A/N: Yikes! I knew you all probably wouldn't like that last chapter very much. Sorry! I try extremely hard to keep our two favorite characters (and everyone else, for that matter) in character throughout this fic, and I'm overjoyed that I have had comments that thank me for that. When I originally envisioned this story arc, this is how I saw it happening, and I need to stay true to where I believe this story goes. Thanks again for all of the love and support!

Chapter 48
Fin

It was 3:02 when Olivia Benson's phone buzzed on her desk. The text from Alex glared up at her, daring her to answer it, or even acknowledge that she had seen it. She didn't know how she felt, honestly. She was upset: Alex had betrayed her, like so many people before. She had lied to her about disclosing their relationship. The other night at Serena's, it had seemed like it was all signed, sealed, delivered, and then just today in the park Alex had said that she wasn't completely honest about that situation. Olivia was upset, but even more than that, she was numb.

Alex glanced at the clock on her desk: 4:25. That couldn't be right. She opened her desk and reached for her phone, placing it face up on the top of her desk. She pushed the home button, illuminating the screen where a picture of Olivia smiled back at her. Sure enough, 4:25 stared back at her. Alex opened the last message she sent to Olivia over an hour before—she still hadn't received a response.

Liz Donnelley's voice caught Alex off guard, and she jumped at her greeting as her boss walked through her door. "Alex, we need to talk about today." The middle-aged blonde was already sitting down in the chair across from Alex's desk when the younger attorney looked across at her.

"What about it?" Alex bit these words out at Liz spitefully.

"Listen, Alex, I know." She paused for a moment, letting those words sink in. "You were really backed into a corner with that question. I don't know where it came from, and obviously that woman has an interesting source. To be perfectly honest, I don't think anything will come of it. You're lucky that you and Benson haven't really collaborated on any cases lately. You're still getting back into the swing of things, so luckily Casey has been first chair on almost everything. I don't think IAB will poke around."

Alex softened a bit, but still had a quick response. "I don't give a fuck about IAB right now, Liz." Donnelley was surprised at the swift, snippy response but tried to respond back calmly.

"I kno—."

"No, Liz, you don't. I'm sorry, but you don't know. You have no idea how hard this entire situation is. I wish that I could have stood up there and professed my love for Olivia, but that's not how this fucking world works. I love her, so immediately there's some sort of corruption abound in the DA's office, right? Because she's a cop and I'm an attorney…I just can't stand it." She took a breath to clear her mind and calmed herself down. "You know how secretive it was when I went to WITSEC." Emotion welled up in her just remembering her time as 'another person,' and she twisted her hands in her lap, willing the next phrase to come out. "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but it doesn't matter anymore. Before I left, Olivia and I had always been close. I knew there was always something there but I think she was apprehensive because she didn't know how I felt. One night, we acted on it. Then, when I went to WITSEC, I had to sever all contact. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. And now, now that everything is back to normal and I feel like I can finally live again, this happens."

Donnelley sat back in her chair, thinking for a few moments. "Alex, let me tell you something." She reached over onto Alex's desk, tapping the massive stack of folders and books, "this is the law. This is what I'm in love with. So you know…you're right. I don't know how it feels. I've been in relationships, but I think I realized that this was my life and this is what I wanted to live for. Do I regret it? No. But, I wouldn't want anyone else to live this way, if they had a choice. I know you love her. And, I know she loves you. Fix this."

Alex responded meekly, "I'm trying." She was exhausted, and only wanted to go home to Olivia. "I just don't know what to do." Alex leaned forward resting her elbows on her desk and put her face into her hands, taking a deep breath in and out.

As she was speaking, Donnelley pulled out papers from her briefcase. "Well, not that this is what you want to see right now, but I got the papers for you and Olivia to sign when you're ready. Don has signed them already and so have I, so I just need you and Olivia to sign them."

Alex took the papers and signed them, handing them back to Donnelley as her boss began to speak. "Cragen told me that Benson would be out tomorrow and then the rest of the week, so I'm not sure what you want me to do with these…I can just keep them for when she comes back…?"

"Yeah do that. She's having surgery tomorrow. Shit. I completely forgot about that." She glanced down at her phone, still displaying the last unanswered text message she had sent, and composed another. What time do you have to be at the hospital tomorrow?

She thanked Donnelley and they parted ways, Donnelley to court and Alex upstairs to the 1-6. She quietly approached the open threshold separating the hallway from the precinct: it seemed like if she just snuck in there it would be easier to avoid being seen. But, Alexandra Cabot doesn't sneak.

The first clack of her heel was met with three heads looking up from their desks. Elliot met her eyes quickly and then turned his attention back to his paperwork before she was able to decipher a feeling from the look. Fin turned his head to the side, watching her approach, and Cragen leaned to the right, peering through the open door in his office. Olivia, however, either didn't notice the sound or was trying to avoid looking at Alex as she continued reading over a case file. The blonde slowly approached Olivia's desk, but was stopped short by Elliot's voice.

"Counselor. What can we do for you?" Alex had always found it interesting how Olivia and Elliot truly had their own language, often not saying anything close to what they were meaning, but knowing what the other was saying nonetheless. It didn't take a genius to figure this one out, as the terse, biting tone to Elliot's voice made the hidden message clear: get away. With this exchange, Olivia shifted her eyes upward, not completely lifting her head. She didn't like the way Elliot was speaking to Alex, but she also couldn't help the unfaithfulness she felt from Alex after the day's events.

The blonde looked from Elliot to Olivia. She noticed that Elliot had scooted his chair a little closer to her, severing her straight shot to Olivia. "Well, I just…" Alex felt deflated. She didn't know what to do or say. She stood motionless and speechless for a few moments and then figured out what she was going to do.

"Liv," she maneuvered out away from Elliot's chair-wall and slinked around him, approaching the detective's desk. Olivia looked up, but Alex noticed, wouldn't make direct eye contact with her for more than a few seconds. "I came up here because I wanted to apologize, but I also wanted to know what time you need to be at the hospital tomorrow." Olivia noticed that Alex kept inching closer to her, almost resuming her normal spot leaning against her desk.

"Fin's taking me."

She didn't look up. She didn't have any sort of inflection in her voice, and that's what really bothered Alex about the remark. She would almost rather have heard Olivia's angered, or annoyed tone, but instead only heard a flat, objective statement. Olivia buried her head back down into the case file she was looking at, effectively dismissing Alex from the conversation.

"Oh." Alex wasn't expecting this response, in words or in actions.

"And I'm just going to stay at his place tonight and probably tomorrow. Elliot has to be on-call tomorrow so that's why he's not taking me." Alex knew that Olivia and Fin were very close, almost as close as she and Elliot, but it was a different kind of relationship. Elliot was the one that Olivia would go to whenever she had a problem that she needed input on—but Fin, Fin was the one that could always feel her problem, without her saying a word. Fin was always the one that was behind the scenes, making Olivia's life as easy as it could be. As Alex was thinking this situation over, Olivia started speaking again.

"So, I'm going to run home in a few minutes and get a bag." She took a deep breath, and turned in her chair to face Alex. "Al, I uh…I'm not really sure what to do here," she paused, "I think I might just stay at Elli—."

"No." Alex interrupted. "We can talk a little more about it if you want, but it's your apartment. You should be able to stay there." She evened her voice of the quivers she was experiencing before continuing. "My lease still really isn't up on my apartment, so I've still got a month or so to stay there."

Olivia nodded, trying to not show any emotion. "Alright, well I'm gonna run over there right now and get some stuff for tomorrow." With that, she stood up and walked towards Fin's desk as he was gathering his things. When she passed Alex, the attorney reached for her hand, skimming the back of her ivory hand against Olivia's. The detective pulled her hand away quickly, not wanting to make any more contact with Alex as she and Fin left the squad room.

Alex stood motionless for a few moments, processing the situation. She heard someone come up behind her she jumped at the contact of Munch's hand on her back. "Give her some time. It's going to be ok." With that, he picked up his jacket and headed out of the precinct. Alex turned around and glanced at Elliot, who was staring towards Olivia's desk, twirling a pen in his hand. After a moment, though, he looked towards her with a stare that said it all. Alex got the point, and turned on the spot, walking out of the 1-6.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Olivia opened the door to her apartment and tossed her keys on the table. As she heard them slide across the smooth surface, she felt her legs weaken and her knees collapse. She fell onto her knees and began to cry, her fists shaking in anger. It was silent, save for the violent intake of breath that she struggled to take, hunched over, her knees digging into the hardwood. Two heaves of breath left her body, and she could feel herself tense up as she shook. Olivia unclenched her fists and laid her palms flat against the cold floor. She took a breath, then two, then three.

Moments later she heard footsteps approaching, and knew it was Fin checking on her to make sure she had everything. Sure enough, she had just gotten to her feet by the time the door opened.

"Hey Liv, you good? Need me to carry any—" his voice trailed off as he realized something was wrong. Olivia's eyes were bleary, and her normally even-toned face was blotchy and red. Before Fin could notice anything else, though, she turned around and headed down the hallway.

"Just give me a sec—I think I'll only need one bag, so I should be good." She hurried down the hall and grabbed a random assortment of clothes, trying not to notice Alex's clothes intermingled with her own. She took a second after she had everything in her tote and gathered herself. The reflection in the bathroom mirror was not Olivia Benson, she noticed. Quickly she splashed some water on her face and took a deep breath; she wasn't sure what was going to happen over the next few days, or weeks for that matter. But, she knew that she had to do what was right. And what was right, now, was staying away from Alex, as much as it hurt.

Over the next few hours, Fin took Olivia to his apartment and helped her get settled in, then treated her to his favorite New York pizza joint. There was never any pressure to talk about anything, and that's what Olivia loved most about Fin. He had been there through some of the hardest points in her life, and had actually saved her from being sexually assaulted on an undercover job at a prison. Ever since then, Olivia and Fin's friendship was something that no one could compare to—not even Elliot. It was simply different, and they both knew it.

They were back at Fin's apartment for the night, each making their way toward their separate rooms to go to sleep when Fin made the only comment about Alex that Olivia would have expected anyone else to make the first minute she left the precinct. "You know, Liv, I really don't think she meant what she said—she wasn't thinking. Shit's always so PC, you know? She probably thought she had to answer that the way she did."

Olivia listened as she held an ice bag in her hand, separating the cubes with her fingers. "Yeah," she answered softly. She knew he was probably right. "But, she didn't have to lie to me about making everything official with Donnelley and Cragen." Olivia's eyes shifted off the ice bag and looked at Fin on the other side of the doorway, awaiting an answer.

"You're right. She was trippin' for that. But, you think it might have just seemed easier to do that so you didn't have to worry about it on top of everything else you got goin' on right now?" Fin always had a way of suggesting something so that it sounded so easily agreeable. He was right, but Olivia was still upset.

"Yeah, probably so." A few seconds passed before Olivia felt Fin's hand on her shoulder. "Thanks Fin."

He responded with a sympathetic smile. "Get some sleep. We gotta be there by 10?" Olivia nodded. "Well, you set an alarm too because you know how reliable I am before noon." They both smiled as Fin began to turn around and walk to the master bedroom. Before he got too far though, Olivia stopped him and pulled him into a strong hug. A muffled 'thank you' escaped her lips as her eyes filled with tears. She broke the hug off and smiled through her watery eyes at Fin, who just smiled back.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

It was 10:40 by the time Alex had quit working and turned over the ignition to start her way home. She let go of the keys and immediately threw her hands onto the steering wheel, her head resting atop them. And then the tears started. She had kept working so late to avoid this very situation at their, well Olivia's, apartment, but it happened nonetheless. Her sobbing was a mix of so many things: she was distraught about hurting Olivia, she was disappointed in her actions, but mostly she was angry at herself. She knew there were better ways she could have handled the situation, and now she had done the one thing she had said she'd never do—hurt Olivia.

By the time Alex got to the apartment and parked her car, she knew that Olivia wasn't there, and she decided to just stay there for the night until they talked more about what the arrangements would be. In the back of her head, the attorney thought that she might be able to patch things up before they really had to have that conversation, but she also knew that might be wishful thinking at this point.

She took a shower and turned on the radio, so the soft jazz music permeated the apartment as she tucked herself into bed. Alex glanced at her phone: 11:45. She knew she shouldn't, but she could help but text Olivia.

I know I'm probably one of the last people you want to hear from right now, but I'm in bed and I hate that you're not here with me. If you change your mind about Fin taking you tomorrow, please let me know.

It was a few minutes before Alex received a reply. She hadn't expected a text back, and had rested her phone on the nightstand, plugged into the charger. She rolled over and unplugged her phone, rolling over with it in bed, resting it on Olivia's side.

Thanks. Yes, it's hard to feel lonely.

Alex couldn't help but read into her words: she knew that Olivia had seen her answer today as a betrayal, and it was even more evident now, with her actions and what she was saying. Alex wasn't good at being vulnerable, but she knew she had to be—she was at Olivia's mercy.

I'm sorry, Olivia. If I could turn back time I wouldn't have said what I did. I know it was stupid. And I know I'll never be able to take it back.

She sent the message and immediately began typing another.

I love you. I know that might be hard for you to imagine right now, but I know that I've loved you more than I've ever loved anyone. I want to be with you, baby. And, honestly, I can't imagine me without you.

She knew she probably shouldn't have sent that message, but there was nothing to lose now. Moments later, her phone buzzed on the mattress.

News is on. Meant to tell you earlier how beautiful you looked today.

Alex's heart melted—even when Olivia was furious and disappointed with her, she still at least took the time to pay Alex a compliment. The blonde rolled over and grabbed the remote, turning on the TV mounted on the wall over the dresser. Fortunately, the banner headline read "Closure on Adams case a win for NYPD," and their relationship bomb hadn't been dropped on the nightly news, at least—they already had enough to deal with. B-roll ran across the screen with the anchor narrating over, detailing the intricacies of the case until Alex's own voice rang in her ear. "These detectives were chosen specifically for this unit because of their tenacity, their dedication, and their sense of justice…I'm proud to be a part of that legacy."

The cameras flashed back to the anchors and the next story about a fire in Chinatown overtook the screen. Alex turned the TV off and rolled back over, facing Olivia's side of the bed. She rubbed her hand on the mattress, missing the warmth that normally occupied that space. She didn't know how to respond to Olivia's last message, and, as she thought more about it, her phone dinged and she realized she didn't have to.

I'm going to sleep.

Alex responded swiftly.

Let me know how everything goes tomorrow…? I love you Olivia. I'm sorry.

I'll have Fin text you.

Alex laid her phone down on the nightstand and pulled the covers up under her chin as a solitary tear rolled down her cheek. Six miles away, Olivia rolled onto her side, and stared blankly towards the bright glare of the TV, still playing the evening news.