this?"

"Doesn't really matter what she'd want; she's dead." She grumbled. He rolled his eyes.

"Well you need to at least eat something. You look gross; I know I couldn't pull off heroin-chic, but neither can you. What's with the collarbones? Happy's not into fuckin' a bag of bones I don't think." He stated gesturing to her protruding clavicle. Unfolding his legs and rising to his feet. He held out his hand. "I'm hungry; let's go."

"What? No. We have food here."

"Do you? How would you know? Have you even looked in the fridge since you got here?" He asked, guiding her like a child back into the bedroom. "Here, wear this." He stated, handing her a SAMTAC hoodie hanging on the closet door. "Maybe put on some jeans…" He rambled, looking around. "This your bag?"

"Kozik—" She sighed, but he'd already unzipped and was pawing through her clothes.

"Oh hello, what do we have here?" He teased, hooking his thumbs in a red lace thong and holding it up suggestively. She snatched it from his grasp as he snickered.

"You know, Hap would kill you for that." She threatened but couldn't stop the small smile from her lips.

"If he was gonna kill me, he'd have done it a long time ago," he assured, "Here. Get dressed." He stated tossing a pair of jeans at her. "You need help with those too? Because I'll gladly—"

"Get out." She stated with an eye roll and a point down the hall.

"You have one minute to put those on and if I come back in and you're hibernating, you're going for food dressed as you are." He stated sternly, backing out of the room with a smirk. "We may end up having to eat at a homeless shelter in that case though."

"Fuck off, Koz." She sighed albeit more affectionately than earlier, shaking her head and closing the door. Christ, he could be a lot. Still, her stomach grumbled as she slipped out of her sweatpants and into the jeans. She slid the hoodie over her dirty t-shirt. She opened the door and saw him leaning against the wall.

"You gonna to anything about…" He stated vaguely before gesturing at her face. She glared at him in response and he dropped his hand, "you know what, you're beautiful as you are."

"Keys?" He asked holding out his hand. She looked around, perplexed. Where were her keys? With another roll of his eyes, he mumbled about having to 'do everything around here'. "Find some shoes; I'll find the keys."

Sara sat back in the booth, stomach full after a few bites of her burger. Kozik was still shoveling food in his mouth.

"I can't believe he dragged me to Tacoma."

"He had shit to do and couldn't leave ya behind. Take it as a compliment; he'd leave me ass behind." Kozik shrugged, taking a sip of his coke. She sighed, shaking her head in disbelief.

"What am I supposed to do here? At least in Charming, I could go to work and keep myself distracted."

"Well he was worried about you. We all were, frankly." He admitted after swallowing a big bite of food. "You'll find your way. You just gotta get to know the area some. Besides, weren't you going to move up next month anyway?" He shrugged and she nodded, having to agree with that point.

"Its just shitty circumstances." She stated weakly.

"Sure is." He agreed, washing his food down with a sip of beer. "As a wise woman one told me, 'When it's you versus bad shit, only you can change yourself and then other shit will change because you changed'." He stated, her own misquoted words being recited back making her blush.

"That's not how that goes, but you got the sentiment right." She mused.

"Whatever. Anyway, you can't be mad at him for caring about you. You'd be doing the same for him."

"I guess." She sighed. "Where is he, anyway?"

"He needed a break. He didn't want to stick around and watch me charm your ass out of bed." He joked, but she read the subtext. It was too painful for Happy to see her like this, broken. "He's at the clubhouse, awaiting my text that you're fed and satisfied," the blonde man stated with a wink before adding, "sexually, I mean."

"Ugh, grossss." She whined, throwing her balled up napkin across the table at him.

A/N: Thank you for the wonderful feedback on the last chapter, I really appreciate it. You may notice an increase in chapters being posted because I am essentially unemployed now sooooo that's given me a lot more time to write. Hope everyone is safe and healthy. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you, L.