Disclaimer: All rights belong to the creators and writers of Julie and the Phantoms (2020). I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made.
Rating: K
Author's Note: Hi guys! This fic is a angsty, tear-inducing monster I wrote in one shot from 1am to 5am after driving home from work and listening to the song "Ghosts" by BANNERS and immediately associating it with tragic!Juke. The AU is that Julie convinced Luke and the boys to accept Caleb's offer once they failed to move on after playing the Orpheum and centers itself around Luke and how he still hasn't come to terms with his new fare in life. Julie, of course, chooses this moment to return and they find closure in a heartbreaking way. I hate myself for writing this but I can't ignore the muse so be prepared for a bittersweet ending.
I highly recommend that you listen to the song before/during/after reading to enhance your experience.
For You, I'll Try
I hear noises
Awoken from my sleep
I'm haunted by the thoughts that creep
Luke strums the first chord and dances onto the stage. Alex, behind the glittering red drum set, smiles at him and Reggie nods his head as he lays down the bass beat. Around them, dancers in sharp suits or flapper inspired dresses twirl around. Caleb moves around the stage, his rich voice leading them.
Luke shuts out everything except Alex and Reggie. He's trained his ears to locate their rhythms and notes and let everything else fall away. He doesn't care about Caleb, he doesn't care about the vibrant and flashy dancers. All he cares about is the music that the three of them make.
Sure, the extravagant parties were fun at first. Being able to eat again was a miracle. Being about to touch a Lifer - it was almost enough for Luke to forget about all that he lost. It was almost enough for him to think that he made a reasonable trade.
Then the glamor wore away and all too quickly. The bars of his gilded cage shone through, brighter than the sun. The endless parties grew boring and repetitive. The fame and glory faded away into meaninglessness. The food grew bland and even the touch of skin upon skin lost its warmth.
It didn't take long for all of Caleb's lavish promises to disappear into thin air.
Alex and Reggie - that's all Luke has now. Them and the music they make. Caleb may keep them bound to him, he may force them to play what he wants them to play, he may take them where he wants them to go - he can do everything except take away the bond they share through music. As evil as he is, he's also clever enough to realize that separating the three of them would be the worst mistake of his afterlife.
As Luke's fingers fly over the strings, he keeps his eyes focused on Reggie and Alex. He never lets himself lose sight of them. He never wanted this life, but here he is and his only options are to be miserable forever or to embrace what little good there is. He's chosen to do the latter. Although his heart cries out and tries to drag him away to places he cannot go, he resists the urge and makes the most out of what he has here.
Luke has always known that making music was his life's purpose. It's the only reason he was able to overpower his heart and leave his parents on that fateful night. It's the only reason he was able to find peace after his death. It's the only thing he lives for. And there's no one else he'd rather make music with besides Alex and Reggie.
Well, there is one other person.
Luke feels his smile falter. Only five years of discipline keeps him from shutting down completely and rolling into a ball. Five years of training his mind to take all thoughts of her and shove them into a locked drawer in the back of his mind. It's not that he doesn't want to think about her; it's that thinking about her will destroy him and shatter what little happiness he has painstakingly made for himself.
The song shifts and the other musicians fall away, Luke included, to give Alex a solo. His sticks are nothing more than tan blurs in the air as he bangs away. From a table at the front row, Willie beams as he watches. Alex's eyes search him out and a wide smile stretches across his face.
After Alex's solo comes Reggie's. He dances around the stage, circling a beautiful dancing girl in a shimmering pale pink shift dress. He's been chasing that dancing for weeks now and she's giving him a run for his money but Reggie has never been happier. He's got an eternity to chase her down, after all.
The last note of Reggie's solo fades out and now it's Luke's turn. He takes all his frustration and pain and channels it into his playing, milking every note until the whole club echoes with the sweet tones of his guitar. In this moment he is alone in the world, he is alone on the stage and he melds with the music until he ceases to exist.
It's the all-too-brief moments like this where he's finally able to find peace in his existence.
Like all good things, it passes too quickly. The solo ends and the other instruments jump in and the dancers twirl around in dizzying arrays and Luke is forced to block them all out again. He jumps up on Alex's drum platform, the vibrations from the set helping to tune everything else out. Alex smiles at him but it's not a happy smile - it's one of knowing but being unable to do anything.
Caleb begins singing again and Reggie and Alex join on back-up, leaning into their microphones. Luke closes his eyes and immerses himself in their vocals. When they teleported to the club to agree to join Caleb's band, Luke had one condition. He told Caleb that he'd play for him but he wouldn't sing.
Caleb had been disappointed, of course, but not unduly. He had won them over, after all. Besides, Caleb is enough of a star to negate the need for Luke's voice. He'd agreed readily enough.
Alex and Reggie didn't understand Luke's decision. For years they pestered him about it until they finally realized that he wouldn't answer them. That, or they figured out the truth.
Back in the original days of Sunset Curve, Luke had been the driving force of the band. He wrote most of the lyrics to the songs himself and he took lead on most of the songs. There was no argument about who was the lead singer. Luke's singing was just as important to him as his guitar playing.
Everything changed when they met her. When she joined the band - or they joined her band, whichever you please - she became the real star. Luke was good, but she was a supernova, blowing everyone around her away with her raw talent. Luke could sing duets with her, he could solo a verse here and there, and he could sing back-up, but he never dared believe that he was the lead singer once she joined.
As good as they each sounded alone, they sounded a thousand times better together. Their voices melded together in perfect harmony. Even when they were just messing around and creating songs on the fly, they were perfectly in touch and in tune to each other. Luke realized that he was never meant to be the lead singer; he was meant to be the other half of her voice.
When the boys finally gave in to Caleb's demands, Luke knew he would never find peace if he had to sing alone. After the soaring highs of singing with her, his voice by itself sounds lifeless and dull and, well, dead. All he could hear was the emptiness where her voice should be.
The song winds down and Caleb bows deeply and thanks the audience for coming. Alex sets his drumsticks down in anticipation of joining Willie on the dance floor. Reggie's eyes are glued to the pink dancer as she shoots his subtly looks over her shoulder. Luke reaches for the strap of his guitar, ready to pull it off and disappear from the scene as he always does these days.
His hand is about halfway back when the sight in the corner of his eye freezes his entire body up. He feels Reggie and Alex's eyes on him and though he can't see them, he can feel the waves of concern radiating out from them.
If the earth quakes now, buildings fall
I'm pulling pictures from our walls, 'til you say
Here, here I am
Luke's breath catches in his throat. He can't believe his eyes. He must be dreaming. But ghosts don't sleep and even in his dreams she wasn't this beautiful.
Julie is standing atop the staircase, her hands resting on the rail. Her curly black hair is pinned back in the front and tumbling down her shoulders from the sides and back. She's wearing a red dress with a faint shimmer to it as it moves in the light. Her hair is pinned back with butterfly clips that remind him of her outfit from their "Edge of Great" performance. He'll never forget how she looked that day. He'll never forget how close they were as they sang the last lines, how the world faded into nothing around them and their eyes were all that existed and if his body had any substance to it he would have leaned in and kissed her in that moment.
Seeing her now, looking so gorgeous and distant, is like a punch to a gut. The locked drawers full of memories and fantasies of her burst open and assault his mind like a punishment for trying to tame them for so many years.
Her eyes meet his and an expression he can't read flickers across them. Without breaking contact, she steps away from the railing and begins descending towards him.
He feels a hand on each of his shoulders - Alex and Reggie, no doubt. He doesn't need to look at them to feel the supportive vibes they're sending his way. By unspoken consent they never talked about Julie after they went to work for Caleb, but none of them ever forgot about her. And none of them ever forgot the pull between her and Luke.
And Luke never forgot how she made him feel alive even in death.
All the ghosts
That float around us
How they turned all our dreams into dust
He steps away from them and towards Julie. Their hands slide away. He hasn't taken more than two steps when he feels the cold presence of Caleb nearing. Even after years of working for him Luke can't stifle the immediate hateful emotions that rush up in a wave within him. As if he can read his mind, Caleb chuckles lowly.
"I let her in, as a reward for your cooperation," he whispers in Luke's ear. "But make no mistake: I am not giving you up. I am never giving you up."
He disappears again but the chill left in his wake lingers, poisoning the bubbling emotions inside of Luke. Even after all these years learning exactly how unescapable this prison is, Luke still dared to hope. And Caleb sensed it and extinguished it faster than it could fully manifest.
Still, not even Caleb's tampering can sever or even dull the connection between Julie and Luke. She's reached the bottom of the staircase and is making her way through the crowd towards him. Likewise, he's moving towards her. Somewhere along the way he set down his guitar, but he doesn't actively remember doing so.
Soon only a few feet separate them. They both stop when they're a little too close for casual company. Julie's expression is still completely unreadable.
She reaches up slowly and presses her hand against his cheek. Despite himself, Luke can't resist leaning into her touch. He's imagined what touching her would feel like for years in times of weakness; now he realizes that he could never even come close to the true feeling. Her touch starts a forest fire that rages through him, illuminating the dark parts of him that haven't seen light since he was last with her.
Julie swallows and her eyes soften. Luke reaches up a hand and covers hers. For an eternity they stand there, unable to break apart or ruin the moment with words.
Luke and Julie's relationship always revolved around unspoken words. Every time they said I love you it was through the way they looked at each other. Every time they said I need you it was through the desperation in their eyes. Every time they said I'd do anything for you it was with a heavy glance.
Now Luke isn't sure what she's trying to say, but he hopes she can read in his eyes all the things he could never say aloud.
We saved your mother
But darling there was no spark left for us
We won the battle, but lost the heart
And now I know that here
Here I am
Julie is the first to move. She slides her hand out from under his and lowers it to her side. It's all he can do to not take it and thread his fingers through hers.
"Luke," she says, a weak smile stretching across her face. "It's good to see you again."
He knows he looks like a complete fool but all he can do is stare at her while a million thoughts run through his brain.
After all these years, that's it?
You came to see me!
I've suffered every second for five years because you asked me to stay and I'd do anything for you so I did and that's all you have to say?
Oh, god, I forgot how sweet my name sounds on your lips.
He manages to sift through the barrage of thoughts enough to manage a coherent sentence. "You, too, Julie. You look amazing."
Her cheeks redden slightly and she ducks her head the way she does when she's embarrassed. The gesture is so familiar and cute that his pain at seeing her out of nowhere subsides a little. The tension surrounding them fades by a few degrees.
"You look good, too." She nods past his shoulder, to the stage. "You sounded great up there. Alex and Reggie, too. I'm glad the band is still together."
Luke, Reggie, and Alex alone were never a band, though. When they were Sunset Curve they had Bobby. When they were Julie and the Phantoms, they had Julie. Caleb and his posse are no excuse and definitely no replacement for who they lost.
Luke shoves the bitter thoughts away. He doesn't want this moment tainted by his anger and grief. He doesn't want Julie to learn how miserable he is, despite his best efforts.
He doesn't want her to feel guilty for begging him to stay alive at whatever cost for her.
"We're just doing what we were born to do." He pauses and looks over his shoulder. "Hey, do you want to say hi to everyone?"
Luke suddenly needs a break. For all his fantasizing of seeing Julie again, it's all too much all too fast. When he and the others teleported out of her garage that night, the jolts so strong and hard they weren't sure if they could even stand let alone travel through space, he was certain it was the last time he would ever see her. It was clear that Caleb would never allow them to go to her again and Luke never imagined she'd come here.
Julie nods, her face carefully guarded, and he leads the way to the front table where Willie and Alex are sitting. Alex stands and immediately envelops her in a big hug which she enthusiastically returns. Watching them be around each other so easily hurts more than the worst of the jolts. Luke remembers all too well when his and Julie's relationship was so simple and easy. They were happy just being around each other. They didn't read too deeply into everything the other one did. They didn't worry about making every word and action count.
They thought they had all the time in the world to figure out what was between them. What fools they were - fools in love.
Luke stands back a few feet while Julie and Alex spend a few minutes catching up. She turns to Willie and talks to him as well, and he smiles his easy smile and slings an arm around Alex. The two of them are so happy together that they alone almost make Luke's suffering worth it.
Almost.
Reggie appears a minute later, taking a break from chasing the dancer. He also hugs Julie tight, picking her a couple inches off the floor. She laughs and it rings around the room, cutting through the chatter of the dozens of other guests. No matter where she went, no matter who she was with, Julie always managed to be the sun in the center of the universe. She always managed to outshine everyone else.
Alex and Reggie both shoot Luke another pair of worried looks when Julie finally turns away from them and back to him. He lowers his eyes to avoid them. He's sure they'll be there for him when it's over but for now he can't stand the pity in their eyes.
He might be able to hide the true extent of his pain from Julie, but he could never hide it from them. And despite his best efforts, he knows they both feel guilty for finding happiness and fulfillment while he's still chasing after another kind of ghost.
Oh, hard to believe
That's it all said and done
Hard to believe
That it's not dead and gone
Luke raises an eyebrow and nods to the dance floor. "Shall we?" he asks, holding out his arm. Julie smiles a little and threads her arm through his.
Neither of them pays any attention to the music playing in the background. They sway to their own music, one communicated through the way they gaze at each other. Although they always expressed their deepest emotions and starkest truths not through spoken words but through looks, they also shared their music with each other this way.
The song they're creating right now is slow and sad. It tells the story of the right people at the right place but the wrong time. It tells the story of two worlds colliding and the meeting of a boy and a girl only for them to be ripped apart just when they started to mean something to each other. It tells the story of the girl and boy finding each other again, only this time their worlds are only passing the other by briefly.
The music shared in their eyes is sad and slow. If it had a title, it would be Almost. It's nostalgia for the best times of their lives and the understanding that nothing can ever be as it once was. It's recognition of how much they meant to each other and the realization that they can't feel that way anymore. It's them finally running from the past only to trip in the present.
What is lost can be found, but that doesn't always mean it gets to stay.
Luke never wants the dance to end because he knows it means the end of more than just the dance. But, like all good things, it comes to an end much too quickly.
I want to believe
All is well that ends well
But I just can't convince myself
They've been dancing around the elephant in the room for too long. As much as Luke wants to pretend otherwise, he knows she came for more than just to see him tonight. If she just wanted to see him again, she would have found a way years earlier.
He leads her from the open floor to an isolated table in the back. He pulls out of seat for her before taking his own across the table. The way she refuses to meet his eyes proves all his unspoken fears.
"Why did you come here tonight, Julie?" he asks. Her head slowly lifts, her eyes reluctant to meet his.
"I wanted to see you again." She tries for a smile, but it fails. She reaches into a hidden pocket in her dress and pulls out a small folded square and a black flashdrive. "I also wanted to give you this."
He takes the gifts slowly, hyper aware of her fingers brushing his. When he slides his finger under the first paper fold, she grabs his hands to stop him.
"No. I don't - I don't want you to read it here."
He takes his hands back slowly, slipping the paper and flash drive into a secure pocket in his suit jacket.
"What is it?" he asks.
Her jaw clenches as she stares at the table. When she finally raises her eyes to his, they're filled with tears.
"It's a song I wrote," she says, each word stretching out. She laughs dryly. "Probably the best song I've ever written. It's a shame no one will ever hear it."
"Why not?" He reaches across the table and takes her hands gently. "Julie, your music is a gift. Whatever is it, I'm sure it's worth sharing with the world."
She shakes her head. "I - I can't. Not this one."
Luke has a feeling he knows what it is. The exact words, maybe not. But he's sure it sounds a lot like the song they danced to.
Julie raises her chin, meets his eyes with a hint of the fiery blaze he remembers there being in them, and takes a deep breath.
"I came here to say goodbye."
Her words, though painful, are not at all unexpected. Luke tenses every muscle in his body to prevent the swell of tears that threaten to shatter his composure.
"We never got closure. We spent our last few moments together fighting. I was begging you to live no matter the cost and you were trying to tell me that no life without me in it was worth living. It was selfish of me to ask such a thing from you. I've agonized over it every day since you left."
"You shouldn't have - "
She interrupts him before he can finish. "I came here hoping to find you all at peace. I always knew Alex would be happy, but I worried about you and Reggie. I was so relieved when I saw how happy Reggie is. Then - then I saw you. You do a good job hiding it, you know." She tilts her head and smiles sadly. "But not nearly good enough."
This is exactly what Luke was worried about would happen. He should have known that she would be able to read straight through him.
"Why now?" he asks, trying to draw her attention away. "Why come now, after five years? Why not sooner?"
Julie looks away from him again, which is how he knows to brace for more pain. She doesn't want to hurt him and more than he wants to hurt her.
Without looking at him, she raises her left hand. For the first time he notices the sparkling diamond on her ring finger. In a way he's relieved because the surprise of it numbs him to the pain he knows he'll feel all too soon enough.
"I got engaged last week." She peeks up shyly from her lashes as if evaluating his reaction cautiously.
"Is he good to you?" is all Luke can manage.
Julie nods. "Yeah. He's funny and kind and caring. He makes me happy." She pauses before adding, "He's not musical. He can't hold a pitch to save his life."
The amount of relief that washes through Luke is like a dose of ecstasy. She's not replacing him. She's not trying to find him in other people. The part of her heart reserved for him is still reserved for him. The music they shared will always be theirs and theirs alone.
Considering their situation, it's the best thing Luke could ever ask for.
"I love him," Julie continues. "I really do. But…" She swallows. "He's not you. He'll never be you."
Luke doesn't have the strength to form words; the best he can do is nod and hope she reads the rest in his eyes. Even though she's changed a lot in the past five years, he still knows her well enough to read between what she says and what she doesn't say.
"I know you only agreed to join Caleb's band for my sake," Julie says, switching back to the topic Luke had hoped they would avoid. "I can see how unhappy you are. If I could go back in time, I'd change my mind. I'd let you pass on. I was so blind and selfish. I never thought of what it would do to you."
Luke shakes his head emphatically. "No, Julie. I don't want you to feel bad. It was my decision in the end, not yours."
"But you only did it for me."
"I did it for you, and for Alex, and for Reggie. They wanted to come here. They saw happiness in their future here, but they wouldn't come without me. I did it for everyone. And if I had to do it again, I wouldn't change a thing."
Her eyes once again sparkle. "But you're going to be unhappy for all eternity. It's not fair."
Luke can hardly keep his face composed. "Life isn't fair. If it was, we wouldn't have died at seventeen just hours from reaching our lives' dream. If life was fair...we would have never met each other. And we would have never been separated from one another." This time he's the one failing to force a smile. "Besides, it isn't all bad. Sometimes when I'm on stage, everything else fades away and it's just me and the music."
"That's how I felt when we sang together." Julie presses her lips together suddenly, as if she hadn't meant for that to slip out.
"I felt the same."
They hold each other's gaze and for a moment, it's as those five years apart never existed.
Can't touch the stars, or make them shine
Fight the tides until the day I die
Can't touch the stars, can't make them shine
But you know I'll try
Julie pushes her chair back and stands, offering her hand out to Luke. Surprised, he takes it.
"If this is our last time together, we may as well make the most of it."
She leads him back to the dance floor. This time, the song that springs forth isn't kept between them; this time they sing it to each other, honest and unapologetic. Luke is vaguely aware of the eyes drawn their way but everything except the two of them fade away.
Luke hasn't sung in five years but he's never sung as well as he does that night. The song spells out their story and their dance pulls and pushes each other. They're the moon and the tides, the stars and the sun. One cannot exist without the other and yet they cannot coexist in the same space. Each moment they're together is an act of rebellion against the universe itself.
The song finishes on a natural, comfortable note. It's bittersweet, just like their entire relationship. The good has always come with the bad, the shadows with the sunlight, the cold wind with the warm air.
The night is still young and both are reluctant to let each other go for the final time. Julie leans her back against his chest and he wraps his arms around her and buries his face in her shoulder and they sway for hours, nothing between them left unspoken.
The other guests leave in a trickle. Luke and Julie are the last ones left, holding each other and swaying. They are their own music, deafening even in the silence.
The sun rises, casting golden light through the large windows and signaling the end of their time. Luke reluctantly loosens his grip and Julie slides a few steps away. They face each other for another minute, each lingering second making this final parting all the more difficult.
"Are you going to be okay?" Julie asks. She has tears streaking down her cheeks and Luke is sure he looks the same way.
"I will be," he says, and he means it. He has to. Both their happiness depends on it.
Julie wipes at her cheeks with the palm of her hand. "And not just for me?"
A small, sad smile dances along his lips.
"Always for you."
Can't touch the stars, can't make them shine
Fight the tides until the day we die
Can't touch the stars, can't make them shine
But you know I'll try -
For you, I'll try