Through the Trials Chapter 92, a law and order: svu fanfic

A/N: Ah! Can you guys believe? Each time I sit down to write part of this story, it brings me so much joy. I love how invested everyone is still—including me! Thank you for all of your nice words and thoughts, and even the shitty ones, thanks I guess LOL. Hope you enjoy. I still have a few thoughts to get out for this story, so hopefully you guys want to hang around longer.

Chapter 92

Choice

"Judge Donnelley, come in." Alex motioned to the chair across from her desk and watched the older blonde walk at her normal hurried pace, dropping her bags on the floor.

She sat down with an exasperated sigh and took a deep breath before she began. "Well? Let me see." The beginning of a smirk scattered across her face as she beckoned for Alex's hand. Alex smiled and displayed her left hand. "Well! There's no mistaking that, is there?" They both chuckled and Alex turned her attention back to Donnelley, knowing that couldn't have been the only reason she came in.

"Well, congratulations, Alex. I'm really happy for you…and for detective Benson too. Lord knows she's been through enough in the past few months." Donnelley's smile slowly faded, and she approached her next topic in a cautionary tone. "I'm not sure how to bring this up, but you and I have always been very straightforward with each other, so here it goes." She folded her hands in her lap and leaned back. "You know one of you is going to have to transfer, right?" Alex didn't know what to say and stuttered out a response.

"But, what about Casey? We don't even…it's not a straight line of reporting…" Donnelley held her hand up, and Alex actually saw a sympathetic look on her face.

"Alex, I understand. And, honestly, there haven't been any issues and I don't expect any…but you know this isn't going to fly with the powers that be." Alex looked down and twiddled her thumbs on her lap. She didn't know what to say, and took a deep breath while she fixed her glasses. Donnelley waited for Alex to look up at her. "Listen, you can't be in your current role of ADA specifically for Special Victims. Technically, the captain and detectives rely on you to prosecute their cases. If there's even a whiff of favoritism, nepotism, or whatever you want to call it—it doesn't matter if there actually is—I don't think your conviction rate will stay what it is and I think it'll bring a lot of unnecessary investigations our way."

The blonde ADA leaned back in her chair and squinted her eyes, cocking her head to the side. "It sounds like you have something in mind…?" Donnelley laid a piece of paper on Alex's desk and without, a word, walked out of her office.

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Alex climbed the stairs to the precinct slowly, taking her time thinking over the information that Donnelley had just presented her with. It was a little after lunch so she expected to see Olivia and Elliot sitting at their desks looking over a case file while they shared a lunch. However, she stopped and approached carefully when she saw the detectives.

Olivia was standing by her desk, hugging a sobbing woman. Alex assumed this was a victim or someone who just heard their loved one was murdered, so she made her way toward Elliot slowly. "What's up? Everything ok?" Elliot turned to her and nodded.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat and led Alex toward the hallway outside the precinct. "I didn't want to say it in front of her, obviously, but that's Kelly Willard." Alex's eyes widened in understanding. "I think you saw the email that we arrested her rapist yesterday." Alex nodded. Elliot took a breath and lowered his voice. "She just found out she's pregnant."

They turned around and walked back into the precinct but couldn't find Olivia and the victim. Cragen pointed toward the interrogation room so Alex and Elliot headed that way. When Elliot opened the door, Alex heard Olivia's sweet familiar voice and sat down in one of the chairs that looked into room #2. She wondered for a moment if they should be listening to this conversation, but Elliot seemed to be involved when Alex walked in, so she thought it would be ok.

"I thought this would be easier for you than being out there where everyone else can hear us." Olivia sat down and looked across the table at the young woman sitting in the other chair. She was 31, blonde, and in fairly good shape. Her face was streaked with tears, and she looked like she hadn't slept in a week. Kelly nodded and thanked Olivia for her concern and the privacy. "So, Kelly…how can I help?" Alex could see the sympathy in Olivia's golden eyes, peering delicately towards the blonde across from her.

Kelly shook her head silently and balled up the tissue she had in her hand. "What am I going to do?" Her voice shook as she dropped her hand down on the table.

"You have options." Olivia paused. Looking around, she displayed her phone in her hand. "Is there anyone I can call for you? Is there someone else you want to talk to about this?" Silently Olivia prayed that Kelly would say yes, that someone else would help her make this impossible decision.

She shrugged. "I don't want my parents to know. And, I'm not really dating anyone or whatever so, I just don't know…" She paused and straightened up in her chair. "I mean, basically I have two options right? How am I supposed to make that decision?"

Olivia took a breath and steadied herself. Both Alex and Elliot noticed and knew this conversation was tough for Olivia. For a moment, both of them considered going in and intervening to save Olivia from it, but decided together to let it play out.

"Well," Olivia started, "I'm not in the business of telling women what to do with their bodies. I would hope that if I ever got unexpectedly pregnant, I would always have a choice." She looked over to Kelly. "No one would think you're a bad person for doing it…and, no one would ever know."

Kelly looked across the table. "I mean…I think that might be my only option. Why would I ever want to raise a rapist's child?" Olivia blinked and allowed her to continue. "I just don't know if I could ever…I mean, what if it's a boy? And every time I look at him, all I would see is…" she began to cry and Olivia took a breath, obviously trying to temper her reaction.

"Kelly," she reached across the table and took the woman's hand, "I'm going to try to help you however I can, but I'm not the best person to be asking about this…If you decide that you need to see a doctor, I know one that will help and your privacy will be respected. If not, that's ok too."

The young woman seemed to accept that as a response, understanding that maybe the detective sitting across from her had a little more knowledge than she knew. Olivia slid her card across the table. "I know you have my number, but I want you to reach out if there's anything else I can help you with, ok?" Kelly nodded and thanked the detective, earnestly hugging her as Olivia opened the door for her to exit.

Alex and Elliot looked at each other, both sympathetically thinking about Olivia. Elliot turned toward the blonde and spoke in a hushed tone, "I know you will, but…support her…this'll be on her mind for a bit." He patted Alex's leg and they both stood up, separating as they walked out of the interrogation area.

Alex couldn't help but think about how well Olivia handled this situation, even with it being so personal. She knew she had to take Donnelley up on her offer—she couldn't let Olivia leave SVU.

"Hi babe!" Alex bounced down the hallway of the restaurant, slipping into the booth that her fiancée was already waiting in. She placed a kiss on Olivia's cheek before sliding into the opposite side of the booth. At least there was a smile from that, Alex thought.

"Hey love." Olivia smiled reluctantly and took Alex's hand into her own. "How was your day? I thought I saw you in the precinct but then I looked back and you were gone."

Alex noticed Olivia was drinking, and had one empty glass on the table already. The waiter stopped by and dropped of another, and Alex ordered a glass of red wine. "Well, my day was alright." She watched Olivia squeeze her lime into the tall glass of what she assumed was captain and coke as she continued. "Liv…I have to tell you something. Well, two things, actually."

Olivia took the straw out of her mouth and looked up. "What's up, babe?"

Alex took a breath and held her hand out to take Olivia's. The detective obliged and held the soft, porcelain hand in her own, stroking it lightly. "You were right. I was in the precinct today."

Olivia chuckled. "Ok…?" She was still holding Alex's hand and was perusing the menu when Alex continued.

"Liv." The way she said it made Olivia nervous, almost like there was something bad that Alex was about to say. The detective folded the menu and focused her full attention on Alex. "I uh…when I walked into the precinct, babe, I saw you with a rape victim, and Elliot pulled me aside and explained what was going on." The waiter approached the table—his timing couldn't have been worse.

"Good evening ladies!" Alex looked at Olivia and watched her eyes dart around the table, moving from the menu to her drink and back to her badge laying on the table. She looked up and made quick eye contact with the waiter as she ordered, folded her menu at the end of the table and began to fidget with her hands under the table. Alex ordered and the waiter left with their menus. Olivia saw Alex's eyes dart back to her.

"Yeah," Olivia sighed. "Yeah that was tough." Alex took a second and thought: before she knew Olivia, and even just before their relationship, she would have had second thoughts about divulging the rest of the story. But now, she knew she had to. She didn't even think twice about it—that's how much she loved and respected the her beloved detective.

"I bet." Alex waited for Olivia to make eye contact with her. "Liv, I have to tell you something…When Elliot and I walked further into the precinct, Cragen pointed toward the interrogation room and we went in there and heard you speaking to Kelly." Olivia blinked as she took another sip of her drink. Before Olivia could say anything, Alex continued. "I didn't mean to be spying on you or anything, but I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I think Elliot did too."

Olivia nodded and rested her hands in her lap. "Ok." That was it? Alex thought. Olivia tilted her glass and took a long swig while Alex watched. She placed the glass back down on the table and chuckled a bit as she looked at Alex. "What?"

"Nothing, I guess. I just…I didn't think you'd be mad per se, but I thought you'd be put off that we sat and listened. You're not?"

At this, Olivia rubbed her face a bit, and Alex could tell she had an exhausting day. "I don't know when you're going to learn, ADA Cabot…" she smirked at the attorney. "You're going to be my wife one day, you know that?" Alex nodded and her smile widened. "And hopefully one day very soon…..So, anything that concerns me concerns you."

Alex couldn't contain the smile that spread over her face. As much as she wanted to skip over the hard conversation and turn her attention to more lovely things such as setting a date or wedding plans, she knew this had to be addressed. She let the smile fade as she looked at Olivia's golden eyes sparkling in the low light of the restaurant. After taking another sip of her wine, she continued the conversation.

"I just…." Alex paused and took Olivia's hand. "I just want to make sure you're ok."

Olivia looked at Alex and lowered her head a bit. "You know one of the things I love about you the most?" Olivia raised her eyebrows and watched as Alex shook her head. "Is that no matter what, you're always making sure that not only am I physically ok, but you know that this job can take a mental toll too." She paused, took a drink, and winked at Alex. "I always told myself I'd never date another cop, or anyone involved in this line of work. But I have to admit, it's nice to have someone understand what I actually go through every day. Of course, some days are better than others." Alex noticed the reluctancy in her voice and watched as the emotions rolled over Olivia's face.

"Yeah." Alex didn't know what to say. Olivia seemed ok, but it also seemed like there might be more she needed to say and Alex still wasn't sure how to pull that out some days. Luckily, as she started to open her mouth to speak, Olivia continued.

"I don't know the answer, Al. And I wish I did, you know?" She paused. "I'm a child of rape. I learned to accept that at a very young age. Does it make my job harder sometimes? Absolutely. But I also have to remember that this is why I do what I do every day." Alex nodded as the waiter approached with their salads. The moment of silence seemed to give Olivia the time she needed. She took a breath and continued. "What's difficult is…if I was ever raped, I'd know exactly what I'd do." Alex nodded. "No question. But, for me, even just the thought of that creates a little bit of guilt because," Olivia cleared her throat and poked at her salad, "it's not what my mom did, you know?"

"And I know every circumstance is different, and honestly, my mom wasn't necessarily the most pro-life person in the world. I just don't think resources were as available back then. Who knows what she would have done?" Olivia could tell her line of thinking was unsettling Alex.

"I'm sorry…does that make you uncomfortable?" Olivia looked across the table to Alex as she asked this question. She watched as Alex chewed her salad and started to speak.

"No, I'm sorry," she shook her head quickly and paused. "I just…I can't imagine a world without Olivia Benson." The detective shook her head a bit as Alex continued. "We'd all be a lot worse off…at least, I know I would be."

"Alex, come on. That's not something you need to worry about." Their eyes connected and they both felt a sense of calm, as the hard part of the conversation was over. Olivia reached over and took Alex's hand, smiling at the attorney. "Long story short, you're right: it was a tough day today. But, as much as I'd like to help, I can't make those decisions for other people…All I can do is help them get through whatever it is and catch the bastard who did it. Hopefully things work out ok for Kelly, and for whatever she decides to do."

Alex smiled shyly and nodded as they both continued eating. After a few moments of silence, Olivia looked over the table and smiled at Alex. "Hey…I'm ok. Really." Alex smiled and Olivia continued, squeezing the blonde's hand. "I love you Alex. Thank you for understanding that this situation is difficult for me, but I have to try to compartmentalize, you know," she took a breath "and, I've had years of practice." She winked at Alex and the attorney smiled back.

The next few minutes went by in silence, both women eating their entrees. Alex knew she had to speak to Olivia about Donnelley's idea, but as she opened her mouth to bring up the subject, Olivia's phone rang on the desk. The detective looked at the number and didn't recognize it so knew she needed to answer. Alex listened intently to one side of the call.

"Benson…Oh….Hi…." There was some hesitation in Olivia's voice and an odd, nervous smile spread across her face. Knowing Alex was curious she elaborated a little more than she normally would on the phone. "Well, Jo Lewis from The Ledger, yes, yes you heard right." A wave of understanding rushed over Alex's face as she listened to Olivia's side of the conversation. "An interview?...Yes, I remember. Yeah, we did say that, that's true." Olivia's hand danced across the table and tapped the diamond on Alex's left ring finger then pointed back to the phone. "Well let me talk with Alex and see what we have open and I'll have her call you back, alright?" Alex was surprised but remembered specifically promising Jo Lewis that if anything huge happened, she would have the inside track. She continued listening to Olivia. "Alright, well thanks for calling. Ok. Bye."

"So, there's that." Olivia rolled her eyes and they both laughed. It was a nice break from the conversation that had over dinner. Alex knew that the potential discussion about Donnelly's news could wait. After all, it was still the work week, and they both had a few more days till the weekend—that might be a better time to approach the topic. One difficult situation at a time, Alex thought.