A/N: Still loving all the comments and input! Thank you all so much for your dedication to this story—it makes it so easy to write when I know that people are enjoying it. Warning: I'm going to piss some people off in this chapter, so I apologize in advance. However, I think you'll like where it's going and how I've envisioned continuing this story. As I think back to when I started this story, I think it's hilarious that I thought it would be 10 chapters max, and now I'm working on #50. Who knows where it will go, but I really like this story and have developed some new ideas for continuing it. Thanks again for all of your likes and reviews!

Chapter 50

Hope

Olivia stirred and opened her eyes, careful not to shift onto her casted hand and arm. She didn't know how long she had been asleep, or if Elliot and Fin were still there. She shifted her body and turned her head to see an empty room, but a second later she heard talking near the kitchen.

She sighed and stretched her legs out, crossing them over to touch the floor. She knew she had to have been asleep for a long time, because she could feel all of the blood tingling through her limbs, flowing quickly through her body as she stretched. As she stood, she had an immediate head rush. She sat back down on the couch, her feet firmly planted on the floor when she realized that she hadn't checked her phone for the messages that Fin and Elliot were talking about earlier. Quietly, she picked up her phone from the coffee table and unlocked it. She had 6 unread messages, 4 from Alex. She tried to harden her emotions as she opened the message thread and began to read.

I was glad to hear your surgery went well. It was nice to see you.

Also, not that this is the proper way or time to talk about this, but I thought you should know that Donnelly and Cragen have each signed off on the necessary paperwork, and I have too. I just wanted to let you know that Donnelley has it if you were wondering...

Liv, what's going on with us? I know I fucked up. I'll never be able to tell you how sorry I am. I know I hurt you. I will literally do anything to make this right. I love you.

I'm sure you're sleeping. I hope I haven't woken you up. If you want to talk later, let me know. I love you with everything I have, Olivia.

Olivia read these with a silent, quick, emotionless voice. Although, when she got to the third message, she could feel Alex's vulnerability and it got to her a little bit. Not wanting to think about the messages for too long, she quickly turned her attention to the other two messages. One was from Casey Novak, and it included Olivia, Fin, Munch, Cragen, Melinda, Alex, and Elliot:

PARTY at Fin's tonight! Who's down?

Olivia stifled her laugh and glanced into the kitchen to see if anyone had heard-no movement. Casey must have just sent the message, as no one had responded yet. Olivia quickly remembered to mention this to Fin if he hadn't seen it yet and moved on to the last unread message.

Hey Olivia. I'm sorry about earlier. It's just been really hard being away from u. I know we talked about it & everything but I really feel like u understand me & it was so hard for me to see u last month. It was even harder now because I felt like I had so much to say to u that I couldn't say. I'm sorry again. I know it was inappropriate, and probably unwelcome but I just want you to know I still care about u.

It was from Hope. Olivia's stomach dropped when she read the illuminated words across the screen. Quickly, she made the decision to lock her phone and put it away in her pocket, to mull over Alex's and Hope's texts.

What was she supposed to do, she wondered. Of course she still had a deep love for Alex, and there was nothing that she wanted more than to just pick up the phone and reply, telling her that it was ok and she just wanted everything to be back to how it was. But, she knew that her head wouldn't realistically let her do that. And Hope? She didn't even want to think about that for right now.

After a minute, she heard more conversation and immediately recognized the voices of Fin, Elliot, and Kathy. Delighted, she made her way into the kitchen.

All three of them were sitting around Fin's table playing a game of cards when Olivia walked in. Immediately Kathy stood up and flocked to her side, hugging her and examining her hand. "Olivia," Kathy always had such a loving, compassionate tone, "how are you feeling?"

Olivia thought this over for a minute. Physically, she was fine: her hand hurt a bit, but nothing like she expected. She just wasn't sure how to handle this situation with Alex. Should she talk to Kathy about it? Before she could answer herself she felt Elliot wrap her in a hug. "How you doin, Liv?" His blue eyes smiled down on her and she smiled, knowing that these three people cared about her as much as they did their own families.

She sat down in the last vacant chair around Fin's table and answered. "I'm alright, actually. My hand doesn't feel too bad."

Elliot smiled and began to speak when Kathy cut him off. "Oh good! I was worried about that. I remember when Elliot broke his ankle and had to have a plate or screw, or something," she trailed off and looked at him for clarification. Deciding that there wouldn't be any clarification from Elliot, she continued. "But anyways, he was in a lot of pain and I didn't know if it would be the same for you or not."

Fin piped up and laughed as he was speaking. "No, Kathy. You know Olivia is a hell of a lot tougher than Elliot." All four of them laughed as Fin gathered up all of the cards and called to order pizza.

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Alex sat in the large leather chair in her office, carefully reading over a deposition that Casey delivered to her shortly after she returned with Melinda from visiting Olivia. She glanced down at her phone—no response. Maybe she was still sleeping off some medication, but if Alex knew Olivia like she thought she did, it was more likely that she just hadn't responded. Discouraged, she put her phone down and continued working.

About an hour later Alex jumped at the noise the vibrating alert made on her cherry wood desk. She snatched her phone up immediately, but was quickly disappointed when she saw the text was from Casey.

Hey I'm coming down. We're going out. Don't argue.

Alex set her phone down and rolled her eyes, letting out a sigh. This is what Casey did—she got a wild idea in her head and always tried to include Alex. For the past few months, it's been easy to avoid, but now that she and Olivia were presumably on the outs, it would be easy for her to suck Alex in.

A few minutes later Alex's door flew open, Casey Novak striding into her office. Alex usually liked her direct, fun-loving attitude, but today she had a feeling that the fiery redhead wouldn't like her answer to whatever her question would be.

"Let's go! Party at Fin's." Casey threw Alex her jacket that had been hanging on the back of her door and the blonde barely caught it, trapping it between her hand and her desk. Without thinking, she blurted out the first reaction that ran across her mind.

"No. No way." All she could think about was Olivia. There was no way she was going to go to Fin's house after everything that had happened, and especially after Olivia wouldn't even respond to Alex's text messages. Alex was beginning to learn that it was probably better to give Olivia some space and leave her alone for a little while after a blow up. But, quickly, the blonde could see that Casey wasn't going to let that be her final answer.

"Wrong. You're going. I knew you'd say that. Alex, listen," Casey paused and sat down across from her. "Olivia loves you. And, you love her." At this, Alex tucked her head and intertwined her hands in her lap. "And, I'm not just gonna let you guys avoid each other for forever. If this weren't going on between you two, you'd be there. Common Alex."

"I just saw her this morning!" She was getting a little defensive, but Casey responded with a calm look, cooling down Alex a bit. She lowered her voice, and her intensity. "Casey…It's just," she paused, rubbing her forehead, "she doesn't want to see me." Casey stared at her—that same, intriguing stare that she used when she needed a victim to disclose more than they already had. The redhead kept her gaze, raising her eyebrows after a few moments.

"Alex. It's Olivia." A sympathetic look crossed her face, and she knew she'd gotten to Alex. "She just had surgery. Common, Alex." After a few silent moments, the blonde relented, as she tossed her hands in the air.

"Alright! Jesus." Alex stood up and glanced down at her outfit—she was still wearing the jeans and Yankees shirt she had on earlier that day. "I need to go home and change." Her face fell when she realized 'home' was Olivia's apartment—where Olivia wouldn't be. Quickly, though, her thought was interrupted by Casey.

"Oh no. You're fine. Let's go." Alex begrudgingly grabbed her purse, following Casey out of her own office. They hailed a cab at the curb, as Alex had ridden with Melinda earlier today into work. Alex sat down in the back of the cab and took a deep breath—she had a feeling tonight would make or break the rest of her life.

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Fin heard his phone buzz as he picked up his second piece of pizza. "Damnit man, I knew this shit would happen." He started to laugh as Elliot and Kathy exchanged confused looks, but Olivia thought she already knew what was behind this random outburst. He nodded towards his phone as Elliot checked his and noticed the text from Casey. "I guess everyone's coming over here to see you Liv."

Before Olivia could respond Elliot piped up. "Hey, no one said anything about seeing Olivia. I see the word 'party.'" He displayed his phone proudly in his hand. They began to laugh as Kathy went into hostess mode quickly, straightening up the living room and ordering more pizza. Olivia went into the guest room she was occupying and changed into a t-shirt covered by a sweatshirt, mostly trying to hide the fact that she didn't have a bra on. She pulled some larger FDNY sweatpants on that she got from her friend at the fire department a few years ago. After a few minutes, she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. As she stared at herself in the mirror, she noticed a few hairs out of place and she ran her hands under the faucet then through her short hair, spiking a few pieces up and flattening a few others. She didn't know why she was doing this—no one was going to care what she looked like.

Before Olivia could put some socks on and get out to the living room, she heard the door open and Munch enter with Cragen. They had been out together doing something for 1PP and they came right over. Olivia placed her glasses on and walked out of the bathroom, meeting them in the kitchen. A few minutes passed as Olivia spoke with Elliot, Kathy, Fin, Munch, and Cragen when the door to Fin's apartment opened again, revealing Casey and right behind her, the pizza guy. Everyone was so distracted by the fact that more pizza had arrived that the only person that noticed the beautiful blonde behind him was Elliot. He gave a quick nod to her, and she gave a meek smile back—she was definitely not ready to be here.

While everyone else crowded around the 4 new boxes of pizzas on Fin's kitchen table, Elliot approached Alex, jerking his head backwards, beckoning Alex towards him.

He began, "Listen, Alex. I just want to say I'm s-."

"No." Alex put her hand up, stopping his speech. "You were right, Elliot. With everything you said," she paused and shifted her eyes towards his, "you were right." She reached up and patted his arm as Kathy approached. Alex made eye contact with Kathy, noting her sympathetic green eyes, before she continued. "I didn't really want to come tonight…Casey drug me out." Alex looked at Olivia and sighed. "Guys, I just…I don't know what to do." Alex looked between Elliot and Kathy, hopeful for an answer. When neither of them responded she tentatively hugged both of them, "thank you." All three of them knew what that was for—perhaps, Elliot thought, it was for the lunch date they had on the top of the café. Kathy thought that maybe it was for their moment during their recognition ceremony. But, Alex knew she was thanking both of them for their love and support right now, in this moment. She knew there could have been all kinds of awkwardness and taking sides, but there wasn't, and for that she was extremely grateful.

A few moments had passed when the inevitable happened: Olivia scanned the room, looking for Elliot who had left his position behind her when she locked eyes with Alex. She hadn't even noticed the blonde enter the apartment, which was weird because she could almost always sense when Alex was near her, even when she couldn't see her. She was standing by Elliot and Kathy, not really talking, but not ignoring each other either. She walked over towards the couch and took a seat, balancing her plate of pizza on top of her glass. Quickly, Alex noticed this and walked over to assist Olivia, grabbing the plate off the top of the glass.

"Thanks," Olivia nodded and sat down. Alex sat down a few feet away from her, not wanting to be too close and overstep any boundaries that Olivia may have up. She waited a few moments and then turned toward Olivia.

"How are you feeling? How's your pinky?" The concern was genuine and Olivia couldn't deny it. A pang reached down and grabbed her heart, pulling a string out of the ice that had recently coated it. She looked towards Alex—she vaguely remembered her outfit from that morning, and if possible, she looked even better. Olivia so badly wanted to pull Alex close and feel her, hug her, even just smell her shampoo—but she knew that her mind wouldn't let her do that right now. Instead, she steadied her feelings and responded.

"I'm alright. I felt pretty high earlier but I'm coming down now. I haven't unwrapped the cast, but I'm not in any pain, so that's good." Alex noticed she was much more talkative than she had been earlier today. She wondered if Olivia had even remembered her visiting earlier that day.

"That's good. I was a little worried about you earlier when I saw you. You were kind of in and out." Alex's voice faded out, as if she was implying a question.

"Yeah. I don't remember much." Olivia paused and looked Alex over as she took a drink of her Captain and Coke. "But, thanks for coming." Alex noticed the drink and hesitated. Well, she was already in the hole, so she might as well, she thought.

"Liv, should you be drinking? Aren't you still on pain medication?" She tried to rid her voice of any judgement, and she thought she had done a good job, gauging Olivia's reaction.

"I'm umm…I'm not taking any pain medication any more." She raised the glass to her lips and took a long sip, wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her sweatshirt after putting it back down on the table. "You know that I don't really like being on medicine."

Was that a smile that Alex saw creep over Olivia's lips? Maybe she was just imagining it. Or perhaps she had willed it so hard to happen that she was just convincing herself that it did. But, it lingered.

Oh yes, it was definitely a smile. Not a big one, but not a small one either. Olivia tried to hide it, but Alex couldn't help but see it. It was almost as if, with that one sentence, memories and emotions welled up and couldn't be suppressed. Yes, Alex knew that Olivia didn't like pain medicine. Much like she knew that Olivia hated the Red Sox, loved chocolate sprinkle donuts, and shivered when Alex touched that one sensitive spot near her collarbone.

Alex was lost in memories when everyone else joined them in the living room. As everyone was gathering chairs and finding a spot on the sofa or loveseat, Alex stood up and headed toward the bathroom. Olivia got up a moment later, helping Kathy move a chair, so that no one else noticed she had left the room. She quietly followed Alex toward the bathroom, taking her time to make sure her socked feet shuffled rather than thudded on the light hardwood floor. She moved slowly, almost stalking Alex down the narrow hallway, watching her slowly open the bathroom door. Just as the door was about to close, Olivia stopped it short with her hand—she could tell she had scared Alex on the other side: the attorney hadn't even turned on the light yet. Olivia pushed the door open enough for her to fit inside before shutting it with her back, reaching backwards to lock it with her good hand. She could sense where Alex was in the dark, and seized her hips hungrily.

"Liv," the word was half a breath and half a moan, and escaped Alex's lips before she knew she had said it. The attorney instinctively reached up and grabbed Olivia's face, responding as she massaged her tongue with Olivia's. She panted and moaned as she felt her core grow soaking wet. Alex opened her mouth to say something else, but then felt a sharp pull on her hips, as Olivia forced her mouth open with her tongue, aggressively. The detective pulled Alex by her belt loops and pushed her against the bathroom sink, lifting her up so she was sitting atop the counter. Alex hadn't ever felt Olivia be this rough, this forceful with her. A strange fear overcame her, but just as she felt this, Olivia backed off. What had started as a powerful and strong started to subside. Alex could tell that Olivia probably sensed her fear. The detective pulled away from Alex, and they could see each other's eyes through the darkness. Before Alex could maintain the contact though, she heard the door unlock and saw the light fill the room before Olivia closed it again. She was gone—presumably back in the living room with everyone else.

Alex turned on the light and sat down on the toilet seat. She breathed heavily, not knowing what to make of the past twenty seconds. It was desperate, raw. Normally she would have been a little concerned, but she knew she would take anything that Olivia would give her right now—Alex knew she was in the doghouse, and she was eager to get back into Olivia's good graces. But something felt different about this. She felt like Olivia was angry, and maybe suppressing her anger. She wasn't sure, but something felt different.

Back in the living room, Olivia took a seat and picked up her phone. She opened Hope's most recent text message and replied with 3 words.

You free tomorrow?