A/N: Thanks for continuing to read and review. I look forward to seeing your comments each time I post an update. In this chapter, I was missing that AO connection and wanted to include that a bit. Although they aren't completely back to where they were, it seems like this might be a promising start. Enjoy!

Chapter 58

Rendezvous

Elliot and Fin were the first people to see Olivia walking into the precinct. She silently waved to them and pointed towards Cragen's office, heading that way resolutely. She found his door open and walked across the threshold, knocking lightly on the open door to get the captain's attention. He looked up from his desk and smiled weakly at Olivia.

"Olivia. How are you?" He looked tired, as if something was weighing on his very soul. She noticed this and apparently took too long to answer, as he started speaking again. "What can I do for you? You're not here to ask when you can come back, are you?" They both chuckled as Olivia replied.

"No, I was assuming I could come back on Monday…?" Cragen nodded. "Ok good. I'm feeling good." She paused, not sure how to approach the topic that she came here to discuss. "Um, captain, I was wondering if you had the papers that Alex and I needed to sign. I know she signed them, but I wanted to sign them and get them to Donnelley if that's ok."

Cragen looked somewhat surprised but opened his desk drawer and signaled for Olivia to take a seat, as he handed her a pen with his other hand. Olivia uncapped the pen and waited for Cragen to slide the papers over. She examined the document and took a short breath, signing her name at the bottom next to a perfectly written Alexandra Cabot.

She slid the pen back to Cragen, who was watching her out of the corner of his eye. Olivia noticed, and decided to say something—after all, the potentially awkward part was over. She stood up, paper in hand, and turned towards the door.

"Everything ok, captain?" She turned back around to face him.

He took a breath and exhaled slowly. "Yeah." He nodded a bit, and Olivia knew more was coming. "Listen, I don't want you to worry about this, but..." Cragen was looking into the squad room, avoiding some eye contact with the detective.

"What is it? What's going on?" Olivia grew concerned: when Cragen told them not to worry about something, it was almost always something that all of the detectives worried about anyway.

"Donnelley just called me, and she said that Conrad's lawyers are claiming that you used excessive force." Before Olivia could say anything, he held his hand up and continued speaking. "I know. I know, Olivia," he paused," but it's still going to create a bit of a bump for us to get over."

Olivia stood motionless in the doorway. "Wow." She was shocked, to say the least. "Didn't think someone would try to argue that I used excessive force when I had my own nose broken and needed reconstructive surgery on my finger."

Cragen nodded. "I know, Liv. The guys a loser...but, he was pretty banged up too. Sounds like they're trying to say you were the aggressor and he retaliated to defend himself."

There were a few moments of silence while Olivia thought about that claim. And, a dreadful thought tolled on her: she realized that no one else witnessed what happened. Elliot was on the hill above her and only saw the aftermath—she had no one to defend her.

Cragen must have noticed that Olivia was slipping deeper into the recesses of her own mind. "Olivia, don't worry about it. He's guilty. The rapes are open and shut. I'm sure the jury will see that he's just trying to save a few more years off his sentence. Besides," Cragen pointed to a picture of Kaley Adams that he still had pinned on his bulletin board that he hadn't cleaned, "you're a decorated cop. They're going to believe you. We all do." At this point, he got up out of his chair and approached the detective. "Don't lose any sleep over this dirt bag." His eyes shifted to the paper in her hand. "So, you and Alex patch things up?"

Olivia blinked thoughts of Conrad out of her head and looked down to the paper, remember the question Cragen had asked. "We'll see. Better to have this signed and filed away than to need it and not have it...Thanks Captain." She patted his shoulder and turned to leave the precinct. Cragen thought her answer was evasive, or perhaps even purposefully cryptic. But, he shrugged it off and returned to the papers piled on his desk.

Olivia stopped by Elliot's desk on the way out, seeing that he and Fin had left. She assumed they had gotten called out while she was in Cragen's office, so she took a pen out of his NYPD cup and scribbled a note to him on a post it note.

Just missed you. Gotta fill you in on a few things. Serena's tonight? Ask Fin too. Text me.

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Alex opened the door for Casey and waited to speak until the red headed attorney closed and locked it behind her. As soon as she heard the deadbolt latch, Alex unleashed.

"What the hell is going on? Where did this come from? Why wouldn't they have brought this up at his arraignment? Who the fuck do they think the jury is going to believe?" Alex was standing in front of her executive leather chair, motioning wildly with her hands as her voice rose with each question. She took her glasses off and tossed them onto the desk and frustratingly ran her hands through her hair. Casey took advantage of the five seconds of silence and saw her chance to jump in.

"Alex, I know. I don't really understand either. I can only think of two things." She paused, looking toward the other side of Alex's couch, where she had kicked off her shoes. A shrill exclamation from the other side of the room shook her out of a daze.

"Well?! What?" Casey knew that Alex wasn't meaning to be shitty with her, but she couldn't help feel a little on edge.

"Well, one explanation is that Miranda and Trevor know that he's guilty of the rapes, and they're just trying to minimize his prison time by removing the next most serious charge." Alex hadn't considered this: it made sense. As she was mulling the idea over in her head, Casey outlined her second theory. "Or, they, uh, Conrad or his attorneys, have something against Olivia and want to have her investigated for other purposes."

Alex sat in her chair behind her desk and thought for a couple minutes before she voiced her thoughts. "But, why would they have something against Olivia? I mean, to hear how it happened, it seems like she reacted accordingly. It's not like she walked away untouched, Casey!"

"I know. We've just got to figure out what they have." She paused. "Or whatever they think they have."

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Olivia knocked lightly on the familiar cherry wood door and read the large bold letters across the frosted glass: 'Hon. Elizabeth Donnelley, J.D.' She heard a voice welcome her in and she apprehensively opened the door. She knew that Donnelley appreciated promptness and didn't want to waste any time, so she decided to get to the point.

The detective walked though the threshold swiftly and left the door open, signaling that she was not planning to spend much time in the office. "Judge Donnelley, I wanted to come down and bring you-."

"Detective Benson," Olivia noticed that she almost sounded excited to see her, but she shook it off, knowing that probably wasn't the case. "How's your hand?"

Olivia was a bit taken aback by this question, as she didn't expect to engage in any small talk, especially after what Cragen had told her ten minutes before. Cautiously, she replied. "It's alright." She displayed the clear cast and gave a haphazard, weak smile. "Stitches should dissolve soon, so that'll be good."

Donnelley studied her face: she could still make out a yellowish hue below both of her eyes, and she noticed a faint purple line over the bridge of her nose. She knew she shouldn't have been taking the detective's appearance into consideration for anything, but even she was shocked about the allegations that Conrad's defense team was making. She shook these thoughts out of her mind and turned to the task at hand.

"Well, good. What is it that I can do for you?"

Olivia displayed the paper in her hand as she walked toward the enormous paper-ridden desk. "I came in today to sign this and I know you need to keep it. Captain Cragen has a copy as well."

Donnelley took the paper from Olivia's hand, a questioning look on her face. It seemed that she had forgotten what paper Olivia was referencing. She lowered her glasses onto her face and immediately recognized her own signature next to Don Cragen's, and Alex's next to Olivia's. "Oh, yes. I'll keep it. Thank you, detective Benson." She seemed to pause, and it caused Olivia to hesitate for a second. But, after a few moments, the detective came to the conclusion that the judge probably wasn't going to say anything else. She turned to leave.

Just before Olivia reached the open doorway, Liz Donnelley piped up. "Detective?" She turned and raised her eyebrows, waiting for whatever it was that Donnelley was going to say. A gut wrenching feeling tightened around her body, as she suspected that Donnelley's comment was going to be in reference to Conrad, but she hoped it wouldn't be.

"I just wanted to apologize to you about the whole situation with the press conference. I know I didn't have a lot to do with the actual conference itself, but Alex had been on me for weeks to meet and make things official, and I put her off for any number of reasons." She rambled on a bit, but after a moment she stopped. "I know that we don't interact much outside of the courtroom, but I know Alex, and I know that you mean a great deal to her. And, I'm sorry for my part in her having to hide that."

Olivia was surprised she was hearing this. Elizabeth Donnelley was an unapologetic, independent, ruthless woman. So, Olivia wasn't sure how to react. She cleared her throat and readied her response. "Thank you. I understand the circumstances, but that means a lot." Donnelley smiled a sweet smile that did not accompany her usual demeanor, and Olivia was silently thankful that the judge seemed happy to speak to her. "Have a good afternoon." Olivia gave a halfhearted wave and exited her office, closing the door on her way out. She turned and looked down the hall towards Alex's office, but didn't see any sign of her, so she made her way up the stairs to her third, and hopefully last, stop in the precinct that day.

George was sitting on one of the two black leather chairs situated in the corner of his office, reading a copy of a psych evaluation, when he heard rapid footsteps echoing off the stairs. They grew faster and louder before a perfectly relaxed Olivia Benson entered the empty doorway of his office. Dr. Huang laughed as she strolled into his office slowly.

"You always run up the stairs like that?" He got up and walked over to his desk, indicating a chair across from him, where Olivia took a seat.

She chuckled quickly and replied. "I haven't been able to work out in a while and wanted to see how fast I could do it." George smirked and asked if she was pleased with her findings. "You know...I got up here faster than I thought I would, so yeah I guess so." They both laughed for a minute at Olivia's moment of immaturity before George began his questioning that Olivia knew was coming.

"So, what prompted this visit? We just saw each other."

Olivia leaned forward in the chair and looked down at the floor, summoning up a little courage. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous—this was the right thing, and she knew Dr. Huang would understand and have her best interest in mind. With that, she began. "Well, I was thinking about what we had talked about before, and I just think that I need to understand myself and what's going on so that I can deal with stuff in the right way when it comes up...and, I think that you can help me do that."

"You feel like you don't understand yourself?" He was relaxed, but attentive.

"Sometimes." Olivia paused, thinking. "Well, I feel like I understand my SELF, but I don't understand some of my actions. Like, why I do the things that I do sometimes."

"Ok. Let's explore that. Tell me about the last time you felt like you weren't understanding why you were doing something."

Olivia took a deep breath and recounted the other night at Fin's when everyone came over to see her after her surgery. She continued and told Huang about texting Hope. "I mean, looking back, I know that I shouldn't have done it. But, I did. And, thankfully she sent me that picture and that's when I drew the line for some reason and it just wasn't acceptable to me anymore. Because, I don't really know what I would have done if the conversation would have continued."

Dr. Huang sat back in his chair, studying the detective. "Alright. So there's a few places we could start with this...Let's back up a little bit." He looked down at his notepad, recalling the order of the story in his head. "Also, this is a little off topic, but I just want to say this: I know that your relationship with Alex is currently a little rocky, but I want you to be able to talk openly and freely about it. Sometimes, if things make you uncomfortable, there's a reason behind that and I think it's worth it to explore." Olivia nodded. "Ok, so before the confrontation with Elliot and your decision to text Hope back, you said that there was an interaction with you and Alex in the bathroom. Tell me what you think prompted you to make that decision."

Olivia was surprised. She didn't expect him to go there, but she knew answering these questions would probably help her, so she considered his question. "I think that what happened was that I was pretty upset about what had transpired at the press conference, and then I went to Fin's right after it happened. Then, I had surgery and didn't really see her for a little while. I mean, not as much as I had. It's sort of a heart vs. head type of thing, I think. My mind knows I shouldn't have done it, and it probably wasn't appropriate, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was touch her, and be with her again and forget everything that had happened. But, I knew I couldn't forget it."

"Ok. But was Alex asking you to forget it?"

Olivia hesitated. "Well, no."

"There's a difference between forgive and forget, Olivia. You don't have to forget. In fact, I urge you not to. But, forgiveness is key. Did you feel like you had forgiven her at that point?"

"No."

"Do you think you have since?"

She thought this over. "I think so…"

"Alright. That's a step. Now, let's talk about your actions after. Why do you think you continued the conversation with Hope?"

"I don't know. I guess I thought that it was over with Alex. I feel like I gave up and I might as well."

"Let's not talk about this specific scenario. I want to take this in a more general direction. How do you think Alex feels about your relationship? This is a little bit of a role reversal, so go with me here. How would you feel if you were her?"

"Well, I guess after the press conference I would have felt pretty shitty. And I would have tried to make it better. But, when I found out the stuff about Hope, I would probably have been pretty disappointed." She took a breath. "I talked to Alex about it last night." Her voice was soft, solemn. Huang let her sit in silence for a few moments, thinking.

"How did that go?"

"I'm not really sure. On one hand, I was upset and kind of nervous to tell her because I knew it would just hurt her. But, afterwards it seemed like everything was out in the open. We had talked a little bit about the press conference before, and it just felt like there wasn't anything burdening our relationship anymore. But, it just feels different."

"Like you can't forget?"

"I guess so, yeah."

A silence hung between them. Huang could tell that Olivia was deep in thought. She didn't offer any more information, and he didn't ask for any. A few moments passed before Olivia started speaking.

"Thanks for seeing me. I was thinking about what we talked about the other day and I know this is the right thing for me to be doing." She paused and a look passed over her face. "But I think that's enough for today." Dr. Huang was surprised, and stood up to see Olivia out. The detective stood and turned to leave. "Thanks again, George." They smiled at each other and Olivia headed toward the stairs.

She knew what she wanted to do, and she couldn't stop herself. She flew down a few flights of stairs and exited the stairwell on a familiar floor, jogging towards the end of the hallway. By the time she reached Alex's office, though, the only person she found inside was Casey Novak. The redhead looked up at her from the couch, a pile of file folders and papers spilling out onto her lap as she held a sandwich in her hand.

"Oh. Hey Liv!" Olivia must have replied with a confused look on her face. She glanced around the office and Casey must have noticed, as she added quickly. "Alex just ran to the bathroom." It was barely out of Casey's mouth when the detective disappeared around the corner. She ran across the hall and flung the bathroom door open.

Alex was standing in front of the sink, rinsing soap off of her hands. She saw Olivia in the mirror and turned around in time to see the detective bend down, checking for feet in the two stalls. Finding none, she turned and locked the deadbolt on the bathroom door. Olivia did all of this in such a hurry, that by the time she turned back around, Alex was still standing with her wet hands held in front of her, dripping into the garbage can, watching Olivia in confusion.

Before she could move, Olivia was right in front of her, speaking desperately. "Alex, I want to talk to you. I'm so sorry." She pulled Alex close to her and held her around her waist. The blonde couldn't control herself: she backed Olivia against the wall and looked into those golden brown eyes. Without a second's hesitation, Olivia seized Alex's face, crashing her lips into the attorney's. It was the most desperate, most passionate, and most intense kiss either of them had ever felt. Olivia felt Alex's wet hands clasp around her neck, pulling her close as she thrust her tongue into the detective's mouth. Olivia's hands were on fire: she couldn't hold Alex tight enough. She felt a few drops of water drip onto the back of her neck, and she shivered as she pulled Alex as close as she could.

Alex didn't stop, she couldn't. The way Olivia tasted, how she smelled, was intoxicating. Alex could feel herself thrust her hips forward toward Olivia, and as she did so, the detective reached around and gripped her ass tightly, forcing Alex against her. A rough moan ripped from Alex's lips in the millisecond that the two weren't connected, and it only served to arouse both of them even more. Before she knew it, Alex felt Olivia's hand reach under her skirt and snake its way up to her hip, hooking a finger around the waistband of her thong. Instinctively, Alex pulled up her skirt and raised her leg, allowing Olivia access to whatever she wanted.

With swift dexterity, Olivia pulled Alex's leg around her waist and plunged her fingers into Alex's dripping center. She muffled Alex's moan with her own mouth, massaging her tongue along with Alex's as her fingers swirled in the blonde's arousal. Soon, Olivia inserted two fingers into the attorney as Alex hooked her arms around Olivia's neck, burying her face in the crook of her own elbow. Olivia could hear the stifled whimpers from Alex each time she entered her, and it only motivated her more. She held Alex tighter and moved in and out of her at an unrestrained, frenzied pace.

After a few moments, Olivia felt Alex's muscles tighten, and felt the attorney's heel digging into the back of her calf. Alex lifted her head and sighed a breathy moan into Olivia's ear as she came. They stood there like that for a minute, Olivia supporting Alex as she lowered her leg back down onto the ground. As she did so, Olivia took her hand out from under Alex's skirt replacing her underwear and straightening her skirt out.

They looked at each other for a moment, not a word spoken between them. Olivia noticed Alex's eyes behind her glasses—how they radiated everything she was, and everything Olivia loved. She stared into them for a moment before starting to speak.

"Alex, I uh—." She was stopped by Alex's fingers on her lips.

"Not now." The blonde leaned in and placed a delicate kiss on Olivia's lips. She checked herself in the mirror and unlocked the bathroom door. Alex turned around to face Olivia again and spoke through a small smile. "I love you. Can we talk tonight?"

Olivia cleared her throat. "Uh…um yeah." This was all she could say before Alex opened the door and disappeared into the hallway. Olivia leaned back against the wall and gathered herself—she definitely wasn't planning on that happening. She approached the mirror and busied herself washing her hand in the sink as she inspected her appearance. She didn't want to make it too obvious what had just happened. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. After drying her hand, she exited the bathroom and headed toward the front entrance of the building, planning to exit and head back to Fin's.

When she reached the sidewalk, she hailed a cab and took out her phone, reading the message that flashed across her screen.

I know that probably shouldn't have happened. But, I can't keep my hands off you. Let's talk tonight…but I'm not going to apologize for it.

She smiled and couldn't help the feeling that she was blushing. She opened up a new message to Elliot and told him to forget about the restaurant tonight, before replying to Alex.

Agreed. I should have controlled myself a little better. Sounds good. I have a few things I'd like to tell you…and no one asked you to.

She ended the message with a smiley face emoji and tucked her phone in her jeans. Slowly, she turned her attention to the changing leaves blowing by the window, and couldn't help but think of Alex as a smile spread across her face.