A/N: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. That chapter was difficult to write, and I'm glad you all are eager for a quick fix between our two favorite leading ladies. I am hoping to update a little more frequently, but I'm heading into my busiest season of the year, so I apologize in advance if I don't get chapters up as quickly as I used to. Thanks again for everything you do for me; it's always nice to feel appreciated. As always, feel free to comment and ask any questions or leave suggestions. Enjoy!

Chapter 47

Found

She came upon the familiar peristyle and knew that Olivia had to be somewhere near it; from the fondness and familiarity she had shown just a few days earlier, Alex knew it should have been the first place she looked. Silently she wondered why she even went back to the precinct. The detective's head peeked out from the expansive space, and Alex noticed she was sitting on the steps, leaning back against one of the thick, classic columns. As she jogged on the concrete structure towards Olivia, her heels made their familiar clacking sound: a sound that normally caused the detective to turn around and face it, however this time she didn't.

Alex slowed her jog to a walk for the last ten feet or so, approaching Olivia's back. She tried to clear her mind of any assumptions, and any other thoughts she had on her way here, and cautiously turned to face Olivia.

"Hi." The blonde wasn't sure what to say, or even how to approach the situation. She knew what she had done, and how it had looked. Furthermore, she knew that she had hurt Olivia, and that was the absolute last thing she had ever wanted to do.

The detective heard Alex set her bag down and saw, out of the corner of her eye, her sit down on the stairs, facing Olivia's side. She didn't turn her head, but instead kept her sunglassed eyes fixed out ahead of her, almost on the horizon.

Alex knew she couldn't wait for Olivia to start the conversation, because it might not ever happen. Slowly, softly, she began to speak. "Olivia, baby," she reached out and placed her hand atop Olivia's, but was surprised when she felt Olivia jerk her hand away. She gave the detective a discouraged, questioning look.

"Don't want anyone to see you touching me. Might cause you some problems." Olivia was cold, unsympathetic. She sat up, adjusting her jacket and folding her hands in her lap. "Wouldn't want you to have to answer any uncomfortable questions." Alex noticed that her voice shook a little when she spoke, almost as if she were about to cry—or, perhaps, yell.

"Liv, I'm sor-." Olivia cut her off before she could finish the apology.

"Don't, Alex. Don't start." Quickly, flashbacks played in Olivia's head. She heard her own voice echoing some of the most heart-wrenching responses Olivia had ever said, or heard: 'No, my mother never takes the subway,' 'If you can't trust your partner, Elliot, it's time to get a new one,' 'I can't keep looking over my shoulder all the time making sure you're ok.' It was almost a blessing and a curse, Olivia thought, that she could remember (or couldn't possibly forget) things that were said to her at some of the darkest points of her life. She could still remember trying to convince Don Cragen that her mother couldn't have fallen down the subway steps, because she didn't take the subway. She flashed back to the night when Elliot ordered a protective detail because he was worried about her safety, and remembered the contempt she felt when she told him to get a new partner. And, she remembered what Elliot said after he chose to tend to her over a kidnapped child, ultimately giving their perp enough time to kill the kid. It was a mere second, but she could hear, quite clearly, all of these conversations over again in her head.

She had already come to terms with the fact that she wasn't going to propose to Alex that day, and she didn't want to have to hear what the attorney was going to say: not now, and not over and over again forever. She didn't need another heartbreaking monologue to replay in her head at times like these. So, she decided to do something spontaneous—something she hadn't planned, but she knew would shut Alex up. She stood up, turned around and faced the attorney, who was still sitting on the steps. She began to get up, but Olivia stopped her with a wave of her hand.

"Please don't get up. I just want to say something." Olivia reached her uninjured hand into her pocket and located the almost 4 carat diamond ring with her fingers, holding it there for a minute. She saw the ice blue eyes surveying her anxiously behind those black-framed glasses, and when she put her hand in her pocket, those same eyes darted towards her pants, a questioning look on her face. "I uh…" Olivia felt a familiar burn form in her throat as her eyes partially filled with tears. She cleared her throat quickly and continued. "I never really thought that I would love someone again. Anyone, really." She took a breath and pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head, revealing those golden eyes that, Alex noticed, were tinted with a tired red hue. "But then you came back into my life and it's hard for me to remember what my life was like without you, because I've always felt that you were with me in some capacity."

All Alex could think about was how guilty she felt. Here she was, wanting to say something, anything, to absorb a little bit of Olivia's pain, and all Olivia was doing was being so genuine in this moment, so loving. Alex hoped that Olivia would give her a minute to apologize and explain, to the best of her ability, why she said what she said, but she wanted to let the detective finish.

"This morning, I umm…" Olivia reached up and pulled a single tear from the corner of her eye before continuing, her voice shaking, "I got dressed and was ready to head out the door and all I could hear, or think about, was your voice telling me that you loved me." She took the ring out of her pocket and clutched it in her closed fist, not allowing Alex to see.

"Do you remember the day I got my Medal of Honor?" She looked down upon the blonde and watched as she nodded along. "Well, I bought a few things that day, but that day I also made the most important purchase of my life. And, I thought I was going to be able to give it to you today."

Olivia was still speaking, but slowly her words faded out of Alex's head as the attorney realized what was happening. 'Oh my God. Olivia was going to propose today. What have I done?' Alex was mortified. She heard the soft, indecipherable hum of Olivia's voice in her ear as her eyes filled up with tears.

Quickly, Alex stood up as if something had stung her. "Olivia, Liv baby I'm so sorry." She threw her arms around Olivia's neck and held on for dear life. "I didn't say anything to you about me not signing the papers yet because I didn't want you to have to worry about it and Donnelley said they were going to ask me all kinds of questions about other stuff and I didn't want you to-."

Olivia gripped the slender forearms that hung around her neck, and pulled them off of her, slowly releasing them back down to Alex's side. She began to speak, slowly. "Alex, in this hand, I have something that I thought would change both of our lives today." She began to slowly open her hand, and Alex saw a tiny shimmer of a small diamond when she trapped Olivia's opening fingers back down to her palm, closing the fist again.

"No. Don't. Olivia, please don't show me. If it is what I think it is, I can't handle the fact that I ruined this today." The detective kept her fist closed, thought about what Alex had said for a minute, and reluctantly put it back in her pocket. "Olivia, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You were scared." Olivia paused for a moment, looking into Alex's eyes. "I understand why you would want to make it seem like there is nothing between us—not a lot of people want to be associated with me. And, even those who do want to have a relationship with me eventually end up leaving, so…I don't blame you." She turned and began to walk away when Alex jogged to catch up to her, grabbing her arm to turn her around.

"Liv, it's not that at all. I love you. I really do. And I'll never be able to say I'm sorry enough. I'm so sorry that I hurt you today, Liv. What can I do to make this right?"

Olivia looked at her for a minute, and then moved her gaze down to her shuffling feet. "You know something? I think the most hurtful part of today wasn't hearing you deny me, or hearing you refer to me as 'just one of the detectives in this precinct,' but the really hurtful part of this whole situation was realizing that I might never be able to call you my wife." She turned on the spot and pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes as she walked away from Alex, towards the subway station.

The blonde could literally feel her heart breaking. Her breathing became shallower, and more uneven. As she walked back towards the peristyle to get her bag, her knees felt weak and she collapsed on the steps near her bag, sobbing into her hands.

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Elliot was filing papers in his desk when he saw Olivia walk into the precinct. She took her sunglasses off her head and folded them, placing them in her locker along with the diamond ring, safely in it's box. It wasn't difficult to notice that mostly everyone had realized that she was back in the precinct. She kept a focused gaze on her desk, but could sense that everyone was looking at her, still trying to maintain a busy façade, but hoping to get a glimpse of the wounded detective. She sat down in her chair across from Elliot and waited for him to say something. Of course, in true Elliot fashion, he didn't have to say what he meant—the meaning was clear. After all these years, they could have a plain conversation in front of everyone, but no one else would hear what they were actually saying.

"Have plans for lunch?" Translation: 'Let's get out of here and talk.'

"No, but I'm not really hungry." Translation: 'I don't want to talk about it.'

"Ok. I've got to go see Melinda in a few." Translation: 'At least come downstairs with me.'

Olivia nodded as Elliot looked back at her, a small sympathetic smile on his face. In the next few minutes, Olivia overheard two groups of people talking about the press conference on her way to the coffee pot. As she poured her coffee, three other people quickly turned around when she glanced in their direction. She didn't like being the center of attention, and didn't like it even more when it was about something bad, or when people felt like they needed to avoid her.

A few minutes later, Munch and Fin appeared, back from a visit to St. Henry's High School to interview an alibi witness. Minutes later, Olivia's phone buzzed, signaling a new text.

Let me know Liv. I'm sorry. Anything I can do, tell me. Elliot told me what happened.

Ever since Sealview, and maybe even before, Fin and Olivia shared a special bond—at times even more intense than she and Elliot. Olivia glanced in his direction and he returned the look with a compassionate smile. She began to think, and immediately knew that he actually could help with something: she got up and walked to his desk.

"Hey, Fin." His eyes leapt up to meet hers as he stood beside her, listening.

"Liv, what's up girl?" His smooth, even tone made it so easy for Olivia to relax in his presence, even after everything that had happened that morning.

"Well, I was wondering if you could pick me up from an appointment tomorrow? I was uh…well, someone else was going to do it, but I don't think that will be happening anymore."

"No problem. I'll tell the Captain right now."

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"So what happened?" Elliot's tone was calm—inquisitive, but not prying. They walked leisurely down the stairs toward the morgue, and as they passed by the first floor, Olivia noticed Elliot purposefully blocking the window in the access door. She knew that he was trying to keep her from looking through the small opening to see if Alex was in the hallway. This gesture warmed her heart—although she was mad at Alex, she still thought she wouldn't mind just catching a glimpse of her. Quickly, though, Olivia's attention was turned back to Elliot.

"Well, nothing really. I didn't say some things that I probably should have. But, I just told her that it hurt." Elliot looked sympathetically at Olivia, and as they turned the final steps down to the morgue, he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him, into a close hug. She felt her eyes fill up with tears and the familiar burn return to her throat when she bent her elbows under his arms and pressed her hands into his shoulder blades, holding him close for a minute. A singular tear fell from her face and landed softly on the third button of his shirt. Quickly, she pulled away and wiped her face, after wiping his shirt. "Sorry." A small smile tugged at her lips as they continued down the final 5 steps. Olivia composed herself and patted Elliot on the back as they opened the door to the morgue. "Thanks, El."

He returned her gratitude with a signature Elliot Stabler smile. All was right in the world, Olivia thought, if only just for a minute, through that smile. He was the best friend she had ever had, and he would always be there when she needed him. And today…well, today was definitely a day when she needed him, even though she didn't know exactly what he could do to make her feel better.

"Ok, so I'm ruling the manner of death as a homicide. This is definitely yours, Elli-." Melinda Warner was elbow deep inside the chest cavity of a 25-year-old man when she looked up and noticed that his partner was with him. "Oh, hey Olivia. I didn't know you were coming down." She placed the excised organ she had just removed in a metal plate and removed her gloves and protective wear. She walked over to the sink and washed her hands. After drying them, she placed her wedding ring back on her hand as she continued explaining the situation to Elliot.

"So, manner of death is homicide. Cause is another issue. This one might be a problem." Elliot looked questionably between the victim, lying on the cold table, to Melinda, waiting for her professional opinion. "What caused his death was basically a heart attack, which they could try to attribute to natural causes: he is somewhat overweight, he smokes, and he is unhealthy. But, let me just ask you," she paused for a second and looked up from her paperwork, "are you considering any doctors or nurses or anyone in the medical profession as a suspect?"

Elliot answered immediately—almost as if he knew the question before she asked. "Yes. His ex-wife is a trauma surgeon. She's got motive, opportunity, and we've got an eyewitness that puts her at the scene."

"Good." Warner looked relieved. "Because I think she gave him a dose of something that caused his heart to beat irregularly." She put a latex glove on and lifted the man's arm, displaying a shallow hole in one of his veins. "Pretty easy to pass it off as a heart attack, especially if she is a physician and went with him to the hospital. Most doctors will readily accept another's opinion, as they will probably give the most detailed, and relevant account of what happened." She paused and covered the victim back up. "But, I have no doubt that she killed him. I'm sure the defense will try to maintain that it was natural causes, but I can disprove that."

"Sounds good. Thanks, Doc." Elliot began to leave when he turned around and remembered one more thing. "Are you going to submit your report to Novak or Ca— I mean, who are you sending it to?"

Melinda looked from Elliot to Olivia, understanding why this question was a little awkward. "Liv, I'm sorry about what happened this morning." It wasn't necessarily unexpected, but both of the detectives merely expected her to answer Elliot's question. "I know that we have all worked together for a long time, but I consider you guys my friends. And, I don't ever want my friends to feel how I'm sure you do right now."

Olivia nodded towards Dr. Warner, thanking her with a look. The nonverbal conversation was over with that simple, thankful nod, and all three of them seemed to understand one another in that moment.

"I'm sending it to both of them. I heard that Cabot had the lead on this one, but then someone said something about Casey taking it too, so I wasn't sure. I'll copy you on my report." They both turned to leave the morgue when Melinda asked one more question.

"Liv, how's the hand? Come here and let me see it."

Olivia walked over to Melinda and unwrapped her hand, taking the splint off her pinky. "Wow. Yeah, that's broken." Melinda wasn't one for sugar coating anything, and that was something that Olivia was always thankful for professionally. "So, when's surgery? I'm assuming you are going to have to have it?"

"Tomorrow. I'll send you a picture." They all smiled: everyone knew that ME Warner was one of the only people in the entire precinct that could stomach almost anything, and so they all took pleasure in sending her gory injuries or weird looking abnormalities.

"Alright. Leave this stuff off today. If Foster bitches at me for that, have her call me. We went to med school together so she can get over it. It'll help your post-surgery pain and range of motion…Well, good luck. Let me know if you need anything." She pushed the gauze, ace bandage, and the splint over towards the sink as Olivia forced an appreciative smile.

"Thanks, Melinda." Elliot and Olivia exited the morgue, climbing the flights of stairs up to the precinct, both feeling a little better than when they came down.

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Warner stood over the victim and stitched the large V shaped incision in his chest closed. The skin slowly came back together with each poke and pull, and with her skilled hands, she had almost finished just ten minutes after she had started. She was making her final stitches when she saw the door open across the room, and saw out of her peripheral vision, a woman enter the morgue. She didn't immediately know who it was, but the clacking heels immediately gave it away as she walked into the room.

"Ms. Cabot," Warner had a slow, focused tone to her voice. Alex assumed it was because she was concentrating on stitching the victim back together, so she waited for Dr. Warner to continue. "What can I do for you?"

Alex took a breath and tried to form a coherent sentence. She was always able to throw herself into her work, disregarding any other problems she had, but today all she could think about was Olivia. After she mustered the confidence, and replayed the sentence she was about to speak about 24 times in her head, she spoke quietly. "Are you done with him?"

"Yes. I was going to email you my findings after I finished stitching him up. Do you want me to just tell you now or do you want to wait for my email?" Melinda was still hovering over the victim, pulling the last stitch through and tying it off, cutting the excess before she removed her gloves.

"I can just wait for your email. No problem. I just wanted…well, needed to take a walk and get out of my—." Her voice trailed off. She had followed Melinda over to the sink and she began to feel weak when she noticed a familiar splint and bandage laying to the left of the soap. Warner noticed the shift in her speech and took over from there.

"Elliot and Olivia were just down here a few minutes ago, so I was going to go ahead and send you all the email. I will get that out in a few minutes."

Alex's eyes filled with tears and she turned on the spot, heading towards the door. She mumbled as much of a 'thank you' as she could get out before she threw the door open and jogged up the stairs. She reached the corridor of the first floor when she ducked out of the stairwell and entered her office, pulling the door shut behind her. The blonde locked the door and sank into the chair behind her desk, unable to control her emotions. She removed her phone from her bag and composed a simple text to the only person she could possibly think about right now: I'm sorry, Olivia. I'm so sorry. I love you.