carry me home
Megaera laughs at him as he leaves the lounge. He's never been a fan of her laugh, the sounds of her raspy alto always lilting just a bit too off-kilter, a bit too off-key, to call melodic; it is piercing yet grating all at once, digging into his skull with claws that can only belong to a Fury. In days past, during the brief period when they had warmed each other's beds, he had never mentioned his gripes with her laughter, for even back then the sound had been rare enough that he had just focused upon the fact that he had been able to make her smile at all. Bringing joy to a Fury is not an easy task, after all.
Now, however, the sound bounces off the walls, spilling into the hall connecting to his personal chambers, echoing in every step. He hates that cackle more now than ever before.
More than her laughter though, Zagreus hates himself for not being able to brush off her words. What can he possibly say in retaliation?
What can he say, when he knows that a small part of him cannot deny what she has said?
It had been a simple conversation; he had caught her and Dusa speaking about yet another one of their bouts near the top of Tartarus. He had been successful that time, although the Stygian blade no longer remembered the darkness absorbed from her mangled corpse before she had dissolved, re-entering the River Styx along with the other souls destroyed in his wake. From within the lounge, she had sounded bitter when he had been outside, even more so once he had announced his presence upon entry.
"Who was the lucky bastard who got you this time?" she had drawled, just as annoyed as ever at his appearance.
"Theseus and Asterius. They're a mighty duo, you know- even if Theseus is a little too overzealous at times." He had paused, wryly adding, "You know, if you ever spoke to your sisters and managed to work together-"
"I don't need my sisters' help to destroy you," had been the immediate response, filled with acid. "I'll get you next time, Zag."
He had rolled his eyes and shrugged, completely nonplussed by her constant threats. "I'm sure you'll give me a great fight, Meg," he had replied noncommittally. "You always do."
Her lip is always quick to curl back into a snarl, long, curved nails poised to claw. He never pays it any mind. What he does care about, however, is how she had immediately taken a step back, turning to Dusa. "He's going to come back soon. I'll give him twenty minutes," she had said blithely. "This masochistic fool will never reach-" And then, her eyes lit up, her normally-scowling face melting into a disbelieving smile as an idea sparked her mind. "No, Zag, you didn't tell me- are you enjoying the pain of your journeys through the Underworld? Is that why you keep repeating this fool's errand over and over again?"
Instantly, Zagreus had bristled, muttering, "I don't know what you're talking about, Meg- I'm just trying to find my mother, you know that."
"Even if you could find her, going through so much pain and suffering for a fleeting hope is almost disgustingly mortal of you," she had replied, her grin growing almost manic.
Zagreus hates that smile on her- always has, always will. It is just too much like her sisters to be comfortable- too wide, too unhinged. "I'll have you know that I simply happen to enjoy the sport of it all. It's not every day one gets to survey the sights and sounds of Father's beloved realm. Once I get to the top, I'll also have quite a few stories to tell, so why not go through it?"
"Oh, I'm sure you enjoy some part of it, for sure."
Dusa had looked panicked whilst trapped in the middle of their increasing tension, her words stopping and starting under breath over and over again until she had simply given up on trying to calm the situation, raising herself up into the rafters so that she could flee to another part of the house.
That had been the last straw for Zagreus; he does not mind Megaera teasing him, but making Dusa uncomfortable is not something he shall ever tolerate. However, there is never a point in picking a fight in his father's walls. The only creature who could ever pull that off and continue to exist successfully is Cerberus, for no matter what Hades says about the three-headed hellhound, he adores Cerberus just as much as Zagreus does. So, Zagreus had simply sighed, walking over to the Wretched Broker to facilitate a trade, ignoring Megaera's jeers lingering behind him.
As he had finished up his dealings, however, Megaera's voice had rung through the lounge one last time. "I guess I wasn't rough enough for you, Zag. Good to know that you're satisfied with the skeletons and rats." Her expression turned even wicked, the tinge of insanity shining in her eyes far too reminiscent of Alecto's bloodlust. "Does he know that you're like that, too? Is that why you chose him?"
With that, Zagreus had turned on his heel, ignoring the shocked and pointed looks cast his way by the shades lingering in the house all the way to his personal chambers- ignoring Megaera's laughter carving itself into his brain, mocking him without restraint. He does not need to dignify anything with a response.
There is a sliver of truth to her words, and he hates it.
Two rounds of combat with Skelly clears his head a bit. He does not explain why he is suddenly up in arms with the skeleton, although Skelly never minds a few bouts in the armoury. For Zagreus, the movement is much-needed; although his youth had been spent training under the tutelage of Achilles, the past hundred attempts to escape the Underworld to find his mother upon the surface had taught him quickly to relish in the thrill of the fight, to enjoy the sensation of moving his body so fluidly that his enemies can no longer even see the blur of his blade.
More than the feeling of peace, however, is the time to think that Zagreus appreciates from combat. His thoughts wander constantly when not engaged with a more demanding foe, his heartache and frustration and curiosity sorting itself out through each and every encounter. He loves the tranquility left after a match.
By the time Skelly is regenerating for the third time, Zagreus is calm. He has sorted out his feelings, has put his annoyance and embarrassment towards Megaera's words to rest. It is laughable, the conclusion he has come to, however.
She is not entirely wrong. He has changed from back when they had been intimate, has grown over his time trying to escape his father's realm. Now, he does not fear dying within the halls of the Underworld, surrounded by the stench of decay and the spirits of the damned. He does not mind the sensation of being eviscerated over and over again, torn limb from limb, innards flying out whilst sensation still remains; he does not care about watching himself be wrought asunder in the reflection of murky pools and raging fires and gentle waterfalls. It is painful, of course; to deny the horrible pain which accompanies each one of his failed attempts would be to deny his own existence. Of course it is painful, horrifying.
Whenever his body and spirit are cast aside, however, the anxiety never lasts long. After the initial disappointment of a failed escape attempt subsides, all he feels is hope and wonder, relief and adoration, for he is not alone whenever his body enters the blood-drenched river once again.
There is only one reason to enjoy the process of dying. Whenever he does, he enters the River Styx. His spirit is finally complete in these fleeting moments, for he is nearer to Thanatos.
He knows Megaera still mocks the adoration which has bloomed in his heart for the god of death; she still does not understand how his heart has shifted from her to the stoic man who haunts his footsteps. Zagreus does not care whether or not she understands, though. All that matters is that Thanatos is safe, and that he and Zagreus share a tie that can never be broken.
Zagreus still wears the butterfly keepsake which the other god has given him, after all. He shall never part with it, no matter what other trinkets come his way. The power which Thanatos bestows upon him gives him what nothing else does, after all; it carries the wish that Zagreus never suffers harm.
But the more he thinks of Meg's words, of her teasing and her ridicule, all he can do is reflect on the fact that this keepsake is antithetical in itself. Suffering is inevitable in the Underworld, and in Zagreus' journey, even more so. It is impossible to completely escape danger when battling against the legions which his father will forever send his way, as long as he continues this quest. Yet, Thanatos' desire for Zagreus to remain unharmed has become such a source of strength throughout his tests of might in Hades' halls that he has been making it further and further through Elysium and the Temple of Styx as of late.
Pausing, Zagreus quickly murmurs to the newly-reassembled skeleton, "Thanks for that, Skelly. I'll be back in bit."
"No problemo, boyo," the enchanted skeleton responds. "I'll be waitin' for ya to smack me around some more."
He smiles in response as he turns on his heel, but his brow is furrowed when he returns to his chambers, lost deep in thought.
…should he abandon the butterfly? Should he allow himself to be weakened, to suffer more, for the sake of seeking out Thanatos? Throwing himself onto the bed, he places his hands behind his head, staring up at the glittering ceiling above. Is there a point to making it through unscathed-
I need to see my mother, his brain reasonably supplies. Can't exactly see her if I'm dead.
In his heart, however, all he can do is think of the rush of adrenaline which courses through his veins, heady and freeing, every single time he is close to death during his journey. The pain has mixed with the pleasure, the sheer ecstasy, of getting to feel Thanatos' soul intertwining with his for even just a moment so often now that he can feel his body heat up, warmth pooling in his gut just at the mere thought of it.
Rolling onto his side, a sigh slips past his lips, but he is not upset any longer. I don't want to have to choose between you two. If you want me to be safe, then fight by my side, he implores silently to the silver-haired reaper.
There is no response, of course. The gods cannot read his mind. He almost wishes his heavenly relatives could, though; perhaps they would aid him and send Thanatos to him rather than their boons. If Than was fighting by my side, we would be unstoppable.
He misses the reaper. He has barely seen him in person as of late.
He is wrenched out of his thoughts as the clock strikes the hour, the sands of time shifting nebulously forever forward. It is time for another court hearing in the main hall. It is time to try another escape, Megaera's words be damned. Tottering to his feet, Zagreus pauses, looking into his mother's mirror looming ever-present on the wall. His silhouette is striking, to be sure.
He would look far better if the reaper was standing by his side, though.
However, Thanatos has a role to play in all this. He shall never betray Hades, for the gods of death and the dead can never be at odds when their roles are so irrevocably intertwined, lest the world crumble. All he can do is support Zagreus skillfully behind the scenes, under the shadow of night-
All he can do is kiss Zagreus' soul in the fleeting moments they have together in the river before the prince washes up on the shores yet again.
Walking out into the training area, he grabs Varatha, spinning its heft in his hands easily. Skelly calls, "Your little Fury friend popped by, said she'll see ya in Tartarus. You ready, boyo?"
Zagreus nods, although a tiny spark of annoyance flares up again at the thought of Megaera. "She does not frighten me. We've had plenty of bouts in the past."
"She looks like she'd pack a punch though."
"That's alright. Let her come. I'll tear down whoever is in my way."
"See ya soon, pal. Or not. Maybe don't get yer butt beat so bad this time, eh?"
He makes no promises, for Zagreus does not mind the pain and suffering that he must endure in order to reach the surface. Dying in the Underworld is not the same as "failing"- not when Thanatos will always be there to welcome him back into death's embrace before he is reborn. He can survive any pain in order to meet with Thanatos again.
This thought eases some of the irritation at Megaera. Perhaps Zagreus is a bit of a masochist after all.