The soft mutton and potatoes were unbelievably good, the juicy fats rolling off Kol's tongue. But, she was too far in her own despair to notice the pillowy potatoes. With Richon dead it left her with nothing. She didn't see it fit to care for her appearance or to eat more than what Mara shoved down her throat.
She let Mara wash her hair and rake it up into a small half updo that Mara insisted made her look more feminine and girly. Kol found Mara's humble ramblings pleasant, she didn't try to comfort Kol but kept her company. Mara was like Sara at sixteen she was, Kol's younger sister; Richon would have laughed at the scene, having a maid during a war, how quaint Soot he'd say. A heavyweight was put on her chest.
None of it was worth the effort. She pushed the meal away.
Every hour passed so terribly slow and filled her with undying misery knowing Richon wouldn't come back. It was unfair to think she could ever bring him back he wouldn't want that.
She became envious of the High lord who miraculously came back from the dead just hours ago. Richon had hated him, she now did aswell. Why couldn't Richon live?
So many soldiers died in a war that should've ended months ago. It was a small mercy that the battle was over, Kol had wanted to go and fight but as Mara persisted in keeping her down she yielded as she wouldn't have done much of merit but die in vain.
She saw a glimpse of Keir's small battalion winnow away to Hewn after the battle. Those who were injured stayed. The dead stayed too.
She wondered if Richon was already in one of the bloody mass graves or if his brother had taken his body to be buried. He didn't seem like the familial type, she remembered his behavior as Richon died, he called Richon weak for dying.
The Illryains started to fly back to the mountains one by one; tents were demolished as troops left, all heading home.
Home.
It was at this moment Kol realized she had nothing left to do.
Nothing to hide- No home to go to.
She could leave, and live out life without a care in the world. Away from the High Lord's inner circle. Kol's heart hurt thinking of the blonde High fae that seemed to always occupy her mind.
She was free as much as she was num.
It hadn't occurred to her to even fight Mor when she confined her in the tent with Calum trailing along. He hadn't known Richon as she had. But they were good friends she could see he'd been increasingly distraught. She drew her knees to her chest ignoring the pain as she closed in upon herself. He sat behind her shaking lightly, arms wound around her shoulders.
The blanket was soft and had the perfect scent of her mate, so desirable to her it made her heart hurt as the bond pulled.
"It's over." She whispered into his chest.
"It is," He stroked her head with care, "care for a walk if your healer allows?" He trailed off looking towards tiny Mara who had taken up sewing up the holes in her shirts a few hours ago, then had gotten the permission to start embroidering tiny flowers around the pockets. Kol couldn't seem to say no. Mara lifted her head and blushed at the tall warrior bestowed before her.
"Be careful Lady Lottie"
Kol nodded finding a woolen sweater to throw over her head, there was no need to hide her femininity anymore. She wasn't going to guard in Hewn anymore, she agreed to the sentiments of it being a shit hole. The sounds it made dawn till dusk wouldn't help her oncoming nightmares either.
They walked out of the large tent Kol met the eye of a certain spymaster who lurked near the treeline overseeing the camp before suddenly winnowing away into swirling shadows. Probably trying to figure her out, the girl who stayed in Mor's tent. The bond was somewhat visible to those close enough to her but it was thin and small, not fully accepted nor denied. Calum hadn't noticed the exchange and continued talking.
"Kjell's a bit banged up, but we were going back to our village I've got a letter from my mother she said it would be fine if you wanted to come and join us for the fall season after you visit your family."
Kol thought about it for a moment. She didn't have a family in this world, but she realized she couldn't stagnant forever. she walked slowly hoping over rocking and twigs that littered the ground weaving through thick underbrush.
"I wouldn't want to intrude-"
"No, you wouldn't, I'll even ask if you can stay for the solstice, my sisters will be joyed to see you I've told them about you in my letters home."
As they continued walking Calum lead her into the forest to a great sycamore tree that towered above the rest, it was a quiet spot in the forest, birds found their way back singing a triumphant tune. The trees shivered as the winds blew, Kol liked how comforted the wind seemed as it hugged around her form kissing her face.
Kjell was slumped against the side of the tree talking to the air around him he held a statue of some kind in his hand, she noticed then the upturned dirt, and the large stones marking it a grave. It had a wildflower atop it.
A burning red in color, a vast contrast against the deep brown of the dirt.
Beside that grave, there were two others against another tree, the twins. She hadn't thought about the possibility.
"They were going to bury them with the others, Kjell and I pulled their bodies out, we couldn't find Ernstead's but we thought they should have a proper burial at least." Calum squeezed her shoulder before going to sit down with a slumped over Kjell who had found some sort of Summer wine to gouge on. Kjell poured some onto the twins' graves his eyes looking forlorn at the unmoving Earth.
"Goodbye, guys," Kjell looked to Calum for support, "You fought with honor, I was so worried that I was gonna be the one to go y' know? Not you guys. Curse the caldron and the fucking high lord eh? Really screwed with us," Kol brushed the stones thoughtfully, "You were true warriors, and while fae may forget we'll never forget your sacrifice for us."
He offered the bottle to Kol; he forced a grim smile.
Kol didn't answer just looked at the ground before her taking the bottle, she crouched before the grave taking a swig she paused as tears fell and her lip trembled. She pours some of the wine onto the dirt she watched as it seeped below the ground out of sight. She looked up at the sky trying to control her tears.
"So this is it huh? Richon is-" She paused, "was, arrogant and loud-mouthed, he wasn't perfect, but he was the best," She paused raking at the earth trembling, "he was my best friend. And I loved him, I'm sorry I wasn't there."
She sobbed out,
"I'm so sorry."
A meeting was called a day later; Mor insisted to Kol that she should go, to be with her. Kol knew the meeting she was talking about, the end of the book. Mor stood stiff beside her as she put a careful hand on Kol's shoulder.
She had discarded her fighting leathers, tired of wearing them everywhere she wore pants and a tunic instead, they had forget-me-not flowers embroider around the neck instead done by Mara in her free time.
The manor from the outside looked torn and abandoned of life. The cracked marble foyer teemed with intimidating High Lords, princes, and commanders from all walks of life.
As always, Mor walked in confident and posied head held high.
Kol got her first real glimpse of Feyre and Nesta Archeon. Feyre was beautiful in her own right a tall and slender brunette with grey-blue eyes, Nesta was a dark beauty with a scowlingly sharp complexion like a regal bird.
Feyre furrowed her eyebrows slightly at Kol, a singular bruised and battered Illyrian woman walking in so closely to Mor. Quite frankly everyone in the room had looked battered to an extent. While Kol hated the sight of Mor during this time, she brought comfort to situations in which she had no control, the bond felt more like an anchor or a lighthouse.
Mor checked on Kol, Kol scowled and turned her head Mor's eyes flashed with moments of regret before turning back to the posied Mor everyone knew.
Feyre smiled knowingly at Mor, knowing what had happened. Feyre then smiled at Kol, it was a light cautious smile. Kol shyly smiled back with a small upturn her heart beat fast in her chest. This was Feyre the Curse Breaker. The thought made her geek out.
Mor helped usher the group into the drawing-room, Helion had a small conversation with Feyre lurking until he chuckled and turned. Feyre did not look amused.
As the humans filtered in Kol finally found the difference she seemed to be looking for, Fae looked air-brushed in perfection, while humans, especially with Illyrian eyes that were especially keen, were imperfect and slow in movement every wrinkle keenly seen.
Kol stood behind Mor like others who did not have a chair, unconsciously she put her hands on her Mates shoulders, Mor relaxed fully into them letting her shoulders drop. Once Kol had noticed she reeled back putting her hands by her side missing Vassa's entrance. Feyre left following her sister. As that occurred people waiting started to talk quietly.
"Now who's this cousin dearest?" Kol turned her head quickly to the Fae-Ilrryian hybrid gaping.
"Kol, this is my cousin," Mor motioned dryly not looking up at the dark-haired tall beauty.
"I know," Kol said wryly narrowing her eyes at the male, this was Rhys. These were the times where she remembered the times she read the books and thought how hot both Rhys and Mor were. These weren't books anymore "Welcome back to the land of the living Highlord," Kol said dryly. Mor snorted but slowly grabbed Kol's hand in hopes of calming her. Kol drew her hand away quickly like she'd been burned. She inched forward towards Rhys, spiting, "I hope this was all worth it."
Rhysand looked affronted as he formed a response.
Kol drew herself away back to her spot beside Mor knowing she shouldn't have said something like that regretting what she had said.
Feyre walked back in with Nesta in behind her holding something wooden.
Negotiations were on all day, there was back and forth about land treaties she couldn't understand, old wounds played out. New ones were brought to the table. A world that was so divided started coming together after long tiring talks of peace. Feyre talked her heart out.
Finally, the day was done and the dabble of sweet sunset was fast approaching. Kol followed behind Mor out of the Manor, they did not winnow right away taking a small quiet walk together on the barren dirt roads.
"Do you think it will last?"
"What?"
"Peace."
"I'd hope so."
The forest the quiet save for the whistling of the wind through the tall sycamore trees, Kol looked up feeling the breeze against her short hair as it ruffled through it. A comforting hand.
She stopped.
"I like to believe he's still around y' know," Mor turned as Kol whispered, tears fell again like a great tidal wave voice cracked, "in the wind, back with the Earth. That's what Illryain legends say right? He'll be with the other brothers and sisters in the wind that carries our wings."
Mor inched closer, "Most definitely," she wiped a tear from Kol's cheek, Kol whimpered, lip trembling.
"I wish he was here for the peace."
The wind blew in great gushed now against her face.
"He is here, he sees it," Mor smiled gently her honey brown eyes drawing Kol in "I know he'd be proud."
Kol then stopped shaking and crying leaving nothing left, "Please, leave me alone."
The sun had barely risen when Kol finally reached the edge of the mountains nearing the entrance of Hewn. She exhaled a soft breath letting her self back on the trail her wings and back aching, she wished one day to learn how to winnow, if it was possible.
After a few more days of rest, negotiations, and daily visits to the graves Kol realized it was time. She had started avoiding Mor like the plague. Calum and Kjell left before giving Kol the space to grieve knowing she'd be off to a different camp before visiting them.
It was bizarre seeing a once full camp look so empty. Myriam and Drakon left first their troops following them out of the bay. It was like the war never happened as the graves were filled and the crows feasted upon the rest.
Mor had gone back to Velaris. Kol didn't know why it bothered her.
Mara had left after being dismissed, telling Kol to visit the abbey she worked for with a tight hug.
With nothing else to do she flew as fast as she could, only stopping a few times entering the alpine meadows of the Myirmadom's. After a few days, her pack got lighter and lighter. It was known that Hewn or Velaris was the only plausible option for stocking up in supplies, and though she knew Hewn, it wasn't a place she was fond of despite memories she'd gained.
Down the trails, she encountered the occasional mammal or creature that snarled and snapped at her. It was easy to kill the ones who bit.
Usually.
As she walked down the winding trails around shelves of clean-cut rock, she hit the cities outside walls, a city that had once been a secret now known by the world. Leaves crunched underfoot.
A long four-legged snarling animal lunged at her, she screamed as it bit her shoulder latching on. Kol grabbed her dagger pulling it from her belt slamming it into its head trying to get it to unlatch. She slammed it down again. The teeth sunk lower. With one last ounce of a stretch, she took the dagger and slammed it through the creature's eye. It unlatched and she fell to the ground with it.
"Fuck," groaning she found her bearings, taking off her sac she bandaged her wound. It wasn't too deep she supposed. She was no doctor by any means but she wrapped it tight and left the scene. Taking off into the air soaring down to the city.
Velaris was something she'd never seen before, while Hewn was dark and viciously sick, Velaris was a light city smelling faintly of lemon verbena and salt.
The roads were cobble, long and wide with alleyways that held tiny nooks filled with bakeries that wafted smells of yeasty bread. The quarters were full of townhouses made of old but shiny white quartz, sandstone with green and copper roofs, and white chimneys that puffed smoke only throughout the old buildings. The new buildings with newer quartz finishings had delicate warming spells instead.
It was the small social interactions that made the people of the Court of Dreams so different. They laughed openly, they ate on the streets without people snatching things. They had music that seemingly trailed around the building playing beautiful melodies of instruments Kol had never seen. The schools were open courtyards for children to play and learn, while in Hewn they were select academies mostly for the rich and upstanding, the other schools were too dangerous to go to every day.
People hustled along the roads wearing brightly colored garments, they smiled so brightly Kol noted no one ever smiled at each other without reason in Hewn. Some looked worryingly at her bandage, Kol didn't take it to heart. She looked like she'd been attacked, which she had. Her clothes were ripped and scratched and her arms were bloody.
Kol realized that she hadn't smiled openly in days, on Earth she smiled at the littlest things but Hewn had trained her to think before smiling to anyone. You watched people with sharp eyes and razor blade-like movements. The only time she didn't was with Richon; her heart hurt thinking of him.
Just outside the market square of Salt and Bone that sold meat and strong spices of all kinds from every part of Prythian. Kol found a place at a quaint cafe overlooking the sapphire Sidra near one of the grand stony bridges. It made her feel so 'normal' but out of place. Tiny sailboats with white sails rocked in the water tied to the docks below
She could feel her bond, the string that tied Mor and her. Mor wasn't far. But as Kol ordered a hot chocolate, Mor never came despite know she was in the city.
The hot chocolate almost made her cry. After eating mostly military rations and pine tea, a tasteless but nutrient-rich tea.
Chocolate made her cry.
It was so chocolaty, rich with fat and sugar, she dipped her head as a tear welled up in her eye, the server asked if she was alright. She shook her head.
"Would you like help now?" A familiar voice asked.