Chapter 30

Percy POV

The only thought going through my head as I take my first bite of calamari is that rich people food fucking sucks. I don't care what my mom might say about it being a delicacy––if I wanted to eat rubber I'd go bite a tire.

Tonight is the first night in over a week that I've left my room, and even then, I wouldn't have come if I wasn't forced to. I haven't felt much like doing anything lately. It's like a dull layer of dust has settled everything, making it seem worn and unappealing. The world just isn't as bright without her in it.

I place my fork on the table, suddenly feeling sick. And the feeling has nothing to do with the calamari.

It's been days, and I still can't stop replaying the events of that night in my head…the way Annabeth had told me that we needed to break up––that she didn't love me.

I put my head in my hands, not caring how it looks to the people around me. I just need a moment to collect myself.

It just didn't make any sense. I felt that Annabeth loved me––with every fiber of my being. I was sure of it. So why did she tell me she didn't?

I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, you good?"

I take my head out of my hands and turn to Thalia, forcing a smile. "Never better."

She just looks at me sadly. It's blatantly obvious I'm lying, but Thalia doesn't press it. I think she's too afraid that I'll retreat into my room and not come out for a week again if she does. So instead, she decides to change the topic with her usual deflectiveness.

"Jason, you should try the calamari," she says, turning away from me to face her brother, who sits across the table from us. Thalia's expression turns evil. "It's delicious."

Jason narrows his eyes at her. "I think I'll pass."

Thalia goes on to try to bode Jason into consuming squid, and I try to drain out the sound of her voice as she does. I try to drain out the sound of the room. Everything is too loud and too bright, and I begin to feel very claustrophobic, like I'm taking up too much space.

I wrap my arms around my stomach, hugging myself to try to keep myself together.

Just a little while longer.

I look around the room to distract myself.

The event space is this incredibly modern looking sub room in the colosseum with white walls and square pillars. It's darkly lit, and everyone is dressed in dark shaded cocktail attire. It looks like someone put a black and white filter over the room.

The room is occupied by dozens of small circular dinner tables, most of which are only half full since a majority of the people in the room are making their way to different tables to mingle. The room reminds me of a bee hive, its occupants buzzing about, treating the event like it's some sort of career mixer. At events like this it's acceptable to do that later in the night near the end of the dinner, after you've sat down with your family for at least a couple of hours.

Right now it's just Thalia, Jason, and me sitting at our table. My dad dipped to go talk to some of his buddies from the Marine Biodiversity Center, and Zeus is a couple of tables over, sipping champagne and regurgitating some nonsense about making sensible business investments. Most of it's probably BS, but it's not like I'd be able to tell the difference.

The only thing that's a little bit strange about tonight is that Hera isn't by Zeus's side, lightly touching his shoulder and giggling like a school girl while he talks. About halfway into dinner she got an alert on her phone and dashed off without telling anyone where she was going. That's definitely unusual for her––Hera usually cares too much about public image to leave her family looking like a divided front, but I assume that she probably had to tend to some resort related business.

Most of the other people at this event I couldn't really give a shit about, which is why Thalia, Jason, and I haven't gone off to socialize with anyone.

Even though it's pathetic as hell, if I'm being honest with myself, I think I only managed to drag myself out of my room tonight because I had a sliver of hope that Annabeth would be here. That she'd see me and pull me aside to talk and apologize, giving me some explanation about why she did what she did, telling me that she regretted it.

I probably played out the scene a million times in my head, letting it drive me to pull myself out of bed and get dressed up. I know it doesn't make any sense considering how badly Annabeth hurt me, but I don't think I would've had the strength to go out if there hadn't been some part of me that was hoping she'd be here.

But she's not.

I spotted Athena a little while back, sitting with a couple other people in her department. She looked calm and put together as usual, but for the first time, looking at her didn't make me nervous. It just made me sad.

I'm really surprised that Athena didn't make Annabeth come tonight. I know how much of a stickler she is about Annabeth attending these kinds of things, and I wonder why tonight was an exception. Maybe Annabeth just blatantly refused, knowing that she'd run into me if she came. The thought makes me feel empty inside, like someone has cleared out the contents of my body with a high power vacuum.

Thalia places her hand on my shoulder for the second time tonight, shaking me out of my daze. I look up to see her and Jason looking at me sadly, as if I'm some sort of wounded animal or something. They must've been talking to me, and I was just too out of it to hear them.

"Let's head back," Jason says, biting his lip. "The dinner's almost over, and since Hera isn't here, no one will notice if we dip out early."

I nod my head slowly, thankful.

We all begin to stand, and as I turn around to grab my jacket off the back of my chair, I don't miss the sad look Thalia shoots Jason. It makes me feel weak and mad, but there's nothing I can do about it except put on my jacket. Once it's on, Thalia wraps her arm in mine and we make our way to the door.

It's about eleven by the time we get back to our cul de sac. I don't even bother going to my own room––I just head straight for Jason and Thalia's, knowing that I'd rather have them with me right now than be alone.

Thalia decides that we should all watch a show together in the hopes that it'll get my mind of off everything, and Jason agrees almost instantly. That's the one good thing that seems to be coming out of my breakup––Jase and Thals seem to be agreeing on stuff more frequently than ever.

Thalia heads off to her room to change into more comfortable clothes before we settle down, and I head into Jason's room with him, wanting to get out of my suit and into some sweats.

"Here." Jason tosses my bag to me the moment we're through the door.

I catch it with ease and riffle through it for a minute, trying to find my sweats, before peeling off my suit. Jason gives me a hanger to hang it up with, and I'm glad to be rid of it as I slip on a pair of cozy grey sweatpants and my red lifeguard sweatshirt from work.

The moment the sweatshirt is on, however, I stop short, my heart skipping a beat.

Very slowly, I take in a deep breath, pulling my sweatshirt up to my face to inhale its scent. A chill runs down my spine.

I must be going crazier than I thought, because the sweatshirt smells exactly like Annabeth. Her scent is branded in my memory, but I breathe in again, just to make sure.

Yes. Definitely her.

The sweatshirt smells like a mix between Annabeth's natural scent and the lavender shampoo she always wears. It makes me unbelievably sad, and the emotion seems to come over me in a crushing wave.

Why would my sweatshirt smell like Annabeth? Had she ever even worn it before?

I close my eyes and hold the sweatshirt close to my face, breathing in the scent of it.

"Dude," Jason says. My eyes shoot open at the sound of his voice. Jason stands in front of me, newly changed into sweats himself, an eyebrow cocked in my direction. "What are you doing?" he asks hesitantly. "Look, I know you're going through some stuff right now Perce, but this is just a whole other level of weird."

"It smells like her," I say dryly. "I don't even think she's worn it before, and it still smells like her."

Jason's face grows deeply sad, and I try not to let his look of pity get to me. He quickly wraps his arm around me and leads me out of his bedroom. "Come on man."

Jason and I sit on the couch and begin to sift through shows as we wait for Thalia (it takes girls about a million years to get out of formal clothes). After a couple of minutes, we decide to start rewatching Shameless since it's been about a year since our last re-watch.

"Thals we're gonna start without you!" Jason teases from the couch.

"If you do I'll skin you alive!" Thalia shouts back, making me laugh. The sound of it startles me, which is just sad. You know you've really hit a low point in your life when the sound of your own happiness comes as a shocker to you.

After a minute, Thalia enters the living room. At first I don't notice it because of the spring in her step, but she has a confused look painted on her face as she walks.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

She shrugs, coming to sit on the other side of me. "Nothing really. I just can't find the key to dad's house." She shakes her head. "I could've sworn I left it in the pocket of my jacket."

"I wouldn't get too worked up," Jason pipes. "You don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to remembering where you put things."

Thalia leans across me to elbow him, and Jason immediately goes into a fit of rubbing his arm.

"That may be slightly true," Thalia says. "But I just remember putting it there so vividly." She shrugs again, taking the remote from Jason's hand. "Guess I was wrong."

Thalia leans back, opening the show, and is about to click play when something in the corner of the room catches my eye.

I grab her hand.

Thalia follows my gaze, and when her eyes land on where I'm looking, she sighs. "Oh."

In the corner, sitting tucked away, is none other than Annabeth's backpack. And I swear I'm not imagining it this time.

"Wh––why do you have that?" I stutter, trying to make my voice sound casual and uncaring. I fail.

Thalia grimaces. "I forgot about that. I was hoping you wouldn't see it. I ran into Annabeth at the library the other day, and she left her bag there. I haven't worked up the courage to bring it back to her yet."

I stare at the backpack, unmoving. "Sh––she just left it there?" I ask, my voice curt. "That's not like her. And why didn't you tell me you ran into her?"

Thalia meets Jason's eyes across my lap, and I can tell they've already had a conversation about this.

Thalia turns to me, treading lightly. It's so weird to see Thalia like this with me––gentle and skirting around things. It makes me feel like I've disturbed the laws of nature.

"I didn't want to upset you," she says.

I feel a sudden anger bubble up in me, which is unfair––she was only trying to be conscious of my feelings, but I can't help it.

"Annabeth came into the library––" Thalia continues. "She was probably looking for a book or something. She seemed pretty shocked when she saw me––I guess she forgot about my shift…" Thalia trails off and looks at Jason again, almost asking with her eyes whether she should proceed or not.

"What happened?" I press, wanting to hear. I shouldn't be this eager––it can't be healthy for me, and no doubt Thalia is thinking the same thing. But I can't help it. Any news on Annabeth is like a breath of air––even if that air happens to be toxic for me.

"I, uh...well...I kind of went off on her," Thalia says. "Hard."

This doesn't surprise me in the slightest, but I'm not sure how to feel about it. Happy that I have a cousin who's willing to jump to my defense? Upset that she's fighting my battles for me? Or on the opposite spectrum: protective of Annabeth?

Man, could that be any more pathetic…

"Then what happened?" I ask, unable to help myself.

Thalia looks to Jason again, and it takes every fiber of my being to keep myself from grabbing her and making her face me.

"It was weird…" Thalia says, her face growing a strange mix of pensive and confused. "She was...pretty upset." She looks up at me, her eyebrows drawn together. I can tell she's waiting for some sort of reaction, but I don't know that I have one to give.

Thalia leans back into the couch, pressing on. "It was like what I was saying was really hurting her, which doesn't make any sense considering all I did was chew her out for hurting you." Thalia shakes her head as she speaks, trying to reason her way through the situation. "She was like...crying...like she was the one who had just been broken up with. It was super weird." Thalia throws her hands up. "And then she just apologized and ran out."

I soak up the information like an overeager sponge, my mind desperately clinging to any information that might indicate that Annabeth still loves me. It's toxic and pathetic, but I can't help it. Emotions aren't governed by reason.

Why would Annabeth be so upset at running into Thalia like that––about hearing Thalia go on about the break up? It's not like she was the one who got dumped.

I place my head in my hands, my mind becoming a confused, jumbled mess.

This fruitless hope is almost more painful than the reality that Annabeth might not love me, and I get why Thalia didn't want to tell me about the encounter. It would've been easier to put the whole situation to rest––cut of the wounded part of me and be done with it. But I think that the both of us have too much hope for my relationship to let that happen, and now it's left me stranded in this unbearably painful limbo.

I place my hands down and lean back into the couch, determined to distract myself. "Let's get this rewatch started," I say, forcing a smile. From the looks on their faces, I can tell that Thalia and Jason don't buy that I'm taking this information with ease, but they don't press it. I think they know it's too painful for me to delve into.

Jason reaches across my lap and snatches the remote back from Thalia. "Let's get this rewatch started," he repeats, and leans back, pressing play on the remote.

I wake up in the middle of the night, my body coated in a hot sweat. I don't know what time it is, but I can tell it's super late because when I turn my head towards the window to look out over the resort, there's not a light on in sight.

I shift minimally, trying not to move around too much. At my feet, Thalia lies curled up, her head across my shins as she sleeps. Jason lies just above my head on the long part of the couch, and I'm careful to be as still as possible as I peel my blanket back, welcoming the cool air on my skin.

Despite the fact that my body feels like it's burning, I feel cold emotionally––empty. The dark room matches my mood: shadows and sharp edges. I can only tune my feelings out for so long before they come creeping back in, painfully stronger because of the build up.

I turn my head to the side, trying to get comfortable so that I can fall back asleep, but my eye catches on Annabeth's bag in the corner, and a whole new wave of pain engulfs me.

I grind my teeth hard, trying to will away my hurt, but it's no use. The hard pit in my stomach grows and grows, and pretty soon, I have silent tears falling down my face.

Annabeth's bag mocks me from the corner, but I can't seem to turn away from it. I breathe in the scent of my sweatshirt, closing my eyes.

After a while, I manage to fall back asleep. But not without tortuous thoughts of her occupying every inch of space in my mind.