Chapter 23: Start Anew
"So what you're saying," Tony starts, "is that these things you quote are called 'Vines.'" He puts up air quotes and Peter nods while sitting up straighter on the cot. "And Vines have no relation to the green, hanging foliage in jungles." Peter then promptly shakes his head. "But now Vine is 'dead?'" Tony uses air quotes again, and Peter regretfully nods.
"May it Rest In Peace." Tony raises a skeptical eyebrow, but continues nonetheless.
"So now they're on YouTube in video compilations…" He eyes Peter warily as he repeats the information.
"Pretty much! And the super good ones are fun to quote, especially when someone else knows the reference. Like if I were to say 'road work ahead' someone could say 'yeah, I sure hope it does!'" Peter smiles widely in anticipation, but Tony just stares at him.
"I'm…concerned about what you find funny, kid."
"Awe c'mon! That's a great one! Hold on, I'll pull up the video." Peter reaches for his phone on the bedside table, but Tony interrupts him.
"Hold on, I still don't understand the difference between Vines and Me Me's. Then there's all those weird words you kids seem to use. Why can't you all just use one of the tens of thousands of words already in the English Dictionary?" Tony questions with exasperation. They've been going over all this stuff for the last half hour and Tony still doesn't get it.
"No no no, they're called memes, Mr. Stark. You don't pronounce the second 'e,'" Peter corrects. Tony crosses his arms and leans back slightly in his plastic chair.
"Okay, fine. Do enlighten me on what memes are," he copies Peter's tone and pronunciation. Peter's face instantly lights up and he grabs his phone.
"Most of the good memes come from Twitter, but sometimes there's some from Tumblr and Facebook, too." Tony suddenly snaps his fingers in recognition.
"Facebook! I know that one," he proudly admits. Peter stares at Tony for a few moments before looking back down at his phone. "What? Is Facebook not lit enough for you, fam?" Peter slowly looks back up at him.
"Mr. Stark, please stop. I'm begging you," he pleads.
"Chillax, Pete. No need to get triggered about it." Tony is doing it on purpose now. He wants me to suffer, Peter comes to the conclusion.
"Oh my god, this is how I die," he groans and lies back on the cot.
"Not on my watch, Underoos."
"I just wanted to show you funny Vines, maybe update you on some memes. Make your boring, old, billionaire life a little brighter with yeet and fr e sh a voca do. I don't deserve this," Peter preaches with his arm over his face. "You're so out of date that it hurts." Tony scoffs and crosses his arms.
"What are you talking about? I'm hip." He pops the "p" and has the audacity to smirk, knowing how much it's destroying Peter's soul.
"Nope! Y'know what? I'm just gonna keep referencing Vines and if you don't understand them, I hope you think back to this moment. I tried to help you." Peter purses his lips and raises his eyebrows before turning his attention back to his phone.
"Sheesh, what a pouter," Tony chuckles. A comfortable silence envelops them and he scrolls through his Stark Phone as Peter stares through his cracked screen. With as quiet as it is, Peter can't help but start to think over the past twenty-four hours in his head. He got punched in the face then got slipped alcohol which could have killed him, but surprisingly that's not what sticks out. What pulls at his attention is the memory of Tony's phone call.
"Um, Mr. Stark?" he finds himself saying out loud.
"Yeah, kid?" Tony responds without looking up from his phone.
"Can I ask you a question?" Peter asks nervously as he scratches neck. Tony shifts his eyes and lifts his hand to slowly guide Peter's hand away from scratching the hives.
"Of course. Shoot," he encourages.
"The phone call you got…it was about the Accords again, wasn't it." It comes out as more of a statement than a question, but Tony stiffly nods nonetheless. His grip has tightened on his phone and his eye contact is unwavering. "Is…is everything gonna be okay?" Peter carefully asks in hopes of not agitating him. Tony takes a steadying breath and nods again.
"Yeah. Don't worry, I've got it handled. People can just be frustrating sometimes. Nothing for you to fret over." He pats Peter's shoulder, who nods.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Peter asks. Anything that Spider-Man can do? remains unspoken.
"Trust me, kid, even if you could help, I wouldn't want you anywhere near the Sokovia Accords." Tony runs a hand through his hair.
"Or Secretary Ross?" Peter suggests. Tony freezes, but then slowly nods.
"Yeah. Or Secretary Ross." His voice is tight and he stares at his lap. Different questions race through Peter's mind, but he doesn't know if he's allowed to ask any of them. Instead, he keeps his eyes trained on his hands as he holds back the words from leaking out of his mouth. "The only person that rivals you in overthinking is Bruce," Tony jokes lightly. A small smile tugs at Peter's lips.
"Yeah, I'm working on it."
"If you have a question, ask it," Tony prompts nonchalantly. Peter looks up from his hands, seeing nothing but candor in Tony's eyes.
"Does Spider-Man have to sign the Accords…?" Peter asks anxiously. He really doesn't want to have to sign something that will restrict him from being able to help people. Tony sighs and rubs his forehead with his thumb.
"Not if I can help it, that's for damn sure. You aren't officially an Avenger so I'm hoping they'll keep you out of it entirely." For the first time since Homecoming, Peter is actually glad he turned down the offer to join the Avengers. If he had to sign the Accords and someone got hurt because the government didn't allow him to help…he'd never forgive himself. "Enough of the boring stuff. You still haven't told me what yeet means." Peter can't help but laugh at Tony's overdramatic pronunciation.
"Oh, right!" Peter searches up the video on YouTube and hands his phone to Tony. Tony angles the phone, but ends up narrowing his eyes.
"How can you even see anything on the screen with all the cracks? That's it, as soon as we get you out of here, you're getting a Stark Phone," he says with no room left for argument, even though it's Peter's first instinct to. Regardless, Tony presses play on the video and Peter can slightly see the screen as the kid starts dancing. Peter can't help but smile and tries to hold back his laughing.
Yah, yah, yeet, yah, yah, yah, yah, yeet, yah!
Tony raises his eyebrow at it, then hands the phone back to Peter.
"I don't get it. You find that funny?" Tony almost looks concerned at Peter's choice of humor.
"It's a classic, Mr. Stark!" Peter defends with a wide smile.
"Sure," Tony says, utterly unconvinced. "I think I'd rather just stay in the dark. Make all the references you want." Peter smirks, Oh he's going to regret that so fast and I'm going to have way too much fun with it.
"You say that now. Just wait 'till I start saying 'I smell like beef' and then you'll really wanna know." Tony stands up and straightens out his suit. It's wrinkled from how long he's been sitting.
"Nope, can't say that I do. I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee, you want anything? Preferably without caffeine," he warns, hinting that Peter doesn't even get the option.
"Hey! I can handle caffeine!" Peter crosses his arms confidently over his chest.
"After the way you reacted one sip of diluted beer? No way in hell am I letting you drink anything besides water and juice. Your aunt would kill me. So, juice or water?" Peter huffs, but gives in with a pout.
"Apple juice," he mutters, lowering his head. Tony simply smirks triumphantly before walking out the door. Peter considers taking his brief moment of free time to text Ned and MJ, since the last time they saw him was when he looked like he was dying.
Our Dysfunctional Family
12:52 am
Peter: hey guys, just letting you know im okay. Mr. Stark is getting me something to drink so i thought id give a quick update. Dr. Cho hasnt gotten back to us yet about a diagnosis, but i have some hives so maybe it was an allergic reaction? maybe? we'll find out soon i guess. may's coming when she gets off her shift but idk when thatll be. sorry for bailing on you guys
Ned: IM SO GLAD YOURE OKAY I WAS SO WORRIED
MJ: He's been pacing nonstop and trying not to cry.
Ned: I HAVE NOT
Ned: okay maybe i have
MJ: How are you feeling? Aren't you supposed to be immune to everything?
MJ: Not that it gives you a valid excuse to poison your liver.
Peter: im actually feeling pretty normal
Peter: just a bit hungry
Ned: wait wait wait
Ned: how did we just gloss over the fact that TONY STARK IS GETTING YOU JUICE?
Peter: yeeeeeaaah but hes getting himself coffee too and im waiting on may
MJ: You're such a fanboy, Leeds.
Ned: hes a genius AND a superhero AND my best friend's mentor-dad-boss
Ned: how can i not nerd out?
Peter: where the hell did you get "dad" from?
Ned: oh peter
Ned: poor blind peter
Peter: oh my god ned you're reading too much into it
Peter: right MJ?
MJ: Well, he did go out of his way to come pick you up when you got yourself in trouble.
MJ: And he came in the Iron Man suit when he could have just driven.
MJ: You tell me, Parker.
Peter: i dont like you guys
Peter: i want new best friends
Ned: you love us and you know we're right
Peter: wait werent a whole bunch of people recording what happened
Peter: please tell me no one posted any videos and we arent on twitter's trending page
Ned: actually i havent seen anything
MJ: Surprisingly, it's been quiet. There's nothing relating to your incident.
Ned: yeah lucky for you #Irondad isnt trending
MJ: That's catchy.
Peter: no its not dont encourage him
Ned: youre just jealous cause i came up with it first peter
MJ: Somehow I highly doubt that.
"Hey Pete, look who I ran into on my way back." Peter looks up from his phone at the sudden voice just in time to see May rush past Tony. She's at Peter's bedside engulfing him in a bone-crushing hug before he can even blink.
"Are you alright?! I'm so so so sorry I wasn't there for you. I got the call from Tony and then I couldn't get anyone to take my shift and I was so worried!" May quickly pulls back and puts both of her hands on Peter's cheeks to look over his face. She's still in her scrubs from her shift at the ER. "How do you feel? Are you comfortable? You never get to go to another stupid high school party ever again, you hear me? I don't want you near any of those, those delinquents who think poisoning a sixteen year old is funny! They could've killed you and I was at something as insignificant as work when you-"
"May!" Peter cuts off her nervous rambling. She stops, staring at him with panic stricken eyes and breathing heavy. Peter gives his aunt a genuine smile. "I'm perfectly okay. I promise. Mr. Stark's got, like, everything under control." She narrows her eyes skeptically, then turns her glare to Tony, who instantly raises his hands in defense.
"You cancelled on him," she reminds in a dangerously low tone. Oh yeah, that whole thing happened… At least she doesn't know that he yelled at me too, Peter silently thanks.
"And I apologized profusely," Tony answers honestly. May looks back to Peter as if asking for confirmation. Peter immediately nods multiple times in hopes that it helps her to forgive him.
"Then what in the hell possessed you to cancel on a kid that looks up to you more than anyone else on the planet? Hm? You crushed him," May demands. Tony tightly clasps his hands together.
"May, stop. It's okay, really," Peter reassures, even though he's slightly curious too. Before he snapped at Peter, he said that he had a nightmare…
"No, it's not okay. I want an answer." May's voice is stern and commanding, leaving no room for either of them to argue. Tony clears his throat and looks to the corner of the room, avoiding all possible eye contact.
"I may or may not have had…an unfavorable, fictitious experience involving Peter the night before," he recounts nonchalantly. Wait… May's anger disappears as she brings her eyebrows together in confusion.
"You had a nightmare about Peter?" she rephrases bluntly. Tony nods, still averting his eyes.
"I couldn't stop thinking about it and I knew it'd get worse if I saw him in person. So…I opted out." He presses his lips together. It was about me? Peter tries to take in the new information. Something resembling understanding makes its way onto May's face. She chuckles and shakes her head slightly.
"I get those all the time." Tony and Peter both snap their heads towards her and say in unison,
"What?" May smirks to each of them.
"You heard me. It happens when you care about your kid, especially when this one in particular puts his life on the line every other day. I try not to think about it, but nightmares happen. All you can do is make sure that you keep an eye on him. We can't protect him from everything, even though I'm pretty sure we both want to put him in a plastic bubble to keep him safe," she teases. Peter is pretty sure her words hold a good amount of sincerity, though. Tony chuckles with a slight smile.
"Believe me, I tried to add that as a feature to the suit. Didn't pan out," he admits.
"Excuse me?" Peter squeaks. "You were planning something else along with every other safety protocol known to man that you have installed in my suit?! How is that even possible?! What else could you fit in there?!" Tony simply shrugs.
"Better safe than sorry. Bubble wrap comes in handy." Tony shrugs. This is unbelievable. May only laughs and roughs up Peter's hair as he pouts.
"I guess I should be thanking you then," she proposes, raising an eyebrow at Tony.
"That's not necessary. I prefer to avoid any mushy, sentimental stuff." Tony waves off the idea.
"That's because you're emotionally constipated," Peter points out with a knowing smile. Emotions and Mr. Stark mix as well as oil and water.
"And you're obnoxious," Tony grumbles halfheartedly with an eye roll.
"You sure you're feeling okay? Not too warm?" May turns her attention back to Peter and places her cheek on his forehead to feel his temperature. Tony updated her on everything that happened, so she's very aware of Peter's previous high-grade fever.
"I heal fast, remember?" Peter assures. Maybe I can actually start to get back at Mr. Stark… "Besides, I've got the power of God and anime on my side!" May laughs, but Tony stares at Peter in pure confusion. Peter doesn't think he has ever seen Tony so confused, which makes it so much more satisfying.
"What…" Tony asks, utterly lost.
"Don't worry, it's just a Vine reference," May informs him. Peter smirks at Tony triumphantly, who narrows his eyes.
"Really? You're gonna start this now? You sure you wanna do that?" Tony challenges.
"In this world, Mr. Stark, it's either yeet…or be yeeted," Peter responds as seriously as possible without emotion.
"You better watch your scrawny, prepubescent ass before I find a new intern," Tony warns. May holds back a laugh at Tony's unrealistic threat.
"I'm not prepubescent!" Peter defends while trying to keep his voice low and even. He'd never get rid of me and he knows it.
"Whatever floats your boat, kid."
"Okay, knock it off you two," May cuts in. "And you be nice to my kid or we're gonna have issues." She points a finger at Tony with a smile, but Peter knows better than to think she's only joking. Tony knows that too. He crosses his heart, which seems to satisfy May. Before they can keep talking, there's a knock at the door.
"Good very early morning, you three," Dr. Cho greets as she walks in. Out of curiosity, Peter glances to his phone to see that it's 1:16 am.
"Hi, I'm May Parker, Peter's aunt." May and Dr. Cho shake hands.
"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Parker. I have updates on Peter, all good things too." May seems to let out a relieved breath and closes her eyes to compose herself.
"Cool, let's hear it," Tony prompts.
"Well, for starters, it wasn't poison or anaphylaxis. You have what's known as alcohol intolerance," Dr. Cho starats. Peter narrows his eyes in confusion at the diagnosis.
"So, my body just rejected the alcohol? That's it?" Seems a bit anticlimactic.
"It's common, yes, but that doesn't make it any less dangerous. People have gone into cardiac arrest from alcohol intolerance, so I'd count your blessings we got to you quick." Dr. Cho smiles, and Peter relaxes a bit to mirror it. "Alcohol intolerance is usually caused when your body can't break down the complex sugars. In your case, your body is hypersensitive to any foreign substance from entering your body. Your enhanced immune system, which has kept you from contracting infections and diseases, went into overdrive trying to get the alcohol out of your system. Alcohol is poisonous to the human body, so as soon as it got into your system it was immediately rejected. Your throat closed up to prevent anymore from getting in and your skin flushed pink because it caused vasodilation, which are enlarged blood vessels in layman's terms. Good news is that it won't bother you as long as you don't drink alcohol. Bad news is that your college years are going to be a lot less experimental now. But I'm sure your aunt still sees that as a positive." May nods gratefully, taking another deep breath.
"Stupid radioactive spider," Peter mutters and crosses his arms in defeat. It's not like he was looking too forward to drinking alcohol, but he was curious and now he doesn't even get the option.
"I guess being a crime-fighting Spider-Kid does have its drawbacks, hm?" Tony chastises with a smirk.
"Spider- Man," Peter corrects.
"Not that this isn't precious," Dr. Cho cuts in with a monotone voice, "but I have other patients to get to. You might have a lingering headache for a few hours, but nothing some rest can't fix. Besides that, he's good to go. It was nice seeing you, Peter, but next time I see you I'd rather have you not be a patient. Alright?" She smiles genuinely.
"Can't disagree with you there. Thanks, Dr. Cho," Tony agrees with a wave. With that, Dr. Cho leaves the room. May stretches out her arms as she stands up straighter.
"Alright, monster. You've caused enough issues for one night. Time to go." She pats Peter's shoulder affectionately, but Peter couldn't agree with her more. Sitting at home relaxing and sleeping in his own bed sounds like the best thing he has ever heard.
"Actually, you mind if he sticks around? I've got some things to make up to him," Tony suggests nonchalantly. May eyes him carefully, no doubt wanting to outright deny him. Instead, she nods patiently.
"You know, that's a great idea, Tony!" she agrees, overly enthused. Peter is instantly wary. Oh no, this is a bad sign. Tony senses it too.
"It is?" he asks cautiously.
"Absolutely! Since it's officially the weekend, you can make it up to him for the next two days," May practically orders. Peter knew there was a catch. Tony's eyes widen and he immediately tries to backtrack.
"That's not what I-"
"Sure it is! I'm sure Tony has plenty of clothes and food to spare. You boys have fun, try not to burn New York to the ground, and I'll see you Monday." May presses a kiss to the top of Peter's head and gives Tony a look that Peter has been on the receiving end of too many times to count. It's usually a look he gets when May tells him to pull his shit together.
"Yeah, lots of fun," Tony agrees warily runs a hand over his face. May smiles as if she has just won an extensive argument.
"Good. Don't stay up too much later." May runs a hand through Peter's hair to fix it before walking out the door. The power May has is unreal…
"Let's blow this popsicle stand, Underoos. We'll get some food in you and then ship you off to dreamland. Chop chop." Tony snaps his fingers and slips his iconic, color tinted sunglasses back on. Why does he need to wear them inside? Peter wonders.
"But I'm not ready to sleep," he grumbles as he jumps off the cot. He gracefully lands on his feet, but Tony rubs his forehead.
"Can you at least take it easy after tonight? Jesus, you're gonna give me a heart attack." Peter shrugs his shoulders before walking to the door.
"I feel pretty good, actually. I'm not even tired." Do I want to relax? Yes. Would I rather sleep when I could be hanging out in Stark Tower? Not on your life.
"Just because your aunt isn't here doesn't mean you get to break the rules. You're gonna eat your chicken nuggets and drink all your milk then sleep whether you like it or not," Tony tries to sound stern as he lets Peter get into the elevator first, before entering himself. Peter looks up at him with an amused smile.
"Do you think that teenagers survive on just pizza and chicken nuggets?" Tony really knows nothing about kids and Peter finds it fantastic. Tony clasps his hands in front of him.
"I think teenagers survive on just sass. You'll eat your damn dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and you'll like it." Peter can't argue with that logic. The elevator doors open and Tony walks out with his head held high.
"Well look who it is." Peter perks up at the voice. Hey, I know that voice!
"Ms. Potts!" He peeks out from behind Tony and waves to her. She smiles sweetly and waves a small wave back. She's leaning against the pristine kitchen counter, with a magazine in her hands, in surprisingly casual clothes. Well, it is after 1 am. Wait, why's she even awake?
"Hello, darling," Tony greets with forced sweetness. "I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow morning."
"My flight got in early. I expected you to be awake, but I didn't expect you to be making Peter stay up so late. Everything okay?" Pepper eyes him carefully, but she doesn't seem mad. Peter really hopes that they worked everything out.
"It's…kind of a long story," Peter saves Tony from having to answer and chuckles sheepishly.
"And the kid's tired and hungry, so we're gonna get working on that." Tony pats Peter's shoulder before walking past her into the kitchen.
"I said I'm not tired, Mr. Stark," Peter quickly counters. "How was your…trip, Ms. Potts?" The goal is to not be awkward.
"Nothing exciting, just business." Pepper smiles warmly, reminding Peter of May. "How are you doing, though?"
"I'm actually pretty good, thanks." Peter smiles back. Tony scoffs as he opens the freezer door. Pepper looks back at him curiously, then shakes her head at him. "Y'know, I can do that myself, Mr. Stark. You don't have to make me anything." Peter hates making Tony babysit him when he's a fully capable sixteen year old.
"Nope, I got it, kid." Tony pulls out a bag of frozen dino shaped chicken nuggets and proceeds to dump the entire bag onto a large plate. Pepper and Peter slowly look back to each other.
"Speaking of business," Pepper starts, "did you finish the paperwork I asked you to fill out?"
"No," Tony answers blatantly while putting the dozens of nuggs in the microwave.
"Really, Tony? I gave you one thing to do while I was gone and you still don't do it?" Pepper turns towards him in exasperation.
"I was a bit busy, sweetums." Tony easily brushes her off. Peter smiles slyly and takes the opportunity when he sees it.
"You had one job, Mr. Stark. This is why we can't have nice things." Both of them look to Peter. Tony is confused, but Pepper has a smile on her face.
"I'm Tony Stark? I can have all the nice things I want." Poor guy doesn't get any references.
"You're so out of date," Peter says with a sigh, shaking his head.
"Yeah, Tony. Even I understood that one," Pepper eggs on. Peter has to press his lips together to keep from laughing.
"No. No. You two do not get to team up against me. I'll ground you both," Tony threatens, but Pepper openly laughs.
"You think you can ground me? Try again," she challenges. Tony raises an eyebrow at her challenge, then smirks.
"Hey, kid. Y'know how I said I'd make things up to you? How 'bout you and me go on a trip? Say…Tahiti? I'm sure you'd love to see all the women on the beach in super thin-" Pepper smacks Tony with her magazine before he can finish.
"You better watch it, Anthony!" she scolds with a wide smile on her face.
"Oh look! Pep says no such luck, kid. Big surprise." Tony slings his arm around Pepper's shoulders as she playfully rolls her eyes. Peter can't help but smile at their antics. It's good to see them happy again. Then an idea pops into his head.
"How about you make it up to me in a different way?" Tony raises a curious eyebrow.
"Such as…?" he prompts.
"I've always wanted to ride a segway," Peter offers with a smile. Tony chuckles and nods slightly.
"I'm sure we could make that work."
"And I wanna try learning sign language." This earns Peter confused looks from both of them.
"Sign language? How come?" Pepper questions.
"Well, when I fought Mysterio a few days ago, there was a deaf girl and I felt bad that I couldn't sign to her. I wanna learn in case something like that happens again," Peter answers honestly, accompanied by a nonchalant shrug. Pepper slowly smiles at his admission.
"That's a really sweet reason, Peter," she praises. "We'll make it a deal on one condition. You call me Pepper instead of Ms. Potts," she offers. Peter can't hold back his wide smile.
"Sounds good to me, Pepper!" It already feels weird calling her that, but he'll get used to it eventually.
"Couple that deal with a more regular training regimen too. You're not getting out of training that easily," Tony adds while turning his attention back to the microwave.
"That's fair," Peter agrees with another shrug.
"Now you're gonna eat all these chicken nuggets and then you're gonna sleep. I apparently have to go fill out some obligatory papers," Tony grumbles as he sets the plate down in front of Peter.
"Go get that bread, Mr. Stark!" Peter encourages with an innocent smile.
"I'm literally begging you to stop." Tony rubs his forehead with his thumb. Pepper laughs at them, making Peter feel even more victorious. "You're both traitors," Tony huffs before leaving in the elevator.
"I have to go make sure he signs the right things. Otherwise he might end up signing away who knows what. Are going to be okay by yourself?" Pepper double checks. Peter nods, thinking that this is where he can start putting his master plan into motion…
"Yep! No worries, Pepper." Peter smiles reassuringly, and Pepper returns it before leaving in the elevator too. "Hey, F.R.I.D.A.Y.?" He pops a chicken nugget in his mouth.
"Yes, Peter?" she responds immediately. A devious smile spreads across his face.
"Do you happen to know any Vines?"