Disclaimer: Not the Rowling.

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NOTES:

There's something about how Veela are treated in fanfiction that has always bugged me. So, this.

(No relation to robst's story of the same name.)

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CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS

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‹I wonder if it's always this exciting around Harry,› thought Luna Lovegood as she took in the scene in the room. ‹It's certainly not how I thought my second year of school would go.›

The summer had been interesting. She had reconnected with her best friend Ginevra after their less-than-ideal first-year experiences. Ginevra's possession by the evil diary had put her into a very vulnerable state, but Luna did her best to help her friend through it, and Ginevra gave her friend some much-needed approval and sense of purpose. Then came the news that Sirius Black had escaped from Azkaban, which had all the adults running around frightened for their children's lives. Luna had thought it silly at the time, but now that she knew the full story...

When she found Harry Potter and his friends on the Hogwarts Express, she asked for an interview, hoping to find out if Black was indeed Stubby Boardman in disguise. The truth, that Harry had already met Black, and found out that he hadn't betrayed Harry's parents; that it was Ronald's now-absent rat who had done so — well, that was far more interesting news. So Luna wrote up the whole story, sent it back to her father (with help from Harry's beautiful owl Hedwig) before the train reached Hogsmeade, and the Quibbler had its special edition out in time to be delivered as the start-of-term feast ended.

But then Harry and his two closest friends were called to the Headmaster's office. They had left hoping that Dumbledore would help them prove his godfather's innocence. However, when they came back they were all completely surrounded by Wrackspurts, and had forgotten everything about the situation.

Luna had sprung into action. With help from Ginevra and Neville Longbottom, she contacted her father and Sirius, and arranged for all of them to be smuggled out of Hogwarts and across the Channel to France. Sirius was given political asylum, and the six children were happily accepted as new students of Beauxbatons.

Which led them to the here-and-now...

Ginevra and Neville in the infirmary being treated: she for horrific burns down the side of her face and one arm; he for the broken arm and cuts received trying to defend Ginevra.

Harry, barely visible behind a dense cloud of Wrackspurts and a pair of wings, sitting catatonic on the lap of the Veela girl who was even now crooning to him about how he was her perfect mate, and declaring to the room at large all the rather adult things she intended to do with him as soon as they had some privacy.

Ronald, staring at Harry with an odd combination of sympathy and jealousy, for once keeping his foot out of his mouth by the simple trick of not opening the latter.

And Hermione, one claw-marked cheek still bleeding slightly, facing up to Madame Maxime and one of her prefects...

"She assaulted us! The one student you thought most suited to take care of us, and she tried to kill us! And judging from what she's saying, she intends to rape Harry as soon as she gets him alone! What are you going to do about it?"

Madame Maxine gave a Gallic shrug, but any verbal response was pre-empted by her prefect. "Don't be stupid," she said, rolling her eyes at Hermione, "girls can't rape boys. And any boy would be more than glad to have her attentions."

"Ferme ta gueule, crétine," spat Hermione, showing a fine command of the sort of language that she would normally chastise others for. "Can't you see Harry's scared out of his wits?"

The prefect smirked. "Ah, then perhaps he is la tante, no? Or maybe l'eunuque?"

Exasperated, Hermione chose to respond by balling up her fist and slamming it into the prefect's jaw.

"Enough!" said Madame Maxine, grasping her prefect's arm before she could retaliate in kind. "Miss Granger, that will be one week's detention for striking a fellow student."

‹She really isn't used to being chastised,› thought Luna, seeing tears spring up in Hermione's eyes. ‹Ah well, here goes...›

"Hmmm... I suppose that means we won't be seeing Mlle Delacour for at least four weeks?" said Luna in her best 'dreamy' voice.

"What do you mean, child?" said the Headmistress.

"Well, she hurt four of us, quite badly in Ginevra's case. And you still haven't made her give Harry back."

Madame Maxine sighed. "But Fleur is a Veela. Her instincts, to find her mate and defend him; they are so strong... She would not have hurt your friends if they had not tried to intervene. It would not be fair to punish her, nor to take her mate away from her."

"Ah," said Luna in the same dreamy tones. "That's a shame. Hopefully someone from your Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures (or whatever it's called here) will get here before she hurts Harry too much."

"WHAT?" said the Headmistress, outraged. "Do you think I would allow someone to put her down, like une bête — like some animal?"

"Well," said Luna, still dreamily, "she's either a thinking person, who should be punished for acting like an animal, or she's a dangerous animal, who should be disposed of before she hurts someone else."

Then her eyes and tone hardened. "Pick one."

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Personally, I believe that Fleur is a very civilised and self-possessed person who would never fall victim to overdriven hormones in such a way, but some fanfic authors seem to love having her act in ways that would see any other character arrested. (Or executed.)