Pain Will Always Come Back to Haunt You

by KevyGrayce

Peter Parker juggles being Spider-Man, a high school student, and traumatized. Aunt May does her best to be supportive and Ned is always there as his Guy in the Chair. When he thinks things can't get even more complicated, a villain inserts themselves into the mix. Tony Stark decides to awkwardly step in, trying to help Peter understand that health needs to come before Spider-Man.

31. A Work in Progress

Chapter 31: A Work in Progress

Following a lengthy discussion with Dr. Cho, May concedes to the recommendation of Peter staying overnight just to make sure the hallucinogen doesn't have any long lasting effects on his body. They want to keep an eye on him, especially since Dr. Cho isn't sure how Peter's body will handle it, and keeping him as close to the Tower as possible is the best decision. May agrees, even though she would rather have Peter home to get things back to a small semblance of normality. Dr. Cho suggests Peter be monitored overnight and take the next school day off, then return to school.

Tony, not wanting to get any further on May's bad side, sends Peter to bed early after dinner and heads down to the workshop. Peter wants to argue, but decides it's for the best to just listen. When he gets to his room, he hops onto the ceiling and pulls out his phone. He might as well update his friends if he's expected to just go to sleep.

Our Dysfunctional Family

Peter: Spidey lives to fight another day

MJ: Did you really just refer to yourself in the first person?

Ned: PETER HOLY CRAP WHAT HAPPENED DID YOU GET GASSED ARE YOU OKAY?

Peter: yes and yes

Peter: Dr Cho cleared me and said the hallucinogen was completely out of my system

Ned: STOP SCARING US LIKE THAT

Ned: WE'RE ALL GONNA NEED THERAPY KSDHJVBKFDVJN

Ned: WE THOUGHT YO

MJ: I didn't think you died. I called Stark.

Ned: WE BOTH CALLED HIM

MJ: He couldn't understand you because you were hysterical, Ned.

Ned: THATS NOT THE POINT

Ned: WHAT HAPPENED PETER?

Peter: weeeeeeeell

Peter: i kinda accidentally breathed in mysterio's gas since there was a rip in my suit

Peter: and then i hallucinated

Peter: and then i yelled at Mr Stark cause i thought he was a hallucination too

Peter: sooooo when he was able to convince me he wasnt a hallucination he took me to the tower where Dr Cho helped

Peter: she was mad

Peter: and then May came

Peter: she was mad too

Peter: and she apparently knows what happened homecoming night with the warehouse

Peter: now im staying here until Mr Stark takes me home tomorrow afternoon

Peter: aaaaaand youre all caught up!

Ned: dude

Ned: that sucks

MJ: You really thought May wouldn't figure it out? I had it figured out that night, so she probably knew what happened as soon as she found out you're Spider-Man.

Ned: mj has a point

Ned: my mom knows things about me that i dont even know about me

Peter: okay yeah i shouldve seen it coming but like i wasnt expecting it tonight yknow?

MJ: You should've. She's smart.

MJ: Probably scared her by almost dying, too.

Ned: yeah that would definitely scare my mom

Peter: i didnt almost die! ive gotten closer to dying than that!

MJ: The fact that you have more than one near-death experience is concerning in and of itself.

Ned: wait how many of those DO you have

Peter: i mean

Peter: well

Peter: i dont like the topic of this conversation so imma go to bed

MJ: You can't escape us, Parker.

Ned: we're all around you

Peter: i hate both of you and if i have nightmares because of this i'm swinging all the way over there to get payback

MJ: Who says we aren't there with you?

Ned: outside your window

MJ: Or inside the penthouse.

Ned: watching

MJ: Waiting.

Peter: first of all you can't be outside the window of the 59th floor

Peter: second of all you guys are creepy and i'm gonna sleep

MJ: Good night, Parker. Don't die.

Ned: sweet dreams!

Peter: g'night guys!

Peter: send me the hw too pls

Somehow, talking about May only makes Peter feel more guilty about everything he hid from her. He knows he has to fix it.

It isn't too long after he puts his phone away and lies down that he hears footsteps from outside his room. The footsteps stop outside his door, but he doesn't move. His Spidey Sense hasn't reacted. The door slowly creaks open, causing dim light to stream into the room.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., how are Peter's vitals?" Tony's hushed voice reaches Peter's ears. Is Mr. Stark checking in on me?

"They're all gucci, Boss." Peter has to force himself not to laugh in order not to blow his cover.

"I'm rewiring you tomorrow," Tony halfheartedly threatens. Peter can hear his deep sigh. "How am I gonna survive this kid…" he wonders aloud, his tone somewhat fond. Stressed, but fond. It catches Peter off guard, but he doesn't get much time to ponder it before the door closes again, the light disappearing with Tony. Peter supposes there would be a metaphor there if he wasn't so tired. Instead of searching for it, he slowly drifts to sleep.

Morning comes all too fast and Peter wakes up with a headache. It's not quite migraine levels of pain, but it's enough to make him groan before he even opens his eyes. Usually his sensory overloads lead to migraines the next day, so he's grateful for just the headache. However, the pain in his head is nothing compared to the pressure in his chest. One less person is alive because of me. A kid lost his mom because of me. He takes a deep breath to calm his erratic heart and racing thoughts.

Against his body's pleads and protests, he gets out of bed and gets dressed. As he does so, he catches himself staring off into space more than once. He can't go a few minutes without his mind drifting back to the woman's face. That exact moment when the boy's eyes widened in realization at what his mother did. He snaps himself out of it before dragging himself from his room to slowly make his way to the open room.

He expects Tony to be awake and meandering like he tends to do, so he isn't shocked to see Tony in the penthouse. What he is shocked to see is Tony wearing nothing other than Spider-Man merchandise.

Tony is sitting on the couch on his phone with his feet resting on the coffee table in front of him. On his feet are tall, blue socks with an abundance of scattered, bright red Spider-Man masks. Not only that, but it also has text around the top that says "The Amazing Spider-Man!" in bold letters.

"Um, Mr. Stark? What are you wearing?" Peter asks as he slowly approaches Tony, his eyes wide in shock and disbelief. Tony looks up from his phone to look at Peter with a slight smile.

"Well good morning to you, too," Tony chastises before glancing down to button-up shirt and dress pants. "What, something wrong with what I'm wearing? I think my clothes look pretty damn good." He makes himself more comfortable on the couch and crosses his ankles.

"You're, you're wearing Spider-Man socks," Peter clarifies, gesturing to Tony's feet.

"Hm?" Tony's eyes follow the kid's motion. "Oh, yeah. Neat, huh? Got 'em at that Intergalactic doodads shop you like." He wiggles his toes as if trying to prove a point. Peter can't help but chuckle at the sight of Tony Stark, his idol practically since birth, smiling proudly at his dancing toes.

"Well," Peter hops over Tony's extended legs and plops down beside him, "I guess I should almost die more often." Tony scoffs and shakes his head.

"Yeah, that's a no," he instantly disagrees. "What's with you and Pepper trying to put me into cardiac arrest? On a different note, before you give me a heart attack, I fixed the circuitry in your suit last night. Everything's up 'n running, including Karen so don't worry. She's back online to aid you in your 'teenage rebellion.'" He throws up seemingly sarcastic air quotes. Peter immediately grins, a weight lifting off his shoulders that he didn't even realize was there.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Stark! I don't know what I would've done without her," he says honestly. Karen is like a part of the family now, so it just wouldn't be the same without her.

"Why'd you name her 'Karen' anyways?" Tony inquires, raising a curious eyebrow. Peter is caught so off guard that he doesn't even know what to answer. What's he supposed to say?! That he decided to name it after Plankton's wife?! He clears his throat.

"Oh, yknow, nice, nice name. Yeah, nice name. Quality name. Just thought it fit." Peter nods with his lips pressed together. Tony eyes him skeptically, but doesn't question him further.

"Boring name, if you ask me."

"Says the one who has to use acronyms and nonsensical names for everything. Dum-E, F.R.I.D.A.Y., U-"

"You better watch your sass before you get too big for your britches," Tony warns, jokingly. Peter laughs, happy to get a rare rise out of the man. As quickly as Peter's smile had appeared, it leaves his face. The shift in mood is so shocking that Tony isn't exactly sure what to do at first. Peter looks down at his lap and fidgets with his hands. How could I be so selfish? A woman, a mother, died last night because of me and I have the audacity to smile? Be happy? I don't deserve it. Not after-

"Don't do that," Tony finally speaks up. Peter doesn't move. "You can't get inside your head like that. No overthinking and definitely no blame game, got it?" Tony strictly reminds. Peter tightens his fists around the fabric of his jeans.

"She's gone. And, and no matter what I do I can't bring her back. If I had just, just…slept better or been more careful with my attacks I could've, I could've been more alert. I would've been able to save that kid before his mom…and now he'll never get her back." He uses every last ounce of strength he has to not burst into tears. He'd give his own life if it meant that boy had his mother back.

"Y'know, I'm not digging this negative vibe." Tony admits nonchalantly, before becoming a bit more serious. "It's okay to be sad and upset, there's nothing wrong with having those emotions. What's not okay is wasting time by wishing you had done something different or blaming yourself for what isn't your fault. That's counterproductive. It doesn't solve anything. Under my roof, we find solutions. We don't wallow. My Tower, my rules." By the time he's done talking, Peter is silently crying but nodding all the same. "So, what's your solution, Mr. Parker?" Tony asks, settling on the tough love approach. Peter takes a few moments before answering in a raspy voice,

"I want to help him. The boy, the family," he answers, finally looking up at Tony.

"Excellent solution." Tony nods with a smile. "I'm proud of you, kid." He puts an arm around Peter's shoulders and gives him a comforting squeeze. Peter takes a deep breath, resting his head on Tony's shoulder. He sniffs as Tony pats his shoulder.

"I want to make it up to May, too. I have to. She's all I have left and I messed it up," he whispers.

"She still loves you, nothing'll change that," Tony easily reassures. Peter knows it's true, but that doesn't stop the guilt from sitting in his stomach.

"She loves daffodils and blue hydrangeas. She says the blue and yellow contrast is her favorite," he recalls. Tony smiles slightly at the kid's thoughtfulness.

"Flowers we can do, no problem." Peter nods against Tony's shoulder and the two fall into silence. Neither of them make an effort to move. Peter just lets himself be comforted by Tony, who rarely does the whole physical contact thing. Finally, Tony speaks up, "Remember that maroon, silk suit that was two thousand dollars? The one you liked but thought you could fake not liking it to buy that cheap ass tux?" It takes a moment of recollection, but Peter nods in affirmation. "Good, 'cause I bought it as soon as we left the store."

"You what, " Peter demands, shooting upright.

"I said I-"

"I can't believe you bought that! You can't just do that!" Peter argues, even though the suit is already paid for. He stands up and starts to pace.

"Technically, I can do anything I want. I'm Tony Stark," Tony casually reminds.

"No no no, May's gonna kill you for spending that much money on me and then she's gonna kill me," Peter rambles, frantically trying to relay his panic.

"Fine," Tony gives. Peter looks back at him, a flicker of hope in his eyes. "If it makes you and your aunt feel better, I'll just say I bought you the suit for my own health. Happy?" Tony easily settles. Peter groans and sits back down on the couch.

"That's not how it works," he counters.

"Sure it is. Now, go get changed and we'll head out. The suit's in your room's closet." Tony pats Peter's shoulder encouragingly. Peter just looks up at him with hesitation. "Oh, c'mon! Loosen up. Let me splurge on my favorite intern."

"Flattery doesn't work on me like it does on you. And you told me to never let you ever use the word 'splurge' again." Peter's tone has lightened up ever so slightly, but he still can't help his thoughts from going back to the mother. It's all he can think about.

"You're right, I still hate that word." Tony visibly shudders and stands up. With a huff, Peter listens and walks to his room to find the suit. Just like Tony said, the sheen, maroon suit is neatly hung in the closet. He still can't believe Tony actually got it for him, but in hindsight he supposes he should've seen it coming.

He looks in the mirror after he puts on the suit and can't deny that it actually looks good. If he weren't so self-conscious, he'd feel more confident about leaving the room wearing it.

"Looking spiffy, kid," Tony compliments before they go down to the garage. Peter continuously fidgets with his sleeves and nervously bites the inside of his lip. Would a nice suit, some flowers, and an apology really make May feel better? "Jeez, relax a bit," Tony urges as they get into the Cadillac.

"I can't help it! It's stressful!" Peter defends, clearing his throat when he realizes his voice went higher. Tony snickers at Peter's defensive tone without regret, earning him a glare.

It's a short ride to the flower shop where Peter handpicks a bouquet made up of yellow daffodils, periwinkle hydrangeas, and a sprinkling of white daisies. Luckily, for Peter's sanity, the bouquet isn't too expensive. What kicks his anxiety into overdrive is waiting in the car outside his apartment. He tightly grips the bouquet in his hand. What if she doesn't want to talk to me? What if she's so disappointed that she doesn't want to see me? What if she doesn't forgive me? No, she loves me. She wouldn't do that. You're thinking too much. Remember what Mr. Stark said about overthinking things. Don't do it. Just walk inside and apologize. Yeah. Easy. Jeez, this sucks. Am I still overthinking? Does overthinking about overthinking count as overthinking?

A hand on Peter's shoulder almost causes him to jump out of his skin. He whips around to face Tony and lets out a shaky breath.

"Deep breaths," Tony instructs, making sure Peter doesn't slip into a panic attack. Peter follows Tony's exaggerated breathing, focusing on the rise and fall of his mentor's chest. He nods, trying to calm down despite his growing embarrassment.

"Sorry," Peter whispers as his breathing slows. Thankfully, he's able to get himself back under control.

"Don't apologize. You've got this. You want me to go up with you?" Tony forces the offer out. Peter can tell that just the thought of being near the Parkers during an emotional discussion makes Tony beyond uncomfortable. Still, he offered. To Peter, that means a lot.

"No, it's okay. I have to do this." Peter nods a few times, gathering a bit of foreign confidence.

"Good job, kid," Tony says nonchalantly as he pats Peter's shoulder. Peter gives him a small, grateful smile and takes a moment to compose himself. He gathers his very few comprehensible thoughts until he comes up with a semi-solid plan. Then, he steps out of the car and heads inside the building.

As usual, he takes the stairs instead of the elevator and treks up the seven flights. He eagerly gets out some of his nervous energy by jogging up the steps. When he reaches their apartment door, he anxiously fixes some minor wrinkles in his overly expensive suit and fiddles with the bouquet to make sure the flowers are perfect. With a reluctant hand, he knocks on the door. He can hear May start to walk from the back of the apartment towards the door, his super hearing making him hyperaware of the creaking of the floor under the light tapping of her flats. May opens the door, her eyebrows raising and eyes instantly widening in surprise.

"Hey," is all Peter can manage. He holds out the flowers shakily to his aunt.

"Oh, thank you," May chirps as she gently takes the bouquet. She moves off to the side, smelling her flowers, so that Peter can come inside. After Peter walks in, May gets a vase for the flowers and displays them on the kitchen table. "You certainly look handsome in that suit. I love daffodils and hydrangeas," she hums. Peter breathes a quiet sigh of relief. This is going well, right? "So, do I need to mentally or emotionally prepare for this talk?" May asks right off the bat. She turns around to face him, her hands patiently resting on her hips. Peter saw this coming.

"Well, um, I mean…neither? Hopefully? But both, realistically…" he rambles, wringing his hands together.

"Alright," May moves to sit on the couch, "lay it on me." Peter takes a deep breath and sits beside her.

"I'm sorry for lying and keeping things from you again," he starts. "I won't do it again and you deserve an explanation." He keeps his eyes on his lap, worried that if he looks up he'll lose what's left of his composure. He tries to find a place to start. "Um, so, how much do you know about the warehouse?" May nods and thinks back as Peter does his best to keep calm.

"Well, you told me that lunatic was Liz's dad, so I'm assuming he's the one who did it." May keeps her tone light but firm, careful not to trigger a reaction from Peter.

"Yeah," Peter confirms.

"How bad?" May asks hesitantly, despite already knowing the answer.

"PTSD, apparently." They sit in silence for a few moments.

"I saw the warehouse on the news and it just…clicked. You came home covered in grime and dust. I wish I had put it together sooner." May takes a deep breath and crosses her legs. "I couldn't stop thinking about how I'm supposed to protect you and be there for you and," her eyes become glossy. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't gotten out of there." She sniffs and brushes the tears off her cheeks. Peter realized a long time ago that nothing is more painful than seeing his aunt cry. Knowing that he caused the tears makes it even more soul crushing. "I can't live without you, Peter. I love you way too much," she laughs as more tears fall. "And knowing that you go out every night where something like that could happen all over again…and I wouldn't be there for you…" She doesn't finish, all she does is press her lips together and shakes her head, not even wanting to entertain the idea. Peter feels his own eyes well up with tears.

"I love you too, May. I just didn't want you to feel like this if you didn't have to. If I could make you worry about one less thing, then it made sense at the time. Obviously it didn't work and made things more complicated, I just…I didn't want you to think you were gonna lose me too." And that's really the root of the issue, isn't it? They both have the same fear; losing their last family member. All they have is each other. They're always painfully aware of the fact that they're the last living Parkers. "You do such an amazing job being there for me, like, all the time and I thought I could look out for you for once. That…backfired. A lot." Peter sighs and rubs his hand down his face. He lays his head on his aunt's shoulder, listening to her breathing.

"I understand, but I want you to have faith in me. In our relationship. We're a team. It's just you and me," May whispers. "You don't have to go through it all alone." Peter wraps his arms around her, his own tears falling.

"I'm so sorry." His voice cracks and he means the apology with every fiber of his being. "I, I want you to know that even though your my aunt…you're the closest thing I've ever had to a mom." May tenses and Peter can tell she's trying to hold back her emotions at his admission.

"Peter-"

"No, it's true," he interrupts before she can disagree. "And I'm so unbelievably grateful for you. You're, you're so accepting of what I do and you help me with everything. You make sure we have enough food, take double shifts, take care of me when I'm sick, make me leave the house and go to parties even when I wanna be antisocial, tell me the hard truth when I need to hear it, teach me how to dance and talk to girls, leave handwritten notes in my backpack, have movie nights with me…I couldn't ask for a better mom. I don't know what I'd do without you." May has a hand pressed against her mouth as tears flow over her fingers. Peter hugs her tighter to offer as much comfort as he can, and of course she holds him just as tightly.

They hold each other until both their tears gradually slow to a stop. Both of them are exhausted and Peter hopes that they can finally just relax with some TV or a nap. Unfortunately, May speaks up instead.

"It's not your fault, sweetheart," she softly mumbles into his hair. Peter is confused for a moment until she continues. "It's not your fault, just like Uncle Ben wasn't your fault." Those simple, heartfelt words are enough to send Peter back into hysterics.

"I tried so hard to get to her. Everything hurt and I just couldn't move any faster. I tried," he openly sobs for the first time following the incident. He knows he's safe in May's arms, so he lets all his defenses drop. "And, and that boy was me. The way he looked at his, at his mom and expected her to get back up. That was me with my, my parents and then Uncle Ben. He was, he was right in front of me, May. I saw him and the hallucinations made me hear him. I've, I've dreamt about hearing his voice just one last time…but I didn't want it to be like that." He cries into May's shoulder and she keeps rubbing his back, consoling him like she always does.

"I know, baby. You shouldn't have had to hear that. I'm so proud of you." Peter hiccups through his cries.

"That boy begged for Spider-Man to help him and I, I just-"

"We don't do that in this house," May cuts him short. "We went over this after Ben. We don't blame ourselves for things that were out of our control. Ben wasn't your fault, and neither was that woman. She did what any mother would have done in that situation. Tragedies happen, Peter, but that doesn't make them your fault. You can't stop them all, baby. No matter how many radioactive spiders munch on you." She holds Peter's head with one hand and rubs his back with the other. Peter can't help but feel guilty for cherishing in her comfort.

"I don't deserve to be called a hero if I can't save people. I don't deserve it. How can I be happy knowing that I caused someone's death? And that boy's gonna grow up without a mom? I know how painful that is. I shouldn't, I shouldn't be allowed to be sad, not when a kid lost his mom last night." Peter tries to talk more, but his throat constricts with a sob.

"Listen to me," May orders softly, "saying you can't be sad because other people have it worse than you is like saying you can't be happy because other people have it better than you. Do you understand?" If Peter were being honest, he'd think May makes a good point. He shouldn't be basing his worthiness of happiness based on other people. He knows that he's selfless, but it doesn't make sense to wallow in self-pity. Not when he knows he can help.

"Thanks, May," he whispers in her soft coat.

"Always." May kisses the top of his head and smoothes down his hair. "How about we eat way too much junk food that it spoils our dinner and watch some TV?" she offers, a hint of humor in her voice. Peter chuckles lightly.

"That sounds awesome." As May is about to get up, Peter holds her tighter. "I know I said this already, but I love you." May sighs fondly and holds her kid closer.

"I love you too."