This stroy contains: self harm, depressing thoughts, abuse, and suicide. You have been warned.
Bakugou is strong.
If Deku was the embodiment of peace, then he was of victory. He held his head high and walked with confidence in everything he did. And so people approached him, whether it would be from admiration or from jealousy. And Deku was one of them. Bakugou didn't mind, at first. He hung out with Deku all the time when he was younger, due to their love for heroes. He woke up each day, even when he didn't want to, even when he was greeted with screams and pitying looks, and he ran off to accomplish adventures and quests with Deku. So when did he start seeing himself in the weak Deku? He knows even if he wants to deny it. It was when he couldn't handle himself without breaking into tears as the beatings got worse and his cries for help were being ignored.
But Bakugou is strong.
He can go through all of it, even if he has to take it out on someone. But that someone had to be Deku. Oh it had to be oh so weak Deku. Why? Because, in front of him wasn't Deku, his childhood friend who admired him, no it was an exact copy of what Bakugou couldn't be. Weak. He couldn't be weak. He couldn't cry when he wanted to, whenever he wanted to. He couldn't smile when things went his way or when he saw something he liked. He couldn't receive love from his mother. He couldn't be Deku, and yet Bakugou saw himself in Deku. Saw the weak him that he didn't want to exist, in Deku. And so he would beat the boy. He would insult and hit him, just like his mother was hitting Bakugou. But it got to the point where he told him to "go take a swan dive off the roof", it got to the point where he no longer saw that green fluffy hair, no longer saw those green eyes that sparkled. No, he only saw the ash blonde that reminded him of his mother, he only saw those crimson eyes that were supposed to hold sunsets, he saw the bruising his mother gave him, he only saw himself. And so he told himself to go die.
But that didn't happen, because Bakugou is strong.
And so he continued with life and became even stronger. He trained and trained so he could become number one. He trained even harder after the sludge villain attacked him. He trained harder after the sludge villain stopped his breathing for a good 10 minutes as he struggled. Trained harder when he saw Deku run to save him even though he was weak. Harder when he saw All Might recognize Deku for trying even though he was quirkless, even though Bakugou fought harder. Trained until he was the strongest and got into U.A.
And so Bakugou is strong.
He became the strongest, and yet the hitting didn't stop. He became a small child when in front of his mother and so he came to trust no one. He was alone until he went to U.A. There, he met people as strong as him. There he met Deku again. He saw Deku become strong. Saw him fight even though he was breaking bones and now, he couldn't see himself anymore, but he refused to admit it. So he went to class with hate directed towards Deku and the extras in his class seethed at him for it. Seethed at how he refused for anyone to touch him, to talk to him, at how he was so confident even though they trained harder than him, that he so had this "talent" and was stronger. But some people didn't care and approached him. Kirishima did even though Bakugou pushed him as far away as he could. Kirishima kept coming back, just like Deku. They both did. Neither gave up and soon Kirishima's friends did as well. Mina, Sero and Kaminari all did and Bakugou hated it. How could he believe in them if he didn't even in himself? But they didn't care and ignored his every insult. He gave up in the end and continued to train. He proved he was strong when those villains attacked USJ and he did everything in his power to stop them.
Bakugou is strong, so why did they do that to him?
Why did they chain him up when he refused a medal because he wasn't his strongest during that fight? Why did they muzzle him on live television? Why did All Might not do anything? Was it because he wasn't human? Because he was a wild animal? Bullshit, but they still did it. They did it to a child. Why were adults always like this? Even though he screamed and screamed in fear, in pain, all they heard were the roars of an untamed beast. And it was all on national television. Everyone saw him as a wild animal. Everyone saw him as "a monster". After that, he knew about the whispers and stares, but he didn't care about them, even if they did hurt a bit. It was fine that only Best Jeanist knew that he wasn't a beast. That the Sports Festival was a total mess up on U.A's part, but it was fine.
Bakugou is strong, that's why.
So why isn't All Might looking in his direction? Why is he paying so much attention to Deku, who used to be quirkless. Even though Bakugou is in the infirmary, All Might is still joking with Deku, who although looks a bit uncomfortable, jokes back. Soon, they leave. Everyone always leaves don't they. Bakugou wakes up from his nap when Aizawa enters the classroom. His classmates are still talking, but scatter as soon as the door opens. Bakugou knows he shouldn't, but he relaxes his shoulders a bit as the sun shines in from the classroom windows. He's grown closer to his classmates enough to call them that, but he's still the strongest. He has to be.
No, Bakugou is the strongest.
Maybe that's why he was kidnapped. That's what he wants to believe, but he can't because the League of Villains said it to his face that he was chosen because he was a beast that had to be chained up. That he had what it took to be a villain. But he refuses, he's worked too hard to just give up. He went through beatings and insults from his own mother. He went through his pleading being ignored. He went through looking at Deku, his exact copy, everyday during middle school. He went through adults giving up on him, through them drowning his expectations. He went through being chained up and looked at with hate and fear. He went through his hero figure, the only light in his life, calling him just "anyone" when he wrongfully won that medal. So like hell was he going to give it all up even if he wants to.
Because Bakugou is strong.
So he fights and grabs onto Kirishima's hands when they come to save him, because he wasn't going to give up. And yet he stands there as his mentor is hurt, as his classmates gets bruises trying to help him escape, and as All Might comes to an end. He stands there as his mother is yelling at him about being so, so weak. That it was his fault for getting kidnapped and All Might's end. She hits him even harder than usual, gives him every punishment over the years in private. That's when it hits him. He isn't strong. No! No, that wasn't right.
He convinces himself he is strong.
And yet he lays there in his bed, in his dorm, in his own pool of sugary sweet sweat, after waking up from a nightmare. He still feels Dabi's hands on his neck, his weak point. He still feels Toga hands and knife lightly tapping onto his skin. Still feels that muzzle in his mouth again. Still sees All Might's career come to an end, because of him. Sees All Might's lanky figure point a finger at him and says it's all because of him, that it's all because of him that he has that scar which is slowly taking his life. That's when he starts it. Where he starts self harming. It gets worse after he spills everything to Deku, during their fight, because now, Deku knows he isn't what he says he is. That he isn't strong. But he still convinces himself otherwise, by using his quirk and that box cutter on himself. He convinces himself, when no one finds out about it.
So, Bakugou is still strong.
His life hasn't gotten worse, for now. No one still knows but that's okay because, that means he's still strong. He's gotten to the point he can call his classmates friends now. He can be a part of the Bakusquad. He can look and have a small conversation with Deku now. He knows now he can't see his weak self in him, but instead, sees what he wants to be. Breaks are the worst. That's when his mom can do anything she wants to him, and he has nowhere to escape to. It's when his dad can ignore him being beaten or talk to him saying that he should listen to his mother. And so he does. The moment he gets back, he's training even more excessively than before. His classmates are worried about him, they give him concerned looks because the bruises have grown, but both him and the class dismiss it.
He trains even harder, because Bakugou is strong.
But here he is, after failing the provisional exam. They still give him the looks. The looks that say they hate him for ending All Might's career. The looks that say he's villainous and a wild animal. That's one of the reasons he fails, because he can't interact without seeming rude and cursing at them. But it's just not that. No it's also about All Might chooosing Deku over him. It's about All Might giving Deku a quirk. His quirk. He's never felt so much betrayal. That day, he goes far away from U.A. He goes to a park near a forest, his favorite spot. The spot where he can be away from reality. The spot that held those precious memories that he wants to re-live. There he screams and cries his heart out. He uses his quirk until his hands can no longer work, until they just lay there limp. He goes back late, but no one questions those obvious tear tracks and how he doesn't use his arms. That night he wakes up again by those horrid dreams but instead his brain lets his thoughts consume him. Lets him have a panic attack. Lets himself harm his body even worse that night. This time, he's afraid. He knows, as he stands in front of his house, he knows that today is the worse it's going to get. And he's right. But Bakugou lets it happen. Why?
Because Bakugou is strong.
And yet, here he is, standing on the ledge of U.A's rooftop. Here he is, looking at the stars as his body sways with the wind. He's always loved the stars. Those stars that shone so brightly at night. Those stars that shone, even though no one could see them when it was day time. They were still there, shining, fighting even. He always believed that those stars fought the hardest to shine in the day, and were rewarded so when they shone again at night, where everyone could see how beautiful they were. But Katsuki wasn't a star. He had the power to make stars with his explosion, but no one acknowledged them, only acknowledged his attitude, his failures. Tonight had been the night he knew he was ready to give everything (if he even had anything) up. Tonight he was called something he never knew he would be called, especially by that person. The one person that brought him so much pain. That night, he called himself a "villain ". Now it all made sense. He was a villain. But he wasn't strong like other villains. No he was ugly, and in so many ways. His attitude was ugly. His body was ugly, it had grown so skinny and held so many scars that proved his times of weakness. Weakness. Even his so-called strength was ugly. He went to bed with that thought and woke up to the worst of all nights. He had nightmares again, but this time they left him in sleep paralysis. He couldn't scream, couldn't use his quirk. The quirk that led him to all of this. He laid there, crying the hardest he could that night. He re-lived everything that night. Re-lived everything that made him sure he was a villain. But that night he didn't cut, no instead, he bolted out the door of his messy room. He used his loud, ugly explosions to shoot him down the hallway and up the stairs that led to the rooftop. He went only for some fresh air, but the moment he got up, saw those bright stars, and the ground that was so far away, he forgot everything he was even living for. And now he stood on the ledge. He was sure his explosion woke up the whole dorm and that there was a burn mark on the wall from when he bumped into it, and he was correct when he saw both Deku and Kirishima come through the door of the rooftop. He was undoing his bandages on both of his arms when he made eye contact with emerald green and fire red. Ironic, wasn't it? The two people who reached out to him, are out of reach the moment they need to be. Katsuki saw more students come up. He saw Iida run to get Aizawa. He could make out lips moving but not what they spoke. He could see them coming closer, slowly as they tried to convince him to get off and back to them. His bandages had all come off when Aizawa came up, out of breath might one add.
"Kid," Aizawa starts, "Hey what's wrong? C'mon down won't you?" Bakugou can see the concern and worry in his eyes, but his own crimson ones are directed to the stars that shine through his black ones. Stars. He looks up. He hopes there are stars reflected in his tired eyes. He hopes he can be a star. A falling star, he thought. Don't they grant wishes? A wish, huh.
Bakugou is strong.
No, Bakugou was strong.
"I wish I can become strong in the next life, if that even exists." And with a small chuckle, he becomes a falling star.
And that's the end. A rough ride, wasn't it? I have a sequel if you guys want one. Leave reviews. Thank you, and goodbye.
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