Guys, this hurt. So much. How am I gonna survive the end?
The phone rings again. Dean is still crying, but it's less violent now and besides, this is the fifth call. He has to answer sometime, or Sammy will be terrified. So he picks up, voice dull.
"Sam?"
"Dean! Are you okay? What the hell, man, I've been calling and calling!"
"Yeah I'm okay," he manages. Any other time, Sam would know better. But not right now.
"Dean...they're gone. All of them. They all just vanished, all at once, we couldn't do anything at all…" Sam's voice breaks and trails off.
Dean hears this, but struggles to find words. "Sammy..." he says.
"Yeah? Dean? What happened there?" Sam abruptly switches tone.
Dean chokes on a sob, crushed again at the memory of what has happened here. But now is not the time.
"I'm at home," he says. "Billie is dead."
"Okay?" Sam sounds confused. "Dean? Are you okay? Is Cas okay?" The worry bleeds through clear and concerned.
Dean sucks in a breath. "Just, get here" he says, toneless.
"We're on our way," Sam promises, urgent. "Okay Dean? Wait for me, I'll be there."
Dean hangs up and drops the phone on the floor, staring at it dully. He puts his head back in his hands and cries again, trying to turn off his thoughts. But Castiel's words are still filling the room, whirling around the empty space like little flying daggers aimed at his soul, and he can't escape.
A space of time passes, and his phone buzzes on the floor. He nudges it and the screen lights up with a message from Sam - [an hour away]. Dean can't manage to think of what he is gonna do when they get here. Probably he should get up, clean himself up and pull himself together so that he can explain this situation coherently. Doesn't Sam deserve that? And Jack? But the thought of telling Jack strikes him with new aching pain and the tears spill over again and he does not move.
Suddenly he can hear boots echoing in the hallway. It's the cadence of Sam's steps, with another in his wake. They're back. Dean wipes a palm over his face and takes a deep breath, but he doesn't have time to stand up before Sam is rounding the doorway. He stops abruptly as he sees Dean on the floor, and holds a hand out behind him to stop Jack.
"Dean?" His words are cautious, questioning. Their eyes meet, and Sam must have some of his questions answered because he swallows hard and turns away. He murmurs something to Jack in the hallway, and then footsteps echo back down the hallway and fade into quiet. It's just Sam left.
He walks into the room gently, crouching down in front of his brother. "Hey. You hurt?"
Dean shakes his head no, but doesn't make eye contact. Sam reaches out and touches, a tentative hand on his shoulder where Castiel's handprint is still on his jacket, and Dean breaks, suddenly choking on his own sobbing breaths.
"Whoa, whoa, hey, it's okay dude. Breathe, just breathe for me, okay?" Sam grabs on with both hands and anchors him firmly against the wall at his back.
Dean sucks in a breath and then spits it right back out, knowing these words will not come easy. "He's gone. He...Billie had us cornered, and then he...he...The Empty came and took them both. Because he was happy. Oh god, he was happy." He shudders on the words, body curling in on itself as he turns his head to the side and throws up.
Sam waits until he is done and then drags his attention back. "Who was happy? Dean? Where is Cas? Come on, man, I need to know what happened."
Dean drops his head and cries again. "He's gone. He's gone. He loved me and he's gone. I didn't even get to…" The words run out abruptly and Sam is shaking him trying to get more but that's it, his brain is done. His heart is done. So Sam gives an exasperated sigh full of tight worry and then pulls him close, cradling him against his chest and just holding on.
Dean cries for a while, until there is no liquid left for tears. He clutches Sam's jacket and then lets go, gripping and releasing convulsively until Sam gently grabs his hand and holds it. It is a while more until the pain has dulled enough for Dean to speak again.
"He made a deal with The Empty. When he saved Jack. If he had a moment of true happiness, he'd die and she'd take him. To save me and kill Billie, he needed a moment of true happiness. So he told me he loved me. And then she took him and Billie." He speaks this without tone or expression, and at the end Sam's face crumples. He doesn't look. Can't look.
Sam breathes out a strangled sob and pulls Dean close again, crushing him against himself. Dean doesn't resist, just listens to the solid thud of Sam's heart and tunes everything else out.
Sam pulls away after a while, still holding Dean by the shoulders. "What about Billie?" he says. "All the people? She took them anyway?"
"Oh," Dean says dully. "It wasn't her. It was Chuck all along." He risks a look at Sam, wanting to see the fury. But Sam's face is not angry, it is full of aching empathy. Dean looks away again, and there is a moment of silence. "I didn't know," he says. "Never thought… never… never even hoped..."
Sam cups his neck. "I know, man. I know you didn't."
There isn't much else to say, but Dean still tries.
"I loved him. I didn't get to say it, I should've said it…" His tongue is thick and heavy and can't form the words right.
Sam's grip is iron-tight. "I know, man. I know that too."
Dean looks up, confused. "How…"
"We all knew." Sam looks like he has more to say, but no more words come out. Dean tears up again. And then footsteps can be heard down the hallway, heading their way. Sam swallows hard and hardens his eyes. "We gotta tell Jack," he says.
"Not…"
Sam cuts him off with a shake of his head. "No, not all of it. But Cas is gone. He has to know."
Dean nods and wipes a hand over his face, and Sam lets go with one hand to turn and face the door. When Jack comes in, arms full of something unidentifiable, he is stopped short at their expressions.
"Sam? Dean? What's...what's going on?"