A/N: This chapter is pretty smutty, so FYI. I hope you guys continue to enjoy this story, as I really think we're on the downward spiral. But hell, who knows! I only thought this would take up about 10 chapters. On a side note, thank you to everyone who has complimented my writing—it makes me feel awesome. You guys are honestly the best. Enjoy!

Chapter 75

Self

Olivia was somewhat surprised when she walked up to the precinct—almost no one was there. Cragen strolled out of his office and gave her a hug. "I heard everything went well?" Olivia nodded.

"Yeah, it was good." She paused as Cragen began walking back to his office. "Hey! Captain!" He turned around, and since the squad room was mostly empty, she spoke across the room, a little louder than normal. "Thank you…for everything in the past few months." Cragen nodded and smiled at her.

"Don't mention it. Now, get outta here. Get a good night's sleep. You're back at it again tomorrow!" She nodded and walked to her locker, pulling the blue velvet ring box from its secret hiding place. She opened the box and examined the ring, thinking of how beautiful it would look on Alex's finger. After a few moments, she put it back and locked the padlock on her small locker, grabbed her phone and jacket and headed toward the elevator. She took out her phone and began a few text messages.

Judge Hermann, this is Olivia Benson. I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could give me Roger's cell number. I just realized I didn't get it from him this weekend.

Hi Linda, it's Olivia Benson. Thank you again for keeping that for me. I was wondering if I could stop by and get it from you tomorrow? Let me know. Thank you!

Before the elevator even hit the ground floor, she immediately got two responses: those Cabots sure do love their technology.

It's no bother. His number is 646-122-1232.

Olivia! Hi! I thought I had Alex save your number in here, but I guess not. I'm glad you texted me. I'm actually going to be right in the city tomorrow, close to your precinct. Want to meet around 10?

Olivia smiled and responded to both of them, sending out one more message before she locked her phone.

On my way home to you.

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Olivia opened the door to her apartment and smelled the familiar smell of Alex's shampoo mixed with that perfume that drove Olivia wild. Most of the lights were out, but Olivia could make out the soft glow of the accent lights in the living room.

"Alex?" Silence.

Olivia unclipped her gun and turned her body to flip the main lights on when she heard the familiar clacking of heels coming down the hallway. The dark silhouette of Alex's body was outrageously sexy—Olivia could make out the swell of her breasts and the swaying of her hips as she got closer. It was just dark enough in the apartment that Olivia couldn't see what Alex was wearing, but she knew it had to be something skin tight, because she couldn't make out any material.

"Come here, baby." Alex's voice was pure sex, and Olivia struggled to breathe as Alex took her hand, pulling her towards the large grey chair in the living room. She pushed Olivia down gently, straddling her legs. Immediately, Olivia's hands attached to Alex's legs, surprised to feel bare flesh. She ran her hands up to Alex's hips and felt a very small, lacey band wrinkle under her fingertips.

"Babe what are you wea—." She felt Alex's finger on her lips, urging her to be quiet, before she felt Alex get off her lap completely. She heard four clacks on the hardwood floor and then listened for Alex's voice again.

"I'll turn on the fire, but I want the lights off." Olivia nodded, and then realized that Alex probably couldn't see her nodding. The detective heard the switch to the gas fireplace flip and saw, for the first time, what her girlfriend was wearing. She stood in the light of the fire clad in a tiny black thong and matching bra. Her black heels matched, and her hair and makeup was perfectly styled—it was like a scene from one of Olivia's fantasies. Alex made her way back toward Olivia, swaying her hips slowly. "You like this, baby?" It was shy, but there was something about the way she said it that made Olivia think that she knew exactly what she was doing. All Olivia could do was nod.

Alex straddled Olivia again, allowing the detective's hands to roam her body sensually, but when Olivia's hand dipped into her panties, Alex stood up. "Not yet…I felt so bad today that we didn't end up having the time for me to reciprocate…" She cleared her throat and continued. "Tonight is all about you." Olivia could feel her eyebrow rise and her mouth go dry. "And, I know how much you like to watch me."

Olivia didn't comprehend what Alex had said until she saw the blonde unclasp her own bra and begin to fondle her own breasts. Her mouth fell open in shock as she watched Alex sit down on the hardwood floor, in front of the fire, positioning herself at the perfect angle for Olivia to look down and see every move she made. Alex lay down on the floor, and Olivia noticed a strategically placed pillow next to her—it turned her on so much to think that Alex had planned this and had thought about it before Olivia arrived home.

Alex trailed her hand toward her thong, rubbing from her breasts down to the top of the lace band. Olivia was lost in the sight until she heard Alex speaking. "You know, I haven't had to pleasure myself in a long time, thanks to you." Olivia could hear her smiling. "But, I can't lie to you…when I was in Wisconsin, I would think about you before I went to sleep. And I'd think about that night we spent together." Alex's voice grew raspier, more desperate. Olivia watched as Alex pulled down her thong and kicked off her heels, discarding them on the floor next to her. "I would think about how you, mmmhh," she moaned as she drug her fingers through her dripping folds, "kissed me at the bar, and how your legs felt beneath me in that taxi." Alex circled her clit and Olivia knew she was sitting slack-jawed in the chair, eyes wide open to the sight in front of her.

Alex was silent for a few moments but Olivia watched as she continually swirled her fingers in her moisture. Quickly, Olivia heard Alex's breathing increase and her ears perked up as the blonde continued. "I would think about how you felt inside me, aahhh." Alex began to finger herself, her other hand kneading her own breast when Olivia realized that it was too much for her to handle— she couldn't form any thoughts, any words, or even any coherent ideas. She watched as Alex lay on the floor, her body illuminated by the faint orange light flowing from the fire in front of her. The blonde traced her hands up and down her body, massaging her breasts and looking over toward Olivia. The detective's eyes were fixed on Alex, unable to move, or even think. She watched as she heard Alex's voice let out a low moan that trembled through Olivia's body.

"Mm." Alex moved her hand down to her core, circling her clit as she gasped, shockingly. "Oh! I'm so fucking wet, Liv." She coated two of her fingers with her own wetness, easily running her hand through her soaking folds. Olivia couldn't take it anymore.

"Jesus, Alex." Olivia fell to the floor and crawled to Alex, pulling the attorney toward her by her hip. Alex smiled a bit, surprised at Olivia's desperateness. Olivia shoved her tongue in Alex's mouth, grabbing her face possessively. Alex couldn't help a smug smile that crossed her face: she knew this was going to get Olivia worked up, but she didn't know she'd be so intense.

"Mm, fuck, Alex." Olivia looked down upon her girlfriend as she took off her own shirt, tossing it to the side. Alex's hands quickly rid Olivia of her bra, and clung to the detective's face, aggressively thrusting her tongue to meet Olivia's rhythm. Suddenly Olivia stood up and removed all of her own clothes quickly, throwing them aside before reattaching herself to Alex on the floor. She leaned over the blonde and felt her grinding on her leg, pushing her hips off the ground to feel friction against the detective.

Olivia felt Alex's hands running down her back, scraping bits of flesh under her nails. She grasped Olivia's ass in her hands, pulling it close as she thrust her core towards her. Olivia noticed this and dipped her hand between them, feeling Alex for the first time. "Holy shit." Olivia moaned out, leaving her almost breathless. "You are so fucking—."

"I know." Alex pulled Olivia close, whispering in her ear. "That's all you, baby." Olivia exhaled, overwhelmed by her senses. She looked down upon Alex naked in front of the fireplace. She smelled Alex's perfume that Olivia had bought her, and heard Alex's shallow breaths, waiting in anticipation for whatever Olivia was going to do.

Olivia kissed Alex's cheek, neck, and lips, exhaling with a hum. "Mm...Alex, you," kiss "are so—." Olivia moved her head down, kissing Alex's earlobe, whispering the last part of the sentence directly into her ear, "sexy." Alex smiled, holding the back of Olivia's head as she felt the word trickle down her side, prickling her ribs. "Tell me what you want baby." Olivia waited patiently for an answer, kissing enthusiastically down Alex's chest.

"Whatever you want." The blonde's eyes searched Olivia, as the detective pulled back, a inquiring look on her face. She, of course, had her preferences, but wanted to know what Alex wanted.

"What do you want?" Olivia's eyebrow danced and she smiled down on Alex who smirked and nodded toward the coffee table. Olivia squinted over toward it and saw Alex's favorite toy and pair of black shorts—she hadn't even noticed them before in the dim lighting. Olivia stood up and walked over, pulling on both items.

Olivia looked down upon Alex, her fair skin warmed by the fire. She smiled as she stroked the toy between her legs. Alex groaned into a smile, beckoning Olivia to the floor. She reached over and tickled her hands down Olivia's calves. "Come down here." It was honest, raw. Olivia had an idea: they had never tried this position before, but the way Alex was resting on the floor right now made Olivia want to give it a go.

Olivia lay down behind Alex, and the attorney began to turn toward her until she felt Olivia's firm hand on her back, stopping her. Alex trusted Olivia, and stayed as she was: on her side, facing the fire, with Olivia on her side behind her. Alex's senses were on high alert—not being able to see Olivia held her in aching anticipation, awaiting every touch, every kiss.

Alex's anticipation was evident: when she felt Olivia's hand caress the middle of her back, she jumped a bit at the contact. Olivia noticed this and turned her hand over, running the back of it down the middle of Alex's spine, prompting a shiver from the blonde. Olivia leaned forward and pushed Alex's hair to the side, kissing the side of her neck. "Liv," Alex whispered. Alex took Olivia's hand into her own, tracing it down to her core. Olivia moaned when she felt Alex even wetter than before. She kissed Alex's shoulder, allowing her to guide her hand for a few moments.

Olivia took Alex's hand back, and kissed it before disjoining their hands. She reached down to Alex's top leg, gently raising it as she scratched lightly on the back of her thigh. Alex exhaled loudly when she felt Olivia run her cock through her, coating it with her natural lubrication. "Oh my god, you feel so good." Alex huffed as she felt Olivia pushing through her, getting prepared to enter her.

Olivia's left arm stretched out under Alex's neck, supporting her head. She grabbed the base with her right hand and steadied herself as she aligned herself with Alex's entrance, putting a little pressure on the blonde beside her. Olivia felt Alex lean into it, causing Olivia to enter Alex as they both moaned in approval. Olivia moved her hand to the back of Alex's knee, raising it a little higher as she began a balanced pace, sinking completely inside of Alex, garnering a rasping groan from the blonde in front of her.

After a few moments, Olivia moved her hand up to Alex's breast, cupping it from behind as she felt her motions roll through Alex. The blonde turned her head back toward Olivia and the detective kissed her passionately, their tongues matching the pace Olivia established in and out of Alex.

Alex broke the kiss, pulling Olivia closer to her as she turned back around. "God, Olivia, you're so fucking deep." At this comment, Olivia pulled Alex's leg up again, trying to enter her even deeper, to Alex's pleasure. "Oh! Fuck!" Olivia knew she was getting close, and she wanted Alex to feel her orgasm intensely. The detective continued her pace, growing a little quicker with each thrust, as she pushed Alex's hair out of the way of her neck, latching onto it with her lips, lightly sucking. Her right hand reached around the blonde's hip and located her clit, circling it as she thrust faster and faster. "Oh my god." Alex could barely speak—the feeling was euphoric. But, she had other plans.

Olivia felt Alex lean back and push her onto her back, as she unexpectedly slipped out of Alex. "Shit!" She ran her hand through her long blonde hair as she straddled Olivia below her. "Stopping that was probably the hardest thing I've ever done." Alex laughed as Olivia felt her pull the detective inside, eliciting a moan that caught in her throat. Alex lowered herself completely onto Olivia, kissing her as she did so.

"Why'd you stop?" Olivia gripped Alex's hips, rubbing her hands from the slender hipbones around to her ass and back.

"Well, as amazing as that is..." she gyrated a little bit, causing both of them to shift their bodies, small smiles on both of their faces. "I just want to be close to you right now." She leaned down and kissed Olivia softly.

"Say no more." Olivia watched as Alex stood up, and then she did the same. Before Alex knew what was happening, she felt her feet leave the ground. Olivia scooped her up into her arms, carrying her down the hallway. Normally she would make a fuss about it, but it was so romantic that Alex couldn't say anything bad about it. Olivia looked down on Alex and kissed her, holding onto her a little more securely than before.

They reached the bedroom and Olivia lowered Alex down on to the bed, pulling the covers back as she slid in next to her. Quickly, Olivia topped Alex, separating her legs with her own, running the tip through Alex's folds once again. There was something about this action that turned Olivia on majorly: she knew Alex probably didn't need her to do this, but seeing Alex's lips beckon Olivia deep inside always made her so eager to give Alex exactly what she needed.

Olivia felt Alex's hands on her, lightly caressing the back of her neck before she pulled her down, kissing her slowly, passionately. This slow pattern played out for five or ten minutes, Olivia atop Alex, kissing her as if her life depended on it, Alex responding accordingly. "I really," Olivia took a breath, "really love kissing you." Alex smiled.

"I love when you kiss me like that." Alex pulled Olivia down again, licking the detective's bottom lip. "I can tell how much you love me when you kiss me." Olivia gave her a shy smile and looked down in between them, aligning herself with Alex's entrance.

When she pushed inside Olivia threw her head back and clenched her jaw, her jawline muscles flexing out of her cheeks. Alex hadn't ever seen Olivia do this before and she could have come undone at the sight. She bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes, wanting to push off her climax as long as she possibly could. She felt Olivia lean down and wrap her arms around her, burrowing her head in the crook of Alex's neck.

Alex spread her legs a little wider apart, allowing Olivia to sink into her completely, the front of Olivia's legs touching the back of Alex's. "Liv, baby, you feel so good." Her voice wasn't strained at all, and Olivia didn't know what was sexier: when Alex was moaning these thoughts desperately in her ear, or when she said it as if she was discussing the weather. It was like Alex was so used to talking to her in bed that it was so raw, so honest.

Olivia turned her head and kissed Alex's neck before she propped herself up with her hands on either side of Alex's head. They looked into each other's eyes and Olivia watched as black engulfed the blue pupils a little more each time she entered her. Alex gazed back, noting how Olivia watched her, searching for any discomfort or hesitation—Alex knew that Olivia wouldn't ever find any, but felt so loved that, no matter how many times they had made love, that Olivia still looked for those things.

Alex took Olivia's face into her hands, running one hand through her short hair, brushing it to the side. Olivia threw the covers off herself—she was burning up and had become a sweaty mess. Alex knew they were both drenched in sweat, but she couldn't help but admire how their bodies moved completely in sync, every thrust from Olivia met by a reciprocating one from Alex. Unexpectedly, Alex felt Olivia pull out of her, and she looked at her with a curious eye.

She watched as Olivia picked up two pillows from the side of the bed, leaning back towards Alex. "Head." Alex picked her head up off the bed and allowed Olivia to place the pillow under it, caressing her face lovingly as she did so. Olivia displayed the other, firmer, pillow. "Hips." Alex thrust her hips off the bed as Olivia slinked the pillow under her lower back. "Ok." The detective smiled down at Alex, kissing her full on the mouth.

Alex spread her legs and lifted them off the bed a bit, eager for Olivia to resume her prior activity. Olivia noticed this and entered her, pushing in completely, eliciting a loud cry from Alex. The pillow under her hips allowed for a new angle that touched Alex's G-spot every time Olivia thrust in and out. "That feel good, baby?" Olivia supported her weight with her hands on the mattress. All Alex could do was nod, as her eyes rolled back in her head. Each time Olivia rubbed inside her, it sent a tremor through her core, quickly building up an awaiting release.

Alex pulled Olivia down, holding her with one arm behind her neck and running her hand through the short brunette hair with the other. "Slow Liv." Olivia obliged, slowing her pace significantly. "Oh my god." Alex allowed Olivia to straighten up, as they both looked into each other's eyes. Alex knew Olivia had gotten more comfortable talking to her in bed, but didn't expect to hear from her when they were both that close to climaxing.

"You like when I make love to you like this, baby?" Alex could literally feel herself tighten around the detective above her.

"Yeah, I do."

"Can you feel how much I love you, Alex?" Olivia was panting, and Alex knew that the purpose of her talking was probably so she could focus on something else, rather than cumming at that moment.

Alex nodded. "Can you?"

"Oh yeah." Olivia entered Alex slowly. "God you're so tight." She pushed completely inside as Alex moaned. "You gonna come for me, baby?" Alex nodded. "Me too. Fuck, Alex."

Olivia continued her slow motions, feeling Alex's muscles tighten around her every time she moved in or out. Seconds later Olivia was shaking with each breath. "I'm cumming, baby." She leaned down and wrapped her arms around the attorney, holding her implausibly close. All it took was what Olivia said next to make Alex go off the edge. "Fuck I'm gonna cum inside you, baby." As soon as it left her lips, Alex felt Olivia thrust inside her, the deepest she had ever been. Olivia's body shook as an orgasm tore through both of them. Alex tried to control herself as she, too, was feeling her climax engulf her body. But, she wanted to hold Olivia, as she felt the detective shuddering on top of her.

Olivia's breaths were irregular, forced. Alex hadn't ever seen or heard anything sexier. "Olivia, baby." Alex rubbed Olivia's back, holding her close to her body as Olivia came again, moaning Alex's name into her ear. The mere whisper caused Alex's muscles to clench again around Olivia.

A few minutes later, Olivia leaned up and kissed Alex full on the mouth. "Holy shit." Both of them laughed a bit as Olivia looked down in between them. "Did I hurt you?"

Alex rolled her eyes and laughed aloud. "Are you kidding?!"

"Ok." Olivia smiled and leaned back, resting on her knees. She began to pull out of Alex when she heard Alex exclaim above her.

"Ohhhkay!" Olivia smiled toward her, pulling out extremely slowly. "Kiss me." Olivia leaned forward and did so, feeling Alex moaning into her mouth as she pulled out slowly, an inch at a time. As the tip emerged, so did an excess of Alex's wetness, soaking the sheets beneath them. "God you are so fucking good at making me cum." Olivia smiled and stood up, removing everything she wore before she climbed back into bed.

"I'm sorry I'm so sweaty." She ran her hand through her hair, feeling how damp and hot it was.

"I think it's sexy." Alex pushed Olivia's hair to the side as it stuck to her forehead, damp with sweat.

"I love you, Alex. So much." It was honest, pure.

"I love you too Liv. There are so many things I love about you." Alex laid atop Olivia as she ran her hands through the detective's hair, flattening it on the side of her forehead. "You know what I love?" Alex looked down upon her, playfully twisting the short brunette strands around her fingers. Olivia smiled and raised her eyebrows, provoking Alex's answer. "When you collapse on top of me after you cum and I can feel your body trembling." Alex smiled as she continued. "It's so intense. I always love how close you hold me, how you wrap your arms around me—it makes me feel so loved." She paused. "And, it helps that your whole body is tensed and all of your muscles flex around me…that's pretty sexy, too." Alex laughed softly as she felt Olivia reach up and kiss her tenderly.

"Well, you are loved." She kissed Alex again. "You know what I love?" Alex smiled, awaiting her answer. "How much I love to kiss you. And I love the way your lips look after we've been kissing for a while—they get a little swollen and just slightly pinker. It makes me just want to lick them." Alex blushed. "Wow! I made you blush? Write that down." They both smiled and Olivia's eyes moved down to Alex's lips as the blonde curled herself around Olivia. "There's just something about the way you look after you're exhausted from being in bed with me—it's so beautiful. I'm addicted to the way you look all the time, but I think this is my favorite look on you."

Alex rolled her eyes and stood up, heading towards the bathroom as Olivia continued. "See, like, your hair is a little knotted in the back from it rubbing on the mattress and your skin is that flushed pink color that I love so much." She paused as Alex sat down on the toilet. "And, I can see a mark from where my hand was holding on to your hip. And there's a little bit of mascara smudged by your eye from where you rubbed your face while I was touching you in front of the fire."

She didn't know what it was about the way Olivia spoke to her at the moment, but she hadn't ever felt more loved: Olivia loved her for her, and she couldn't believe that the strong detective lying in the bed was all hers. As she left the bathroom, Alex pulled the covers down and slinked back into bed next to Olivia. "Olivia Benson, you are the sweetest, most sincere person I know."

"What? Are you feeling well?" Olivia put her hand over Alex's forehead, mockingly taking her temperature.

"Seriously! There's just something about you." She pulled herself close to Olivia, wrapping herself around the detective, her hand resting on the strong abs below her. "If someone would have said to me 'why do you think Olivia thinks you're beautiful?' I would have said because I make an effort to look good for you, or because I wear clothes that I think you'll like, or something like that. And here you're telling me that you think I'm beautiful right now." She scoffed and rolled her eyes a bit, trying to distract the detective from noticing that they were filling up with tears. "My hair is in knots, I have a mascara smudge on my cheekbone, I'm sweaty as shit, and my lips are swollen." She sniffled, unable to hold back a break in her voice. "And you just told me I was beautiful." Olivia sat up and looked into Alex's eyes below her.

"Don't cry, Al. I was just being honest." Alex smiled and took Olivia's face into her hands, kissing her lightly as she laughed.

"I know baby. I know." The next thing Olivia said melted Alex's heart. The detective leaned down and stroked Alex's face with the back of her hand.

"Don't let anyone ever tell you that you're not beautiful like this. Because if they can't see the beauty that is here right now, they don't deserve the beauty that I see on the outside every day too."

"God, I love you." Alex kissed Olivia, and continued. "But, I don't plan on letting anyone else see me like this for a very, very long time." They smiled at each other as Olivia pulled Alex close, spooning her so the detective's head rested behind the disheveled blonde hair. Olivia smiled into a deep sleep, exhausted from the night's events.

Alex felt Olivia's grip tighten around her waist, pulling her close. She didn't remember a time when she was happier. Alex couldn't wait for this to be her future. She heard Olivia's breathing even out and she reached behind her, caressing Olivia's back and backside just to feel the detective's skin one more time before she, too, fell asleep.