Darkness hung over her like a cold, sticky blanket. She was in a river of scarlet water, so far from the shore that the current seemed to guide her of its own free will. She wanted to scream, but a superior force prevented her from doing so. Her body was so weak that she could hardly move or fight to avoid drowning. The roar of the waves against the stones on the sides was distant and deafening, and for a brief moment she fell asleep. A feeling of forgetfulness and deep calm that made her long for sleep.
She heard her name in the distance as a longing whisper, which was then slowly consumed by the wind until she was suddenly swept away by the violent waters. Despite struggling to surface, her lungs released what little oxygen they contained, and right then, she felt that she could reach the clouds with her hands. Her heartbeat stopped completely and she felt nothing but time melt away. She stretched out her hands with all the strength she had left, looking for something to hold on to, hoping for a miracle that she knew would never come.
The waterfall was like a sweet farewell, and when she began to fall at an immeasurable speed, a shudder ran through her spine. She felt the cold air sink into her bones, filling her with a deep emptiness over and over again, like an endless torment that slowly killed her, without doing so at all. At such moments, death was appealing to her, but somehow, she never hit bottom, she was caught in its waters.
Someone brought her back to reality, "Takahashi-senpai?"
The jump she made from her seat was like a bug bite. The instant she opened her eyes, she felt her eyelids so heavy that urged her to go back to sleep. The truth was that, at those moments, the last thing she wanted was to close them. She still had the cold of the waters engraved on her senses, the implacable abyss that the fall represented. Her mind was always too busy to make room for such images, and she found it inhospitable to have them.
She kept remembering in extreme detail her helplessness in the river, as she was guided into the arms of death. For several seconds she stood motionless, her fists clenched on the table and her eyes on a fixed point which she ignored, for she was not yet able to fully assimilate reality and her body seemed to be divided. She felt a cold sweat on her back that shook her, and she breathed heavily as if she had been running around the academy. Sometimes, the human mind could become extremely chilling even to the wearer himself.
"When was the last time you slept?"
The same female voice cut through the silence again with some insistence. Yashiro closed her eyes to rejoin, and when she opened them again, she sought out the author of the interruption, though deep down she was truly grateful. Half a meter away stood none other than Shimotsuki Mika and her two childhood friends. They were always together, from the time they left class until the sun went down, inseparable as ever.
The first one did not stop shooting a glare at her with her energetic brown eyes, and if it was not for the fact that she always had her hair up in a ponytail and her bangs falling unkempt on her forehead, an adolescent and rebellious style, she would have given her a few more years. She had both hands on her waist, and the inquisitive look she gave her seemed to burn with enthusiasm. Yashiro drew a faint smile, holding her lips steady. Her throat was dry from the time she had spent sleeping and she had to clear her voice before she could speak.
"It's just that exam dates are coming up," Yashiro lied, waving a hand so they would not mind.
The trio watched her in surprise for a few moments, absorbed, perhaps, due to the obvious tiredness in her eyes. Yashiro snorted, wondering how it would feel to go unnoticed by everyone in the academy, what it would be like to be free of that strange responsibility. She found sometimes suffocating the heightened interest they had for her. After all, she was a flesh and blood person like them, and being the last year, it mattered little to her getting the best grades, unlike the others.
The literature teacher was the one who had asked her why her performance had dropped that year. She could not understand the student who always passed, and who continued to do so, preferred not to finish the works given and, on the contrary, to stay with the minimum and necessary grade. The only one who had understood her position was Professor Touma, who in his last year had had the same apathetic feeling as she and was simply imagining what he would do once he graduated.
"What a nightmare, huh?" Shimotsuki guessed. "It's normal to have nightmares sometimes."
Yashiro frowned. Her stomach roared with fury. The last thing she remembered was heading to the dining room for lunch, waiting for the company of Ouryou Rikako. She looked around with a quick glance, but realized that no one was there. It must have been at least an hour. If she had class, she would have been absent by now. At the time, however, she wondered what would be so important in the mind of Ouryou Rikako that she would have to skip lunch. When she finally focused on the girl's words she smiled again sweetly.
"I don't usually have dreams, and end up forgetting the few I have. It's been a while since I've got this feeling, which is most incredible… but terrifying."
She tilted her head slightly and then they sat down in front of her, side by side as if nothing and no one could separate them. Almost instantaneously, she began to plan different possible ways to end the conversation. The problem with all three of them was Shimotsuki, because she talked her ears off. But, at the same time, she was an easy girl to convince. That is probably why she disliked her presence. And when she looked into her eyes, the gap widened even more. She did not see a face, rather a reflection.
"Why you say so?" Okubo Yoshika asked, resting her cheeks on her fists.
The light brown eyes rested on her with curiosity and a little dazed, combining with the brown hair she had gathered into two pigtails. Yashiro straightened in the chair by leaning her back against the backrest. The dream she had was abominable and she could not suppress a yawn, which she only managed to hide behind the palm of her hand. For a few seconds her eyes closed so tightly that when she opened them again, she had to rub them with her hands. She was not really thinking about the question, her mind was just wondering what had happened to Ouryou Rikako, so she took a long time to answer.
"Did you watch Inception?" Yashiro questioned, receiving a nod. "You take dream as reality itself, it's only when you awake you realize its rarity or peculiarity. Dreams don't terrify me because of the meaning they contain, but because they're mere illusions. I don't like to conceive a perfect and unlimited world where I can be and have everything, I prefer the simplicity and fineness of this world around us."
The three young women looked at her with open mouths as if she had spoken in an incomprehensible language. It seemed that they would never find a word to contradict her, or perhaps make her doubt her way of thinking. Yashiro let out a crooked smile, a void filled her entire chest. The surprise in those girls was as hot as fire, but it burned away with the slightest breath. They might be completely stunned at the time, but once they changed the subject, which was most likely, they would forget all that had been said as if it had never really happened.
"Interesting, never thought it that way…"
While Shimotsuki nodded a couple of times at her own words, as if she had found the answer to a complex riddle, her two friends continued to stare at her in puzzlement. A mysterious silence developed where each found herself prey to her own thoughts. Yashiro assumed that neither would give an opinion on the matter, and as Shimotsuki was strangely pensive, she glanced peacefully at the only two that remained, looking for any relevant clues.
"First time I see you fall asleep," Kawarazaki pointed out quietly.
Yashiro studied her face, noting the short, dark hair that must have attracted the attention of many other students. Despite her shyness, her eyes were large and they looked at her intently without missing any details. She deduced that she was very suspicious, but also quite sensitive. She probably avoided drawing attention to herself in public. She could sense this when she discovered her hands together on her legs in a hesitant and somewhat fearful position. When Yashiro's eyes connected with hers, she even imagined her lowering all her defensive barriers at once, to give herself completely to the arms of another person.
"Kagami-chan, she's human, you know?" Okubo reproached her, nudging her gently.
Kawarazaki's cheeks turned red and she looked down for a moment. Yashiro squinted for a few seconds as the two of them engaged in a smile. Kawarazaki and Okubo were so much alike that even the Sibyl System itself might consider them a suitable match. Even their own relationships were previously advised by something outside of the individual's will. What would they think about that? She had a feeling they wouldn't be too interested in the idea of talking about such things. She turned her attention to the short-haired one, assuming she was going to say something, but she kept staring at the table as if she had witnessed a ghost.
"Strange to see you having lunch without Ouryou Rikako," Shimotsuki broke the silence.
Yashiro tilted her head toward her, squinting for a fraction of a second. Sometimes she enjoyed exaggerating, as she did with disbelief. In some ways, the mere mention of her partner made her forget the presence of the other two girls, as if they were fading into the background. Shimotsuki was frowning, staring at her inquisitively the way she always tried to intimidate everyone, though it did not have much effect on her.
For some reason she had always felt a dislike for Rikako, when she was always praised by most students and teachers. Somehow, she could not help but give a twisted smile at her derogatory tone. She felt a sudden curiosity creep up her throat, which she managed to expose by arching her eyebrow in a faint, friendly manner.
"What's the reason for this hatred, if I may ask?" Yashiro asked cautiously.
Shimotsuki leaned on one hand, drawing a deep breath. She began to fiddle with her hair as silence came between the women present, until she finally reached out to Yashiro as if to capture her attention to tell a secret, or something that was forbidden. She, however, remained in the same position, waiting for her to blurt out what she had to say. The paranoid look on her face did not cause her much fear, and she began to grow impatient.
"She's very smug," Shimotsuki spat, raising her head and closing her eyes. "And she's always kind of blank stare, I feel like she's such an empty person… the few times she looked at me it was creepy. Reminds me of Okiku, the possessed doll…"
The comparison brought out Yashiro's long, heartfelt laugh as she covered her eyes with one hand and tried to hold herself back, unable to see the paranoid gaze of Shimotsuki any longer. She was certain that if Rikako were to find herself there, she would end up reacting in the same way.
"Oh please…! Don't tell me you believe in such urban legends," Okubo interrupted the story, as she circled her eyes, "I really like her. You shouldn't be taken in by appearances, Mika."
The silence broke through, dividing them each with their own thoughts. While the three students were engaged in dark and grim reflection, Yashiro continued with the same playful smile on her lips. She savored every word from the depths of her being. She had not expected such a response, and the fear it signified was thrilling. Ouryou Rikako gave light to all who crossed her path, and yet she could cause the opposite with the same simplicity.
"True. And you shouldn't speak ill of her behind her back," Kawarazaki refuted.
A pause again. Yashiro was amused by the way Rikako was taken. The mere mention of her name made them nervous, as if she would appear there as a spirit when summoned.
"Sorry. Guess I went a bit too far."
At Shimotsuki's comment, Yashiro squinted for a fraction of a second, not turning her attention away from the girl's contrite gestures. She did not, however, turn off the smile on her face, managing to ease the tense atmosphere instantly. The three students smiled again in unison and their delicate bodies relaxed in the seats. Yashiro stretched out again with her back against the backrest, so that the trio would not feel cornered. When she did, the short-haired one seemed to sigh.
"Don't worry," Yashiro assured firmly. "I'm flattered you trust me in telling me these concerns."
Shimotsuki stood solemnly at her words, something strange in her usual hyperactivity, until finally the barrier she held was broken down and a genuine smile lit up her face. For a long time, they remained silent, watching each other.
"By the way, Takahashi-san… shouldn't you be in class?" Okubo blurted out, changing the subject drastically.
Yashiro looked down seriously for a few seconds and when she returned it to her classmates, she smiled weakly with an almost motherly sweetness that captivated them. Then she glanced at her digital watch, coming to the conclusion that it was not worth going to class with half an hour to go.
"Welcome to my world," Shimotsuki snorted after rising from her seat. "If we see your mates, we tell them you went to the nurse's office because you were feeling sick. At least it always works for me."
Yashiro thanked her for the gesture, and when they said goodbye, she had to make an effort not to hesitate to smile, as she found Shimotsuki's wink a bit annoying. Still, she felt that the conversation had been largely worthwhile. She did not know them at all, and they were willing to help her when she had not asked for any favors. She followed them with her eyes until they passed through the large dining room, and then stood up ready to leave, following their example.
Her footsteps echoed through the lonely corridors, and the sound of the wind coming in through the windows whispered delicately in her ears. She knew where to find Rikako so she made her way to the art room, where she spent her afternoons alone most of the time. Before she opened the door, she managed to hear not only her imperturbable voice, but that of a man who sounded familiar.
"I know about plastination," Rikako was saying, having to prick up her ears to hear it better. "Which is a technique for preserving biological material."
Yashiro placed both hands on the surface of the door, but something inside her prevented her from opening it. Rikako's voice exposed, for the first time, an impetuous, great joy, as if she were aware that she was speaking about something important and nothing or no one had to interrupt her.
"Perfect," the male voice replied, acknowledging that it belonged to Professor Touma. "We'll talk later."
Yashiro stepped gently away from the door as she heard the teacher's footsteps in her direction, and for a brief moment the urge to walk to the opposite side of the hall, to wait for him to leave, crossed her mind. She felt like a little girl trying to go unnoticed. Clearly, it was Touma Kouzaburou. How could he be interested in chemistry? Curiosity took over her body and she waited. When the door opened, the man stood in front of her with a scowl.
"Yashiro. Shouldn't you be in class?"
When he uttered her name, he did so in a hoarse tone, almost exasperated by her presence. Yashiro noticed that he was gently squeezing the shoulder strap of his satchel with one hand, as if he were tense. She wanted to take a look inside the room, but instead she held his gaze and tilted her head to the side, uncaring. Touma decided to close the door behind him with a slight suspicion. He looked like a teenager in love being discovered by someone else at the climax, and she had to restrain herself with all her might not to smile.
"Things that happen," Yashiro shrugged. "And you… since when you're interested in young girls?
Touma let out a slightly exaggerated laugh at her comment and gave her a mocking smile. He was silent and, after a few seconds, bowed his head to her with a certain arrogance.
"I've always considered jealousy to be a powerful base… but in your case it's quite endearing."
The man's words echoed in the mind of Yashiro, who arched one eyebrow in complete disgust at the conclusion he had drawn. She soon realized the misunderstanding and a strange discomfort swept over her. She merely shook her head, however, reflecting a small smile on her lips. Only then did Touma say goodbye by placing his hand on her shoulder for a second, and turned to walk down the hall.
He placed one hand in his pocket, while the other was raised in a clear gesture of farewell. The kindness on Yashiro's face faded as she lost sight of him. She decided, at last, to enter the room. As usual, the stupefaction could simply be concealed by Rikako, so that when she saw her, she did not even blink at her unexpected presence.
"Let me guess," Ouryou Rikako commented, raising her head. "You finished your work early and your teacher let you out."
The newcomer gave her a long, subtle smile, stopping in the middle of the room to look at her as if it had been years since they had last seen each other. She was completing a drawing and Yashiro approached her slowly until she was a few feet away. The image of Touma Kouzaburou was still in her mind with every detail of his face, and Rikako seemed to sense what she was thinking because her lips moved fleetingly, as if they had almost smiled and then regretted it.
"What could be the relationship between social science and chemistry?" Yashiro questioned vividly.
She was teasing her the way she always did and Rikako could tell instantly. The latter gave her a grim look, though Yashiro simply shrugged her shoulders in amusement. Silence reigned in the room again and the gentle breeze from the window seemed like a deathly whistle. As Ouryou Rikako continued to stare at her in a vile manner, as if she really resented her being there, she stood completely upright and calm, until she let out an innocent smile, showing her white, unpolluted teeth. She had a rather peculiar sense of humor, and Rikako merely shook her head, closing her eyes for a few seconds.
"Touma-sensei and I have a lot in common. He's willing to inspire me with my future works," Rikako explained as she drew on the paper again.
Yashiro knew that something was being kept from her, but chose not to dwell on the subject any further. She had screwed up for a brief moment and felt fulfilled. Still, she was curious about the conversation Touma had had with Rikako. She wondered what relationship plastination had with her works, if any at all.
They were definitely up to something, but she was not willing to demand answers. Everyone had secrets and everyone could decide whether to hide them or make them public. She only hoped that Rikako would choose well those she told her own. Some people were too quick to trust those who did not earn their words, and she hoped from deep within that Rikako was not one of them.
Yashiro looked down as she nodded a couple of times and headed for the window to look out. Rikako, on the other hand, carefully analyzed her with such cool solemnity that it even made a noise in Yashiro's mind. She seemed worried or rather alarmed by her presence, as if she might become a threat in such moments. Something strange, unusual between the two of them. And for the first time it was she who was changing the subject. Yashiro then discovered the way she behaved when she was uncomfortable.
"Did you fall asleep again?" Rikako asked, reading her mind. The subsequent silence was the answer she sought, and she stopped drawing. "It's because of your parents, isn't it?"
Yashiro squinted for a thousandth of a second, without looking away from the outside. The words remained present, filling the space with a penetrating yet grim calm. A shudder ran down her spine and she lifted her head a few inches as she relaxed her shoulders. Despite being lost in the routine movements of the other students, her mind was unable to avoid the faces of the two people who had brought her into the world. She stared out the window, completely calm, even though she was surprised inside that the young woman was able to find out about her family. She had underestimated her and, in a way, she was proud of her. When she finally managed to push the images away, she took a deep breath.
"I've always been curious since I met you. Why is she so different from the others? What makes her special?" Rikako continued, half-opening her eyes. "So, I did some research into your past. But there's one part of the story that doesn't add up."
Yashiro squinted in a fleeting moment, as if watching a great explosion in the distance. Then she turned to her, drawn by the words that, though they sounded melodious, turned out to be daggers to her ears. Her face seemed emaciated, so solemn that even Rikako felt the weight of her gaze. She had never seen such a reaction from her before, and she had to make a great effort not to give away her nervousness.
"Which one?" Yashiro blurted out.
Rikako rose to approach her, showing the greatest interest in her eyes. Her footsteps broke through the silence of the room and as the distance between them grew shorter, Rikako had to fight off the obvious threat reflected in her partner's presence. In those moments, she looked like a predator about to attack her prey. She was aware that she was invading her space, but she wanted deep down to dare to look through the keyhole, like a small child who cannot resist curiosity. She stopped about three feet away, standing motionless and completely upright while looking into her eyes, those who seemed to want to break her right there.
"The end in which a girl comes out completely unscathed, with the psycho pass in perfect condition."
For a long time, each remained focused on the other like two rivals analyzing their possible attacks. Time, rigorous and immovable, suddenly lacked all meaning. Yashiro found herself as rigid as a stone, unable to think clearly. It was the first time in her life that anyone had ever dared to surprise her in such a manner, and for a few brief moments she felt her breath go out. Rikako, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the victory she had achieved with a few simple words. Despite everything around was falling apart for Yashiro, she managed to respond with the same indifference that characterized her in times of uncertainty.
"I guess Sibyl spared my life."
Rikako opened her eyes further, remaining in the same position to study Yashiro in a profound way. If she were another student, she would likely have walked away, fearful of the mysterious emptiness expressed in the gaze of Ouryou Rikako. Yashiro just stood there, however, as if she were a corpse whose will was no longer her own.
"It has a very particular way of judging people, don't you think?"
The smile that had formed on Rikako's face was both dark and mysterious, and her eyes shone with desire and pride. She raised her head a few inches, implying that she knew far more than her partner would have expected. Yashiro tilted her head to lose her focus on the ceiling, and instantly drew an ironic grimace at the corner of her mouth, revealing her teeth. She gestured in denial a few times, never ceasing to observe the nothingness, and when she finally noticed Rikako's presence again she turned to her.
Her appearance changed as if all the anger she had been holding back until then had suddenly dissipated. The subtlety of her gaze was such that Rikako could not help but frown at how little she knew of her. Yashiro seemed to sense her dismay, as she took a few slow steps to stand in front of her, staying inches away from her face, with the gentle sound of her breath as her only companion. Her silver eyes turned to iron and fire, though a sweet smile lit up her face.
"That's the system that rules our country today, incomprehensible," Yashiro whispered in her ears.
When she walked away again, Rikako narrowed her eyes and glared at her. She could feel the embracing flames that Yashiro was trying so hard to contain, the ice in her eyes that longed to tear everything around her. Rikako, however, dared to smile tenderly, in such a bold manner that even she was surprised.
"And most harmed are the innocent like your mother, right?"
The pleasure Rikako felt in those moments was so great that her lips parted for a short second, almost as if she were holding back. To her amazement, however, Yashiro allowed herself to nod silently, returning the vastness of the chasm that her eyes represented, those that suddenly seemed to lack the necessary strength to threaten her. Her mother's confused and frightened face was still so vivid in her mind, that seeing her disappear produced an endless void within her.
Yashiro decided to step aside, heading for the exit. Rikako's words kept burning her from a distance and she had no longer any desire to continue the conversation. As she opened the door, she frowned and was petrified; for a fleeting moment she thought the wood was stained with blood. She closed her eyes, realizing that it was only a twisted trick of her mind, and sighed, then resumed her walk as if that would ease her heart.
Rikako followed her with her eyes until she disappeared completely from her sight, and somehow, she felt she had made a mistake. She was not one to regret her actions, but for the first time she was stating to herself that she would have wished to take another path. For some strange reason, like her father, Yashiro was a person who would not be willing to lose. And seeing her walk in the opposite direction somehow made her feel a hole in her lungs.
Yashiro was so distracted by those moments that she was not even able to notice the prominent white-haired figure that emerged from the hallway, standing at the entrance to the room with a book in his hands, as he watched her leave quietly and carefully. Then, when he saw that the young woman was far enough away, he decided to open the door of the room where Ouryou Rikako was still immersed in her work.