"Amelia, I'm finally able to reach you. How are you?"
Amelia couldn't help but smile as she held her cell phone to her ear. "I'm great. Surprised – to hear from you. How are you?" Her question was deep and sincere.
"I'm fine, thank you for asking," came the brief answer, moving on to more important matters. "But I have to admit I am a bit concerned about you."
Amelia could only try to guess what the concern was over, and was not sure whether she should be worried or offended. "How so?"
The voice on the line was gentle and calm.
"I still subscribe to The Banner. I don't want to accuse you of anything underhanded, Amelia – I think more of you than that. But every time I read the Llanview news I have this sinking feeling in my gut, and with each paper it gets worse. Are you really going to marry Dorian Lord?"
As Dorian approached the sitting room with her drink in hand, her mind was still distracted by her conversation with Blair and she didn't hear Amelia talking until she was to the door. It sounded like Amelia was speaking to someone on her cell phone – Dorian could only hear one half of the conversation. She paused against the outside wall to listen to what Amelia had to say.
Amelia was flattered by the concern of her friend on the line and somehow glad that someone was questioning her actions. It was a relief, in a way. At the same time, she felt defensive.
"Yes, I am. Do you have a problem with that?" Dorian heard Amelia ask. Amelia's voice sounded concerned, but heated. Dorian wondered what she was discussing.
"Only one, Amelia. Dorian is not gay."
There was a noticeable pause in the conversation that lingered in silence. Dorian tried not to move.
Amelia felt pressured to respond. Her friend - her former mentor - Carla, was right, of course.
"What makes you think that? Do you know Dorian?"
Upon hearing specific mention of her own name, Dorian's interest in the conversation was truly piqued. She inched closer to the open doors to the room, trying not to make a sound. She looked down at her drink as she waited for Amelia to speak again.
"Well, I admit I haven't crossed paths with Dorian for quite some time, but as I recall, she has always been interested in men. Now, Amelia, I'm not calling so that you can practice for the media on me. I want you to be honest with me, and if you can't be, I'm going to hang this phone up and stop wasting my time. What is going on?"
Amelia shook her head as she attempted to be more amused than insulted. "Dorian and I are standing up for equal rights for all people. We believe that everyone has the right to marry the person that they love, regardless of race, class, or gender…."
A part of Dorian wanted to roll her eyes, but another part of her was proud of Amelia's statement. She realized her mixed emotions about their stance and situation stemmed, at least in part, from the speech she'd just heard from Blair.
"I have to stop you. See, I read all that in the paper. My concern is the line about having the 'right' to marry the person that you love. You understand my concern?"
Amelia furrowed her eyebrows. "Not exactly, no."
As Amelia spoke again, Dorian wondered what question had been asked. She looked at her drink again, and she felt a bit anxious, but didn't move. There was another endless pause as Amelia listened to the person on the other end of the call.
"The whole point of marriage is for two people who love each other to commit their lives to one another – not to prove a point. I don't know if you love Dorian or not, but if she doesn't love you – if either of you is entering this marriage falsely, then you are automatically undermining everything you're trying to accomplish. And I may be slightly out of touch, but I know enough about both of you to know that you are two people who sometimes stack the blocks too high. Your ambition can't be faulted. I just don't want to see it all crashing down around you."
Amelia frowned. How could she respect and appreciate a person so much and feel so hurt and mad at them at the same time?
"How am I stacking the blocks too high?" she demanded. "This is a wonderful opportunity to finally draw some attention to the beauty of gay marriage and make something happen for my community. Dorian is with me on this. If there was any doubt in my mind, I would have already started backing off."
To Dorian, Amelia certainly seemed unhappy with whatever had been said. She had an urge to drop her drink and rush into the room to interrupt. Yes, maybe they were stacking the blocks too high. She could comprehend the comparison – envision a wobbling tower just before it toppled. Amelia might not doubt Dorian, but Dorian had her doubts, for sure. She sighed as she thought of Sam's crayons – preventing herself from barging into the room and ending the charade that very moment.
Somehow, she just couldn't, and now she was starting to comprehend how much faith Amelia (and perhaps the whole LGBT community) was putting in her. It was a heavy burden, and Dorian had always believed she could carry the burdens others were not capable of carrying.
"You still haven't said anything about love, or given me any evidence that Dorian really is 'with you' on this. Amelia, I don't mean to sound harsh or doubt your sincerity, but please – tell me you are going to figure a way to ease yourself out of this before you're sued or worse. If your most publicized campaign is based on a fraud, your whole career is going to be destroyed, and you're much too young for that."
Amelia took a deep breath. "Listen, I believe in this. Like I've never believed in anything before. For the first time, I feel like I'm able to really make a difference – really contribute something meaningful to the world. I feel important. I'm where I am supposed to be. Dorian is the biggest part of that. I need her to help make this change, and she needs me to get elected. Please, support us – support me – on this."
Dorian would have smiled to herself, flattered, if her misgivings had not outweighed how pleased she was that Amelia felt she was helping to change the world. It was a dizzying thought. What if they could, in fact, change the world? What if they became a major part of American history for taking this stand? On the other hand, what if it was the biggest embarrassment of Dorian's life? She lifted her drink to her lips as she continued to listen to the silence in the other room, waiting for Amelia to speak again.
"I have no doubt that both of you have this all justified in your minds." Carla sighed. "I guess you've answered all my questions and confirmed my doubts – and it seems there is nothing I can do to convince you that the whole situation is very disconcerting to me. Apparently there is nothing more I can say. I admire your passion and determination. If there is no way I can convince you to rethink this, then at least take this one piece of advice and follow through with it: Have good legal representation. And I don't mean Dorian's legal team. Find your own."
Amelia held her breath for a moment, a dull ache in her chest. "I appreciate your concern, and that's not a line. I really do. But I have to play hardball – someone has to play hardball – or things will never change. As far as my relationship with Dorian goes, my choices for my personal life are just that – my choices."
Dorian lowered her drink as she tried to read between the lines. She admired Amelia's initiative, but obviously whomever Amelia was talking to was someone close enough to her that they felt comfortable telling her that they didn't approve of her so-called relationship, but not close enough to know the entirety of what was going on. At first she wondered if it was an ex-lover, but somehow Amelia sounded more like a daughter talking to her mother.
Dorian wondered. It couldn't be Nick. Dorian was pretty sure Nick knew everything there was to know about the situation.
"But it isn't your personal life, Amelia," came the soft but decisive answer. "This is your public – very public – and professional life. I know this could propel your career, but like I said, it could also destroy it just as easily."
"Please, stop being so negative. Do you have a personal problem with Dorian or something?"
Dorian's head jerked toward the double doors. Did the person that Amelia was talking to know her? That possibility in itself was another cause for worry.
"I just worry that you put too much faith in her. My problem isn't with Dorian, per se, but the fact that she is influencing your entire life right now."
"When other people aren't?" Amelia accused.
Dorian twitched on the inside in response to Amelia's tone. She felt a bit guilty for eavesdropping, but not guilty enough to regret it or stop.
Carla discerned what Amelia had implied. "I don't want you to be hurt. I couldn't be the person you needed. If Dorian can be, then blessings to both of you."
Amelia remained silent, recognizing the wisdom in the words spoken and the truth of her situation.
During the pause, Dorian gritted her teeth in frustration. Listening to this conversation – not knowing what it was all about – was driving her up the wall. In her mind, she started plotting the things she could say to Amelia to pull the details from her without divulging that she had been eavesdropping.
When Amelia said nothing, Carla spoke up again.
"I would be so happy for you … if you could find a real, lasting, meaningful relationship with someone you love, and who loves you in return – the way you need to be loved."
Amelia was quiet for a very long time. Dorian grew uneasy about the silence and peeked around the corner.
Amelia was sitting on the couch with her back to the foyer doors. She was still holding the phone to her ear, still listening, motionless.
A hundred responses raced through Amelia's mind – some of them sad, some angry, some grateful. She wanted to defend herself – to prove she was no longer the girl her mentor had known – but those were the words she could not find.
"Find a way … to do this the right way. Don't ever try to be someone that you aren't, and don't ask someone else to play that role either. The longer you try to attain those expectations, the harder it will be to hold everything in place. You know where I'm coming from."
Finally, Amelia spoke. All she could say was, "I'll keep your advice in mind."
Dorian didn't like the sound of that statement. She didn't think she was being paranoid in assuming that someone was trying to talk Amelia out of their upcoming nuptials, or even the way they were going about their campaign. It was ironic – Blair was talking Dorian into going through with it while Amelia's … friend? … was trying to talk her out of it.
Dorian didn't like the idea of someone trying to one up her behind her back. She wondered if Amelia knew someone who was friends with Viki. That was a startling possibility. There was no way in hell Dorian would let Viki's campaign undermine her own with this sort of psychological warfare. She was angry just thinking about the idea of it.
"You have my number? Call if you need anything."
Amelia knew she would not call, but answered, "Sure. I'll keep you updated..."
"No need to. I take The Banner, remember? Give my regards to your fiancée."
Amelia had no intention of doing so. "…Thanks for calling. Bye." Amelia cut off the conversation and seemed rather annoyed.
She hung up the phone, trying not to feel the contempt or pain that rose to the surface of her emotions when faced with the concerned truth of a person who cared about her, and who she valued. She knew Carla was right, but there had to be a way for Dorian and her to have their cake and eat it, too. She just had to think about it.
Frustrated, she slapped her laptop closed, just as the wheels in her mind began to turn.
As Amelia ended her call, Dorian took a few quiet steps backwards so that she could put on her smile, hide how volatile she felt, and enter the room as if just arriving from the kitchen.