It felt like the world crumbled underneath her feet. Of all the disaster scenarios she'd made up in her mind, this wasn't one of them. Not in the least. She had tried to protect herself from the mental blow of receiving bad news, but all of her efforts were to no avail when she'd heard Grissom say the truth. It hit her like a bombshell, straight away. Early-onset Alzheimer's.
'No.' The sound of her voice cracked when she pronounced that single-syllable word. She put her hand over her mouth in sheer terror. Tears wetted her face and she had to blink a few times in order to see properly. She knew too well what this meant. She knew too much about this horrible disease to know that there was nothing they could do. Nothing that she could do, besides helplessly watching Grissom's situation deteriorate.
'I'm so sorry. I know that this is a lot to take in,' Grissom said in a calm tone of voice. It was clear to Sara that he'd already got over the initial shock of his diagnosis. 'How long have you known?' she therefore asked. Her voice sounded shaky. 'About a month now,' he replied. Guilt written all over his face. He paused, giving Sara a short moment to digest this new fact. Then he continued to explain. 'I didn't tell anyone. Figured I needed to sort things out for myself first.'
Sara wasn't really sure how to react to this. 'And all the while you kept on working? Without telling anyone?' She asked, surprised.
Grissom shook his head. 'I told the lab I needed some time off. I didn't share any details with them.' He took a breath before continuing. 'I spent some time with my mother for the first few days and then I took Hank to the mountains. I hired a cabin near Yosemite. We stayed there for a few weeks. The outdoors helped me to think things over,' he explained. Then he raised his shoulders weakly and shied away from her worried look. 'I guess you could say I didn't deal with it very well.'
It pained Sara to think that he had to go through this all by himself for such a long time. 'Why didn't you tell me sooner?' she wanted to know. 'I could've come back. Could've helped you if you'd let me.' She almost bit her tongue when she realized what she'd just said. It was her who broke off the relationship. Grissom didn't have to share anything with her. He didn't owe her anything. They both led their own separate lives now. Yet, she couldn't help the feeling of being left out creeping up on her. Why didn't he confide in her? It was all just too much to take in. The feelings she'd fought so hard against over the past months crushed back down on her like a ton of bricks. She loved Grissom and wasn't ready to lose him. It was as simple as that.
Grissom lifted his hand and wiped away a tear that ran down Sara's cheek. His gentle touch felt like a sign to her and she wrapped her arms around him. Laid her head on his shoulder. 'I'm so sorry Gil. I'm so sorry you've to go through all of this.' She felt his arms enveloping her and they sat there, while the sound of the ocean in the background seemingly indicated that the world was absolutely fine. But it wasn't. Not to the both of them anyway.
Sara didn't know how long they sat there, holding onto each other for dear life. She wished she had the power to turn back time to do things all differently. Or, did she? It wouldn't have made a difference. Not really, anyway. Her decision to leave was thought-out and deliberate. If she would've stayed in Vegas, she wouldn't be happy. In fact, she would've felt miserable. And her unhappiness surely would've impacted the relationship she had with Grissom as well. To be fair, wasn't their relationship already on the way down during the final months of her working as a CSI? She'd always tried to push this thought far away, but after she almost got murdered by the Miniature Killer, things had changed for them. Deep inside, Sara had known it and Grissom had known it. His words had echoed in her head a million times. 'If a relationship can't move forward, it withers.'
The fact remained that Sara had found herself on a dead end road and had needed to make a drastic turn to make her life better. While she had tried desperately to hold on to the thought that their love would survive anything, all that time on sea onboard the Sea Shepherd had given her a lot of time to think things over. If she wanted to move forward, she had to let him go. That's what she told Grissom in the video and that's exactly how she felt. At the time.
The clarity she'd felt for so long had evaporated from the moment she'd seen him this morning. Now, all she wanted was to keep holding onto him and never let him go. 'I shouldn't have put you on the spot like this,' Grissom apologized.
Sara felt the warm air of his breath against her cheek. Slowly she moved her head back a little to look him in the eye. 'I'm glad you told me. I'm sorry for having made such a mess out of everything,' she now apologized. 'Maybe if we'd tried a bit longer, things would've been different.'
Grissom shook his head. 'No, you said it right in your video message. I simply didn't have the courage to say the things that needed to be said, while you were brave enough to make a clear decision.'
They both went quiet as their gazes met. Their fingers were curled together and Grissom let his thumbs slowly rub her hands. Suddenly, the corners of Sara's mouth curled up in a small smile and she wiped away a tear. 'We're terrible communicators, the two of us. No wonder we couldn't make this work.' Her attempt at lightning the mood seemed to have the desired effect as they both burst out in laughter. Once they were done laughing and both had caught their breaths, Sara asked the unavoidable question that was hanging in the air. 'What do we do now?' Grissom opened his mouth to reply, but without warning, a loud beeping noise interrupted him. 'I guess you take that call, I'm sure they're wondering where you are,' Grissom suggested dryly pointing at the satellite phone that Sara was carrying with her. Smilingly, Sara pressed the answer button and didn't wait for the person on the other end of the line to speak. 'Hey, we're still on the beach, we'll come back in…' A muffled voice on the other end interrupted her. 'Sara, so glad to hear your voice. Are you okay?' Sara replied with a confused 'yeah, why?' but Brian already continued. 'Something's happened. We need you back at camp. Now.' The former CSI immediately went into professional mode. 'Brian? What's wrong?' she asked.
Worry etched Grissom's face. He must've spotted the fear in her eyes. Sara listened to some of the details her team lead gave out while she held onto Grissom's gaze. 'Okay Brian, calm down. Stay there and try not to touch anything. We'll be right there.'
As soon as she was off the phone Grissom asked her what was wrong. 'Poachers,' she replied in shock. 'They've killed some of the animals near our camp and they kidnapped Lesley.'