Chapter 28: Light My Fire

Rock draped his clothes over the back of a stool in the bathroom and turned on the shower. The hot water rushed from the showerhead to wash over him like the waves of the ocean. He was still covered in grime and sweat from being kidnapped by the New Order and he couldn't feel clean no matter how long he stood beneath the water. He remembered when Revy had come for him. She must have killed over a hundred men in pursuit of him, but once she came upon the building he was in she took him hastily back to her motorbike and they came back to the city. Aside from the usual expected insult for getting himself kidnapped in the first place, the two of them had barely spoken a word to each other. Dutch and Benny greeted him when he arrived in the door but they, too, said very little otherwise. Rock was losing his familiarity and closeness that had been built up with them since he had officially become a part of their outfit, a fact that satisfied him even if it was bittersweet. He had no room for relationships these days and this was the only way they could all get on with their business without issue.

Rock leaned his hands against the tiles and let the water slide down his back, his eyes closed. He was almost entranced, losing himself to this brief moment of solitude. If Rock's calculations were correct, the Lovelaces would already have left the city by now and would be on their way to the peaceful life they deserved. That was one thing that still pleased Rock, despite the dark grey cloud that enveloped his heart and repressed his emotions. Of his regrets, one of the more prominent ones was how he had handled the situation with Roberta after she went on the hunt for the Grey Fox team. It had been a source of guilt to know he had been responsible for Garcia nearing the edge of darkness, but that was not something he had to worry about now. The boy and his family were saved, and they would never step foot in this city again. Rock opened his eyes and smiled. He had finally managed to do some good, by washing his hands of empathy and compassion, and discarding his old self, Garcia had somehow come to realise that was the fate that would await him should he stay the course. He turned and ran in the other direction, holding on to the peace and the family he was still lucky enough to possess. It was ironic, in a way, how Rock had one time been saddened about not being able to save anyone, but had indirectly saved the entire Lovelace family by showing Garcia just how frightening the darkness could be.

The Japanese man felt satisfied momentarily. Then, when he had let the feeling come and go, he felt nothing again. It was a gentle nothing, a soothing emptiness inside him that he had completely submitted himself to. He closed his eyes and saw his other half, the Gambler, standing on a pile of bodies. He could not hurt Rock anymore, even if he still taunted him from the darkest corners of his own mind. The image disappeared as quickly as it had come to him. His musings, however, remained in his mind after taking root. He had been that Gambler at one time, someone who enjoyed playing the game and gambling with the lives of others to further one agenda or the other. In the end, he had only ever wanted to save people, even if that trait died with his old self after he hired the services of Major Landis. That was when his true dark side came into being and he walked the finest line between greatness and terribleness. What if he was forced to gamble with lives again? Would he be able to maintain his coldness and distance from the situation, from other people? Or would the Gambler take control once more, tempted too strongly by the game he had been so good at? Rock drove his fist into the tiles, expelling these fears from his mind. He had sacrificed too much and tried too hard to find his place and destroy the old him that still gave a damn about the world and the people in it. He had come too far to squander all of that progress. He needed to keep things the way they were, or his journey would end in disaster.

He was so focused on his own thoughts that he hadn't even heard the sound of Revy throwing her own clothes over his on the stool. He caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye, but did not look directly at her considering she as completely naked. With a cigarette in her mouth, she walked in under the water and stood behind him, their backs to one another.

"Got room for one more?" she asked, though it wasn't much of a request for permission considering. The water drenched her from head to toe and she stood there idle, smoking her cigarette. It was a wonder it stayed alight at all. Rock became tense with her there, not sure whether he should continue showering or just leave altogether. He decided to do the same as her, remaining there neither cleansing himself nor finishing up doing so. It became clear that Revy had no intention of making him uncomfortable and he relaxed considerably, but he still got the sense she had come in here for a specific reason. He turned his head to the side and his eyes went to her. But he did not leer or goggle at her, he was looking at the many injuries that were visible on her back alone. A pitiful expression appeared on his face. Several scars, faint cuts and ugly bruises marred her upper body, many of which had not been there months ago. There were gunshot wounds, as well, some of which had only been sustained recently enough. The gunslinger had been through more fighting and carnage than most soldiers, and only now was it becoming obvious in her skin how much damage had been done to her. Rock started to wonder how much longer she could keep this up for. She was young, as was he, but the clock was ticking. Especially in this life, death was waiting around every corner, and for someone like Revy who had accepted her place as one of the walking dead, survival was even more uncertain.

She must have noticed his prying eyes, turning to give him a side-eyed glare. He embarrassingly averted his gaze and looked back towards the tiles, letting the water wash over him some more.

"Ain't got nothing to say?" she asked. Rock became confused, unsure of what exactly she was getting at.

"What do you mean?"

"After everything that happened out there," Revy clarified. "With the New Order. Figured you'd have something on your mind, a thought, some kind of fucking opinion either way."

"Oh…I see. Didn't I thank you for getting me out of there?"

"I ain't talking about 'thank yous'," Revy said harshly. "You make me wanna break your fucking nose again, Rock. Every time I look at you and you have nothing to say, not a damn thing…it's not like you."

"Yeah," Rock agreed, becoming fatigued. The whole topic of conversation was becoming tiresome, given how often Revy had tried revisiting it with him recently. "I know."

"So, what gives?" she pressed him. She was not going to let this go until he gave her an explanation. After everything, he didn't have the energy to deny her anymore. He supposed she deserved more from him. "You can see my scars. Got a good look at them, too, from what I see. But I don't see any of yours. Maybe that's because they're buried so deep down after all this time." Rock did not give her a response right away, he was still unsure of how to proceed. "I know you, Rock, even if you want to deny it. You can't hide anything from me, even if you try. Is it really so fucking hard to just be straight with me?!"

"You're right," Rock told her. "I'm not the same person you've come to know. I guess…I realised the only way to survive anymore is if I cut myself off from everything. I learned the hard way not to interfere, it just ends in disappointment. It's better to just…let the dice fall however they will." There was silence after he said that. "You know better than anyone the pain it caused me to look at this city with life in my eyes. You said it yourself. This is the best way, Revy."

"So, that's it, huh?" she asked, letting the cigarette fall from her mouth and hiss as it hit the water below.

"That's it. I spent too long trying to stick my nose where it didn't belong, and where did it get me? How many times did it all play out the same way? The Romanian girl, Yukio, Hunter…it was all the same. Well, I'm done being so pathetic. There is no room for emotion in our line of work, I see that now. I'm just sorry it took me so long to figure it out. I'm sorry…I'm sorry that you-"

"I get what you're saying," Revy stopped him, an edge to her voice. "Yeah…I understand. But you gotta know that if this is the path you've chosen, you're gonna walk it alone. You understand? Because this ain't a choice between life and death, it's a choice between us-me, Dutch, Benny-and yourself. You can walk this lonesome road all you want, but if you do then you and me? We're finished."

Rock took a second to fully comprehend the gravity of what she had just said. As explosive and out of hand as some of their confrontations had become in the past, Revy had never threatened Rock with anything other than her Cutlasses. This was different, an exception that had never occurred before, and that exception had him a bit rattled. She was telling him plain and clear that he had only one choice to make, and that choice was between his family in Lagoon Company or the selfishness of cutting them out of his life, along with the rest of the world. But Rock also knew that his decision had already been made a long time ago, and that nothing Revy said or did could change that. He exhaled deeply. Revy knew what his silence meant and she walked out of the shower, leaving him there alone. He stood there as the water became colder and colder, and he felt incredibly alone all of a sudden, more alone than he ever had been before.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: And that's all she wrote. Book 3 is still on the way but it's a ways away yet. Hopefully not 2 years away like last time(shhh) but it might be a while before you see it go up. But I won't leave the series like I did before and I intend to finish it. Lagoon Company and Roanapur deserve their ending, and I'm going to give it to them as soon as I can. I hope it's an ending you all are happy with.