His question made her belly twist in a knot and she let go of his hand. 'Is that why you're here?' she returned. 'To ask me to come back to Vegas?' The spell she was under a mere seconds ago was broken. Her gaze shifted from the beach to Grissom and she raised a brow. He avoided her pressing look and stared down to his feet. The longer he refrained from answering her, the more her breathing accelerated. All the while, she kept her gaze steadfast on him. He couldn't ask her to come back with him to the US. Not after all that had happened. What was he thinking? At last, Grissom cleared his throat and looked up. 'I'm sorry. I'm not sure what got into me. It wasn't fair asking you that question.' She shook her head. 'No, it wasn't. It really wasn't.'
The sun had set almost completely and the dark sky seemed to envelop them. Sara took out a flashlight from her bag and headed back to camp. She knew Grissom would follow her. 'Sara?' he called after her while she nearly was at the end of the beach leading into the jungle. 'Sara, please wait.' There was this clear sense of desperation in his voice that made her stop her in her tracks. She turned around to look at him while he gently grabbed her wrist. 'It's not why I'm here. I'm not here to ask you to come back home to Vegas. I mean... ' Sara shook her head ferociously and interrupted him. 'Vegas isn't home to me anymore Gil. Not like it's to you. Don't you understand? Costa Rica is my home now.' She knew she was partly telling a lie, but felt too proud to admit. Of course Vegas still was home to her in a way. Her friends were there. Gil was there. But she had tried so hard to rip herself apart from the home she felt so stuck in. Escaping the dreadful memories and emotions that had suffocated her to such an extent that it had made her burn out and left her feeling miserable. The decision to leave was the hardest decision she ever had to make, so who was he coming to find her in the middle of the jungle asking her to come back home with him?
All of these thoughts whirled around in her head, but she wasn't capable of forming full sentences with them, let alone saying them out loud. Instead, the only thing she could say was: 'I'm happy here Gil. I really am.' She hoped it was enough. That he would understand her without her having to explain it to him word for word. Even though she wasn't sure of much yet. Argh, his six-word-question had left her in complete bewilderment. Home. What was home? Where was home?
Grissom bowed his head and wiped a hand over his face. Once he looked at her again she realized that her words had hurt him. The pain in his eyes was clearly visible and didn't need an explanation. He thought that she was happy in Costa Rica, without him. He was still holding her wrist and she let her thumb slowly move over the back of his hand. 'I am glad that you're here,' she tried to remedy the situation. 'It's just that when I think of Vegas… I panic. It's like a curse word that brings back so many bad memories and emotions… The good memories which I know were there too I still can't fully grasp. I just can't… can't deal with right now.' She lifted an arm and pointed around her in the invisible darkness. 'This place, this environment makes me feel safe. It's a completely different world. I finally feel that the job I have here is contributing to something. To a better world - for the lack of a better way to put it. I need all of this right now.' She was looking for the right word. 'Peace. That's what it is. This place and this job give me peace.' She let out a deep sigh, not used to letting herself go this much.
The light of Sara's flashlight shone in the small space between them, lighting their faces up in an eerie gleam. Grissom nodded understandingly. 'You're right Sara. I can see you are happy here. I knew it from the moment I saw you taking the picture of that monkey. This is where you belong to be.' A painful silence followed. Sara glanced up at him and asked the question quickly before letting her doubts get the better of her. 'If it wasn't to ask me to come back to Vegas, why are you here?' The corners of Grissom's mouth curled up into a tentative smile. 'Because I missed you.' She heard the tremor in his voice and instinctively knew that that wasn't the whole story. He didn't travel all the way to Central America just because he missed her. Their eyes locked and she held his gaze, trying to find out the truth by looking deep into his eyes. Their connection ran so deep that they could have full conversation without uttering a single word. Usually, just by looking at each other they knew what the other one meant. But this time it was different. She couldn't ascertain the meaning of his unspoken words. She couldn't read his thoughts in his bright eyes. Still, she kept looking at him until the victory of the unintentional staring contest was hers. Grissom lowered his gaze and let go of her arm. Sara took a deep breath. 'Gil, what's wrong?'
A/N: a short chapter this time. The next ones will be much longer, promise! Please do let me know what you think of the story so far. Really appreciate your feedback.