A/N: I'm so happy that you guys still love this story. And, I hope you still like it (and me, for that matter) after the next few chapters—EEEEEK! But, enjoy it for now. In this chapter, we see Olivia trying to deal with a few issues of her own, and returning to work after her injury. I probably could have broken this into two chapters, but I decided against it. Hope you don't mind it being a little longer than my normal chapters.
Chapter 44
Consult
Olivia sat in the office chair, staring down at her hand. When she looked in the mirror an hour earlier, she had known her nose would be ok—the swelling had gone down significantly and the bruised skin around her eyes was getting a little lighter—more of a yellowish color. Her pinky, however, she wasn't as confident about: it was crooked and bent, swollen still and completely bruised through. She inspected it through the splint as Alex started speaking.
"Don't worry about it, honey. I'm sure it's just broken," she paused as she took a breath, "I'm more worried about your nose, honestly." Alex's face was sympathetic. She leaned over and brushed Olivia's cheek with the back of her hand as she placed a quick kiss below her cheekbone.
"I'm not worried about my nose. It's fine." Olivia answered nonchalantly, signaling to her nose.
"Oh really, Dr. Benson? And, I'm sorry…I forgot," she shifted in the adjacent chair and wore a sly smile as she continued her question, "where was it that you attended medical school again?" The smile on her face was radiant. It wasn't often that she got to tease Olivia and she took full advantage of it.
Olivia chuckled, but was transfixed by Alex. "God you're beautiful." She reached over and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Alex's ear as the blonde shifted in her seat and smiled bashfully. After a few moments, Alex raised her eyebrows and leaned her head forward a bit, as if she had asked a question. Olivia remembered that she had, indeed, asked a question—no matter how smart-assed it was. "Well, to answer your question, I didn't go to medical school," she raised her eyebrows and lowered her voice to a whisper, "although you calling me doctor has an interesting ring to it." They both smiled deviously as Olivia gave her honest answer.
"But, when I was about 16 I was swimming at a meet in Albany—state tournament, it was a big deal. It was great: my mom was there, Sienna was recruiting me, and I just had a really good feeling about it. My high school had a big send off and I was ready to go. So, when I got there, I swam my final event and when I was done—"
"Did you win?" Alex interrupted.
"Not important." Olivia dismissed her question with a wave of her hand.
"Wait…You won didn't you? You won a state tournament?" Alex's tone was full of awe, admiration. She was almost giddy to learn this new information about the strong detective that sat next to her.
"Well, it's not an important part of the story, but if you must know…yes, I did. Anyways," she smiled and rolled her eyes, "There were 12 lanes, and I was in lane 7. When everyone was getting out of the pool, I didn't want to swim all the way over to the ladder, so I thought I would just lift myself out of the pool. After all, that would be a lot easier than swimming across six lanes, right?"
Olivia put her arms out and pushed towards Alex, mocking the motion she was mentioning. "But, the side of the pool was, obviously, wet and my hands slipped." Alex was transfixed on Olivia, thinking about her swimming. Just the memory of her climbing out of the ocean in Martha's Vineyard made Alex's mind swirl. Quickly she shook her head of the memory and checked back into the story.
"I hit my head on the side and fell back into the pool." Alex winced as Olivia described the scene. "It was so embarrassing. They had to change pools for the rest of the day because there was so much blood on the deck and in the pool. Luckily, it didn't seem like the Sienna scouts saw anything—I think they went to watch someone else. Anyway, I ended up breaking my nose and it was much worse than this. So, long story short, that's why I think my nose is ok."
"You know," Alex smiled and crossed her legs, "I think it's kind of funny that I wouldn't have known anything about you swimming in college if we hadn't gone to the beach. You were obviously really good, Liv."
"That was a long time ago. But thanks, babe." She smiled at Alex just as the door opened and Dr. Foster entered the exam room.
"Detective Benson! How are you doing?"
"I'm alright. A little concerned about my finger, but I'm good."
"Well, good news is that your nose is fine." Olivia looked at Alex and smirked with an I-told-you-so grin, as Dr. Foster continued. "It will just need to heal on it's own. We could splint it, but you'll be resting anyways so I don't think we will need to do that."
Alex piped up. "Resting anyways?"
Dr. Foster inhaled sharply and began speaking. "Yeah, that brings me to the bad news." She shifted her body uncomfortably as she delivered her findings. "That finger is bad, Olivia. I need to operate on it." She removed an x-ray film and slid it onto the lit box in the room, turning off the lights as she did so. It didn't take an orthopedic surgeon to notice that there was something badly wrong with Olivia's pinky finger.
She pulled a pen from her coat pocket and pointed as she spoke. "Here you have a pretty severe fracture and it's actually disrupted the joint. There's extensive damage to this ligament, and I think we need to secure the joint with a pin."
Dr. Foster continued carefully. "So, we need to get you scheduled for surgery. It'll be outpatient and should only take about an hour or so."
Olivia looked toward Alex and spoke to Dr. Foster. "Alright. How long will I have to be off work?"
"Well, I'll probably splint you back up and then you could do desk work almost right away. Back in the field, maybe two or three weeks."
"Ok. When can we do it?" Olivia's tone changed. She didn't seem as depressed as Alex thought she would be, but the blonde could tell that she was definitely discouraged.
"Wednesday I've got 10AM or 1. You'll need to be fasting—if that makes a difference."
"10AM it is," Olivia exhaled and smiled weakly toward Alex.
"Ok, Detective Benson. I'm sorry it has to come to this…But, I think it will be an easy fix." Dr. Foster gave her a sympathetic look and turned to Alex. "She will have to be put under, so can you be here to take her home?"
"Absolutely." Alex answered with no hesitation.
Twenty minutes later Alex and Olivia were seated comfortably in Alex's SUV heading toward the precinct. Olivia had to turn in the paperwork from the doctor, as she was hurt in the line of duty. When they pulled up Olivia got out of the car and went inside, allowing Alex to park the car. They were still careful about being around one another too much, especially at work.
Olivia climbed the stairs and walked into the precinct to find it mostly empty, which wasn't unusual for a Sunday, but she expected to at least see Cragen there. She dropped the paperwork in the mailbox outside his office and turned to leave when she saw George Huang seated at a table in the corner of the precinct, watching her.
"Olivia, how are you?" He got up and began walking softly toward her as he spoke.
"I'm alright. How are you?" She was friendly with Dr. Huang outside of work, but when he approached her in the precinct, she was always apprehensive. And, since the doctor recommended that she see him after her altercation with Conrad, she became a little more nervous.
He didn't answer her question, but instead, in true George Huang fashion, continued to ask her questions. "How is your hand? And your nose?"
"Nose is ok. I need surgery on my pinky, but I'll be fine."
Huang looked at her sympathetically. "Well, that sounds serious. We will all be thinking about you here."
Olivia nodded and squinted her eyes a bit, suspicious of what he was going to do next. Huang wasn't moving—his eyes were fixed on Olivia. She couldn't help but feel that he was assessing her as she stood in the middle of the precinct. She felt bare, as if she was exposed in the open, so she wrapped her arms possessively around herself, crossing them in front of her chest. Finally, he broke the silence.
"Olivia, I think that it would be wise—" Quickly his eyes darted toward the door, catching a glimpse of someone entering the 1-6.
"Dr. Huang! How are you? Working on a Sunday?" Alex swept into the room and Olivia couldn't help but notice the mood change as her smile transfixed the whole precinct. Olivia let out a sigh of relief as she watched her girlfriend. Her beauty was almost crippling: Olivia leaned against a desk as Alex walked through the room, exuding pure elegance—in only a t-shirt and jeans. God, she was beautiful. More than beautiful.
George Huang smiled kindly at her. "Just doing a little catch up on a few cases." He quickly turned his attention back to Olivia. "Call me when you come in on Monday." He patted Olivia's arm and gave her a reassuring nod. Dr. Huang had a smile that would make the most nervous person on the planet calm. Olivia hated that—she knew that he just wanted to shrink her. She knew that's what everyone wanted: Alex, Elliot, Cragen. They all thought she needed to "talk to someone" because of Carlson, and now probably because of her altercation with Conrad.
"I'm going to go down to my office and send a few emails." Alex had gotten in the habit of announcing where she was going or what she was doing when she was in the precinct and she wanted Olivia to follow her. The habit had become a little taxing on the detective. Olivia just wanted to be able to confidently stride over to Alex and wrap her up in a hug, without fear of anyone finding out. Olivia decided, then and there, that when she got in the next day she would talk to Cragen about disclosing their relationship.
Alex left the precinct and Olivia sat at her desk, fiddling with a few papers trying to look busy before fully following Alex downstairs. She filed some papers into a folder and placed them in her desk drawer. After checking her desk phone for voicemails, she stood up and pushed in her chair, making her way out of the precinct. She heard George Huang say goodbye to her and she just waved her hand, without turning around. She knew it wasn't his fault, but, as she descended the stairs, she couldn't help but feel like he was spending every waking minute trying to get into her head—it bothered her.
Alex had just seen a calendar invite appear on her calendar from Judge Donnelley when Olivia walked through her office door. The other invitee was Don Cragen and the meeting was to take place in her chambers on Thursday—Alex finally smiled a bit, seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. She quickly accepted and closed her laptop.
"Hi honey."
"Hey. How're things?"
"Good. What'd George want? I thought that I probably walked in on something."
"Oh, you know. Probably what you and Elliot want too." Olivia adjusted her gaze to the upper corner of Alex's office, darting her eyes from wood panel to wood panel, across law books and around the two pictures the attorney kept on her shelf. She saw Alex sigh and cock her head to the side out of the corner of her eye.
"What do you mean?" Her tone was soft, unaccusatory. She sat back in her chair and crossed her long legs, resting her chin upon her closed fist.
"I'm just saying that I know that Elliot, and Cragen, and you" she gestured to Alex with her arm, "probably, want to know why I 'snapped.'" She made air quotes with the last word, scoffing as she smirked a bit. "With Carlson, with Conrad. I'm not dumb, Alex. And, I'm not crazy."
"Liv, no one thinks your either." She leaned forward and crossed her hands on her desk, looking into Olivia's eyes. "If you want to talk to Huang, talk to him. No one is forcing you."
"Bullshit, Alex." Olivia raised her voice a little and the attorney jumped at the increase in volume. "It was suggested that I see him after what happened with Carlson and now it's basically mandatory that I see him on Monday. That's what he said—'Call me when you get in on Monday.' The doctor recommended that I see him: I get it. Everyone thinks I need to be shrinked." She saw Alex about to speak and thought it would just be easier to squash the argument. "I'm sorry—I don't mean to take this out on you. I just feel so…powerless." She sunk back in the chair as Alex got up and walked around her desk, extending her hand to the detective.
"Common. Let's get dinner."
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The waiter had just left the table when Alex turned toward Olivia. They were in a corner booth, snug enough for just the two of them, sitting on the adjacent booth cushions that surrounded one corner of the table. "Liv, what's wrong?"
Olivia took a swig of her Captain and Coke and ran her hand through her hair. "Nothings wrong, per se. I just feel like I have no control over anything. I do something that I think is right, and everyone is all over me. Al, Conrad hit me in the face. What was I supposed to do? I guess I should have just told Elliot where he was and caught him and let him continue to beat the shit out of me without fighting back. And Carlson? I guess I should have just let him shoot towards you—maybe give you a matching scar? I wasn't going to let that happen. I just don't understand what people want me to do."
"Olivia. Honey. I love you so much. Do you know that?" The detective nodded her head. "I never expected you to do anything different. When I heard what happened with Conrad I was concerned about you, but when I learned about the situation I knew you responded accordingly. I'm sorry that I doubted you and worried you that IAB might think it was excessive. We haven't heard anything so, obviously, it seems to be ok."
"It's fine, Alex. It's not your fault. I just feel like I can't catch a break." She picked up her drink and downed the rest of it. The waiter had come back to check on them and she ordered another one. Alex took notice and decided she wouldn't mention anything. Olivia had never had a drinking problem, but since she got shot, it seemed like she was drinking a little more to relive some stress.
The waiter brought the food to the table, and Alex took a second before she started to eat. Olivia ordered a bowl of fruit and started to pick the grapes off of the stems, tossing the grapes back in the bowl and leaving the stems on the table.
"Is that all you're gonna eat Liv?" Alex grew a little more concerned as she watched Olivia's hands—those hands she was so in love with, and wondered what more could be on her mind.
"Yeah. I'm just not very hungry, that's all." She smiled weakly at Alex as the blonde ate part of her chicken salad.
"Liv?" Alex put her fork down and waited to continue until she made eye contact with Olivia. "Is there something else that's bothering you? Something about us? Or me?" She tried to probe a little further, but knew that Olivia was well aware of her line of questioning after seeing her in court so many times.
"Objection. Leading." Olivia smiled wildly with a full strawberry in her cheek. Alex's eyebrows raised in surprise as she laughed loudly.
"You're funny." She watched as Olivia ate the strawberry, but kept her eyes on her, silently willing her to answer the question.
"Alex, I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. And, I know that, with you, I'm happier than I've ever been."
"But?" Alex interrupted.
"No 'but.'" Olivia looked into Alex's baby blues. "I'm just tired of having to sneak around. I feel like I'm still in the closet, or like I'm 18 again and hiding a girlfriend from my mother," she paused and put her fork down on the table, "I'm gonna talk to Cragen tomorrow. The longer we wait, the harder it will be."
Alex took Olivia's hand. "I know babe. Listen, I've already been in touch with both Cragen and Donnelley trying to get a meeting set up." This seemed to perk Olivia up, and she opened her mouth to respond when Alex began speaking again. "But, everything has been so busy lately that we haven't had time to do anything. I actually just got an invite on my calendar for Thursday. So, by this weekend, everything will be taken care of."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Olivia rubbed the back of Alex's hand with her own as she asked the blonde this question. "I didn't know anything about this, Al. I wouldn't have been so concerned."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I just thought it would be easier with everything going on that you might just want me to take care of it so you didn't have to worry about it. Is this what you've been worried about?"
"I mean, yeah. I've been kind of concerned." Olivia wasn't ready to admit that she was more than concerned, mostly because she knew she was going to propose. It would look a little weird for them to be engaged before they even disclosed their relationship, but she wasn't ready to say anything to Alex about that. "I appreciate you trying to take care of everything for us." She smiled at Alex—the first full smile the attorney had seen in a little while. "Thank you. I love you."
"I love you too. Now that we've gotten over this, are you gonna have a little more for dinner except two cocktails and a bowl of fruit?" They both laughed as Olivia ordered a piece of apple pie. "Figures," Alex commented and smiled at the detective.
"What? I got two forks." That wink. Alex smiled at Olivia and felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach and her face flush, indicating that she had just fallen in love all over again with the brunette detective—for the third time today.
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Monday morning came quickly. Olivia wasn't sure if it was just because she was anxious to get back to work, or because, at the same time, she was dreading today: she was really not looking forward to seeing Dr. Huang. As she filled her coffee cup, she thought about the questions he would ask. Olivia had been through enough in the past 10 years that she was pretty sure she knew what he would say. She could see him, sitting there with his hands folded and that inquisitive look on his face, waiting for her to prompt him with an answer. "Why do you think that happened, detective? Do you think you could have handled it differently? Why do you think you felt the need to retaliate so strongly? Do you think the recent trauma caused your judgment to be clouded?"
Olivia stood in the kitchen, subconsciously staring at the white stone backsplash while her hot coffee cup warmed her hands. She could hear Alex's heels clacking in the bedroom, the usual signal that she was almost ready to go, so Olivia snapped out of her daze and poured the rest of the coffee into Alex's travel mug. She had just added a spoonful of sugar and a generous helping of peppermint creamer when she overheard the shoes approaching from the hallway and heard Alex's smooth voice behind her.
"Good morning. You look great." Alex Cabot looked her girlfriend up and down: she was truly striking. Her brown eyes had turned to a golden amber color since the weather had chilled a bit, and it only made her more attractive. She wore dark, stone wash jeans and a long sleeve black V-neck shirt, accented by her usual necklace and watch. Alex watched as Olivia loaded and holstered her gun and badge on her belt, wincing a bit at the sight of her gun. Alex still hadn't felt fully comfortable around guns since she had been shot, but she trusted the one who held it with her life, so she quickly shook any bad thoughts from her mind. Olivia gathered up all of Alex's belongings and handed them to her as they exited the apartment. "Thanks for my coffee." Alex grinned widely as Olivia locked the door behind them and headed toward the elevator.
Alex pushed the button and they waited a few moments before stepping inside and choosing the ground floor. "I'll get a cab." Olivia avoided making eye contact with Alex, and suggested this without any prompting from the ADA. While they were still inside the confines of the elevator, Alex approached Olivia and placed a soft, delicate kiss on her lips.
"It won't be like this for long, Liv. I promise." Olivia didn't answer, but instead replied with a disheartened smile. By the time Alex could question it, however, the doors of the elevator were opening and Olivia was leading the way out.
"I'll see you a little later. I love you, Alex." She took the soft, slender hand into her own and squeezed a bit before letting go. The gesture was nice, but Alex couldn't help but notice that the detective's demeanor seemed a little downcast, but by the time Alex opened her mouth to respond, Olivia was already hailing a cab on the curb.
The drive to work was lonely, Alex noticed. Sure, she was upset that they hadn't been able to have this meeting with Cragen and Donnelley, but it was just something that had to be done—if IAB found out about anything, both of their jobs would be on the line, and Alex had vowed that she wouldn't ever be the reason Olivia quit the force. Alex tried to redirect her thoughts to something a little more positive: Thursday both Donnelley and Cragen would be available. She was sure that Olivia wouldn't mind coming in after her surgery to finally iron out all of the details. They didn't discuss the meeting in detail the night before, but Alex thought that she eased Olivia's mind a bit about disclosing their relationship.
As she crossed over the Brooklyn bridge, Alex noticed that the car in front of her had 'Just Married' painted on the back window. The blue paint was faded and scuffed off in some spots, and she speculated that the couple had been married over the past weekend. Almost automatically she began to envision her own wedding: the dress, the colors, and for the first time in her life, she knew exactly who would be standing across from her. Since she was a child, Alex had attended so many extravagant weddings and parties held by her family, so naturally she had planned out every detail of her wedding since she was young, but over the past few years, she had put those dreams on the shelf, admitting to herself that she may never get married. Now, though, she had never been more confident that one day soon she would become Mrs. Alexandra Benson. She had thought about it over the past few weeks and she knew that she wanted to take Olivia's last name—no hyphens, no combining names. Olivia had never really had a family, and Alex wanted to provide her exactly that: someone with the same last name as her, and maybe, one day, a child of their own with her last name. She wanted to provide Olivia with a family, someone she could rely on.
Alex could picture every detail in her head, but now more than ever, she realized that it didn't matter what color the flowers were, or who was in the wedding party, and the only important thing was that she would be marrying Olivia: the strong, quiet, funny, charming, sexy, and loving person that she had fallen utterly and completely in love with over the past two months.
Meanwhile, Olivia sat in the back of a cab stuck in traffic getting into Manhattan. She pulled out her phone and composed a text message. I'll be at the precinct in about twenty minutes. Do you want me to just come straight to your office? If so, could you notify Cragen please? She locked her phone and looked out the window, waiting on a response. Almost immediately, Huang responded. Sounds good. I will be here. Just called the captain.
Thoughts of Alex swirled in Olivia's head. Yes, she was a little frustrated that they still had to separate themselves on the way to work, but she knew that the situation would be taken care of later in the week, so she tried not to worry. She unlocked her phone and typed out another message. I love you, beautiful. More than I've ever loved anyone. I'm sorry that I've been bummed about all of this stuff that has happened. But, I've realized that I've got you, and I hope you know that you've always got me. I'll stop by later today.
Twenty minutes later Alex stopped in her office to drop off a few things before court when she saw Olivia's text. She smiled as she responded, missing the detective already. Of course I know that I always have you—even when I don't think I do. You saved my life, Olivia. I love you. And, if I must say, those long sleeve shirts really do something to me. Good luck with George today, baby. She added a heart emoji and smiled as she turned her phone on silent and picked up her briefcase. She closed the door and walked towards the courtroom, meeting Casey Novak halfway down the hall.
Three floors upstairs Olivia sat in the oversized leather chair opposite George Huang's desk. A picture of Dr. Huang and his boyfriend, Seth, sat on the edge of his desk and Olivia could see their grins as they stood on the edge of what looked like the Grand Canyon. Dr. Huang must have noticed this, as he pointed to the picture with the fountain pen he was holding in his hand. "I've been meaning to put a more recent picture in there. That was about 5 years ago on our 'westward' trip." Olivia knew her face must have questioned his air quotes around the phrase, because he continued. "Seth has always had this wild idea to drive from New York to California, stopping at popular landmarks along the way." He chuckled lightheartedly as he rolled his eyes. "It took us 9 days to get to LA. But, it was the most relaxing, wonderful time we've ever spent together." He paused for a few seconds and hesitated before saying, "You and Alex should try it sometime."
Olivia's heart hit the floor. Not only did she not want to talk to him about her psyche, but she definitely didn't want anyone else knowing about their relationship before Thursday, when they disclosed to Cragen, Donnelley, and IAB. Before any more thoughts could run through her mind, he began speaking again. "Don't worry. I haven't told anyone."
"How'd you know?" The first phrase Olivia uttered in George Huang's office came off curious, but accusatory. She realized this and rephrased. "Sorry, I'm just…I mean, is it that obvious?"
He leaned back in his chair and grinned from ear to ear. It was odd to see him smile like this, because even though he was an extremely happy man, the cases that he and Olivia normally dealt with inspired almost every feeling except happiness. Slowly, he began to speak. "No, it's not obvious. But, I see the way you look at her—how your whole mood changed when she walked in the room yesterday. It's not hard for me to pick up. Have you told Cragen?"
"Well, I don't really remember telling him—maybe Alex did when I was in the hospital, but Elliot knows, and he knows. Fin knows too, so John probably knows. But, I trust them with my life, you know, so I'm not worried about it getting out from any of them. Donnelley knows, and Alex has set up a meeting with her and Cragen on Thursday so we can sign some disclosure so IAB is informed—the last thing I need is for them to be snooping around on a case and find out that I'm in bed with the A.D.A."
George nodded his head in understanding as he picked his pen back up and opened his notebook, leaning back in his chair. "Well, I'm happy for you both." He took a breath, an imperceptible pause in which Olivia envisioned herself bolting for the door, explaining to Alex that of course she talked to George, and yes, everything was fine. By the time she had formulated and imagined that scenario, though, he was speaking again. "Olivia, I think it's important that we talk about the situation with Samuel Conrad."
Olivia crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair, folding her splinted hand over the other atop her leg. "Ok." It was simple: open enough that she seemed like she was inviting conversation, but said curtly, the detective hoping that he would ask one or two yes or no questions and be done. She knew he wouldn't, but it was nice just to dream.
"Take me through what you remember."
"I remember," Olivia paused and focused back to the last few days. "Getting in the car with Elliot and driving to the Met. We met up with Fin outside and he let us know what was going on. A few minutes later, Munch radioed and said Conrad was running. He must have noticed Elliot's shield so he ran towards the park, so I pursued on foot. We ran probably about a half-mile before I lost him—it was like he just disappeared. I was never more than 50 feet behind him so I could see where he was going, but I couldn't find him." She paused in the story, trying to remember all of the details. "Then, Elliot came up behind me and was on a hill above me. I told him I thought I had lost him but we were running in this direction. As soon as Elliot turned around, I did the same and immediately felt Conrad hit me in the face. I remember hitting him back and taking him to the ground—I climbed on top of him and hit him in the face, and then…" Olivia's voice trailed off.
"You blacked out?" Dr. Huang's voice took over.
"I don't know. I've never blacked out before, and I'm not sure it was that—I just went into a blind rage, I think. I don't remember anything else. The next thing I can recall is Elliot talking to me on the way to the hospital."
"Ok, Olivia. Thanks for going over that with me. I want to talk about those emotions for a minute. Why do you think you harbored so much rage towards Conrad? After all, you had never met him, right?"
Olivia never thought about it that way. After hearing him say that she realized that most people probably thought about her actions in this light. She started speaking, trying to clear up the picture a little bit. "George, I'm a cop. When I go out to catch someone, I do it. And, if it causes me some trouble, then it causes some trouble. He was a criminal—is a criminal. He resisted, and assaulted a police officer. I felt that I needed to respond with equal necessary force."
"Alright." Dr. Huang leaned forward in his chair and put his pen down on his notebook, resting his elbows on his desk. "So, part of the protocol for an officer-involved shooting or an incident in the line of duty is to speak with a psychiatrist. When you got shot a little while ago, I let it slide, because I thought you were handling the situation well. This sounds silly because, of course, I didn't know where you were or what you were doing but I wasn't going to push the subject." Dr. Huang shifted his sight to his notebook, where he had a few things written about Conrad, and after a few moments, he took a deep breath before continuing. "But, after last week and your altercation with Conrad, I am a little concerned about your mental state."
"My mental state?" Olivia thought he would beat around the bush a little more, and she was surprised, but even more than that, offended at this latest suggestion.
"I don't mean that I think you're not stable enough to do your job or anything to that extent. But, Olivia, I think that perhaps after you got shot that you might be letting that event affect your judgment a bit."
Olivia could feel herself physically recoiling in her chair. "I mean I guess I should have just let him beat the crap out of me—then no one would be saying anything." Her voice was low, unassuming...almost shy.
"See now you're being dismissive. You don't have to be, Olivia. No one is accusing you of anything." There was that calming tone again that drove Olivia crazy. "And, even then, we would still be saying something—we would have thought you getting shot made you apprehensive—afraid, even."
Olivia scoffed. "So basically what you're saying is that I can't win in either scenario. I fight back, and you all think I have an anger or retaliation problem. If I wouldn't have fought back, you'd say that I had lost a step or was too apprehensive. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't." For the first time in the conversation, George saw Olivia actually asking him for an answer, and engaging in the conversation, no matter how interested she actually was. He knew that at least he was headed in the right direction.
"Seems like it, doesn't it?" He smiled and relaxed a little, looking towards Olivia for a response. When she didn't say anything, he continued. "The bottom line is this: you are one of, if not the best—in my opinion—detectives at SVU. You seem to instinctively know what to do, and you do it with all your heart. We just want to make sure that you are alright, both mentally and physically."
"Thanks." The response was short, and Dr. Huang noticed.
"Listen, Olivia. I'm not here to shrink you. I know you might think that, but it's simply not true." He could barely see the sarcastic smile that pulled at the corners of her mouth. "But, I think it will help if we can keep an open dialogue with each other. It doesn't always have to be about the cases, or anything for that matter, that happens here, but I want to have an open line of communication with you. Would that be ok?"
It was an olive branch, and Olivia knew that. The least she could do was accept, so with a nod of her head, she did. "Thanks, George." The response was genuine, and as she stood up and gathered her coat from the back of the chair a kind of warmness took the place of the nervous and persecuted feeling that occupied her heart and her mind. As she turned the handle to leave she heard him begin to speak again.
"Oh, and Olivia?" She turned around and stood in the open doorway, awaiting his response. "I'm happy for you and Alex." He smiled sincerely and waved Olivia out of his office, adding that he would see her later.
By the time she entered the precinct five minutes later, it was already abuzz with activity. She had never felt more at home as she sat down to her desk and looked across to Elliot. He smiled at her as he shuffled through papers, handing her half the pile asking her to look for a cell number. After a few minutes, Olivia noticed his gaze slowly focusing on her. When she finally looked up, Elliot couldn't help but make a joke.
"Your face hurt?" Her partner waited a few seconds before delivering the line everyone knew was coming: "It's killin' me!"
Elliot could say almost anything to Olivia and she would know the hidden meaning behind it. A simple 'It's getting late' actually meant 'let me walk you home because I worry about you walking alone at night.' When he said, 'I see you more than I see my kids,' he really was saying 'There's no one else I'd rather work with when we have to be together so much,' and, with this little comment, what he was saying, just loud enough for only Olivia to hear was, 'I'm glad you're going to be ok.'
It was no wonder that Fin and Munch stared at her questionably when she replied with "I know. I love you too, El." She looked into his eyes for a few seconds and got that Elliot Stabler smile before she finished her sentence. "But, now you know what I have to deal with looking at you everyday." Munch and Fin's faces turned from confused to amused when they heard this normal Olivia-Elliot banter as they started going through the papers again.
Today would be a good day, Olivia just knew it.